Does anyone genuinely believe their weight is not caused by overeating

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My dd (13) is overweight, and not just a little bit. I have three girls, and my 9-yr old and 15-yr old are both slim. It is actually breaking my heart. sorry I know that sounds dramatic but I feels so helpless and so sad for my middle dd who is teased at school, has a permanent chafing rash on her thighs and can't wear the pretty clothes her sister wear. This Christmas she didn't want her picture taken next to them and I know I have to do something

She is a completely different shape to the others, very thick set. I can see just by looking at her that there is no possible way that she would ever have the slim shape they have. I know how hard that must be for her and try and focus on how talented and beautiful she is in many ways.

Coming back to my thread title, I know that logically she is eating enough to maintain her weight but it just baffles me why she is so much bigger. They all have the same breakfast and dinner. They do have treats at the weekend but these are equally shared. I did mfp for a while and she averaged 1800 a day so I possibly need to get this lower. But I know if I did it for her older sister it would be the same, maybe she's just lucky

Also my friends talk about what their teenagers eat and what it costs and sounds like so, so much, why aren't their kids overweight? Is it possible that some people don't burn off calories as efficiently, even though we're always being told it should be a simple matter of eat less move more? Ive been trying to help her lose weight for years, now I know I need to do it. Can anyone who has experienced this advise?

Sorry for rambling

What has her GP said?

I'm short and put on weight very very easily , I never snack in the evening or in the day and am vegan or vege where it's no possible . I weight my carbs and don't eat masses of fruit or sweets chocolate etc. I'm 3 stone overweight despite being fairly active .. I went to the doctor to ask for help and she said some people just gain weight easier than others . I've always been curvy even when a size 6 and have a very small waist next to the rest of me .. so I don't have any answers but that is me and I'm very honest about what I eat and know when I've over eaten on a particular day when out for example ..

By the way my dd , ds And dh are slim .. I'm only a size 14 but really should be a 6/8 /10 as that suits me the best

She’s not moving as much as the others.

I have only spoken to the school nurse in an excruciating exchange last year, she said dd is technically obese, she went through all the reasons why this was bad and then said she needs to eat less and do more exercise. I did bring up metabolism, but it was dismissed as irrelevant.

I am overweight and I do think I eat too much - but only because I am overweight and ther is no other explanation.
I don’t think I eat a huge amount or the wrong things and when I discussed my weight with my GP they suggested I keep a food diary. When I took the food diary back a month later the GP basically said I was lying! My thyroid has been checked and I am pretty active, walking the dog several times a day and I do 10000 steps every day and often more. However, I am still about 3 stone overweight so the only explanation is that I consume too many calories

I keep hearing about how the gut biome influences our health. Here is a short description-

www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/do-gut-bacteria-inhibit-weight-loss

The moving thing is certainly true, none of them are into exercise but dd moves less at home (sitting in one place) it just seems like those type of movements would make so little difference but maybe I need to look at all these little things and how they impact as a whole

I have always been well built, even at my visually very slimmest, with a nicely curvy figure i was complimented for at 17, i still had a high bmi. Which doctors told me to 'eat less' to bring down, and thus my binge eating disorder was triggered. I spent the next decade starving myself and wrecking my metabolism, causing weight gain overall. It's taken 18mo trying to reassure my body it isnt in a famine and normalise my mind's relationship with food.

So, be careful. Unless she is obviously eating loads of all the wrong things and never getting off the couch i would wait to see what late teens does for her figure because i went from podgy kid to the kind of figure that could model today. Im a bit old and overweight now so thats not a stealth boast

I am overweight and I do think I eat too much - but only because I am overweight and ther is no other explanation

This sums up perfectly how I feel about dd

Well at 13 I was binge eating in secret so she may be doing that, but not telling you.

Or, she just may be eating more than others but think she eats the same. It reminds me of this Reddit thread where two flat mates thought they were eating the same but the calories consumed were vastly different. amp-reddit-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/amp.reddit.com/r/fatlogic/comments/4ces2s/brace_yourselves_everyone_ive_made_my_own/?amp_js_v=0.1&usqp=mq331AQGCAEoAVgB

Without following her every move, it’s really hard to say.

I should add, my post makes it sound like i have successfully normalised my relationship with food after 18mo - no way! But, progress.

I'm short and put on weight very very easily

This is dd. I'm short (5ft1) and do is she, but I don't feel I gain weight easily, for example, I've a two week holiday I'll eat way more than usual but my weight won't change. It will only change with weeks and weeks of overeating. After a two week holiday dds school skirt wouldn't do up

I have a hormonal condition that makes it easier to put weight on.

However all that said when I really started counting calories and exercising more off came the weight.

So I was deluding myself too.

Just seen that you said she doesn’t move as much. I saw a documentary about people who don’t gain weight easily that said that people who fidget a lot burn 100-200 cals more a day, which adds up to 10 to 20 lbs a year difference!

I'm overweight and have polycystic ovaries which does affect metabolism. I'm short too which means I need a lot less calories than my tall DH.

I never had a weight problem in my life, but now I am on long term, ever increasing steroids. Plus I can't exercise so I have piled on the weight.
I eat as little as I can but still it goes on.
My doctors tell me there is nothing I can do.
The only exercise I can do is in water. I pay for a gym membership but DH has to take me so can only do twice a week.
I asked about the local hydrotherapy pool but I can't use that till I can no longer walk.

Could she be buying her own snacks and eating them without you knowing?

Small movements do add up, I think studies have shown that slim people tend to fidget more and just get up and do stuff more frequently.

I used to say I was big-boned and just a different structure. Until I had an IDXA scan . I obviously carry my weight evenly - but my skeleton is the same size as everyone else's!

I think Syndrome-X type diseases (frequently undiagnosed) and cortisol play a large part.

I've spent most of my life drugged by cortisol.

@OnlineAlienator thank you for sharing, my biggest fear is triggering an ED, plus all my family say u helpful things like "leave her be" and "she'll grow into it" I try to be tactful, only taking about "health" and not weight specifically but I know her self esteem is affected. We joined a gym together this time last year but she was the youngest there and she cried and said "no other teenagers go to the gym, you just want me to go because I'm fat"

I am overweight. I eat too much - especially carbs (and think I may have metabolic syndrome as I have pre diabetes blood sugar).

This not scientifically based, but it seems to me that some people are more susceptible to sugars in their diet.

I used to think my husband put on weight easily, until I payed attention to his hidden snacking. The snacking is worse when he is stressed and it sounds like your daughter could be too. I think you need more sensitive and supportive advice than you got from the school nurse. Could you have a chat with the nurse at your GP, they are often trained in weight loss advice.

I’m sorry OP but it must be an excess of calories. She might have a sturdier body shape/type (I have never felt more huge than when surrounded by tiny Korean women!) but that doesnt mean she will inevitably be overweight for her build.

Her school is cashless so I can look online and see what she buys there. At one point she was choosing a sausage roll every day for lunch - not the healthiest option but she was only having that and a bottle of water so I didn't make too big a deal of it. Now she has a tuna wrap most days.

I suppose in theory she could be getting someone to bring other stuff in for her - there's no shops en route for her to go into

I have this same problem with ds (13). I’m slim and dd(10) is like a stick insect but ds is becoming overweight. Although he definitely loves his food, I don’t think he eats excessively but one thing he doesn’t do is exercise. I’ve tried and tried to get him motivated but end up banging my head against the wall, it’s frustrating especially as I’m very active, I walk a lot and am always encouraging him to come for a dog walk with me. It’s their generation, I was never in at his age, always on my bike, none of his friends come out, they are all on the bloody x-box!! I really worry that he’ll get bigger and unhealthy. You have my sympathy op, it’s a concern.