I've actively decided to STOP DIETING!

[Sweetheart]

I had a long chat with some female friends of mine recently that made me really think about why I'm ALWAYS on a diet. I realised that I have pretty much been on a constant diet for the last 20 years (my entire adult life) which made me so sad! I realised that I've never really been happy with my weight and how I look and to be honest probably never will be! I'm actually not even sure that how I want to look is even attainable.

So there it is - I've decided to STOP dieting. I'm currently not at my heaviest but not at my lightest either. The weight I am now I have been hovering around for about 5 months so I'm just going to try and stick at this weight for a while and learn to actually eat normally - not constantly counting everything, weighing everything, sticking to the god forsaken rules!

I've had a few scary realisations this week........1. I am so out of tune with hunger - when I actually want or need to eat.

1. I think about food all the time - probably because I'm so deprived. I asked dh the other day why he never eats anything after our evening meal and he told me he just never thinks about food - this was a revelation to me.....I think about it constantly.
2. I don't think I've set a good example to my kids over the years. It can't be good for them to watch mum eat a salad whilst they tuck into the normal evening meal........or to watch mum weighing and measuring every bit of food......or to watch mum have a juice / shake in place of a proper meal.

I'm hoping the freedom from dieting will teach me how to actually eat normally for the 1st time in my adult life.

The only things I am imposing on myself are:-
Plenty of water each day
Try to only eat when I am actually hungry (this is a tricky one to figure out)

Has anyone ever had any experience of this? Or am I just going to end up even fatter and back on the next fad diet?

Evening, I just wanted to say Hi and share my thoughts for the next few days! I've been following this for just over 3 weeks now. The first two weeks I had a stinking cold and wasn't eating as much as normal. Now the cold has gone but we are almost at Christmas. I managed to hide the scales and I feel better for doing it. I don't think I've lost anything but I feel happy. So happy with how I feel about food. So happy that I'm not thinking about it every minute of the day. So much stress around food has gone! On a "bad" day I still count calories in my head but then the next day I try to relax a little about it. I know I will need reminders every now and again to get me back on track so I've created a folder on Pinterest called "Ditch the diet". It's full of quotes and tips about mindful eating. Anyway, I wanted to wish you all a Happy Christmas! and to say enjoy yourselves but don't feel guilty. Xxx

Hailthelime Hi, thanks for sharing. Will have a look for your Pinterest.

Good for you, Hail! It sounds like ditching the scales has had a really great impact on how you're feeling. I do think giving up dieting is a mental challenge as much as physical one. Enjoy your Christmas not stressing about eating! [santa]

How is everyone getting on? After a very indulgent Christmas, I'm feeling horribly puffy and lethargic but I have been craving salads for the past couple of days. I guess my body is telling me what I need to eat right now! It's been really liberating not to weigh myself during the festive season though, so I have no "I need to diet in the NY" angst. But I have set myself a goal of getting fit in 2019. Watching my nan be so ill has made me realise that a lot of health problems in old age are by not taking care of yourself when you're still able to. Can't wait to get back into swimming!

I'm with you on looking after our bodies through exercise (use it or lose it) and for me eating nourishing foods. I feel best when I eat unprocessed food . I also don't drink alcohol.

I thought I'd check in, this thread has been in my head since I read it and I found myself getting angrier and angrier about the 18 years I've spent dieting, starving myself, eating only this or only that. For the first time
since I was 13 years old I've not made a resolution to lose weight or 'be x stone by next year.' Instead I was to listen to my body, nourish it and focus on being healthier and fitter rather than slimmer.
I used to enjoy running but someone commented that my thighs were becoming muscly and since I hadn't lost a pound for a while I quit! I mean, how silly is that?!

We also need to save money this year and pay off some debts so I'm going to ditch low carb shopping of meat, meat and meat and cook recipes that spark my interest and pick up the millions of cool books I used to enjoy using.

I'm a carer by nature and as my job but it seems so far the only person I never care for is me! Well that needs to change, my DM died a month before her 50th birthday because she was always so busy caring for everyone else she didn't take care of herself even when she had a heart attack! I figure if I go the same way, I'll be doing her an injustice and well as myself and my family, so no more.

I've been watching this thread for a while and wanted to say hello

I thought it was just me that was feeling this way, turns out not. I've been dieting for the better part of 18 years and weigh 4.5st more than I did when I started. I've had a couple of 'successes' with WW where I got to my goal weight but it was impossible to maintain. Too many rules (and I say that as a rule follower!). I've also been watching with interest the thread about SW being a cult...

Anyhow, for the past year I've had the feeling that I want to just relax and enjoy what I'm doing without worrying about calories, points, syns, or whatever. And I thought I was abnormal for thinking this. For many years I felt that if I only tried harder I would manage to crack it, to make the diet work. That it was my duty to be thin.

Of course when I was thin I was never happy either - constantly having to watch what I put in my mouth...could never be spontaneous - I mean, if DH suggested going out for dinner I'd have to work out how many points I had left, how I could make them up if I overindulged ate normally, and god forbid if he bought home a bottle of wine. Oh, and I was always starving. And don't get me started on the 'slimming' cakes you can make with chickpeas or black beans. I've eaten more crap on diets than I have when I haven't been on plan.

To say I have an unhealthy relationship with food would be an understatement. I no longer want to eat in secret in the kitchen, nor do I want to be that bore who always says 'I shouldn't really' and then has a big slice of cake... In my current group of friends I am the only one not doing SW and I'm made to feel in some way odd that I don't want to join in. Time to assess what I'm getting from this I think.

I'm not sure whether it's been mentioned further up (sorry if I've missed it) but I'm working through 'The Goddess Revolution' by Mel Wells at the moment. Some useful advice in there about accepting and loving your body and being more mindful when you eat.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble...and 'hello'

@TitsalinaBumSquash you have totally hit the nail on the head for me! Today for the first year I haven't made losing weight one of my new years resolutions. I honestly don't care anymore! I'm chucking my scales away in fact. I've been happy in my own skin for ages but worried about my health. Thing is the thing I really need to do is add to my diet and not take away. I dont eat enough veg and that's what I want to correct. I started cooking good food last year that I really enjoyed and I will continue that but find a way to incorporate more veg. Exercise is something else I dont do enough of but I just want to move more in a fun way. Fuck aerobics. I actually like running and am going to do more of it. Not with a goal in mind but just for the pure joy of being outside.

Good morning and Happy new Year everyone

So I had a truly indulgent festive period! I know I've put on weight because my clothes are tighter but I'm pretty sure that after a bit of normality things will regulate themselves!

My facebook timehop over the last couple of days has been full of years and years of me announcing my "January starvation has started" but not this year. I do need to cut back but I will not be going on a diet - just some nice sensible eating for a while.......I'm actually looking forward to eating proper food for a change, I could do with the nutrients that is for sure!

We have a big extended family holiday booked for a few months time and my family members keep reminding me I need to get my "holiday body" ready......I've told them NOPE you can take me as you find me

It's been wonderful to enjoy a festive period without the guilt of the scales - I might get on them in a few days to see what the damage is but for now I'm happy for them to be hiding away.

Hi Sweetheart well done. If I were you I would throw those scales away. You know your clothes are tighter so maybe just let them be your guide. Even when you are feeling happy with this way of eating, the scales can cause a major set back and make you feel bad about yourself. I know that even though I'm happy doing this, when I have been in the scales those old bad thoughts have come back. I feel fat which means ugly and I need to stop being stupid and diet now. So I avoid them now. I've stayed the same weight for years and years and I think that's good. I don't overeat really much now either. I do want to do more walking and light weights this year though.

I agree you should ditch the scales. They don't really tell us anything. So much affects the number you see, most of that being the levels of water in your body. I'm chucking mine out. By the way if you listen to podcasts try Escape the diet prison by Anne Sophie Reinhardt. There are loads and they are very good. Start from number 1 if you can and work through them. I listen in the car instead of the radio.

I'm doing yoga this month. I've avoided it before as it seemed pointless due to not burning many calories. I want to get off the train of thought that exercise and moving are only there for weight loss. I'm doing yoga with adriene on YouTube and it's very relaxing and gets you back in touch with your own body and how amazing and strong it is!

Sweetheart I also think you need to work on your mindset. Sorry if this sounds patronising but your posts sound like you are battling yourself. You say you want to stop dieting but then keep weighing yourself and cutting back. Sounds like dieting to me!

Tissy - by cutting back I mean going back to my original plan of eating when hungry only, getting back to my water drinking and getting back to my exercise routine.

Over the festive period I have eaten whatever I wanted whenever I wanted regardless of hunger and had hardly any water to drink. I am actually enjoying the sensation of feeling hungry - instead of feeling bloated, stuffed and having indigestion. I am also enjoying eating fresh foods instead of stodge.

I'm not dieting - I'm not counting calories or points or syns - I'm not sticking to a list of prescribed foods or tracking macros - I'm not fasting for periods of the day and I'm not drinking any low calorie milkshakes so for me in January - I am winning.

Sweetheart carry on and by next Christmas you will find you will only eat if your hungry rather than eating just cause it's there. I didn't overeat just because the food was there. As usual we buy lots of party foods and cheeses mince pies etc but they still sit there not being eaten. I've had some mince pies and bits of lovely cheese, homemade Christmas cake and chocolate but can only have a little before I'm satisfied. In some ways mindful eating mindfully and eating foods you love means that so called "treat" food isn't a treat anymore. It's just food.

Hi ladies, I appreciate the angle you are coming from (being sick of dieting) but has anyone actually lost any weight so far? I only ask because I'm not sure that eating intuitively will be possible if your view is to lose weight. Your body wants to maintain the status quo generally so will not easily but your body in a deficit voluntarily, which is needed to actually lose weight rather than just maintain your current weight? Any experience of this so far?

FlashByReputation many many people lose weight this way. I did but mainly I don't regain so you come off the lifetime dieting mentality. If diets worked one would be all it took but they don't as you are depriving yourself in one way or another. When you allow yourself to treat all food equally then you no longer have to binge on anything as you are allowed it.

No idea flash as I'm not weighing anymore. My problem is that the moment I think I'm going to diet I start to binge in anticipation! If I start a diet I stick to it for 3 weeks max and then binge madly. It's really how I got this overweight! I've been dieting since my early teens due to pressure from my parents (in the first instance). In my case the dieting was the thing that made me fat. So I need to get out of that mindset. It's tricky to do at first as you can't overthink it. And you can't go into it thinking I'll lose weight this way! I'm just seeing what happens. But I've already stopped binging. Because I know I can eat it when I want. I'm trying to eat more things that make me feel good. I'm cooking decent hearty food - stews and mash and veg. Stuff I really like. Figuring out what makes me feel crappy - too much bread upsets my stomach for example. But even though I'm overweight I'm happy with what I see when I look in the mirror now. I've worked on that over many years!

Titsywoo your doing so well. I'm the same as in if I even think about dieting I will start overeating . So I don't. From past experiences trying to diet really messes with my mind. I've been doing this for a very long time .

FlashByReputation The objective isn't to lose weight, it's not to gain any more, which is what will happen if we continue on the diet/fail/diet/fail repeat, rinse cycle. It's about learning to eat normally. Some posters who've been doing it while, like Milliy, eventually lost weight because bingeing/dieting was no longer an issue for them. The rest of us aren't on that path yet. If you're looking for a new way to lose weight, this isn't a thread where you'll find it, sorry!

(PS. Guys, it is me, BookwormMe. I deactivated my account over Xmas and now I can't get my old user name back, so I've had to add a 2 to it!)

BookwormMe2

Hello everyone - so we are not officially out of Christmas, still a little bit on the squishy side of life BUT I can tell that since I got back to being more focused I have dropped some of the Christmas bulge - how do I know.....well I am wearing a pair of trousers that i wouldn't have wanted to ram my arse into a week or 2 ago

I still have another pair of work trousers I'm not quite ready to sit in all day to be cut inhalf but I'm sure that will come over the next few weeks - with more conscious eating, some good water intake and a few gym visits.

The thing I am still really noticing is that I am unsatisfied after my evening meal......not hungry but craving something sweet I think to finish off the day. I don't get this sweet craving at any other time of day but I can guarantee it will hit me after dinner........does anyone have any wisdom to share with me regarding this?

I also want to work on reducing my alcohol intake this year - I'm not going to be T-Total, especially if there is a night out to be had.....but I'd like to focus on reducing my drinking at home at weekends when we have no reason to drink a lot.

I've been on a diet on and off for 10 years now. And I'm about the same weight as at the start . I did lose, and gain, up to 2 stone. However, I did learn about what does make one put on weight, so whilst not dieting now, I am using that knowledge if that makes sense.

I think the "dieting" mentality is not a good one. Its usually "how much can I get away with eating without putting on weight"! This can obviously create weird thinking around food. And can create strange binge and starve cycles.

My non-diet plan for the year ahead. I've idenitified my weaknesses if you like. My false ideas about food and eating.

1. Try and get some more portion control. I eat healthily but suspect my portions are bigger than others. I notice my slim teenage son often eats smaller amounts than me - simply because he's not that hungry. He is not driven by what he should eat, only whether he is hungry.

1. Cut down a little on sugary things, only when really want/fancy.

1. Cut down on alcohol more.

1. "Mindful" eating, or eating with awareness. Am I hungry? Do I really want two slices of toast, or would one be enough? Do I want one biscuit, two biscuits or not really any biscuits? Rather than the "naughty/nice" mentality. Stop the feast/famine mentality.

No weighing scales! I know they are useful for some people, but for me they are not.

I would still like to lose weight - if only because of my clothes.

But I will see what 2019 brings. I think if I do the above I will have to accept the figure I am after that, as that is my natural weight.

p.s. sweetheart, I keep a bar of dark chocolate in the fridge - the Lindt Excellence "A Touch of Sea Salt" is really nice, you can get it most supermarkets. If I have a sweet craving in the evening after a meal, 1-2 pieces usually satisfies me. Another alternative is some berries - raspberries, etc and a spoon or two of youghourt.