I've actively decided to STOP DIETING!

[Sweetheart]

I had a long chat with some female friends of mine recently that made me really think about why I'm ALWAYS on a diet. I realised that I have pretty much been on a constant diet for the last 20 years (my entire adult life) which made me so sad! I realised that I've never really been happy with my weight and how I look and to be honest probably never will be! I'm actually not even sure that how I want to look is even attainable.

So there it is - I've decided to STOP dieting. I'm currently not at my heaviest but not at my lightest either. The weight I am now I have been hovering around for about 5 months so I'm just going to try and stick at this weight for a while and learn to actually eat normally - not constantly counting everything, weighing everything, sticking to the god forsaken rules!

I've had a few scary realisations this week........1. I am so out of tune with hunger - when I actually want or need to eat.

1. I think about food all the time - probably because I'm so deprived. I asked dh the other day why he never eats anything after our evening meal and he told me he just never thinks about food - this was a revelation to me.....I think about it constantly.
2. I don't think I've set a good example to my kids over the years. It can't be good for them to watch mum eat a salad whilst they tuck into the normal evening meal........or to watch mum weighing and measuring every bit of food......or to watch mum have a juice / shake in place of a proper meal.

I'm hoping the freedom from dieting will teach me how to actually eat normally for the 1st time in my adult life.

The only things I am imposing on myself are:-
Plenty of water each day
Try to only eat when I am actually hungry (this is a tricky one to figure out)

Has anyone ever had any experience of this? Or am I just going to end up even fatter and back on the next fad diet?

Hi everyone, I finally got to the bottom of all your posts after finding the thread last night! I was so excited to read everything and hear the background of your decision making. I've been dieting for over 30 years. I blame it all on my Mum and being made to finish what was on my plate. I've dabbled with Paul McKennas book too and it makes so much sense. My biggest battle is with snacking and boredom. I'm looking forward to enjoying and tasting my food again. I'm not convinced about ditching the scales and also fear if I take my eye of them I'll suddenly gain 1/2 a stone but I'm going to try!

Ugh, I'm having a "feeling fat, feeling panicked, must weigh myself, go on a diet" day! I put on a pair of trousers that in the summer were okay, but today they are noticeably snugger. Which is weird, because other clothes, like my skinny jeans, feeling looser. It's probably salt bloat from my Pret lunch, but the compulsion to weigh myself to see if I've gained weight is as huge as my arse currently feels! So instead I'm listening to a podcast with Isabel Foxen Duke, who is now officially my body guru. I signed up for her newsletter and when the latest one pings into my inbox I jump on it like a woman possessed!

Anyhow, welcome Hail, hopefully you'll continue to find this thread useful. I'm SO grateful to Sweet for starting it!

I’m so glad this thread is still going and that you are trying to persevere with not dieting.
If you are emotional and want to eat chocolate, then eat the chocolate, no guilt, no shame.
Weight going up and down a bit is totally normal. No need to panic or punish yourself if you put on a pound. That’s why I hate scales. Too much focus on weight rather than health.
Health is more than weight. It is also about how you feel, your mental health, your activity levels, your support systems, whether you are getting adequate sleep,self-care and kindness.

Hi everyone,

So I succeeded in staying off the booze yesterday which I feel pleased about. I did have some ice cream but after my very "fresh" salad at lunchtime who cares eh

Food and gym has deffo been at the bottom of my priority list this week but onwards and upwards....I'm not going to feel bad about it or punish myself by starving myself which is what i would have done before.

I really impressed how many are still going and even more so by the people now reading the whole thread to join us. I feel like this is fast becoming my little sanctuary where I can let out all the craziness that goes on in my head.

I'm still really struggling to recognise hunger - it's ok mostly during the week at work when I'm quiet and thoughful but in the evenings and at weekends when all hell breaks loose it is so much harder.

I've been off the scales a lot more this week too - probably because after such a bad week I was a bit scared to see the "damage". Pleased to report I jumped on this morning and it's all ok.

I know a lot of you are really against the scales and I hope to join you in the near future - for me at the moment they are a safety net.

xxx

I feel like this [thread] is fast becoming my little sanctuary where I can let out all the craziness that goes on in my head.

I feel like that too, sweet! I'm finding everyone's comments so helpful, every day. For example, you posting just now about jumping on the scales has actually calmed me down – if you haven't had done significant "damage" over the course of the week, then chances us those of us who aren't weighing ourselves haven't either! So whether you decide to ditch yours is up to you, but for now it's helping the rest of us!

After feeling so rubbish yesterday, today I treated myself to a quick manicure at lunchtime and also bought a new mascara. The size of me might be a law unto itself, but taking care of my appearance has really boosted my self-esteem. Can highly recommend doing.

Chances are, not us.

Bookworm so pleased you understand my splurges of crazy I try to keep them hidden from the real world! Lol

So tonight revalation.....I'm off out tonight.....drinking, eating late so I got some crisps and dip out to get ready (And line my stomach) ....now in times gone by I probably could have polished off a share bag of crisps because.....you know....I'd be on a day "off" or having a "treat". Tonight without even realising I ate a few and then put then down and thoight....I've had enough now....TA DA!!!!!

I wonder if that's because I have now learnt if I want more later, or tomorrow, or next week I can have them. I don't have to eat them all immediately on my day "off" before the clock runs out!

Is this progress........I think it might be!

Please can I join? This is what I need in my life?

Sweetheart, a lightbulb moment! I was excited going to bed last night thinking I can have whatever I want for breakfast. I ate things I wouldn't normally allow myself today and LOVED it. Roll on tomorrow. I hope I can stay in this mindset!!!

So I put the scales away last night. In my heart I was hoping to lose weight and kept hopping onto the scales. I realised that when my weight wasn’t going down I felt like giving up on this but that simply isn’t an option for me

Hartha I think it's open to everyone in the same mindset! I only joined on Friday, so welcome. How is it going? I feel more positive already about this week. Every Sunday evening I would feel miserable about what I was going to cook for dinner that week. Something to please everybody including me, the serial dieter, the worlds fussiest 11 year old plus my husband and my other son. At least I've simplified it a little and will just cook to please 3 of us. I hope everyone has a great week x

So last night we hosted a Christmas party for friends at ours and I spent the first half of today mindlessly munching all the crisps still left, having a doorstep bacon sandwich and picking at DC's leftovers. Then mid-afternoon I just suddenly stopped, like my body knew it had had its fill, and for tea I've just had half a can of soup, as that's all I fancied/had room for. This is pretty major as normally I would've just kept troughing.

Alma, I think you've done the right thing hiding the scales. I've probably put on half a stone overnight with water retention from all the booze and crisps and if I'd done my old daily habit of weighing myself this morning, I'd be on another diet by tomorrow morning!

Harta...welcome. of course you can join in. Always good to have someone else on board.

Hail....YES!!!!!!!!! I know EXACTLY what you mean about dinner.....so hard!!!!! Since I have been doing this we have had such a wider variety of dinners.....things I would have considered "bad".....enchiladas, toad in the hole, burgers, PIE!!!!!! All soooooo good!!!!!

Book....you are my hero! I love that even afyer a party you have control of yourself!

This is a really great thread! I read Beyond Chocolate years ago but never really followed the rules of it. For me I'm quite happy with the way I look but I feel uncomfortable (am a good 3-4 stone heavier than I need to be). However I can't seem to lose the weight. I stopped dieting a while ago but I tend to eat badly. I need to be eating more vegetables and I'm aware the food I am eating makes me feel unhealthy but I just keep eating the same things! I don't want to diet but if every day I am eating a bacon and egg sandwich for breakfast, a chicken sandwich for lunch, chinese takeaway for dinner and snacks of pizza slices or ice cream I know I'm not doing the best for my own body! That's what I need to sort out but my terrible diet seems to be a habit. I need to sort it out. But as for "dieting" no I won't be doing that ever again. I lost 4 stone about 10 years ago (I regained it obviously) and when I was thin I was more selfconscious and obsessive about my size than when fat! I'd like to be a bit overweight but not obese. Just not sure how I get to that point.

Hello, I lost this thread for awhile. Couldnt find it for some reason. So glad its still going as actively giving up dieting is very hard. Its going against the norm that we as women are brought up to do. Isnt it weird that we do diet? That we are so messed up about something so simple. We need food to survive and grow and repair each and every day. Food shouldnt be the cause of all are problems. Giving up dieting and relearning how to eat like a "normal" person with no food issues is hard. However it can be done and in some ways its like giving up drugs or alcohol. Some may not think its that serious but when you have disordered eating or bulimia or even anorexia then it really is an issue to you. The difference being that we do need food. We have no choice but to eat or die. So its often easiest to just take this one day at a time. A food diary can be handy as you can write down what you eat and also write down your feelings and emotions. I find this good to try and understand what makes me use food the way I do. eg why I may eat something .

Just had a life coaching session. (A friend was asking if anyone wanted to try it as her friend needed clients to practice on). It was my third session and all three have been focused on my eating habits.
Question I had at the end today was: alot of my eating is emotional. I would guess for many of you it's the same. What do "normal eaters" do to handle their emotions other than turn to food? E.g. when I'm angry I turn to food. What do others do? I'd like some useful habits to turn too. Can anyone help?

Hail I have learnt that normal eaters dont turn to food to sort out their feelings. They have no need to. Food is what they turn to for hunger. I find that when we turn to food when we are upset or angry or hurt or scared that we are actually eating our feelings. Pushing them down with food. So maybe talking about them or writing them down or therapy is the way forward.

Very kind of you to say that, sweet! I think the key though is that I DON'T have control of myself, because that implies I'm setting rules about eating and I'm doing the opposite of that after reading what Isobel Foxen Duke said about only falling off a bandwagon when you're on one in the first place. So I'm not following rules or managing what I eat. I'm just eating. Yesterday I craved clean, healthy food (steamed broccoli and salmon) during the day, probably to counter all the salt I consumed at the weekend, but by the evening I was wanting French Onion soup and Mini Cheddars and leftover Ferrero Rocher and that was fine too! But you know what was really amazing about yesterday? Someone posted pictures on FB from the party and I loved how I look in them! I was wearing something that wasn't too tight – ie, something that's my current size and not something I wish was my size! – had done my make-up, hair and nails and I looked happy and relaxed and whisper it pretty hot if I say so myself! It's been a long time since I've looked at a photo of myself and not forensically examined it for how fat I look. Another breakthrough!

Hail Yep, my eating has always been emotional. Now I'm having to deal with those emotions when they rise, which sucks. I always feel tight in the chest when I'm stressed and I've realised that eating junk makes that feeling go away. So now I'm trying to deal with problems the minute they arise and see if I can make the tightness go away on my own. It's bloody hard though and if I do still succumb to making the feeling disappear under a mountain of crisps I'm not beating myself up. It's still early days.

Bookworm loved what you said about control. It's so easy to let rules slip back in isn't it. What a happy feeling it must be to look at that photo and approve of yourself . It's funny how I look back at photos taken when I was younger and think how good I looked. Yet at the time I know I felt too big and not pretty enough. But you know what, I looked lovely.

I've spent hours trawling through old facebook photos looking for pics I like of myself and then looking back to that date in my diary to see how much I weighed........yes I do have my weight recorded at various points during the year - going back over 10 years I'm ashamed to say!

The thing is I agree with Milly - although I look back at those photos and wish I still looked like that I know at the time the photo's were taken I STILL wanted to look different!

I wonder if when I get my new diary at xmas I will be able to resist the temptation to transfer the weight record into the new year...........?

Loved what I read in a book! Feelings are meant to be felt not fed!

Sweetheart that's interesting, recording your weight for 10 years. How has it changed during the ten years? If I think back to 2008 then my weight is still the same. I feel that's an achievement in itself as I have been eating this way since before then. I do try and walk a lot and do light weights to keep muscle strength.

Milly - there is about 4 stone between my lightest and heaviest weight over this period (10 - 14 stone). I am currently sat at about half way. I have periods of several years where I have maintained a weight so from 2007 - 2014 I was fluctuating at the lower end of the weight, then I got massive for a couple of years and now I seem to have settled at about the half way point.

I was pretty grumpy at the lowest weight, I spent hours and hours at the gym and hardly ate but if I'm honest I would like to be 1 stone lighter than I am now.