I've actively decided to STOP DIETING!

[Sweetheart]

I had a long chat with some female friends of mine recently that made me really think about why I'm ALWAYS on a diet. I realised that I have pretty much been on a constant diet for the last 20 years (my entire adult life) which made me so sad! I realised that I've never really been happy with my weight and how I look and to be honest probably never will be! I'm actually not even sure that how I want to look is even attainable.

So there it is - I've decided to STOP dieting. I'm currently not at my heaviest but not at my lightest either. The weight I am now I have been hovering around for about 5 months so I'm just going to try and stick at this weight for a while and learn to actually eat normally - not constantly counting everything, weighing everything, sticking to the god forsaken rules!

I've had a few scary realisations this week........1. I am so out of tune with hunger - when I actually want or need to eat.

1. I think about food all the time - probably because I'm so deprived. I asked dh the other day why he never eats anything after our evening meal and he told me he just never thinks about food - this was a revelation to me.....I think about it constantly.
2. I don't think I've set a good example to my kids over the years. It can't be good for them to watch mum eat a salad whilst they tuck into the normal evening meal........or to watch mum weighing and measuring every bit of food......or to watch mum have a juice / shake in place of a proper meal.

I'm hoping the freedom from dieting will teach me how to actually eat normally for the 1st time in my adult life.

The only things I am imposing on myself are:-
Plenty of water each day
Try to only eat when I am actually hungry (this is a tricky one to figure out)

Has anyone ever had any experience of this? Or am I just going to end up even fatter and back on the next fad diet?

I did hypnosis and it changed my hunger fullness signal in that when I'm satisfied there is a feeling in my chest that tells me I can't eat anymore. It's good.

Workout wise - it sounds like a lot but to be honest most of my workouts are in my lunch break so I can only manage about 35 minutes. I try and do all 5 lunchtimes and do a mix of cardio / weights / circuits / swimming. 3 evenings a week I do longer classes - an hour of pilates, an hour toning class and a 45 min spin class. Saturday and Sunday I try and do at least 1 x 45min spin (sometimes 2). This is a full week - I'm not perfect and sometimes a lunchtime gets missed or my Friday evening spin gives way for an evening up the pub.

I don't find that exercise really effect's my weight - I can do loads or none and it really doesn't make much difference. For me weight is more effected by the food I eat. I have read that diets are 90% diet and 10% exercise so perhaps this is true. I do find it keeps me more toned - which can sometimes make you seem heavier.

For me exercise is more about health - I have a strong family history of heart disease and diabetes so keeping fit helps to combat both of those.

Sweetheart Wow...well done you. I know if I did all that I would definitely lose weight. Quickly too. My body responds to it very well . Am starting new sessions next week. Have committed to 6 days a week (have a gym purpose built in garden) with a drawn up plan. Food is fine for me as I don't gain and often leave food in my plate if I'm satisfied. Went out for cake and coffee yesterday and only ate half before being satisfied. I know diets will never work but I do want to be more toned.

It frustrates and infuriates me massively that I dedicate so much time to exercise and i don't see any reward or benefit from it. After years of doing it I'm still a flabby fucker and it makes me really cross - I must be doing something wrong! I have had PT's before but still never achieved the body of my dreams

Sweetheart that's why I suggested Lucy. You can do longer workouts or triple them up but they are designed to be short but work all muscle groups and they do work up a sweat. I looked at the reviews and she has a big following of women who's shapes have changed with her workouts when they had been spending hours at gym achieving nothing. Anna saccone Joly has an eating disorder which she got therapy for but she trained with Lucy and has lost all her baby weight (four months) without dieting at all. She eats loads and loves cake. Maybe you could have a try. Cheaper than giving money to the gym and getting no where.

Thanks Milly - I did give one of her 7 minute workouts a go the other day but to be honest it barely raised my heart rate at all.

I also find if I exercise at home there is always something more pressing that needs to be done. Going to the gym is like an appointment for me so I very rarely duck out of it. Also I feel like I get my monies worth - I go so often I reckon it works out less than £2 per visit which is much cheaper than any classes round here at about £5 a pop. Plus I get a benefit at work which covers half my gym membership each year.

Dh announced last night that he "wants to loose his belly so we have to eat healthy next week" Guess that means the whole house is on the verge of a diet - ekkkk!

I think your meant to do the 7 minute workout x 3 for your level of fitness. If you can I would take up running instead. Burns fat, tones up quickly. He can eat how he wants, doesn't mean you have to go back to a dieting mindset. It won t last for him anyway so you will derail yourself unnecessarily and end up back to square one if you join him. Just cook meals you want and if he wants them leave out extra potatoes etc. You don't have to succumb to the diet mindset. Try explaining to him that if he listens to his hunger and just cuts back (ie stopping when satisfied) he will lose weight. Maybe you could run together.

And looking at your previous post Sweetheart why keep doing what doesn't work. You've been doing this exercise format for years and you've said you are stilly flabby. Why keep paying regardless of it being subsided. Something needs to change as if your doing all that exercising (and it is a lot) and you don't time or lose any body fat and replace it with muscle, then it's obviously not working.

"Tone"

I had in eating disorder for most of my 20s. So I totally understand when you say you think about food all the time. It becomes an obsession and the need to control how much you eat takes over your life. I'm so glad you've decided this isn't a healthy way to live. That's the biggest step!
It'll be a hard start to be honest. You have to retrain your brain and body.
The one thing that,for me, has been the ultimate game changer is choosing a healthy eating and exercise lifestyle that I not only enjoy bit can maintain. I don't want to be miserable and I want to be able to enjoy dates with my husband and nights out having cocktails. I dont want to obsess over my calories but want to still maintain my weight.
So I eat healthily but don't weigh my food. I find the 18:6 intermittent fasting works for me. I have treats but don't over indulge. I go to the gym. If I have a blow out I just add a day or two extra gym workout.
I buy myself sexy clothes even when I've gained a bit of weight. This helps me not obsess over not looking "good" and therefore keep everything in perspective.

Hi Milly - I have tried running - I actually did a half marathon a couple of years ago, I didn't loose any weight from all the training I did for that either. I just think my body doesn't really react in that way to exercise and as I've said for me it's much more about a healthy heart and reducing the risk of diabetes.

I'd love to have so much money I could have a really in depth analysis of my body carried out. It takes a lot for me to loose weight - and believe me I have tried every possible method. And I have tried multiple ways of exercising over the years without much considerable success in terms of weight loss or muscle tone. I think I must just be destines to be the way I am!

Dh is much better than me to tuning into hunger - for example after our evening meal he never eats a thing - whereas I always find myself craving something extra in the evenings. He can have 1 beer and feel satisfied whereas I will drink a whole bottle of wine without even really thinking about it.

Felicia4 so you do the intermittent fast diet where you only eat in a 6 hour window (disordered eating right there) you eat "healthy " (disordered eating again as food is food. Not healthy or unhealthy unless you have issues around good and so called bad food) then if you overeat you go burn it off with exercise. Sorry but this is still disordered eating just dressed up in another way. I've spent years stopping disordered eating. Putting food back in its rightful place. Eat when hungry, stop when satisfied. Exercise is brilliant as long as it's something you want to do.

Well do next

@Milliy sorry meant 16:8, wasn't paying attention.
And it may be, in your opinion, still a disordered way to eat, but it works for me and is not going to land me in hospital again near death. So I'm good with it. It's also approved by my GP and counsellor.

Felicia4 Good for you but this is about giving up all forms of dieting. You are still controlling your food intake though through enforced fasting times of only eating in an 8 hour window. Exercising on extra days in order to burn of extra calories and giving foods healthy and non healthy values. My psychologist would not think this a healthy mindset to be in for someone that has previously had an eating disorder. For me it had to be completely stopping all forms of controlling food. To stop listening to the voice in my head that wants me to fast, wants me to say I'm eating healthily or wants me to do more exercise solely for the purpose of burning calories overeaten.

Felicia4 Good for you but this is about giving up all forms of dieting.

Agree. This is a thread specifically set up to support MNetters who have given up dieting and don't want to fall back into the mindset of thinking they should embark on another one. 16:8 is a diet. There are threads dedicated to intermittent fasting that you might find more useful, Felicia4.

Actually, my mistake, the thread wasn't set up specifically for that, it was Sweetheart writing about wanting freedom from dieting. But it is what the thread has morphed into.

What's your BMI Sweetheart? if you don't mind me asking.

The OP asked if anyone had experienced being obsessed with dieting and then deciding to stop.I shared my experience. I didn't say it was right or wrong.
Thank you though for your opinions

Felicia4 but you haven't stopped dieting. 18:6 / 5:2 is a diet. You are controlling your weight through external rules.

Hi BookwormMe2 . How are you doing?

Yes Milliy you are absolutely right.

Hey Milliy, I'm doing well, thanks. Emotionally it's a tough time, there's so much to sort out helping my mum after my nan's death, but eating wise I appear to have really levelled out. Food has become background noise, if that makes sense, instead of a constant focus. I still have the odd bout of overeating and I don't always pick the healthiest choice available, but I have noticed those occasions are becoming less frequent. I'm not eating 100% mindfully though, because I'm very aware of what Isabel Foxen Duke says about falling into another diet trap with the 'hunger and fullness diet'. I don't want to make that mistake while I'm still in recovery, so to speak. Instead, I'm eating calmly! I am more relaxed around food than I have been in years.

How are you and how's everyone else doing?

Reading Sweetheart's post about exercise has got me thinking about really tackling my fitness and upping what I do. I suspect you are far more toned than you think you are, Sweet, because how could you not be doing swimming (my favourite exercise) and all that other stuff?! I wonder if the diet mentality has warped how you see yourself in the mirror still. I know it's definitely done that to me. My figure is actually in good shape, I'm just bigger overall, which isn't the worst thing in the world!

BookwormMe2 not an easy time for you. The hunger thing for me seems to happen naturally . If I'm busy I forget to eat until my body is screaming at me. Often I eat and really enjoy it and then there is a little feeling under my ribs that says "I'm done". It's not using a hunger scale , just my body telling me I'm satisfied. If I eat till full I often feel a bit sick and I don't like that feeling. It's getting to know your own body I guess. Your right though, if I only checked in and ate solely on the basis of a hunger scale, that could become obsessive too. Sweetheart does seem to do a lot of exercise and it's difficult to work out why she is not toned. She works really hard at it.