I've actively decided to STOP DIETING!

[Sweetheart]

I had a long chat with some female friends of mine recently that made me really think about why I'm ALWAYS on a diet. I realised that I have pretty much been on a constant diet for the last 20 years (my entire adult life) which made me so sad! I realised that I've never really been happy with my weight and how I look and to be honest probably never will be! I'm actually not even sure that how I want to look is even attainable.

So there it is - I've decided to STOP dieting. I'm currently not at my heaviest but not at my lightest either. The weight I am now I have been hovering around for about 5 months so I'm just going to try and stick at this weight for a while and learn to actually eat normally - not constantly counting everything, weighing everything, sticking to the god forsaken rules!

I've had a few scary realisations this week........1. I am so out of tune with hunger - when I actually want or need to eat.

1. I think about food all the time - probably because I'm so deprived. I asked dh the other day why he never eats anything after our evening meal and he told me he just never thinks about food - this was a revelation to me.....I think about it constantly.
2. I don't think I've set a good example to my kids over the years. It can't be good for them to watch mum eat a salad whilst they tuck into the normal evening meal........or to watch mum weighing and measuring every bit of food......or to watch mum have a juice / shake in place of a proper meal.

I'm hoping the freedom from dieting will teach me how to actually eat normally for the 1st time in my adult life.

The only things I am imposing on myself are:-
Plenty of water each day
Try to only eat when I am actually hungry (this is a tricky one to figure out)

Has anyone ever had any experience of this? Or am I just going to end up even fatter and back on the next fad diet?

Makes sense to me! I've done similar. I only started gaining weight when I went on a diet for the first time. It's been all downhill since then. I do eat organic now and also try to make health choices but I also eat BBQ chicken wings and Zumbo cakes lol.

Sweet, I was the same on Friday and just chalked it up as one of those things. I bet you'll be fine again today.

Almahart, that blog is amazing, isn't it! I think the no rules bit is what's resonated most for me too - that if I try to force myself to follow rules for intuitive eating I'll only break them too and will be back at square one. I really get how she says it's simply another diet - the "hunger and full" diet!

So my body is saying it would like bread and butter, but interestingly it really doesn’t want any wine.

On the first day of doing this I also felt unbelievably angry.

I really want to stick with this - anyone want to keep me company?

A1

Count me in Almahart. It's been six weeks since I last weighed myself, after I reached rock bottom with a massive binge that left me in tears. But I've been trying to give up dieting on and off for six years - every time I'd panic, weigh myself, be upset at the gain, start dieting again, repeat and rinse. I don't know why, but this time something has properly shifted and I know I won't weigh myself ever again, because it's that sodding stupid number on the scales that makes me diet. Every. Single. Time. So I've decided just to accept my body with all its flaws in its current form and hopefully start eating like a normal person. I'm having days where I crave veggies and others where I mainline tortilla chips. But it's very slowly starting to balance out and my clothes feel looser. As I mentioned on an earlier post, I've also ditched underwire bras, so in general I'm feeling more comfortable in my clothes than I have in a long while! It's made such a difference to my mental approach - I don't feel fat any more (even though I'm overweight) because my clothes aren't digging in. I realised that the sensation of feeling restricted by my clothes is what makes me weigh myself in a panic - if I felt fat, I must be fat. So switching to soft bras has really helped!

Sorry, meant to say the anger is completely normal. It's that realisation of what you've put yourself through in the pursuit of being thin and how pointless it was, because the diet industry doesn't want you to succeed!

I’ve also realised that my mum was permanently on a diet in the 80s and they were often quite extreme so I think I took that on. Interestingly she has been eating intuitively for about five years now (and has lost loads of weight)

My mum was the same - I remember one summer she lived on nothing but Ryvita and grapefruit! This is a large part in why I've given up dieting. My daughter is pre-teen and I don't want her influenced by my habits.

Sorry for my absence - It's been a tough weekend including a bereavement which has unfocused me - today I'm determined to do better - and will start with a head clearing blast at the gym!

Mym mum was also on a diet her entire life - she won slimmer of the year once after being prescribed some tablets by her GP - turns out they are now what we would class as amphetamines - she says being skinny was the most miserable time of her life.

Whoever chose my lunch for me last week by the way - WELL DONE YOU!!!! My giant cous cous, roasted veg, halloumi and chicken was amazeballs

That was me, Sweet! Glad it hit the spot!

I’d love to give up dieting but I don’t want to maintain my weight when I am 3 stone too heavy! Can you actually lose weight by giving up on dieting??

Very sorry to hear that sweetheart

I don’t know why it has taken me so long to put two and two together wrt my mum and diets. I wasn’t overweight as a child or a young adult, but have been on and off diets since I had children and am now hurtling towards 50 and unable to fit into many of my clothes

I want to find a way of eating that is going to work for without making me feel deprived and which doesn’t depend on sheer empower. Cos I don’t have any

persianpeach I know exactly what you mean - I'm almost two stone heavier than I'd like to be. The thing is, from everything I've read on the subject and from what others have said on here, if weight loss is still your ultimate goal then you might not be mentally ready to give up dieting or might find it hard if you tried. It seems that to really succeed you have to accept the size you are at the point you give up which is often when you've hit rock bottom and what giving up dieting does help you achieve is not gaining any more weight, which is what will most likely happen if you continue on the diet cycle. That said, lots of people HAVE lost weight following intuitive eating, including Alma's mum and this neuroscientist who did a brilliant TED talk on the subject that's definitely worth watching. But it's not a quick fix to lose weight, if you see what I mean.

Crikey, sorry for your loss sweet, I missed that in your post. I hope you're okay.

I think that’s right, logically if you eat what your body craves then over time you will lose some weight

But I have to say I’m finding it very hard not to cling onto the hope of losing weight!

I think I will put the scales away as I have a wierd thing where if I lose a couple of pounds I throw caution to the wind and put them back on again

Putting mine away is the only reason I'm able to do this, Alma! I've now given myself a deadline - I last weighed myself at the beginning of October and the next time I weigh myself will be October 2019. A whole year with no weigh in... eek! But I think it's the only way I can break the habit.

Hi all, sorry for being quiet recently - I am struggling.

I'm pretty emotional at the moment and it's having an effect on my eating.

Last night after lasagna for dinner I had some caramalised nuts, a milkyway bar, half a choc muffin and a vodka. I was not hungry - I was sad.....but I recognise it so I suppose that's the main thing right - and I can only hope that each day I will feel a bit less sad and the eating will fall back into line.

I'm also finding that in the run up to Christmas there is lots of yummy food about - which of course is no longer banned so it's in my house - whereas it probably wouldn't usually be.

I went out to the garage at 8pm Sunday night to buy ice cream - I never would have done that on a diet. I'm not sure if that's a good sign of progress or a bad sign that I've lost perspective on what I want to achieve.

I'm still trying to be mindful but I am overwhelmed by my sadness at the moment.

I hope others are doing ok - sorry for such a maudlin post x

Sorry to hear you're struggling. Going through a bereavement at the same time you're trying to wrap your head around not dieting must be really, really tough. I would cut yourself some slack and try not to worry if there are moments when you're not eating particularly mindfully. If ice cream is what your body needs right now to make you feel better, eat the ice cream.

So sorry things are so difficult sweetheart. Please don’t beat yourself up, it’s a long road xx

Thank you BookwormMe I think that is a really valid point you made about excepting who you are overweight and all at the time you begin non-dieting.
Sweetheart as the others have said just cut yourself some slack do whatever you need to function and get through this difficult time. Be kind to you. You deserve whatever it takes to help you through. Sending you hugs 🤗 xx

I'm reading this thread at work while listening to Natalie Merchant's 'Motherland' album.

The song 'Tell Yourself' has just come on, and it's spookily apt.

I got on the scales this morning, and I'm the heaviest I've ever been, apart from when pregnant/newly post-partum.

I'm struggling, but I cannot and will not go on a diet. This thread is giving me strength. Thank you.

Thanks so much all - today is a better day, I don't feel tearful all the time. I have brought a salad to work with me today - first time since I started this but do you know what - I have a lovely fresh lamb samosa today that I brought from a food market yesterday and I just thought a lovely fresh salad would go with it really nicely. I am looking forward to lunch

Todays main goal - stay off the booze! I tend to hit the bottle in times of distress (another issues to address as another time lol) - which of course then sends food into a spiral too - drunk munchies or hangover feasting.

Keep going everyone - I'm really chuffed that my random internet ramblings a few weeks ago has turned into something so much more for me and other people.

I think I may have just used the work fresh a bit too much lol

I'm with you OP, in the new year I'm going down a similar route as well. I've been on and off crash diets since I've been about 12ish, I'm 23 now and have no issue with my weight or how I look, my concern is my health. But like you I think about food constantly, don't drink enough water or know when I'm hungry. I've taken to having an empty glass in my eyeline as often as possible to remind me to get up and drink. Yesterday I decided to wait till I was hungry to eat, but because I'm so out of it I ate a cheese and pek chop pork toastie at midnight because that's when I was hungry. Not a healthy meal or time to eat by any means (I'm a student and trying to use up what I have in the cupboards before I go home) but I want to respond to my body when it's hungry so I get used to it and then I can work on timings of meals.