The Giving Up Diets For Good Support Thread 1

[WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo]

Lately there have been a few threads lately from Mumsnetters who are either desperate to get off the treadmill of dieting, or who have already made the decision to quit but are struggling to eat normally again after depriving themselves for so long (like this one and this one). A few of us agreed that a dedicated thread to those giving up dieting was worth setting up, so here it is. We've put it in Weight Loss Chat because it most likely place for people to find us because, let's face it, it's trying to succeed and failing at weight loss that has brought us to this point.

This thread is a place for people to seek support from others in the same boat. It is NOT a thread on which to recommend diets. However well-meaning your intentions may be by doing that, please understand that the reason we are all on this thread is because we've reached the point where we know diets simply don't work for us and we are looking for another way to maintain our health and overcome the psychological issues that years of dieting and disordered eating has inflicted upon us. If anyone persists in promoting diets, we shall - in the nicest possible way! - ask you to remove your post or get MNHQ to do it for us.

Read "Why Diets make us fat" by Sandra Aamodt. It's really helping me with those urges. It's all the science but explained din layman's terms. It now seems so futile and ridiculous try and diet.

Hi, I know I'm later to the party, but can I join?

I come from a family of disordered water, from my Nan to my Mum, my Aunts, Sister and Cousins.

My trigger is chocolate. I eat it when I'm unhappy. I've recently started anti-depressants, for other issues and found that I'm eating better already and I've started running again.

My problem is that I find it 'easy' to cut calories. And lose weight. Then it just stops and I go back to bad habits.

I'm not dieting. I am trying to eat 'normally' and listen to my body. Am I hungry? If not, then I don't need to eat etc.

Sorry for the essay!

Thanks for popping back ShortandAnnoying. You sound like you're where I was a few years ago - not ready to give up dieting (in my case, for fear of never being able to control my eating and becoming even bigger) but also desperate to be a good role model to my daughter and help her avoid falling into the diet trap. She's younger than yours, only eight, and she can be a fussy eater at times (she has an aversion to fruit) but she eats intuitively and stops when she's full and understands her body needs decent food for fuel, so I'm optimistic for her future. And it's because I don't want her to ever see me dieting that I knew I HAD to give up. The thought of her suffering mentally over her weight for 30-odd years like I have makes me cry and if I can help her avoid that I need to do everything I can. But that involves me sorting my head out first, so that's what I'm trying to do now.

Snowsnake We all have bad days - that's why I set up this thread. Learning to eat normally again after decades of disordered eating isn't going to happen overnight. But the fact you've not eaten the kids' Easter Eggs is a good sign! I haven't bought ours yet, for that very reason!

Welcome to the thread CatsGoPurr! I think most of us have a family history similar to yours - my mum began dieting in the Seventies when it became really fashionable and in recent years I've realised my dad was obsessed with being slim (and still is) and would go on and on about how much I weighed as a teenager (because I piled on puppy fat) and I think a lot of my body issues stem from him saying I was getting big. Cheers dad!
I think you've hit the nail on the head too - it can be easy to lose weight but because diets are by nature so restrictive it doesn't address our bad habits. Diets just deny them and so they creep back in because it's not sustainable to eat so little for so long. Learning to eat normally is tough but it sounds like you're on the right track. I would suggest not denying yourself chocolate though, otherwise it's just another way of restricting yourself. It's best to learn how to eat it without wanting to binge on it - you may find you slip up at first, but eventually it should even out (that's what I'm telling myself about crisps!). Good luck!

You are SO right TuftedLadyGrotto! The more you read about the damage diets do, the more futile and ridiculous they seem. But we're fighting against a billion-dollar industry continually pushing the message that diets are the way you'll be slim and attractive, so it's an uphill battle.

I hate the 'letting yourself go' comments when I put on weight.
I equally hate people telling me how much 'better' I look when I'm smaller.
I dont want people to comment at all on my weight. Why the hell does anyone elsecare about it?

I also hate good/bad food.
Food is food. It isn't a punishment or a reward. And I've used it as both.

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo - you might be right. Given that it’s almost Easter and we have family coming for the weekend on Thursday I’m going to prioritise reading Why Diets Make Us Fat and eating healthy foods this week. Just trying to be aware of what I’m eating really.

I know exactly what you mean about one slip up leading to a month of crap.

Messy - well done on your progress! Chicken stirfry sounds yum.

Snowsnake - buying bigger gym gear would be frustrating. But you are buying gym gear! You are going to the gym! Well done. I’m going back to spinning tomorrow after a bit of a break. Also planning on getting back into walking.

Cats I think people comment because it's become so ingrained in society that thin = good and fat = lazy and stupid. I also used to be guilty of commenting on whether people had lost weight because I thought they would have the magic answer to MY weight issue, that if I found out how they'd lost weight I could do the same. I wonder if that's the same for a lot of people who ask.

Yep, I hate good/bad food too. At home we try to talk in terms of food that gives you energy, but the word "treat" creeps in too much. Trying to eradicate that.

Here you all are. Thanks for starting this thread oliviapope. As stated on Messy’s initial thread, my background is a lifetime of failed diets after watching my mother chronically diet - very openly - throughout my childhood. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been after a 2 year cycle of low carb, SW and WW. Can’t be arsed anymore, they don’t work. I too would also like to eradicate the word ‘treat’; and the phrase ‘no I can’t eat that, I’m being good’.

Afternoon all, just checking in after spending the morning at a fine foods market and thoroughly enjoying myself.

I had a hot chocolate and a biscuit (1 BISCUIT!!) last night and it was lovely. The idea of eating a single biscuit and reliably stopping is foreign to me, but again it was in that place where I thought ‘no need to eat all of them, you’re not starting a diet on Monday so there’s no need, just have them whenever you like’. Total revelation.

I’ve bought some gorgeous food to eat this week included by samosas and onion baaji’s for my lunches. Plan to have them with salad at work. I’ve got a pizza for dinner one night and also an artisan pie. All foods ‘banned’ previously which I love

Loving your updates Messy! When I think about how rock bottom you were when you started your thread the other day, to hear how positive your mindset is becoming is really inspiring. And I want your lunches! They sound delicious. I hope you enjoy savouring every mouthful!

Pleased to have you join us, JazzHandsJack! As you can probably see from Messy's updates and from what the rest of us have posted, this thread is a safe, non-judgemental place where we can share our experiences of giving up dieting, good and bad. As for your situation, it's very common for people to be at their heaviest when they make the decision to quit dieting - it's years of being on a cycle of restricting food on diets and then indulging again that's got us all to this point. I remember thinking I cannot let myself get any bigger and if I diet again, that will definitely happen. I'm two months in now and finding it easier with each passing day. This thread is helping enormously too, as for the first time I don't feel alone in trying to eat normally, because it feels like everyone I know is on a sodding diet!

I am checking in to say that i am enjoying not beating myself up for overeating
I am comfort eating at present as life a bit rubbish atm but the difference is i am not allowing myself to feel guilty at all. I am a bit anxious about losing all restraint and needing to widen my doorframes to get me in the house ha ha ha but i am not allowing it to take hold. Trying to be kind to myself instead of allowing my mind to repeat the usual mantra of " you are a disgusting fat blob etc etc ".
Last night i ate a doughnut, half a box of chocs and half a packet of marshmallows. Usually that would send me into a complete panic but managed to shrug it off pretty much.
I do think my clothes are a bit tighter though ! But going to take a long term approach !
.

I'm joining in here.. I'm ready to make some lifestyle changes but not ones restricted to a diet! I've just decided to cut out all the crap I was eating. I never ate proper meals and when I did eat, it was mostly snacking on junk food. I've lost 9lb so far just by adjusting what I'm eating and I've been hitting the gym. I need to reset my body and get back into the swing of eating at least two meals a day and only when I'm hungry.

It often doesn't help with the medications I'm on. One of them is known to cause weight gain and another suppresses your appetite which can be fun, each day is different. But I need to get out of these habits, ensure that when I do eat it's the right type of foods and the right time/reasons to eat.

I'm not going to restrict myself and say I'm not eating certain foods or having treats because life would then be boring, I'm a food lover.

I have over four stone to lose and I'm finally at a point in life where I'm ready.

I've tried slimming world in the past, lost over 3 stone and put most of it back on. I felt as if I was restricted on what foods I could eat and hated counting syns. I just wanted to eat what everyone else was eating and not having to cook seperate meals or buy low fat foods.

I look forward to this journey and will try to post regularly.

I've also bought a fitness tracker so I'm currently obsessed with that and trying to ensure I get at least 10000 steps in a day. When I haven't quite reached my target I've been going for walks with my son which is better for the both of us.

I'm also taking a look at his eating habits, he seems to want to snack more and more and I'm sure it's down to boredom rather then being hungry!

Can I join please? I am a regular on these phrases and know in my heart if hearts that the key is to sort out why I overeat rather than going on yet another diet. Comfort eating, getting older and medication have contributed to me getting bigger and I need to sort out my disordered eating yo find a way back. Thanks Day I have just managed not to buy myself a Bakewell tart as I thought I'm not actually hungry, I just want the comfort of something sweet cause I feel tired and low. It's a start

We had lots of baked goods in the house because DH had friends over for a poker afternoon. Last night I was doing some work while watching TV and DH fetched a box of flapjack bites. I ignored them for a while but eventually I couldn't resist any more and ate one...then another...then a third, and then i got up and went into the kitchen and ate one of those big chocolate cookies they sell in bags in Tesco, and a few bites of leftover cauliflower cheese, and poured myself a glass of port. So that was probably easily 700 calories in the space of about 15 minutes. I'd had three decent meals earlier. Why on earth did I do that? I wasn't even hungry.

But if it's not in the house I go through the cupboards grumpily looking for treats. Even when I'm not hungry! If I buy eg a normal sized bar of chocolate (for one person, not a sharing bar) then I eat it and feel deprived because there isn't more. I'm short - 5'2" - and really don't need that much food, but I see DH eating it and get jealous. He's 5'11" and overweight so there is no way I should be "allowed" as much food as he eats - but I can't seem to persuade my brain of that! I'm a twin and spent most of my early life ensuring that my twin and I got the exact same of everything - how do I make myself realise that DH and I don't have the same food needs? And that actually, DH is eating enough to make himself pretty overweight and if I eat the same I will be truly enormous?

Hey everyone, sorry for not catching up sooner. I've been so busy with work that I haven't even thought about food until it's time to eat. I know it's still early days but (whisper it) I do feel like I'm starting to be a bit more normal about my eating. I also have more brain space to concentrate on other things, because I'm not consumed by thinking about what I should (or shouldn't) be eating. It feels very strange!

Welcome to the thread LostDignity, Octopus37 and TooExtraImmatureCheddar, you've come to the right place based on what you've shared. We've all got to that stage where we KNOW another diet is going to do more damage than good, we just need to figure out how to get our heads around stopping.

Lost Fitness trackers are great, but be wary you're not swapping one set of numbers (i.e. calories, what the scales say) for those 10,000 steps! If it becomes an obsession, maybe take a break for a couple of days?

TooImmature Yep, I know so many women who struggle with their weight because they eat the same as their partners. It's something I've struggled with – mine eats like a horse and I've always thought there's something a bit 1950s housewife/Goldilocks and the Three Bears about serving him the biggest plate, me a medium one and the DC a little one!

And well done for ignoring the Bakewell tart Octopus! It's the little achievements like that which help the bigger picture.

Tooextra - I know exactly what you mean about being jealous of what DH is eating. I’m the same. And with wine. If he is having it I want it.

I remembered yesterday that earlier this year I was on a thread here fo just eating well and starting good healthy habits. That lasted obviously! I bought myself one of those eat well diet plates which is marked out in portion sizes. Haven’t even used it yet!

I had read an article in Women’s Health magazine about a woman in the states who had lost a lot of weight but concentrating on nutrition. So I was aiming to follow the same idea.

Cider Focusing on nutrition is obviously key, but with those plate that's just following another restricted eating plan, isn't it? Having your portions (presumably small ones) dictated to you by someone else rather than letting your own body be the guide!

Yes I get what you are saying Olivia but my thinking was that it was a relatively easy way to not eat too much and to eat a balanced meal - half the plate is veg and a quarter each protein and carbs. At the moment our plates are quite big and I eat as much as DH.

It’s not counting calories or points or syns or avoiding particular food groups which is what I was trying to avoid.

However as I said I haven’t used it. Mainly because I think it is great if you are eating a meat and veg type meal but we don’t tend to eat like that other than a roast.

I will give it a go for a few meals that it works for just to see how I get on.

I'm all for trying anything that makes this whole non-dieting thing easier and if you think the plate will help you, Cider, then go for it! Learning to normal sized portions IS a part of the process.

Can I tentatively join this thread?

I'm nearly 46. I'm unsure what I weigh at the moment but I suspect it's at least 16.5 stone . I have been dieting since I was about 18. Looking back at photos then I wasn't at all overweight. However over the year my relationship with dieting/food/self hatred/binging is off the scale. I'm been on every diet I can think of and joined nearly every diet support board on MN over the years. I never stick at anything.
I'm stuck between desperately wanting to diet and shes the weight and saying "fuck it. Why should I?".

My first waking thought every morning is my weight and the last thought before I go to bed. There are hardly any photos of me and my children because I delete them all. The last time I felt genuinely 'attractive' was at my wedding 15 years ago.

I'm totally at the end of my tether. I believe I'm hitting the menopause. I feel tired, ill, bloated, headachy and totally low.

I feel it's 'unfair' as I walk my dog 1 hour and half every day off lead in the countryside, I cook from scratch quite healthy meals, I don't often eat 'unhealthily' but I know I do have these massive secret binges. I work (too) hard, I'm self emptied and can give a very good impression of someone that's quite confident and bubbly. But in reality I'm confused, foggy headed and don't know where to turn really. So, I've not been 'on a diet' for well over a year now but at the same time I'm desperately unhappy with my state of affairs. How the hell to I get a handle on this?

Self emptied? haha if only! I mean self employed.

I love this thread! I've been 'dieting' for 20 years and have only got fatter! I've been thinking about giving up diets for a while now and this thread has helped me to decide to give them up for good! Yippeee

Hi again,I've named changed..snow to spring,but it's still me x today I've been to the gym at 6 am.the whole family was asleep when I slipped out,even the dog didn't move..so I read somewhere you need to do something 20 times before it becomes a habit and you do it automatically..so 19 times to go.i could tell on the cross trainer having not been for a while and looking in the mirror I can see I'm bigger..I feel sad ,but pleased I got to the gym.ive been shopping too and bought big bags of carrots that I'm chomping on inbetween meals,so normally when I feel down I eat bags and bags of crisps,I'm having a packet at lunch.so it's carrots till then..really helpful reading everyone else's posts..it still feels weird not counting calories,I'm trying to aim for normal eating..having bread as well instead of my usual rice thins...cor I'm living it up ...bread😃