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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Husband gave me THE chat today

146 replies

Heartofstrings · 18/03/2021 22:15

He did the whole "for your health" bmi needs to be lower speech. What a bugger. He came at me from a kind and supportive approach but was very categorical that I need to lose weight.

He is totally right. I've been trying to ignore and doing lots of comfort eating.

Now what the hell do I do

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 18/03/2021 22:17

How heavy are you?
I'd look at portion sizes and cut out extra snacks you are having first

timeisnotaline · 18/03/2021 22:17

I guess you need a plan! Did he offer support? Like agreeing to no junk food in the house? Cooking? What do you think would be the hardest to give up? Maybe keep a bit of that to look forward to and change the rest?

Umbivalent · 18/03/2021 22:17

You take a step towards being more healthy!

Have you tried dieting before? Or changing your regime?

Could you start by ditching snacks you can't resist? And then slowly make some healthy changes.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 18/03/2021 22:18

You stew a bot and join some of the amazing threads here to have a moan, support and some ideas 😁
It stinks, but it's actually great you have relationship where you can tell to the other things like this!

Lochmorlich · 18/03/2021 22:21

What do you want to do?
If you want to lose weight and your dh will be supportive and understand that you may slip up a few times then perhaps now is a good time to research a diet and exercise plan.
Your dh needs to realise though that ultimately it's your choice to diet or not.

Janus · 18/03/2021 22:22

It’s tough! I’ve never had to diet but can no longer ignore that I’ve put on about a stone in the past couple of years. I’ve had to stop all snacks, crisps, chocolate, biscuits, etc. I’ve joined an app so I can see how many calories I eat, it really makes me stop teaching for no good reason! Making me account for every calorie has made me stop and look. The only plus I suppose is I’ve decided to do it rather than my husband tell me! I would take it from a place of real concern if I were you?

Blimeyoreilleystrews · 18/03/2021 22:56

I had the same chat with my husband nine months ago. In that time he’s gone from almost 19st to 12 and a half st. We did the Fast 800 together and the board on here was an amazing support, I didn’t have much to lose and was only a few lbs overweight but did the full 12 weeks with him as it was important to support him. Is there something you could do together?

Yuppie20 · 18/03/2021 23:01

An app called Sweat with kayla was brilliant for me.
I started with 2 items I banned myself from, every week I added one more and on week 6 I (mostly) ate very healthy and followed the exercise programme on the app.
Look at her Instagram posts, very motivational for me, people starting at all sizes and circumstances.
It did more than help me physically but changed my mental mindset about 'dieting' and I felt emotional so much better.
Of course other apps/programmes are available, but if this is your first time doing something for yourself like this then start slow, going in all guns blazing might not be sustainable at first and a bit overwhelming.

I think it's great your partner can says these things to you in a loving and caring way but if your serious you need to do this for yourself not for anyone else

partyatthepalace · 18/03/2021 23:17

I’d really recommend a book called loose weight feel great by Ranjan chatterjee - not a diet book but a really sensible guide to weight loss.

Then have a look at different programmes, you can DIY your own programme from NHS site, or look at programmes like second nature, low GI or Louise Parker, 5:2, weight watchers or skimming world. I’d be a bit wary of the more extreme fast 800 or meal replacement programmes, and also of the extreme aitkins end of low carb.

Thewolvesarerunningagain · 18/03/2021 23:21

What? Why are people offering diet tips? OP if you want to lose weight, for you, fine. If my DH had told me to lose weight he’d be sleeping on the sofa.

Happymum12345 · 18/03/2021 23:35

Live the life you want. It’s your body.

Neonlightning · 18/03/2021 23:49

That's great that you have a supportive partner who is concerned about your health. It's hard but make sure you don't take it as a personal attack or criticism.

Being overweight/obese has so many health risks, which COVID really showed me. Over the last few months, I've been on a weight loss journey and my BMI has changed from 46 to 34. It's been a significant weight loss (no surgery). Long way to go, but almost halfway to my goal healthy weight.

I will flag, for successful weight loss you need to want it and/or be ready to make very significant lifestyle changes. If you're not in the right headspace it's not going to work.

The key factors that are helping me include low carb diet and Kayla Itsines (she has released an 8 week beginner program which was a god send). I miss having bread and pasta and rice all the time (now only one a week or fortnight) but I love the way my body is feeling.

Langsdestiny · 18/03/2021 23:51

I would just think my husband wasnt very bright. Everyone knows if they are overweight.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 18/03/2021 23:56

@Langsdestiny

I would just think my husband wasnt very bright. Everyone knows if they are overweight.
Not everyone knows HOW overweight they are.

As long as it's done factually and emphatically partners should be able to talk about things like this. We put parts of each other into each other😂 We should be able to talk about everything

timeisnotaline · 19/03/2021 00:14

thewolves because it’s a health issue. I want my husband to be healthy to have a great retirement with me and vice versa. So I’d address it with him nicely because his health matters to me.

Neonlightning · 19/03/2021 00:19

@Thewolvesarerunningagain, there is nothing wrong with having an open and supportive discussion with your partner regarding health concerns by having an unhealthy BMI. It's a very different scenario if your partner wants you to lose weight for aesthetic reasons.

FlatEarthling · 19/03/2021 06:40

I got to 18 stones and my skinny DH said nothing.
I wouldn't have so much to lose now if he had spoken up and I wouldn't have damaged my health,
I'm actually very, very sad he didn't say anything.
If he didn't care about how I looked, if places were reversed I'd have worried about his health.

dementedpixie · 19/03/2021 07:07

That sounds like you are blaming your dh for your weight gain! Maybe he loves you whatever size you are.

AreTurnipsReal · 19/03/2021 07:10

It would be good if he was a partner in ficusing on health with you. Focus on health not weight? Evening walks together and tennis games or whatever at the weekend?

Lotsachocolateplease · 19/03/2021 07:24

I agree with pp that it’s good he can tell you things like this, even if it’s hard to hear.
Do you want to lose weight and get healthier?
There are some amazing threads on here, great apps and diet plans and exercise regimes. You have to find the one that’s right for you and your lifestyle.

PurpleDaisies · 19/03/2021 07:34

How much do you have to lose to put you back in the healthy bmi range? That conversation must have been really hard to hear. Flowers It’s rubbish, but it’s better than continuing to put weight on and having more to lose.

What do you think has been the reason? I’m a real snacker so that’s my easy change if I’ve gone up. Who does the cooking? It sounds like your dh would be on board for a move to whole house healthy eating.

BasinHaircut · 19/03/2021 07:38

@Heartofstrings presumably you agree that you need to lose weight and want help with that as you have posted in the weight loss section, so I’m not going to try and give you any relationship advice! If you aren’t happy that he brought it up/question his motives etc then that’s a different issue.

Starting point is what are your stats - height/weight? What sort of activity level would you say you are at? You need to work out what your TDEE is and then subtract some calories. Use this website: tdeecalculator.net/

Some people will tell you to reduce by 500kcals per day which is supposed to give you a loss of around 1lb a week, but it’s not an exact science (the info out of the website or the calorie deficit you need).

For example this website tells me my maintenance calories are 1,800 per day but I know I can lose on 1,600-1,700 per day so I am probably under estimating my activity level slightly.

I know it’s not popular amongst diet and fitness purists, but I have always had success with slimming world too. I shouldn’t like it, because I do have a health industry background and I do appreciate its flaws in not actually educating people about the mechanics/science of weight/fat loss, but as long as you actually cook, and not rely on overly processed shite like muller lights, then it does encourage a balanced diet full of lean proteins, fruit and veggies.

If you are very overweight, I’d say focus on the diet aspect and not worry too much about exercise except upping your general activity levels (I.e. buy a cheap Fitbit type watch and count your steps, trying to do 10k per day).

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 19/03/2021 07:44

@Thewolvesarerunningagain

What? Why are people offering diet tips? OP if you want to lose weight, for you, fine. If my DH had told me to lose weight he’d be sleeping on the sofa.
I think because the OP said He is totally right. I've been trying to ignore and doing lots of comfort eating
UnderHisAye · 19/03/2021 07:48

If a woman posted here saying she was scared for her husband's health there would be lots of posts saying the OP needed to have a chat with him 🤷🏻‍♀️

userxx · 19/03/2021 07:48

@Happymum12345

Live the life you want. It’s your body.

As long as it doesn't impact anyone else then fine, however being overweight does in many ways so it's not really fair on her husband.

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