Friend is acting weird around my weight loss

[Flowerpower101]

Basically the title says it all. I've struggled with my weight all my life but after having kids I ballooned up massively to the point I was uncomfortable with doing everyday things around the house.
Recently I've said enough is enough and focused on clean eating and exercise which in result has me feeling so much better with myself and losing 2.5 stones. I still have a another 2 stones to lose.

Everyone has noticed the difference and has complimented my weightloss, apart from this friend. A little back story I've known her since primary school have grown up with her and have always been the fat friend. She was always slim and tall but during covid she gained alot of weight (I'm sure we all did) and now weighs more than me. I'm sure it's envy or jealousy but she's the only person who has not mentioned my weightloss and when another mutual friend said something about it she said 'ow that's good, I haven't really noticed'.

It does hurt since I'm always supportive of her in anything she does but now I'm trying to do something for myself she hasn't even acknowledged it. I know I should just brush it off but it does sting. I would appreciate any advice.

What's the friend actually done wrong? Just not made comment on the ops body?

I was big and lost a lot of weight. I absolutely loved the compliments and comments, but when I put the weight back on, I felt awful. All of the "you look so much better" comments made me feel so gross about my slightly bigger self.

I tell my kids that we never comment on other people's bodies, because it's the least important thing about them.

Maybe she's not being mean, but just likes you as a human, no matter the outside?

Not relevant to post but you’re actually a really horrible person for doing that to your neighbour unwarranted. I’m actually embarrassed on your behalf.

Why did you give her clothes? Did she ask for them?

Thanks for everyones feedback, I do appreciate it. The thing is with this friend she has mentioned in the past when I look frumpy or 'bigger' in certain outfits she has always commented on weightgain/weightloss on herself and others including myself. It's just now that I'm losing it which I have never been able to before she seems to 'not notice it', in her words.
After our mutual friend mentioned my weightloss I did bring up the subject again because I was proud of the fact a outfit I've had forever finally fits me again after having children and she quickly changed the subject of someone else she knows who lost weight, zero acknowledgement to what I was saying sharing a proud moment with a lifetime friend.
At this point I'm just not talking to her about this subject as it has upset me the way she has reacted. I dont need a pat on the back for my achievements as I know I'm doing this for myself and no one else however I will continue to behave with her the way she's behaved with me when she brings up her weightloss(which she has before and I always congratulate her and acknowledge her hard work) in the future. I will still continue the friendship as I said before apart from this subject we have a good friendship.

Have you considered how you've been acting? Do you talk a lot about food, weight loss, body image etc now?
It's unfortunate that a lot of people who lose weight make it their entire personality. When others don't like it they called jealous.
The comments on this thread based simply on the op saying her friend doesn't comment on her body are awful.

i agree with this 100% i think this is more likely

Loads of people have been weird with me having lost 72lbs. I don't get it but obviously have some ideas about what's behind it. Sad really.

I also don't like to comment on people bodies, particularly weight.

I have know people to have lost a great deal of weight through diet and excercise and more power to them, but I also have known people who have lost weight because they couldn't keep any food down or were unable to eat. And then the comments go from compliments to speculations about eating disorders.

You don't know why someone loses or gains weight and putting so much emphazis on people's looks just makes everyone feel bad. It makes the people who don't look good feel like a failure and it puts pressure on the person you complimented to stay that way, whether they can or not.

And let's face it, we all age. If you live long enough to reach old age we all become "ugly" and invisible. I wish we could just focus on people's accomplishments, rather than the aspects of their lives they often have little to no control over.

I've lost a lot of weight and no one has been weird.
I don't talk about weight loss, body image, weight and size. I don't say I'm better slimmer or needed to change.
Those are things most People don't like not that your body is different

@Krumblina I don't mention it. I don't feel much different. But some women are very competitive.

Other people mention it all the time, for example, I was eating something at work the other day and they commented.

I feel like your post is causing me of being boastful tbh.

Accusing*

For me this is a huge accomplishment as I was always the fat friend the one that was never looked at twice the one who couldn't do certain activities with my group of friends because of my weight, the one who needed to sit down when taking my kids to the park because I didn't have the energy to keep up with them.
It's not always about the appearance when people lose weight it's their whole life changing for the positive. I was always the bigger friend and always complimented everyone on every achievement they made in life whether that's weightloss/job opportunities ect.

The point is I'm not crying because my friend has not said wow your so skinny I'm hurt my lifelong friend hasn't bothered even after it been bought up in conversation by others to say I know what a struggle this has been for you for years well done.

The thing is when others have asked me how I've lost weight I've told them but I have never just started going on about myself and weightloss as I know from experience how that can be annoying to hear about.

I never comment on the size of other people's bodies. It's not polite. (And the idea that weight loss is always a positive to be congratulated is a fairly toxic one.)

It’s probably an unwelcome reminder to some of them that it is possible to lose weight without undergoing the expensive and potential procedure which is WLS. This may be uncomfortable for them if they’ve basically told themselves WLS is the only option.

And I’m not sure it’s not jealousy - even the ones who have lost weight after the surgery may be a bit envious you’ve managed to lose weight too via IF without all the complications and expense of surgery they went through .

congrats on your weight loss!

OP I don’t notice if people lose or gain weight unless it’s 3 stone +. However your friend if she’s really weight focused and notices things that make you look “bigger” in all honesty probably has realised and just hasn’t chosen to comment. It may be jealousy sure, but also it may just be because she finds it uncomfortable to talk about without dwelling on her own lack of success to lose weight.

I’d just let it go but I also wouldn’t comment if /when she lost or gained weight. And in the future if she made comments about any weight gain I’d probably challenge her on it.

I think you need to be consistent with these things, if you don’t want to comment on someone’s body or weight that should apply whether their weight goes up or down.

@Rebusa i totally agree I will carry this out going forward but won't let it effect my friendship

And forgot to say - huge congratulations on losing weight in a healthy way and making so much progress towards your ultimate weight loss goal. Keep going!

I never comment on anyones body tbh. I may notice but I don’t want them to feel like I’m assessing them. However if someone else brought up it up and the person looked happy I would probably say something like “yeah I noticed too, you look fantastic”.

I lost 8 stones. There are people in my life who have never addressed it. I think they fall into two categories - 1. They don't want to mention weight. They think addressing your weight is overstepping a boundary 2. It triggers something within them that means they can't possibly think about it or mention it to you.

If you have a relationship where 1 is unlikely then I think you are dealing with a 2.

Thank you I love feeling lighter and being able to move more without getting pains which I did previously. I'm watching what I eat I would still have a takeaway once a week but wouldn't finish it all unlike before I would continue eating even after I'm full. I tend to stick to protein every meal with veg/salad on the side and maybe some carbs if I'm feeling it and try working out 6 days a week even if its for 10 mins I focus on strength training as I'm getting my cardio with all the school pickups/drop offs and after school activities 😊

Wow 8 stones! Well done to you what an amazing achievement 👏

Not boastful. It's just I think it can easily become the thing people think about all the time without meaning to.

Not mentioning it isnt necessarily acting weird about it. I try not to gush over peoples weight loss , because it can be triggering for people. I had an eating disorder for so long, and i remember getting so many compliments when i was starving myself and throwing up whatever i did eat, and it made me worse.
I try and be neutral about peoples weight loss or gain.