Friend is acting weird around my weight loss

[Flowerpower101]

Basically the title says it all. I've struggled with my weight all my life but after having kids I ballooned up massively to the point I was uncomfortable with doing everyday things around the house.
Recently I've said enough is enough and focused on clean eating and exercise which in result has me feeling so much better with myself and losing 2.5 stones. I still have a another 2 stones to lose.

Everyone has noticed the difference and has complimented my weightloss, apart from this friend. A little back story I've known her since primary school have grown up with her and have always been the fat friend. She was always slim and tall but during covid she gained alot of weight (I'm sure we all did) and now weighs more than me. I'm sure it's envy or jealousy but she's the only person who has not mentioned my weightloss and when another mutual friend said something about it she said 'ow that's good, I haven't really noticed'.

It does hurt since I'm always supportive of her in anything she does but now I'm trying to do something for myself she hasn't even acknowledged it. I know I should just brush it off but it does sting. I would appreciate any advice.

Maybe she’s feeling self conscious and would hate it if people were talking about her gaining or losing weight - so is paying you the same courtesy that she would want by not talking about it.

She has gained weight and can’t ‘hide’ away from it anymore by still having you as the fatter friend. Easy for me to say but it’s not necessarily about her having a specific dislike of you, more likely it’s the dislike of herself manifesting in a twisted way.

I’d keep my distance and focus on feeling/looking good! 😀 you’ve done this for yourself and no one else, she has the choice to do the same.

Some of these comments are so mean! Don’t be friends with someone who you think is lording it over you by being the thin friend and you are the fat friend. If someone is like this I don’t know how you would expect them to be happy about their change in status. However 🫤 it’s really mean if she is not like this at all and hasn’t seen or treated you as the token fat friend and is just a bit oblivious or doesn’t think it’s her place to say anything. Don’t jump to conclusions. Don’t like how excited people get about lording thinness over fatter people they know 🫤 isn’t that exactly the point of how it can make people feel so why encourage people do it and assume jealousy. If my friend was upset by this I would be worried about them and talk to them

Hi everyone thank you so much for your feedback and seeing a perspective from another point of view.
Firstly I would mention this friend has been a life long friend and we have always spoken about our weight to each other (that's how I knew she weighed more than me recently). She constantly tells me that she needs to lose weight so I don't think the subject is something she may be uncomfortable with.

Also this friend has mentioned in the past on different occasions about my weight gain or if any outfit makes me look 'bigger'. I don't need her to give me validation for my weight loss but I did she would mention something regarding losing it as she has commented on my weightgain previously.

I do think it is jealousy because she would never thought I would become the smaller friend (neither did I tbh), but also I do see this must be hard for her as she has expressed she has put on weight. I think after reading the comments I should just ignore this topic with her altogether as she is actually a good friend to me throughout the years and focus on the positive. Thank you everyone 😊

I was ‘the fat’ friend with my previous best friend and that was part of the reason I cut her loose- difference was she is slim. She made me feel bad about myself in lots of little ways.
I would actually also recommend cutting her a bit of slack. Your whole friendship is probably being redefined by this and your success at weight loss and generally being healthier is probably reminding her that perhaps she should do something about her health and lifestyle, but for whatever reason she isn’t ready to take that next step. Maybe she never will, and that’s her choice, but you are, without meaning to, forcing her to confront the issue in herself. She is also probably jealous too. Give her some time and just keep on doing what you are doing, which is fabulously!

I didn’t even notice when my husband shaved his beard off.

People have said I look like I lost weight when I’ve put weight on.

She probably hasn’t even noticed.

Also I’ve noticed that if it doesn’t show in your face it’s really hard to tell.

If you’re wearing different clothes that could impact her perception too.

Yes definitely cut her some slack. You don’t need everyone to applaud you and she has an obvious reason why it might be hard for her to cheerlead you.

Imagine if she was struggling with poverty and you wanted her to celebrate your recent lottery win!

Great idea to focus on the positives of the friendship and well done on your weight loss 💪🏼

Well done OP, you've lost some weight and your friend is now jealous. Is that what you wanted to hear? Or maybe other people just dont care as much about your weight loss. Not everyone wants to have that conversation. Its like when they say no one else cares about your wedding, its important to you but doesn’t mean anything to anyone else. Why is there so much importance on people telling us how amazing we look and how well we've done losing weight. If she's a good friend otherwise then just leave it. I couldnt even care so much about a friend not mentioning my weight loss, its so ridiculous.

I think your friend's noticed and may well be pleased for you underneath, but it's pressing her buttons. That is her problem, but I totally get how hurtful that is for you so it feels like your problem too. Is she a great friend in other ways? I have a really close friend who I do amateur dramatics with - she never compliments me on a performance or even says well done. I played the lead in something for the first time last year - she managed to force out through gritted teeth 'It was a really good play' and that was it! BUT when the chips are down she is amazing and really there for me. So I hang on to her and try to remember it's her issue she can't compliment friends. Maybe if your friend is brilliant in other ways you could just think well it's her issue and that's pretty sad for her that she can be so ungenerous about my weight loss. Not always easy though I appreciate. Last of all, well done you!!

I would NEVER mention someone’s weight/loss unless they brought it up. You never know why someone is losing weight, and anyway, commenting on it is also like commenting on how much heavier they were before.
If she’s a good friend, just roll with it. It’s not worth losing her for it.

Wel done,carry on reach your goal, she needs to deal with her own insecurities,and if one of those is the jealousy demon,it's her bag....not yours.

Lots of fat people really struggle to be happy for other fat people who then lose weight, in what ever way

Its why there is so much slagging off of whatever weight loss method someone chooses, its to denigrate the method and attempts, to denigrate and negate the success.

Well done OP.

This

Which would be fair enough if the friend didn’t happily bring it up when the OP had gained weight.

It’s pretty rude to be the kind of person who points one out and ignore the other really.

Some do this, OP!
I'm not sure why, probably as PPs said, jealousy of achievement. Especially if she doesn't have any weight to lose.
Jealous of achievement and you being able to make a change for yourself.
Keep going! It must be a great incentive to see the weight falling off!
Now, out of interest, what is a clean eating?
No weight problem here so far, just really a shitty diet.
"Friend", yeah right 😁

Yeah. Funny how the friend noticed when OP had gained weight, was happy to discuss weight when she weighed less than OP. It's only now that she won't acknowledge it.

Normally I would agree, something you don't talk about. But this is different.

I’ve recently lost 2 stone. I wouldn’t say I’m getting weird comments but some people are almost peer pressuring me to eat unhealthily. A friend who I was incredibly honest with about how much the weight was getting me down is now saying “go on, get a pud” even after a high calorific meal. She used to encourage me to eat healthily before.

I think many people want to make a change. But you actually did the damn thing. And those around you who are unhappy in themselves almost view your success as their failure.

Oh sorry, didn't notice the "during COVID" part.
Still what others said, though.

Congratulations on your weight loss, what a fantastic achievement, I bet you feel amazing!

Unfortunately this is common with weight loss

It's so cringy when people try to offload their second hand clothes to friends and neighbours who haven't asked. There are all kinds of reasons why people are unlikely to want them. Just donate them to a charity shop and save yourself the embarrassment.

I never comment on people's weight unless they mention it first. I also often don't notice if someone has gained/lost weight. It doesn't necessarily mean your friend is jealous.

I lost a lot of weight. 3 stone and it took me 3 years. Several friends got very very uptight about it indeed and I had to cut them out.

i don’t miss them

OP doesn't say her friend is the one who brought it up. She says friend commented on the weight gain. OP may have been venting to her friend that shes unhappy with weight and friend has agreed or spoken at that point about it. Either way, OP doesn't need her friend to be happy about her weight loss. As someone else said, would someone in poverty be expected to celebrate their friends lottery win. If friend is unhappy with her own weight its fair enough she doesn't want to talk about it.

Yes. They are a failure - failure at losing weight and this is reinforced by your success which they don’t like and resent.

clear them out.

@Flowerpower101 Congratulations on your weight loss. Well done.

Personally, I do not thin kit is required for your friend to notice this weight loss or comment on it at all.

You have lost the weight for you and you are now reaping the benefits. She was always slim so maybe did not think about weight, until she put it on during Covid. Would you be mentioning it to her now if she lost it again? Whether you would or not, it is not necessary for her to notice your situation.

Weight and size are a very sensitive issue for many of us. I was slim as a teen and am now fat. I prefer people not to mention weight so cut her slack and enjoy your new size (and share some tips with me!)