Does anyone genuinely believe their weight is not caused by overeating

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My dd (13) is overweight, and not just a little bit. I have three girls, and my 9-yr old and 15-yr old are both slim. It is actually breaking my heart. sorry I know that sounds dramatic but I feels so helpless and so sad for my middle dd who is teased at school, has a permanent chafing rash on her thighs and can't wear the pretty clothes her sister wear. This Christmas she didn't want her picture taken next to them and I know I have to do something

She is a completely different shape to the others, very thick set. I can see just by looking at her that there is no possible way that she would ever have the slim shape they have. I know how hard that must be for her and try and focus on how talented and beautiful she is in many ways.

Coming back to my thread title, I know that logically she is eating enough to maintain her weight but it just baffles me why she is so much bigger. They all have the same breakfast and dinner. They do have treats at the weekend but these are equally shared. I did mfp for a while and she averaged 1800 a day so I possibly need to get this lower. But I know if I did it for her older sister it would be the same, maybe she's just lucky

Also my friends talk about what their teenagers eat and what it costs and sounds like so, so much, why aren't their kids overweight? Is it possible that some people don't burn off calories as efficiently, even though we're always being told it should be a simple matter of eat less move more? Ive been trying to help her lose weight for years, now I know I need to do it. Can anyone who has experienced this advise?

Sorry for rambling

Yes I think tougher is worth a shot as nothing else has worked. Honestly my ds was muttering about putin and communist at lunch time, but. You do what you have to do

I'd recommend learning the Slimming World principles and presenting them to your whole family as guidelines for a healthy lifestyle. Perhaps it might be wise to not use the phrase "Slimming World" though as it implies restriction/diet.

A very basic summary:

Eat lots of fruits and veggies (1/3 of each meal, plus snacks)
Potatoes, rice and pasta are unlimited (cooked without added fat/oils)
Lean meat is unlimited

Controlled portions of bread and dairy

Treat foods regulated by daily points amount (approx 300 calories worth)

Once you've lived like this for a while, it becomes second nature. And you inevitably lose weight, which is awesome.

Any time your daughter is hungry, she can eat fruit, crudités, lean meat, pasta, selected fat free yoghurts or similar. There's no need for her to feel deprived, just to make better choices.

Sometimes when I want a treat, I make my own chips from sliced potatoes and oven bake without fat. Then add tons of salt and vinegar. Stuff like that feels naughty but really isn't.

For what it's worth, I'm short with a poor metabolism, have had two massive babies and am a healthy weight.

It would benefit your whole family! Hope she gets sorted.

Then add tons of salt and vinegar
Excellent healthy eating advice there

Ffs don't get your daughter to add tons of salt to things, or to eat unlimited amount of pasta, potatoes etc. Fat free yogurts are full of sugar and sweeteners and not healthy at all.

Yeah potatoes and pasta arent the key to weightloss for some. My successful recipe is:

Unlimited veg
Unlimited meat
Unlimited eggs, fish and cheese, butter, cream

VERY restricted grain so no rice, pasta, porridge, bread
Go easy on fruit incl. juice

Look out for sugary yoghurts and obvs cake, biscuits etc are a once a week thing....

She needs to start regular exercise which will get her moving and increase her metabolism. What about martial arts, kickboxing? Something that isn't associated with fat? Or hockey, netball?
She needs to be doing something if she's unhappy. My brother was obese and got so sick of being bullied that one summer he started running and by September he'd lost all the weight. He is borderline ED now though, and very very slim. It's never left him, the fear of being fat is huge.
I think her sisters are lucky and they're probably all eating slightly too much. It really doesn't take much over in a day for it to add up.
Oh and 'build' has been dismissed, as many people who are 'big boned' actually slim down to tiny sizes. As they say, nobody is big boned enough to need a larger coffin, it is our denial of obesity which causes us to look for other factors.
I'm fat btw, but because I eat too much and don't move enough.

I would say there is a lot of genetics at play. Neither DH or I are skinny but nit massive either.
DS1 is 19, six foot and skinny. DS 2 is 13, taller than his dad (about 5ft 10?) and very skinny.
DD is 17, five feet tall and 'round'! She loves eating but also plays cricket and football, cricket to a very high level. She can be out exercising for up to 6 hours a week formal training/matches in tge winter and way more in the summer, and also has a 2 hour commute each way ti college.
So yes, I admit she doesnt always eat the most healthy food, but she also does way more exercise than most!
Feel free to PM me if you want to chat, i find most people assume she just sits on her backside and eats all day.

I know of at least one medical condition that causes shorter people to gain weight easily - it stems from growth hormone deficiency which has a wide variety of causes. It is worth asking a gp to refer her to a endocrinologist for further tests.

@RaisinforBeing a GP won't refer to a specialist unless they've done basic bloods first and the patient has tried diet and exercise for a few months. By OP's on admission, the child is inactive. A GP worth their GMC registration will "prescribe" diet/healthy eating and exercise. Probably won't do bloods on a child without very good reason either. None of the ones I worked with would.

Yeah I do think my weight is not just about over eating. I have an underactive thyroid, take meds for anxiety and have some issues with my periods/hormones which are being diagnosed. My mum and sister are also overweight. But I so also eat too much. I think your daughter should see the GP if there's such a difference between the siblings.

Can you please list what she actually eats in a day?

I reckon she is (accidentally) overeating because she's not on a diet that's suitable for her (I bet she needs more protein and fat, less crappy carbs & sugar)

Any time your daughter is hungry, she can eat fruit, crudités, lean meat, pasta, selected fat free yoghurts or similar. There's no need for her to feel deprived, just to make better choice

^

Don't do this. For the love of christ, just don't.

Has she started her periods? Very common to gain weight just before. Do you buy diluting squash? I cut that out and it seemed to have a good effect on family's weight.

A very healthy and rather easy way to eat is this:

Each meal (even breakfast) should consist of 50% vegetables, 25% protein,25% carbohydrates.

Eat vegetables first, then the protein and then carbs.

Not read any of the thread sorry in advance.

I am over weight one day to the next I am fine. I drink more alcohol than I should but it didn’t start there. I bloat heavily and fit into size 10/12/14 jeans depending on the weather.

I believe that there is a myriad of illness that only effect women, not just menstrual, PND etc, but genuine ilnesss that no one has explored.

I suffer from extreme water retention, horrible periods, chronic fatigue, lots of pain in all muscles and heavy periods. I was once asked if I was depressed at 18. Just 12 years ago, and I said yes because my symptoms make me feel like I can’t be a normal person. The only treatment I got was anti depressants (side effects weight gain).

Literally the science of being a women is brand sparking new, we would all of been commuted for histeria not so long ago with the things we post on here.

I absolutely think there are lots of women that are overweight due to scientificly unknown issue, because nobody can be arsed looking into them.

This brought a tear to my eye because this was me aged 13.I was simply eating too much of the wrong things and inactive, but also just seemed to put on weight so quickly. Mum was like you ie kind and loving but anything she said upset me Cos I was ashamed. I still struggle with my weight but no longer obese and I only control via calorie counting. There’s no other way. Best wishes

Committed* though a perpetual commute might be worse (especially on northern)

Op, how tall is her father? I know you are small, but I am wondering if she is due a growth spurt,

My daughter was chubby at this age, then she literally shot up nine inches and I had a size eight five foot nine daughter 15 year old daughter, within a matter of a couple of years, it was quite shocking, her body grew taller, but her weight stayed effectively the same.

Could she be due a growth spurt?

My dd is exactly the same, she is now 16.

We have been to the GP, seen dieticians, also hospital consultants. She has had countless blood tests, no medical reason for being overweight.

We have kept food diaries and exercise logs. Until recently she played netball, hockey and cricket. I've purposely kept her active to try and limit her weight gain.

She no longer wants the play the sports and her weight has ballooned. Like you say you can almost watch her gain weight on a two week holiday- it's scary.

We've joined a gym and currently have a personal trainer and that does seem to be having a positive impact (will be interesting to see if Xmas has set us back because I think she looks like she has gained again).

I've stopped all the hospital appointments, as if felt too negative and we kept being told there is no medical reason.

I try to restrict her diet in the week, make sure she takes lunches to school and meal plan for the evenings.

My dd is also short - 5ft 3.

I have no words of wisdom other than try to stop her gaining more. That's what I'm doing at the moment and then hopefully I can reduce calories further and she will start to lose weight.

My plan this year is to try and work out how many calories she can consume and Loose weight.

I want to add my dd wants this and has asked for my help

I come from a long line of women who can live on almost nothing. My grandmother was v. poor and needed some surgery many years ago. At 12 stone they decided to keep her in hospital on a restricted diet for a week first to get her weight down. She'd never eaten so well in her life and gained half a stone. It is unfair but on the plus side I can live very cheaply!

A while ago I decided to stop whining and work out how many calories I actually need by weighing and measuring my food and doing the maths. Despite being 19 stone I found if I ate more than 1500 cals (weighed and measured) I gain weight. At 1200 cals it takes me 2-3 weeks to lose 1lb. My New Years resolution is to accept these depressing facts and adjust my diet accordingly. Piece of cake!

IMHO no, in the vast majority of cases it is consuming more calories than she expends. I believe it was Michael Mosley who did tests on people who believed they had slow metabolisms only to find their metabolisms were normal and they were consuming far more calories than they thought. Also, while a lot of people claim that they can't lose weight on a calorie restricted diet no one has achieved the same feat under controlled conditions.

I know a few people who can seemingly eat what they like without gaining weight - I even used to be one! But the truth is they are not eating as much as they appear. At my skinniest my diet was dire and everyone as work was so jealous but what they saw me eat was all I ate. Portions are smaller, they don't have seconds, they will have light evening meal as they are still full from lunch, eating those cakes and biscuits tend to be instead of a meal rather than in addition to it. One of my friends eats a massive evening meal but that is literally all she eats, but thats the meal people see her eating. Each of those people will tell you they eat what they want and don't gain a pound but it is only true because what they want is less overall. I've also noticed that they tend to eat more slowly so give the impression of having eaten more but they have actually allowed the signals of fullness to reach the brain. They also tend to do more incidental movement. It does not take much - just 100 calories a day is a 10lb difference over the year.

I too gained weight with antidepressants. My sister was rather blunt in pointing out that the weight was due to me eating more and stopping my anxious fidgiting and pacing even if I hadn't realised it myself.

I am trying to lose 2 stone, as well as regular exercise I am trying to build up my incidental daily movement. I actually take my tracker off when doing proper exercise so I can view how active I am as part of normal activities. I am aiming to eat more mindfully and properly measure portion sizes so I can change my habits for good.

It is a difficult one with a 16 year old. I would aim on improving her self esteem and maybe look at some activities/trips which are not exercise related as such but get her out of the house. Trips to the beach, an aquarium or a theme park all add a lot of walking and make sure to bring a picnic because the food is overpriced and crap. Although I appreciate these are expensive but as an occasional trip give her something to look forward to and part of breaking the negative cycle. An interest in photography could encourage her out of the house but any hobby can provide focus and distraction from a mindless cycle of screens and overeating.

I think the role of genetics is hugely misunderstood and downplayed. I have 3 boys close in age. They have been brought up exactly the same, done the same sports, eaten the same food. Two are thin and lanky like their father, the other was chubby like me and most of my side of the family, but has now shot up and is much slimmer. I had to suffer all sorts of bullshit from the HV when they were young about his diet, she virtually called me a liar. I believe that in time science will move on and be able to explain these things.

Apologies I don't know where I got 16 from! At 13 even more important to work on her self esteem and self worth and set her up for the future. Forget weight loss/exercise for a while as it sounds like it has become a battleground in her head. Focus on her. What are her dreams and aspirations. Give her some focus and drive and then use that.

Skimmed but NRTFT.

It really is all about the caloric deficit or surplus you create. Hormones, body type, etc. can all have an influence but none will reverse the laws of thermodynamics.

Going back to the 1940's medical research has shown that with a large daily caloric deficit maintained over time everyone loses weight.

The Minnesota starvation experiment

This kind of research is why medical people are skeptical that you've really cut calories sufficiently if you're not losing weight.

I tend to overeat. Sweets are my downfall. Like almost everyone, I underestimate portion sizes and calories unless I am an absolute fanatic about measuring, weighing and tracking calories and caloric output. I use the loseit app for tracking intake and Runkeeper for tracking caloric burn. When I do that religiously, and create a large daily caloric deficit, I lose weight.

I treated myself to an Apple watch a few weeks before Christmas and the activity tracking inspired me to start really tracking intake and outgoings again and I've lost five pounds doing so. I walk 4-5 miles a day and eat about 1200 calories, which gives me roughly a 600-800 calorie deficit per day.

If you follow the model of the Minnesota study you will lose weight. Here's a more modern study that show that what you eat is less important to weight loss than caloric intake.

Comparison of Weight-Loss Diets with Different Compositions of Fat, Protein, and Carbohydrates

I think probably she is eating a bit too much and not doing enough exercise.

It's impossible to say siblings eat the same things, I dont believe any two siblings eat exactly the same things throughout the day. There will be variances, different snacks, slightly different portions, different drinks, different amounts of exercise.

My theory is I am a bit on the chubby side (healthy bmi but on the high side) because I don't have days where I eat too little. Most of the time I eat fine but then will have a day where I have loads of alcohol and a takeaway e.g., but then the next day just eat normally. So I am never in a deficit and therefore will gradually put on weight. My brother is very skinny and has always been, he would have a down day the next day.

As DC we ate very similar most of the time but realistically I probably ate slightly more here and there, he was a very very fidgety child and was also fussier than me, so there was the odd thing he wouldn't eat that I would. It added up.

I have a v. Slim housemate, and an overweight one. The overweight one always claims she eats nothing but she actually eats loads, lot of it is healthy but it still adds up to a lot. She just doesn't notice. The slim one will eat loads of unhealthy food but nothing else, and will have down days naturally so is actually consuming a lot less calories than the overweight one.

Most of the time there is a reason, and it's not medical. There are obviously some medical conditions that can affect weight and it might be worth getting her thyroid investigated although the outcome is still the same, she needs to do more exercise and eat a bit less.

I cannot exercise and most days only do around 300 steps. My body is also in starvation mode yet I'm still losing weight because I can't consume enough calories. I find most overweight people I know well vastly underestimate their calorie intake.