The Giving Up Diets For Good Support Thread 1

[WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo]

Lately there have been a few threads lately from Mumsnetters who are either desperate to get off the treadmill of dieting, or who have already made the decision to quit but are struggling to eat normally again after depriving themselves for so long (like this one and this one). A few of us agreed that a dedicated thread to those giving up dieting was worth setting up, so here it is. We've put it in Weight Loss Chat because it most likely place for people to find us because, let's face it, it's trying to succeed and failing at weight loss that has brought us to this point.

This thread is a place for people to seek support from others in the same boat. It is NOT a thread on which to recommend diets. However well-meaning your intentions may be by doing that, please understand that the reason we are all on this thread is because we've reached the point where we know diets simply don't work for us and we are looking for another way to maintain our health and overcome the psychological issues that years of dieting and disordered eating has inflicted upon us. If anyone persists in promoting diets, we shall - in the nicest possible way! - ask you to remove your post or get MNHQ to do it for us.

Me please. I have an appt
With the go tomorrow to ask for help. I don’t know what they can do or what they will recommend ?probably nothing) but I have never said it out loud and I need to do this.

betty my thread filled up pretty fast with ‘have you tried...’ even after I had a revelation about BED, some people just can’t get their heads around the idea of no restrictions on food and no weighing yourself. They think fat people don’t know how to control themselves and don’t recognise there’s a difference between people who over eat and people who binge. They think removing restrictions will mean huge weight gain when actually, my diet outside of diets/ binges is probably quite sensible. It’s the constant restriction and stupid rules of a diet which create a nutrient deficit.

For example:
Low carb - very little fruit and no milk
Slimming world - very little fat (you need fat to live)
Weight watchers - very little fat
VLCD - no anything nutritious really
Calorie counting - less calories than your body needs by default

And so it goes on and on and on.

I’ve never not been on a diet, so I’m learning to eat again and it’s hard going. Challenges so far today:

Yes messy, you can have milk in your coffee and no longer need to drink it black, which you hate.

What should I have for breakfast? There’s no cream in so I can’t have creamy coffee, what do I do?

How many slices of bread should I have with egg on toast? Messy, you can have butter on your toast and ketchup if you want it and you have as many slices of toast as you think you need to feel satisfied until lunch (I settled on 2)..

pink BEAT have a leaflet you can download and take with you to talk to the GP in order to frame your appointment to get some help. I’ll be using it later today when I go to see the nurse practitioner. Give the helpline a call and chat through with them what you want to say. They’ll make you feel better about it. In terms of help available, you’ll be referred to an eating disorder clinic for CBT/ psychotherapy or given some tools to use for self help. My plan is to try self help first and if I’m not getting better I’ll request a referral or self refer. Either way, it’s important the GP knows what’s going on with you so they can monitor your progress.

Thanks for those references bettybiggestballs, they look really helpful. Part of the reason I started this thread was because two nights ago I found myself googling "Calorie counting really does work" (and receiving the overwhelming message in the form of 1000s of articles saying that it doesn't!) because I was having a panic like you! And a few weeks before that I actually signed up again for WW then cancelled it an hour later (they were exceedingly nice about letting me!). I KNOW diets don't work but sticking to that is almost as hard as sticking to a diet!

That's why I made it very clear in the original post that anyone offering diet advice wouldn't be welcome on this thread. I know people mean well BUT THEY JUST DON'T GET IT.

Messy, it's so brilliant to hear you say how much making the phone call to BEAT has helped already.

Yes, I've already noticed that with no restrictions I am eating better. Because I know it is no restrictions forever, not just until the next diet. So if I fancy chocolate/cream/sugar/fat I can have it and usually only choose a small amount because I know I won't ever have to not have it. If that makes sense

Pinkstinks Feel free to show your GP this thread so they can see in black and white how you're feeling, because it's the same as everyone on here.

Please may I join too? I chucked my scales out about 6 weeks ago when we moved house. I’ve been thinking about dieting pretty much non-stop for the past 6 months but never getting past 6pm on day 1 on any of them! I’ve had enough. I want to stop eating loads of crap because I’m intending to start a diet tomorrow - I never do!

Sensible non-disordered eating. 3 proper meals, full-fat, preferably home-cooked, and the odd snack or dessert. Doesn’t sound too hard!

olivia I get what you mean about it being as hard/ harder than sticking to a diet. I’ve asked to work from home today partly because of the appointment but also because I’m being kind to myself and giving my head some breathing space. I feel so much better this morning but it’s really hard to understand I’m not on a diet and food is not restricted anymore. I have no desire to eat which is weird and right now, no desire to binge although I am having to consciously shut down some destructive thoughts (‘you’re going to be huge’ but also ‘you might lose weight doing this you know’ ), it’s a tough one.

Interesting point about eating better with no restrictions, TuftedLadyGrotto. I'm about two months in and I've reached the point where I have whole days where I'm naturally reaching for healthier food because I know I can indulge if I want to on another day and there's no diet on the horizon. BUT I am still struggling with feeling overweight/looking overweight, hence the frantic googling about calorie counting.

Messy That's exactly what I'm struggling with - shutting down the toxic thoughts about always looking hefty and never being able to wear nice clothes versus 'oh but this could be the way you lose weight!' Because I'm not doing this to lose weight, it's to give myself some peace of mind, because dieting's really screwed up my thinking as well as my body.

I'm working on accepting that I will be this weight/size forever now. I bought myself some nice new clothes that fitted well and made me feel good. Because I'd been waiting until I lost weight, so felt frumpy in everything.

I still get moments, but I think it's working. Reading the book helped, because I realised why biologically it's so hard now for me to lose weight. And that any attempt will likely mean weight gain.

Diets are unsustainable, even the ones that claim to be lifestyle changes. Eventually they fail.

There isn't one "slimmer of the year" of any diet group that has kept the weight off 5 years later.

I will not lie on my death bed and wish I had been slimmer. But I'll probably wish I hadn't cared as much and had more fun. That's what I keep telling myself.

There’s a complete dick in my thread at the moment so I’m hiding here. I’m clearly fragile today, I’d never usually get so angry with a ransomed on the internet but I’m genuinely fuming.

I've just told her to piss off too. She's wrong.

I've just had a go too. This is why I wanted to set up this thread. People just don't get that the last thing we need is hear is go on another fucking diet. Or "move more", which is what she put. I mean, FFS. [anger]

I meant !

I'm a runner. I move a LOT. It's like telling a depressed person to just cheer up.

It's exactly like that Tufted!

Yep, I’m at rock bottom today and it really hasn’t helped.

Oh Messy, I know it's hard, but read back over your thread and see how far you've come in 48 hours. You've gone from thinking you might have an issue to talking to BEAT and getting a referral for specialist counselling, all with the support of your he-sounds-amazing DH. That's a huge, positive, fuck-off-diets step forward you've taken in a very short time. Be proud, keep going and ignore the idiots.

Thanks olivia, you’ve been brilliant over the last 48 hours

The facts anchoring me at the moment are ‘there’s something wrong with my relationship with food’ ‘I’m getting help’ and ‘this is fixable’. Repeat repeat repeat.

Sorry, I’ve derailed your thread a bit. How’s everyone managing with the freedom of it all? Anyone feel like they’re over eating or making poor choices? I’m struggling to make choices in the first place let alone bad ones

You haven't derailed it at all - it was your story that inspired me to set it up in the first place. Lots of women are where you are now, some are where I am (two months diet-free), others are further down the line. For all of us commenting, I bet there are dozens reading the thread and are hopefully being helped by it.

As for the freedom of not dieting, it has been very up and down but this last week I've been on an even keel. On my last diet I banned myself from eating crisps, as they are my number one trigger food. So since quitting I've had a few crisp-involved binges (my daughter has been wondering where all her Hula Hoops have gone ) that have left me wracked with guilt and wanting to purge, but I've distracted myself doing other stuff and the feeling passed. Now I'm able to have a couple of crisps and stop and the urge to binge on massive packets is, ever so slowly, fading. The problem is, I'm very impatient by nature and I want to be fixed now. So learning to take it one day at a time isn't coming easy.

I'd love to know how ex-dieters a year down the line are getting on.

Same, I’d love to hear about people who at able to eat their trigger foods in moderation.

I know what you mean with crisps. Another one of my popular binges is kettle chips (big bag) and an entire packet of hobnobs all eaten in about 20 minutes.

For now I’m just avoiding trigger foods and having that as my priority.

I would see what the counsellor says about avoiding trigger foods, because to me that's just another form of denying yourself food and could backfire. The way I see it, you might have the odd binge as you continue this process but there is a big difference between knowing it's a temporary blip that you're working hard to overcome and being that person you were 48 hours ago who wasn't as self-aware as you are now and would just keep eating. Don't be frightened to eat.

Really interesting thread. I've been dieting for the last 20 years. I'm a stone lighter than my heaviest weight but still 2 stone heavier than pre children. I'm sick of it, 1lb off one week, 2 lb on the next. You've inspired me to bin the scales! I've tried slimming world & weight watches and the several variations of each over the years, but as soon as I eat a "normal" meal I can literally put on a couple of pounds. Looking forward to hear stories from others.