I've actively decided to STOP DIETING!

[Sweetheart]

I had a long chat with some female friends of mine recently that made me really think about why I'm ALWAYS on a diet. I realised that I have pretty much been on a constant diet for the last 20 years (my entire adult life) which made me so sad! I realised that I've never really been happy with my weight and how I look and to be honest probably never will be! I'm actually not even sure that how I want to look is even attainable.

So there it is - I've decided to STOP dieting. I'm currently not at my heaviest but not at my lightest either. The weight I am now I have been hovering around for about 5 months so I'm just going to try and stick at this weight for a while and learn to actually eat normally - not constantly counting everything, weighing everything, sticking to the god forsaken rules!

I've had a few scary realisations this week........1. I am so out of tune with hunger - when I actually want or need to eat.

1. I think about food all the time - probably because I'm so deprived. I asked dh the other day why he never eats anything after our evening meal and he told me he just never thinks about food - this was a revelation to me.....I think about it constantly.
2. I don't think I've set a good example to my kids over the years. It can't be good for them to watch mum eat a salad whilst they tuck into the normal evening meal........or to watch mum weighing and measuring every bit of food......or to watch mum have a juice / shake in place of a proper meal.

I'm hoping the freedom from dieting will teach me how to actually eat normally for the 1st time in my adult life.

The only things I am imposing on myself are:-
Plenty of water each day
Try to only eat when I am actually hungry (this is a tricky one to figure out)

Has anyone ever had any experience of this? Or am I just going to end up even fatter and back on the next fad diet?

How tall are you Sweetheart?

5ft 5. People are usually surprised when I say how heavy I am so either I have heavy bones or they are just bare faced liars

I'm an 10 on top and a 12-14 on bottom.

I try and stay as toned as possible...my tummy is pretty flat but I do have a giant arse.

I realise that is much more info than you asked for ha ha!

I think I'm deffo starting to feel a bit chubby around my middle. Scales are staying fairly consistent but I think the carbs have found my belly!

10 on top and 12 to 14 on bottom is perfectly fine Sweetheart. I'm 5 9 and 14 top and bottom. Huge arse here too.

Honestly, if you were reading either of your stats elsewhere – ie, not on a thread about weight loss/dieting – you'd think they were perfectly normal… because they are. What has dieting done to women's brains that we can no longer recognise our bodies as being a normal, healthy size? Before you say it, I know, it's about how you FEEL at that size and you feel overweight. But I think that's because dieting makes us feel abnormal. I swear to God if it's the last thing I do I will make sure my daughter NEVER diets. I can't bear the thought of her going through what we're all dealing with now, decades down the line.

Bookworm you are right and that's why I tried to bring up my children in a non dieting household. No food was forbidden. Had a chocolate drawer. Crisps, cake etc. I didn't want to pass on the dieting/ disordered eating issue. It's not easy to change how we feel about our bodies or how we view food but if we don't want to pass on the dieting torch then we must do our best.

Bookworm By the way I turned a page regarding my big bottom years ago. All my life people have commented on it. Strangers even. It's like Kim Kardashian's but all natural People pay a fortune for big bums Sweetheart so try to love yours.

How's everyone getting on this week?

I have replied to you before your post Bookworm

Sorry for being absent....work this week is been crazy / awful.......so for me.....ive been saying for weeks that I've maintained my weight...well the last couple of weeks have been rough, I mean really awful and now I feel like Christmas has taken hold BIG TIME! December is always a nightmare for me because we have a lot of family birthdays on top of Xmas. On top of the sadness of the last couple of weeks I've totally lost control of my food and booze intake. I've deffo put on. Couple of Ibs and feeling flabby already! This is what Dec looks like for me:-

Family birthdays = 4 (meals, drinking etc)
Work Xmas do
Dc mum's nights out x 2
Sport night out
Street mum's night out
Friends nights out x 3 or 4
Wild animal keeper association night out
And of course Chrismas day and boxing day and years eve

So by the end of Dec I am both fat and skint. I don't feel prepared to go out this many times and be able to say "no thanks I'm full"

BUT I do not want to be on ANOTHER diet on 2nd January!!!!

FYI.....I bloody love Christmas!

Sweetheart even if you were dieting you would most likely still overeat with all your parties and events. This way you have given yourself permission to enjoy. When thus becomes normal you usually find you don't eat all your food anyway. If I go out to dinner I only eat main course and maybe leave a few forkfuls on plate. I only have desert if there is something I really like in the menu.

Agree with Milliy, Sweet – even if you were dieting you'd still overindulge at this time of year, so cut yourself some slack. Perhaps focus on the positives of not dieting at Xmas instead? You don't have any crushing guilt to deal with when you help yourself to 'naughty' foods, there's no dread of getting on the scales and seeing the figure jump by half a stone, the constant mental wrestling of wanting to enjoy yourself but worrying what you look like has gone. Personally, I'm finding this the most amazing Christmas season ever not being a slave to any of those emotions! I feel great, I'm taking more care of myself – make-up, nails, flattering clothes – and even my DP has remarked how glowing I am! My eating is becoming more instinctive too – last night I simply didn't feel hungry after a big lunch so I skipped dinner and it turns out I didn't die of hunger overnight. So hang in there, Sweet – it DOES get easier.

I haven't weighed myself since I had my first child 3 years ago. It's so liberating. I'm a size 12 and could probably do with losing a few pounds but oh god, the amount of time I spent doing stupid diets and starving myself only to put any weight I lost straight back on again. I can tell if I need to reign in the eating by how tight my jeans are.

I went out for dinner this weekend with some friends - I left the table at one point to go to the loo and when i came back one of the ladies looked me up and down and said "Oh sweetheart you've lost weight"

I smiled proudly and said - no I haven't actually. I've been this weight for over a year.

How was this week Sweetheart and everyone else?

Well I think my rule about eating only when hungry has gone out the window lol

I can focus on it during the day fine - but come evenings I am a bloody nightmare!

My weight is stable but I am deffo feeling a bit "chunkier". I have been missing quite a few gym visits so I think I need to get back in the game as far as that is concerned.

I think if something makes you feel better like exercise then yes, do it.

I do generally enjoy my gym sessions - and they can be quite sociable. For me the gym is important for staying health, it's not all weight related - my family has a very strong history of diabetes and heart disease so for me it is about staying strong, fit and healthy for my kids.

I feel better after exercise. I do it for my mood, combat stiffness and keep muscles toned.

I have started doing HIIT exercises in front of the TV in the evenings. It stops me sitting on the sofa and Wandering into the kitchen for a biscuit out of boredom, and I get 3 sessions of exercise done in my front room workout even bothering to get changed or going to the gym! Not sure if I'm doing it right but my heart beats a bit faster and it gets me off my bum

I went out for lunch with a friend of mine and she told me she thinks I seem much happier recently. More relaxed and content. She puts it down to not dieting.....angst over being good or missing gym visits or constantly worrying about my weight. It was a huge complement.

I told her about this post....how much it has helped me see the hidden evil within the diet industry and how free I feel.

How much happier home is with the endless choice of evening meals and me not moaning that I'm not allowed certain stuff.

It is such a bloody relief 😁

Hey everyone... how are you all doing? I've been a bit all over the place as my grandmother is seriously ill in hospital and unlikely to recover. So I've been grabbing food as and when and not paying attention to what I'm eating, which I suppose is unusual in itself. Normally I'd be eating my feelings, but not this time.

I hope everyone's okay and you all have a good Christmas. [santa]

So sorry to hear that Bookworm. Such a difficult time for you. 😔

Thanks Milliy. No time of year is a good time to be going through something like this, but Xmas is particularly tough. We're coping though.

On a lighter note, even though I don't feel Christmassy at all, this is the first festive season where the thought of over indulging doesn't depress me because I won't be going on a diet come January. My eating is really balancing out now and the crisps I used to crave don't quite hold the same appeal. When you know you can eat however many you want whenever you want, it gets quite boring!

I agree about the food BookwormMe I too find that by allowing all and any food I want causes me to not bother so much as I don't have the all or nothing mentality any more.