Husband gave me THE chat today

[Heartofstrings]

He did the whole "for your health" bmi needs to be lower speech. What a bugger. He came at me from a kind and supportive approach but was very categorical that I need to lose weight.

He is totally right. I've been trying to ignore and doing lots of comfort eating.

Now what the hell do I do

@dementedpixie

That sounds like you are blaming your dh for your weight gain! Maybe he loves you whatever size you are.

What in the op’s post made you leap to that conclusion? She just seems upset that she’s in this position and wants help to deal with it.

@UnderHisAye

If a woman posted here saying she was scared for her husband's health there would be lots of posts saying the OP needed to have a chat with him 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's usually quite mix of answers leaning towards the chat with some "not your business" thrown in.

It’s perfectly ok to have a discussion about someone’s weight. In the same way you would have a discussion about someone’s drinking, or smoking, or anything else which potentially puts them at risk of serious life-altering illness.

Of course the decision needs to come from the OP if she wants to lose weight, but bringing it up out of concern doesn’t make the DH wrong.

OP firstly you need to look at what you want to lose.

Secondly you need to look at what you’re eating and how much. Portion control is key as is being able to replace some calories with none. So e.g. drink water instead of fruit juice and you cut out hundreds of calories just by doing that.

Meal planning is another great way to lose. If you know what you’re eating and when including snacks then you have no need to pick at the crisps/biscuits/chocolate.

When I was doing calorie counting I used to look at the contents of everything I ate, and was e.g. horrified to discover that 100G of chocolate contains almost as many calories as a whole meal, which was a great incentive not to eat it.

He sounds like a supportive husband, good luck with your weight loss journey! I've also had to encourage my partner to lose weight, after he gained five stone, he's gone from 17 stone down to around 15, and he's keeping on losing. When I met him he was 12 stone, and I just want him to be more healthy. It did take a lot of encouragement from me though. I've tried to be healthier with him, although I weigh eight stone four, so not an awful lot to lose!

It depends.

The OP might come back and tell us that she is normally a size 8, 8 stone person and has become a size 10 9 stone person in which case I will call bullshit on the health concerns.

I would think differently if she has gone up to 16 stones, size 26 for example.

Sorry OP, I pressed return too soon.

I actually didnt mean to sound unsympathetic. I have put on a lot of weight during lockdown. It's shit.

@THisbackwithavengeance

It depends.

The OP might come back and tell us that she is normally a size 8, 8 stone person and has become a size 10 9 stone person in which case I will call bullshit on the health concerns.

I would think differently if she has gone up to 16 stones, size 26 for example.

I hope for op's sake it's only few stones🙈 My dh and i promised each other now that se will mention ANY weight gain in a future to prevent future diving in denial on olympic level I (and little bit him) did here. Would much rather be losing couple of stones than that 13 😭 stupid me

I'd be very upset if my dh did this unless my BMI was in the obese category. Then I would still be upset but if he was doing it from a place of love and concern I would understand.

I am overweight and know I need to lose weight but no one else can make you, you have to want to do it for yourself. But maybe take up any offer from your dh to support you.

How fat are you? He's either genuinely concerned about your health or a shit who is trying to be mean/manipulative/downright nasty?

I’ve been giving lip service to losing weight for a while now, my DH also expressed concern and while I agreed, didn’t get round to actually losing weight. Had a phone call on Monday as a routine blood test suggests I may have something called fatty liver. A quick google has really put the shit up me and I’ve immediately cut alcohol and gone on a diet, and kicking myself that it’s taken the real possibility of real damage to my health. If you think he may have a point then take it as meant with love.

"I wouldn't have so much to lose now if he had spoken up and I wouldn't have damaged my health"

Presumably he didn't force feed you? You need to take the responsibility here. Sounds like he really can't win.

PurpleDaisies that post was replying to the one about it I thought? Where the poster said she wishes her husband had had a weight loss chat with her, not replying to the OP.

OP it's great that you have the kind of relationship where you can bring this kind of thing up without the other getting offended. I need to have a similar chat with my husband as his weight has got out of control over lockdown. In practical terms for you now, I lost around 2 stone (I still have 1 to go!) by following the 16:8 way of eating and only eating carbs once per day. Some good books to read that were a bit of a lightbulb moment for me are The Obesity Code by Dr Jason Fung, and The Fast 800 book by Michael Molesely. Good luck :)

*above it

@FlatEarthling

I got to 18 stones and my skinny DH said nothing. I wouldn't have so much to lose now if he had spoken up and I wouldn't have damaged my health, I'm actually very, very sad he didn't say anything. If he didn't care about how I looked, if places were reversed I'd have worried about his health.

@PurpleDaisies I was replying to the post before mine. I almost sounds like she is blaming her dh for her weight gain

I did this with my husband 2 weeks ago. We both put on weight in lockdown from the gyms closing and enjoying a sweet treat after dinner every night.
We started a low carb diet in readiness foe gyms reopening and always eat a meal consisting of a protein, some natural fats and low carbon veg.
I've lost 7lbs in 2 weeks and hubby has lost 3lbs. I've more to lose so think it was easier for me.
Have you thought about weaning yourself off sugar and refined cards, consuming too many of these are generally the reason most people are overweight. Good luck with your health journey

Apologies, I missed that. Obv time for another cup of coffee...

@Littlegoth

I’ve been giving lip service to losing weight for a while now, my DH also expressed concern and while I agreed, didn’t get round to actually losing weight. Had a phone call on Monday as a routine blood test suggests I may have something called fatty liver. A quick google has really put the shit up me and I’ve immediately cut alcohol and gone on a diet, and kicking myself that it’s taken the real possibility of real damage to my health. If you think he may have a point then take it as meant with love.

Aww. Good luck it's still reversible at the beginning so keep doing what you doing! Have you looked into "liver diet"? If you are really worried or ypur results aren't good you can go on a diet which is supposed to give liver bit of rest to recover. I was on it as a teenager after an illness. No fats etc. And veg and fruit with seeds🤔 I guess because of the cyanide thing?

low carbon veg

That's actually adorable typo!

According to mumsnet you should
LTB
But not before searching his phone to prove he is playing away
And getting your ducks in a row.

In real life.
Think about your weak points. Agree together what you are going to do and how you are going to stay motivated.

Sorry I've been a really rubbish op! I'm only JUST coming back to this thread now. I worked late and have just got back from taking the kids to preschool.

Husband was great. He was supportive and kind. He only knows my weight and bmi because he's currently obtaining a qualification to become a personal trainer (along side his uni studies) so my measurements went into the programme.

I'm not humongous. I'm 5ft4 and 170lbs. It's a bmi of approx 28.8. But I have issues with my knee with the onset of arthritis so I need to get the weight down. My ideal weight is 140lbs, in my opinion.

He thinks I should lose weight for health. I'd like to lose weight for aesthetic reasons - I can't lie about that.

Should add I'm a clothes size 12 in most shops so I think my weight is deceptive maybe?

@Thewolvesarerunningagain

What? Why are people offering diet tips? OP if you want to lose weight, for you, fine. If my DH had told me to lose weight he’d be sleeping on the sofa.

It sounds like her DH didn’t ‘ tell ‘ her to lose weight, but is concerned about her health. Surely there comes a point where someone that loves you has to have ‘ that ‘ conversation ? Good luck OP, hope your DH will continue to be supportive, assuming he has your best interests at heart.

Um, I'll be honest, your last post changes things a bit.

I was assuming you were really quite overweight. You're a size 12!

Well 77kg at 165cm is overweight. Let's not pretend it isn't. But not too bad!

Considering your knee and arthrisis, he has a point. You also know it would make it better. So he wasn't making up the health angle.

@Thewolvesarerunningagain

What? Why are people offering diet tips? OP if you want to lose weight, for you, fine. If my DH had told me to lose weight he’d be sleeping on the sofa.

Yes 🙌