Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

The Giving Up Diets For Good Support Thread 1

213 replies

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 22/03/2018 06:35

Lately there have been a few threads lately from Mumsnetters who are either desperate to get off the treadmill of dieting, or who have already made the decision to quit but are struggling to eat normally again after depriving themselves for so long (like this one and this one). A few of us agreed that a dedicated thread to those giving up dieting was worth setting up, so here it is. We've put it in Weight Loss Chat because it most likely place for people to find us because, let's face it, it's trying to succeed and failing at weight loss that has brought us to this point.

This thread is a place for people to seek support from others in the same boat. It is NOT a thread on which to recommend diets. However well-meaning your intentions may be by doing that, please understand that the reason we are all on this thread is because we've reached the point where we know diets simply don't work for us and we are looking for another way to maintain our health and overcome the psychological issues that years of dieting and disordered eating has inflicted upon us. If anyone persists in promoting diets, we shall - in the nicest possible way! - ask you to remove your post or get MNHQ to do it for us.

OP posts:
Snowsnake · 22/03/2018 21:09

Yay what an amazing idea for a thread.im just about to read it all.well done to who ever thought this up😋

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 22/03/2018 21:16

Bingeing is often an avoidance tactic - better to stuff your face than have to deal with your emotions. So if you're now tackling your emotions head on, as you are now, it stands to reason you don't need the crutch of bingeing as much. I'm so impressed by how far you've come in just 48 hours.

OP posts:
WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 22/03/2018 21:17

You have Messy to thank, Snowsnake. She wrote an incredibly moving, very raw post about being at the end of her tether with dieting and it resonated with so many of us, so here we are. Welcome!

OP posts:
Snowsnake · 22/03/2018 21:19

Gettin on the scales in a morning ,has the power to either give a happy day,or absolutely ruin it,and that's before I even get dressed...I lost a lot of weight eating soup..then put it back on.ive had bulimia for over half my life..nasty little bitch of an illness,thankfully I nailed it over a year a go.hardest thing I've ever done,but I still binged ,just stopped the throwing up after....anyway I take a lot of vitamins now..well over the recommended amount ,iron,potassium,b d k magnesium,plus others ,I feel I may be turning a corner...

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 22/03/2018 21:23

That was me with the scales too Snowsnake - 1lb over and I would have the shittiest day, guaranteed. I threw mine out for good a few weeks ago (did it once, then went straight out and bought a new set Blush) and while it's been difficult to get my head round not knowing how much I weigh (and worrying that I've gained a stone because I'm not monitoring myself), it's also been liberating not being slave to a number.

Well done for stopping yourself from purging after a binge. How did you manage that?

OP posts:
Snowsnake · 22/03/2018 21:41

Sorry was just reading everyone's comments ....the talk of not eating your trigger foods .....this is my thought ,for what it's worth...so 25 yrs of bulimia,always always always crisps,I love the salty fatty taste...but In between binges I'm on a diet ,so no crisps.but crisps are my utterly favourite food,over anything..so it was a battle not to eat them,then I loose ,the binge starts ,and I think ok I'm binging ,I'm going to throw up ,I may as well "go for it" 6/7/8/9 packets of crisps later I'm chucking up..then a week of the diet ,no crisps,but I'm feeling deprived,so I binge again....I'm actually now nearly 2 years of no being sick..and I did it by allowing myself a packet of crisps every day with my lunchtime sandwich..no need to binge as I could have a packet the next day and the next and so on ...it really wasn't as simple as I just described,as it's taken 2 years..but yep,something as simple as just allowing myself to have my favourite food and not stopping myself from having it ...

Snowsnake · 22/03/2018 21:47

Tonight I had 2 squares of chocolate,and then I put the bar back in the cupboard for someone else to share...2 years a go id of eaten the lot...I've no idea how many calories I eat a day.dont really care.i do need to loose weight...but I know dieting won't help me.too many times I've lost weight only to put it all back on...my vitamins are playing a part in this I'm sure,I'd say to anyone get on every vitamin you can think of ..I honestly feel more balanced since I started taking them,so I think all that messing with food left me deficient

flapjackfairy · 22/03/2018 21:56

Hello everyone Can i join please ? in fact i cant believe this thread has popped up now as i have decided to jack the whole diet thing in just this week.
I love food and have struggled with eating / not eating / losing / gaining blah blah for nearly 40 yrs.
I must be mad . It makes me miserable and i am still overweight!
I lost a stone before xmas and you can guess the rest ! My dad has just died and emotional eating is raging and i feel like a worthless fat blob ! To make it worse my mother will comment next time she sees me no doubt and that only makes me eat more etc etc . You all know the drill i am sure.
Well i have decided i am done. I am reading Beyond Temptation by Sophie and Audrey Boss. I am determined not to ruin the rest of my days worrying about what i am eating so count me in .
Gosh it felt good just to get that down in words !

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 22/03/2018 22:07

I think there's definitely something in taking vitamin supplements when you give up dieting, Snowsnake. I've been taking one to help with symptoms of perimenopause (OH JOY) and I feel a billion times better now, so I do wonder if years of disordered eating played havoc with how my body absorbs nutrition as well as screwing with my head. And oh, do I hear you about crisps. I think the most I've eaten in one sitting is 10 packets. I don't avoid them now either and the allure is definitely waning.

Welcome to the thread flapjackfairy. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. Flowers You are understandably susceptible to emotional eating right now, but hopefully the thread will prove supportive. I read the Beyond Chocolate book by Sophie and Audrey a few years ago and it struck a chord. I didn't give up dieting then because I was still in the grip of it, but it helped plant the seed that lead me to now. Fingers crossed it will do the same for you.

OP posts:
MessyMcDoogle · 23/03/2018 07:01

Morning all.

I’ve got to a really interesting but in brain over binge. She’s currently talking about the strategy she used to recover, and she discusses a work called ‘rational recovery’ meant for alcoholics. The premise is that everyone has a part of their brain responsible for basic survival just like every other animal. It can’t control your arms, legs mouth etc etc it can only influence you to do things by making you feel and think.

This animal brain sometimes gets mixed up and grabs hold of something non essential to life as if you need it to survive. This can be drugs or alcohol or yes, food. The difference with food is you do need it to survive, but in some people this translates to very large quantities of food very quickly like the need to take a big gulp of air after you hold your breath.

Skadoosh. When we diet, to the animal brain it’s like we’re holding our breath hence it intensifies the thoughts and feelings it bombards us with to make us eat and creates the mental cravings you get particularly badly on a diet.

In the book, her solution is to treat the animal brain a bit like a zoo creature and observe its behaviour, using her ‘self’ (higher brain) to detatch from it and watch what it does as a sort of experiment. She says it was the realisation that the animal brain only controls thoughts and feelings and not physical actions that caused her to recover, because she realised you can’t rationalise with an animal, you just have to ignore it until it buggers off. The animal brain categorically cannot control your actions, that’s the work of the human, higher brain.

I’m going to try this next time I get an urge to binge. Although, I’ve got a distinct lack of urges at the moment. There’s been a couple of ‘but it’s friday’ whinges In my brain this morning but I’ve shut them down before they’ve become a complete thought let alone and actual urge. Tonight will be hard I imagine, weekends are a nightmare for me so hopefully this will help.

I think whether you call your animal brain your inner fat kid, the pig etc etc it’s all the same theory essentially just applied slightly differently.

I can’t quite picture mine yet, I’m not sure what my animal brain looks like and I think I need to figure this out, it will help me detach from it.

I’m on the train to work at the moment and feeling positive. I needed to work from
Home yesterday, that was a good decision. I haven’t cried since the nurse practitioner appointment and I’m feeling fairly strong.

Have a fab day everyone, remember to keep breathing Grin

CiderwithBuda · 23/03/2018 07:23

You sound very positive and self aware at the moment. Well done. Hope you have a good day.

Eolian · 23/03/2018 07:51

I think that makes a lot of sense, Messy. It's a bit like what it says on the eat normal site too. Dieting makes our body/animal brain frightened of being starved. It develops a desire to gulp down as much instant-high-reward food as fast as possible in case it doesn't get any more food! And once it's learnt that habit, it's hard to get rid of it except by looking after the animal really really well for ages by giving it all the good food it wants until it's reassured that you're not going to starve it again! At which point it might actually learn to regulate its appetite back to normal itself, in time.

MessyMcDoogle · 23/03/2018 09:29

It makes sense. I think how you visualise that is quite a personal thing. The animal brain analogy really resonates with me but I imagine it’s a different way of looking at the same thing.

I feel like I’ve been afraid of my animal brain because I’ve felt so controlled by it for so long, it’s that ‘if I don’t have a diet to control myself I’ll never stop eating’ thing. But realising it can’t control my arms and mouth and actually, it’s the animal brain that binges not the human one is really helpful. I feel like I can ditch dieting because my human brain controls the animal, not a diet.

Therefore what on earth do I need a diet for? All a diet is doing is giving the human brain an impossible framework to impose on the animal brain. It’s like saying ‘here, follow these rules!’ to a dog instead of training it to behave correctly Confused no wonder the animal brain gets confused.

Anyway, I’m doing lots and lots of thinking today and writing it down is helping loads. Having a place to chat about this stuff is fab, so thanks everyone for being here Flowers

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 23/03/2018 17:00

I'm finding this thread really inspiring too. Today I've got friends coming round for dinner and instead of being worried about what I should eat I'm cooking something I really like that I know our guests will and I've got stuff in for nibbles that would normally have me breaking out in sweat but, for the first time in a long time, I actually trust that I won't go mad and hoover up everything in sight.

The animal brain concept really struck a chord with me too when I read Brain Over Binge. It's like, why am I following someone's else's rules about what to eat when my body knows exactly what to do, if I just let it. Isn't it sad that we've bought into the idea peddled by the diet industry that we can't nourish our bodies as well as strangers do??? It's mad when you think about it!

OP posts:
mrspepperpotty · 23/03/2018 21:50

Hello again, I’m so interested to hear that crisps are the biggest trigger for both of you, olivia and snowsnake - me too!! My theory is that, as well as the saltiness, it’s something to do with the satisfying crunch when you bite into them? That’s the bit I picture when I’m craving them!

Good day here today Smile

BishopstonFaffing · 24/03/2018 11:11

I found myself thinking "No diets. Amazing idea. But I could just give up sugar too..."

I need some kind of brain reset button.

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 24/03/2018 14:31

So today's been an interesting one so far. After far too much prosecco last night with our friends, I inevitably have major hangover munchies and I am eating whatever crap I can get my hands on (although as I'm writing this I am snacking on fresh beetroot after getting a craving for it!). Yet for the first time in a long time I feel absolutely no guilt about it. I know that it isn't the start of a downward spiral into overeating, I'm not ruining my diet because I'm not on one and tomorrow I'll be fine again. My body might be struggling today after being pickled by booze but my mind feels healthier than it has in a long time. Grin Hope everyone else is doing well this weekend! (But if you're not and are struggling, come and get some moral support from the rest of us.)

OP posts:
WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 24/03/2018 14:32

mrspepperpotty I think it's the crunch factor too! When I was a dieter (I love saying it in the past tense!) I used to eat celery in the hope it would substitute the sensation. Well, we all know how that worked out... Hmm

OP posts:
CiderwithBuda · 24/03/2018 15:19

Well I like celery but it’s def not crisps! Grin

Having said that I had a proper packet of Walkers salt and vinegar last night having had lower calorie french fries ones for a while. I decided I now actually prefer the French fries ones.

My mind is mixed up too. Torn between my plan of just healthy foods and hoping my body will sort itself out and limiting calories or doing a form of intermittent fasting. Have a big holiday in November and I would love to be slimmer. So fed up being the fat one!

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 24/03/2018 16:58

This might sound a bit weird Cider but it could be that you're not ready to give up dieting yet and that it might need one more go, or even several, to finally convince you. It's taken me about six or seven years to accept that dieting doesn't work. On my last diet I was calorie counting using an app and doing okay on it, then I had a slip up day that turned into a long, angst-ridden month of bingeing and that's when I knew I couldn't face being on one ever again. I've now started telling people I've quit dieting so there's no going back!

OP posts:
Snowsnake · 24/03/2018 17:48

I'm actually having a wobble today...had to buy a larger size of gym gear...not been to gym since Xmas...not entirely my fault..but the fact I need a bigger size is....the old ones do fit ..just worried when I bend they may give out...so feeling aaaahhhhh today

MessyMcDoogle · 24/03/2018 18:12

Evening all. So far, BINGE FREE WEEKEND!! This hasn’t happened for a very very long time. I just need to get through tonight because DH is home with me tomorrow so it won’t be so hard.

Had a few odd cravings for binge foods but they’ve been really really easy to shut down because I just keep thinking ‘you’re not dieting, you can eat whatever you want so what do you actually want?’.. turned out I wanted a chicken stir fry not pizza ConfusedGrin

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 24/03/2018 18:38

I know it's easy for me to say Snowsnake, but I would just focus on the fact you're going back to the gym, which is a big positive in itself. You'll start feeling so much better when those endorphins kick in! And, as you said, it's not like the old fitness gear doesn't fit, you just want to feel comfortable. So you're not actually bigger at all.

Well done Messy, that is AMAZING! You should be so proud of yourself for how well you're doing. Your body must be thanking you for it, because you're giving it really healthy food and you're not even on a diet!! Grin

OP posts:
ShortandAnnoying · 25/03/2018 08:06

Hi Everyone thanks for answering my questions earlier. I had a read of the Eat like a normal person site and it was very interesting. Even though I'm not quite ready to give up diets myself it did make me think. In fact I've tried to raise my dd to be an intuitive eater. I read Paul McKenna I can make you thin when she was a baby, and he thinks most people start off as children with an inborn sense of how much they need and it only gets messed up if you stop paying attention to your hunger and fullness signals by dieting or overeating for some reason, or have health problems. I tried really hard to give her choices over what she eats and how much. So far it seems to have worked for her, although she is only 13, but she has not got that obsession with food I have and her appetite seems to match her needs. She hasn't grown any taller in the last year and her weight has also stayed the same. So my goal there will be to try to stop her going on a diet and messing up her natural systems.
So I hope you find this small bit of anecdotal evidence encouraging on your goals to eat normally.

@snowsnake just keep in mind what you told me about diets not working for you and just making you binge and gain more, and even if you have gained some weight it should come off naturally once your body gets back to its natural rhythms.

Snowsnake · 25/03/2018 08:49

Thanks Olivia and annoying..I know .i know..it's my own fault..every time I even try to give a bit of advice ,it's like my body says...errr not so fast ,you don't really know what yr doing ,...then I get a bad day ...still today is a new day 😁...on the plus side ,this time of year in the past I would of eaten ...and replaced ...quite a few of the kids Easter eggs ,before the bunny had even left them....so at least I'm not doing that .