The Giving Up Diets For Good Support Thread 1

[WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo]

Lately there have been a few threads lately from Mumsnetters who are either desperate to get off the treadmill of dieting, or who have already made the decision to quit but are struggling to eat normally again after depriving themselves for so long (like this one and this one). A few of us agreed that a dedicated thread to those giving up dieting was worth setting up, so here it is. We've put it in Weight Loss Chat because it most likely place for people to find us because, let's face it, it's trying to succeed and failing at weight loss that has brought us to this point.

This thread is a place for people to seek support from others in the same boat. It is NOT a thread on which to recommend diets. However well-meaning your intentions may be by doing that, please understand that the reason we are all on this thread is because we've reached the point where we know diets simply don't work for us and we are looking for another way to maintain our health and overcome the psychological issues that years of dieting and disordered eating has inflicted upon us. If anyone persists in promoting diets, we shall - in the nicest possible way! - ask you to remove your post or get MNHQ to do it for us.

So… I should probably start with myself. I'm 45 and I began dieting at 15 when the puppy fat kicked in. I wish to God I'd never, ever started. I have been and off diets my entire adult life and, yes, at times I've been thin(ish). But it was after losing 2.5 stone on WW after my DD was born and then piling straight back on that I began to realise dieting was making my weight issues worse, not better - not to mention fuelling the binge eating that I've struggled with since I was 15.
That was about six years ago when the penny began to drop. I last dieted in autumn last year, by calorie counting, and after initial success the same thing happened - the weight returned and I began to eat like crazy. So I stopped for good. I'm done. I can't diet any more.
Right now I'm doing okay. I threw out my scales and I've been following up on some recommendations by fellow MNetters - I read Brain Over Binge, which is excellent at unpicking why we overeat, and also looked at this website which is full of useful tips. But it's really hard at times, isn't it? I know my clothes are a bit tighter but I'm trying to ignore the panic that makes me want to diet again. Not knowing how much I've gained does help though - ditching the scales is my #1 tip.
Anyone else got any other words of wisdom for the early stages of giving up? I know some MNetters are at the year mark of no dieting - please come and tell us how you kept going!

Can I join you? I have such a fucked up relationship with food. I am a binge eater and this has held me for 20 years plus. I have also come to realise it's the dieting that has pushed me this way, I am either 'good' or 'bad' no middle ground. I am not over weight (having lost some last year through illness) but binging has its hold.

Since last summer I have been trying so hard to eat at least 2 meals a day instead of binging my way through and mostly I have succeeded. Problem is I'm still obsessed with food and my weight. It's a horrid vicious circle. I will follow with interest and thanks for starting this thread op

Bored xx

Welcome onboard Bored! Yep, I hear you. Being in the grip of binging is exhausting, not to mention the health implications of doing it for so long. If you haven't read it already, do look at Brain Over Binge - it really does help unlock the reasons why we binge. It might help. Someone on another thread also said you can self-refer for counselling through your local NHS - it might be worth exploring as well, because bingeing is a psychological issue as much as a physical one.

Morning,

I’m messy, I’m 27 and there’s a distinct possibility I have binge eating disorder.

I’m currently 48 hours binge free, we’ll see how we go on I guess!

I'm in. My story is almost exactly the same as yours, What. I have tried to stop before and thrown away scales but replaced them. I currently weigh myself about once a fortnight. I'm trying to look at things in terms of health and fitness. We're eating really well as a family - lots of interesting veg. Really enjoying cooking again after decades of weighing stuff or substituting ingredients.

Hi op yes I have read that a while ago now. I think I need to refresh. Have you read never binge again by Glen Livingstone? I found this rather insightful. The binge part of the brain is named the pig (our alter ego) and he advises you to ignore it, set firm rules so the pig can't control you. Sounds crazy but it has helped me separate me from the voice of that makes sense?! The real me wants to eat well, respect myself, make sensible choices and enjoy food. The pig begs for one last binge, it tells me I might as well give up as it'll always control me.....it helps as I tell the pig to F off in my head!!!

It's free to download on kindle.

I've given up dieting. I'm reading "Why Diets make us fat" by Sandra Aamodt.

www.ted.com/talks/sandra_aamodt_why_dieting_doesn_t_usually_work/up-next

She gave up dieting herself and as a neuroscientist looked into why they don't work long term.

It's quite liberating. I've been on a diet pretty much since I was 14. On between I've fallen into binge eating.

I'd also recommend watching the . It's by an Australian woman who decided to give up dieting after years of yo-yo weight loss and she goes around the world discussing attitudes to diets and body image. It's really enlightening - and at times very emotional to watch. I think you can download it from itunes now.

Yes, that is a brilliant TED talk Tufted! Everyone should watch it. What stage are you at now? Have you quit dieting?

Sorry, missed the bit where you said you have! How long since you gave up?

Bishopton I weigh weekly. I put my scales in my loft so I can't reach them easily. I feel I'm still a slave to the numbers. Today I was 9st 10lbs this is something I celebrate as it's low for me. Really I should think well done bored you've maintained for months now. The reality is I like being thin and food still controls me big time. I have a new 5 month relationship and confessed all to him last week, it sort of made me realise how bad I am saying it out loud.

Seeing his relationship with food and how he eats normally is so different to mine. I obsess, I feel guilt and disgust if I over eat. He will over eat one day but is back to normal the next, no guilt no obsession.... oh how I'd love to be like that!

I read Never Binge Again last summer bored and while it's a bit left-field in its approach, it's really good. And it's a free download!

Welcome too Bishop and Messy. Messy, it was your thread that made us think we need to set this one up. THANK YOU.

I don't know, the author of brain over binge is really adamant that ultimately counselling didn't help and that for her bingeing was a straightforward physiological reaction to dieting. That explanation really resonated with me, because I've spent a lot of time analysing my bingeing and got nowhere.

But great idea for a thread. I think dieting is utterly useless and destructive. And as a society, it does seem that the more we diet the fatter we get.

I think I'm about a week and a bit in. Not sure exactly. I haven't weighed myself, although the scales are still in the bathroom staring at me.

Binge eating for me is definitely directly related to dieting. So when I feel I've lost it for the day/week. Or when I'm not dieting, but know I'm going to start again next week. So I try and "make the most of it"

Last night I went to supermarket and after a stressful day was going to buy chocolate. But I thought about it, I wasn't hungry, I didn't even really fancy chocolate. It was a reaction to I'm stressed, therefore I deserve chocolate. So I didn't get it.

Bored It's brilliant you've been able to open up to your new BF. I still haven't told my DP of 12 years the extent of my disordered eating - I think he suspects how bad it has been - because by its very nature it's a secretive illness. Perhaps saying it out loud would help.

I'm concentrating on exercise, and really coming at it from the point of view of getting fitter and stronger, not thinner. I feel really good it.

And I'm hungrier too, but that's fine. I'm eating when I feel hungry and sometimes when I don't - if I fancy something I have it. But I haven't binged iyswim, that's a totally different thing to just eating something you fancy.

I like the idea if intuitive eating but I don't think I'm ready for that yet - it would be too easy for me to slip back into food restriction (inevitably followed by a binge) so for now I'll stay away.

Hello, I’d like to join this thread please! I’m 43 and I’ve stopped dieting and weighing myself, but I still don’t have a good relationship with food, so that is my ultimate goal.

The last few weeks have been bad! I’ve been having a busy and stressful time for various different reasons (work, kids, house) and have been eating too much to reward myself. I need to get out of the ‘reward’ mindset and focus on whether I am actually hungry or not. I need to stop snacking mindlessly and think about what I am putting in my mouth.

My weight is in the BMI ‘overweight’ category and when I had a cholesterol test recently it was slightly on the high side.

I love food! All food - healthy and unhealthy. I like to cook too.

The one thing I am proud of is that my DC have a good relationship with food so far. They’re really good at eating when hungry and stopping when full. However, the eldest is 12, so I realise the tricky teen years are still to come!

I’ve just bought Brain Over Binge on kindle.

I contacted BEAT yesterday and was put in touch with a Councillor who I basically ranted at for an hour . He asked some guided questions and has agreed that I very much fit the criteria for BED. He’s suggested I book an appointment with my nurse practitioner (don’t want to see a GP) as soon as possible and to tell her BEAT have referred me for formal diagnosis. This will help me access theropy and in the meantime, he’s signed me up for the BEAT online group theropy session on friday night which is a group for BED sufferers.

In the meantime, I have to avoid dieting of any kind and I’ve got to try not to weigh myself. I must also focus my energy on tryIng to avoid a binge, but if it happens I need to write down why and take that to my nurse practitioner appointment.

We had to do the weekly shop last night and I completely freaked out because I’d been told not to diet. WTF how do you decide what to eat?? I completely lost the plot so DH took over and made all the decisions bless him. He’s also going to cook so I can’t mentally calorie count until I’ve had some treatment.

Nightmare.

Well done mrspotty for raising children who have a good relationship with food. My daughter is the same as yours and I am SO proud of that. I've always been so careful not to talk about dieting or weight around her and I refused permission for the school to weigh her because I didn't want her starting a relationship with the scales so unnecessarily young.
Dieting only became popular in the Seventies and growing up then I saw my mum follow every one that came into being. For years she lived on Ryvita and marg [yuck] at lunchtime for years and now, in her 60s, she has a warped attitude to food. I do not want to be her age and worrying about the size of my arse.

Sorry, mrsPEPPERpotty! Although mrspotty is funny too!

The BEAT referral sounds really promising Messy. Is that a nationwide service they offer? I reckon quite a few of us would benefit from speaking to one of their counsellors.
What a lovely DH you have. I would love mine to take charge of the shopping and cooking for a bit! Having to think about food, even healthy meals for the family, is part of the battle.

I just had a bit of an epiphany. By setting up this thread, I've pretty much made it impossible for me to ever contemplate going on another diet - how can I when I've made such a public declaration of giving up? And you know what, I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT! So thanks ladies, for giving me a reason to stick to this.

Yep, there’s a helpline number on the BEAT website, I just called that as a starting point and they talked me through all the options and let me talk about my symptoms. I can’t tell you how much of a relief it is to have someone just say to you ‘you’re not mad, this sounds like an eating disorder and it’s not your fault’. Just that changes everything.

Can I join in? I’ve been diet free for about four months having realised I’ve been wasting money (thousands!), headspace and time on diets, and being bigger than ever! There a few resources that I’ve found invaluable, it’s such a sensitive subject and everyone’s different but these helped me:

Linda Tucker - a Facebook group, she’s an anti diet coach.

Love food podcast - letters from people to food, heartbreaking but really insightful

Anything Evelyn tribole (sp?) has written, done - she’s on loads of podcasts, love her voice, love her perspective.

This thread has happened at the perfect time, only this week I was thinking of low carbing for a few weeks just to get a few inches off - NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

And just to apologise, I didn’t post on the earlier threads, all the ‘have you tried... insert bullshit diet that only exists to make someone money here’ were pretty triggering for me. Looking forward to having this thread without the bollocks!