Friend is acting weird around my weight loss

[Flowerpower101]

Basically the title says it all. I've struggled with my weight all my life but after having kids I ballooned up massively to the point I was uncomfortable with doing everyday things around the house.
Recently I've said enough is enough and focused on clean eating and exercise which in result has me feeling so much better with myself and losing 2.5 stones. I still have a another 2 stones to lose.

Everyone has noticed the difference and has complimented my weightloss, apart from this friend. A little back story I've known her since primary school have grown up with her and have always been the fat friend. She was always slim and tall but during covid she gained alot of weight (I'm sure we all did) and now weighs more than me. I'm sure it's envy or jealousy but she's the only person who has not mentioned my weightloss and when another mutual friend said something about it she said 'ow that's good, I haven't really noticed'.

It does hurt since I'm always supportive of her in anything she does but now I'm trying to do something for myself she hasn't even acknowledged it. I know I should just brush it off but it does sting. I would appreciate any advice.

The op said she's only been losing weight for a few months. It might not be a noticeable amount.
It's not always obvious when someone loses a stone or two.

"it’s not necessarily about her having a specific dislike of you, more likely it’s the dislike of herself manifesting in a twisted way."

Isn't that what jealousy is?

"I tell my kids that we never comment on other people's bodies, because it's the least important thing about them."

Yes, but if somebody's been dieting for a long time, it obviously is important to that person.

Not necessarily. I've lost a significant amount of weight and don't like people commenting.
I don't want people commenting on my appearance or making out I was defective before.

I wouldn’t assume she noticed. I can’t tell if someone has quite a bit to lose left that they’ve lost a bunch. She might be jealous or just oblivious. If she’s a good friend otherwise I’d let it go

She may not have noticed. And I'm always quite careful about commenting on peoples' weight. Have a DD with an ED, and think generally it's a subject best steered clear of. So many other things we can praise people for, and be nice about. Is your friend generally nice to you OP?

@Flowerpower101 sorry if you've already answered this, but do you see her regularly? When I was losing weight, my SIL whom I saw frequently didn't really notice until I went away for 2 weeks (continued my journey but probably only lost a pound 😂), and she noticed all sorts all of a sudden . Couldn't believe how much weight I'd lost.

I also had a few friends who didn't directly mention I'd lost weight, two at least said something along the lines of, hope you're well, and is your weight loss because you're actively trying to lose weight (and not anything worrying). These two are a lot older so I guess they wanted to be sure before congratulating.

Then of course there are the people who don't say anything, probably because they're not sure if you're losing weight or if there are other reasons.

Why would you bother losing a significant amount of weight unless it was important? In OP's case, it was obvious in the conversation that the weight loss was on purpose.

I don't see her very often as both have busy schedules but talk at least 3 times a week, she is a good friend we have both been there for each other during ups and downs and have a solid friendship. I've never experienced jealousy amongst the two of us but she has told me when shes jealous of someone elses success usually by slagging them off first which I've always found weird and told her this.

So very many reasons!
I'd hope that 'for compliments from others' would be the bottom of the list. Very depressing if it's an important reason.
Weight loss can be important to you but still not about what other people think about you.

You can want to lose weight but not necessarily want people to comment. I must admit being a bit horrified when people were commenting I'd lost a lot of weight as it meant they noticed I was large before.

I’ve recently been on a bit of a ‘journey’ to try and break free of diet culture. One of the things I do now is no longer comment on anyone’s weight. The way I see it, when you tell someone how good they look or how well they have done for losing weight, you tell them they they are more attractive thinner, and then when they (very often) regain the weight and stop getting compliments they feel shit. If your friend has recently gained weight maybe she is also trying to get away from diet culture, she’s not necessarily jealous.

If you had 4.5 stone to lose and you lost half of that it would be very noticeable. Your friend is just jealous. Well done for losing weight!

Losing weight is great, and well done, but you do it for yourself. It’s not a spectator sport.

I agree, I lost loads of weight and had lots of clothes which were too big for me I didn’t give them to my fat friends saying these are now too big for me but they’ll fit you - I wouldn’t want to embarrass anyone in that way.

Of course she’s noticed, surprised anyone thinks someone so weight conscious wouldn’t notice. Just it makes her feel bad. About herself. She knows she wants to lose to and she’s not, but there you are, a stark reminder of her failure, it’s envy, she wants what you have and feels bad about herself, so can’t bring her self to congratulate you or even comment on it, she’s trying to avoid it,

ive a friend who is rhe same,and she’s starting to distance herself now. Just turns up for group social events. And I’m ok with that, I wish it was different but i realise the issue is her, and her feelings about th3 fact she’s obese, and she’s jealous I’m not obese any more. She’s not jealous of slim women in general, she’s jealous of rhe fact I was and am now not, whilst she still is.

so just recognise its about unhappiness if her own situation and you represent her failure, and just let it go.

I also agree with this, I think it’s totally offensive unless the person asks for them.

I'd love to know how you lost the weight. Well done.

Maybe she doesn't like to comment on people's weight? I wish people wouldn't comment on mine. Either that or she's jealous

She's definitely noticed but is not giving you the satisfaction of a compliment. She's not pleased for you because it threatens her status as the thinner friend. Sorry, but she's jealous and seething with envy.