I am so fat there are a number of things I can't do

[Newyearnew2017me]

Walk without getting breathless. Even small distances.

Wipe my bottom.

Wash myself properly. I do, but it's very difficult indeed.

Wear nice clothes that fit.

Sit next to someone in the car without touching the driver embarrassingly

Plane seats ditto

I am not writing this for people to lay into me and tell me I'm a horrible example to my children, or that I'm a waste on the NHS. I wasn't fat when I had my children, in fact I was marginally underweight with no1 (very marginally mind!) Please do not be critical of me because I have already done so.

I had planned to start today and binged. This made me realise I cannot do this alone.

I am starting my journey tomorrow, Monday 2nd January. If I don't I will be dead before I am 60. I am not saying this to sound dramatic it's just how it is.

Please support me, please tell me I can do this, please promise me there is a life out there for me if I am brave enough to stick to this.

You definitely need to stop thinking of seeing the gp as wasting their time. I know you know obesity leads to all sorts of health problems. If you can start to lose the weight now you're saving them from having to see you in the future and costing the NHS more money. Honestly, it's much better to get input from them. It also gives you starting figures for your blood pressure, cholesterol and bmi and it's so satisfying seeing them improve.

Not being able to cook will make things more difficult. I'd try and learn one healthy recipe per week. There are loads of resources on the internet with videos and clear instructions. The worst that happens is you try something and don't like it, then try something new the next week.

For me basing my meals around lean protein and vegetables, with weighed out carbs (my weakness) works best but there's no one way that's right. I'd also think about things you can do to distract yourself when you want to go out and buy junk food. It's really hard but it does get easier.

Good luck to you.

I saw the gp. They referred me to a clinic at the hospital where I was offered:
a chance to go to a weekly group at the hospital - all appointments in work time and I am a teacher so that was out
a chance to go to a gyn and be part of a group of overweight people working with a trainer- all appointments during the day when I was at work
advice - which was eat less, exercise more

Really helpful and it s demoralised me. But actually, the advice is true, it is what you have to do. I just had to make myself do it. Oddly enough, the thing that prompted me was a virus that made me so poorly I could not face food or keep it down for a week. It was a good start and I just stuck to the diet after that.

I don't think of it as a diet now, just a way of life.

Have a look on you tube at Leslie sansome walk from home exercise.

It's literally just walking, a few minutes a few times a day would do you the world of good. Also the endorphins released after you exercise will improve your mood.

You can do this. I thoroughly recommend joining slimming world or weight watchers, Staying to the group sessions they do would help you out think, they are full of supportive people. All in the same boat.

I wish you well for 2017

Neigh
"Sorry to ask such a personal question...but how do you clean yourself then after using the toilet if you can't reach"

Really? What a cunty thing to say.

Op, do and see your GP and ask to undertake their weight management programme, it can be a pre cursor for Bariatric surgery but the hope is that with the right support over a prolonged period you can avoid surgery.?

Hi op join a slimming world group and commit to staying to the class every week.

I joined a group in summer 2015. Only lasted 6 weeks. It seemed v complicated & the leader and group were a whiny bunch! I gave up.

I joined a different group this spring and it's been a revelation. It's a lovely supportive group. Our leader is really dynamic & supportive. She lost her weight 3yrs ago and has kept it off and looks great.

The group are so positive and we have a closed Facebook group where people post messages & photos of their meals & how they're getting on etc.

I can't recommend it enough. There are target ladies who have lost 5+ stone & some who only have a stone to lose. Makes no odds. Every pound off is a success.

Put your postcode into their class search on their website, turn up at the start time of the class & take it from there.

You can go to any class so if the first group isn't quite your thing there might be another one that is. There is clearly a huge difference between the evening/sat am classes (most people work) and the daytime classes so bear that in mind when you chooses class.

You just have to take it a bit at a time. First step is getting yourself to that first class. Good luck! Xx

I think that as LuluJakey said above you have to be in the right place in your head, and I think that often that gets easier as you start to see results.
Some people can attack the problem as an all or nothing thing and straight away stick to a strict diet, but when I have needed to shift some weight I have found that a gentle start and seeing some results gets me into the right frame of mind and it all becomes much easier.
So, to start with I would substitute any bread I eat with one of those Danish toast rounds or maybe a slice of lighter Danish/weightwatcher bread. I still have then 2 slices of bread or whatever but I am taking in fewer calories. Spread butter or margarine thinner rather than doing away with it. Have one less spoonful of sugar in your tea – or a flat rather than heaped one. Eat one fewer potato each time. What slightly smaller or less calorific chocolate bar can you substitute for what you eat now. Do you eat desserts? What can you substitute that is not going to make you feel deprived? Light ice cream instead of full cream, Or a meringue and fruit with some 0% Greek yogurt instead of apple pie and cream.
You won’t feel deprived, you will start to see results and that will spur you on to making bigger changes, and the weight will come off. And as you start to make progress then I would like others recommend My Fitness Pal.
Set small goals eg half a stone by Valentines Day, and try not to get bogged down in the total amount you wish to lose.
And whatever you eat healthy or not make yourself eat slowly. Enjoy the tastes. Eating without even really noticing what you’re doing is a great way to put weight on – I know!!
Best of luck with your journey however you decide to go about it.

The most effective thing you can do is to write down everything you eat and drink.
It's amazing how much of a self regulator that is. Makes you feel in control.
Even if you have a binge, write it down.
You can move on from it, and have a fresh start, but you've made yourself accountable.

I might be completely missing the mark for you, but what you said about having food taken away as a child resonated with me.

I have had problems with food after similar experiences, and I eventually realised that I was overeating in part to take control of my anxiety of not getting food. As a child my anxiety was relevant and needed - as an adult I am re-experiencing those childhood feelings that are no longer useful to me, but actually harm me.

I also realised that due to childhood abuse, I felt safer being overweight. Every time I lost a certain amount of weight, I'd regain it all. I wasn't consciously feeling anxiety about being harmed, just one day when I was thinner, I looked at my arms and wrists and felt so vulnerable that I wanted to gain weight to feel safe again.

Every single day since then I have had to say to myself 'be brave' in my head over and over. There are so many things I am afraid of, and eating soothed my anxiety. And having poor self-esteem stopped me from fighting it. Once I had lost quite a bit of weight, I took up a mixed martial art which has helped me not to gain the weight back - I feel safer but also it is a relief to talk in class about my fears about safety and a longing to defend myself.

I'm 6st 4lbs down now, but want to lose about another 3 stone, depending how I look and feel when I get there.

Good luck

I feel your pain op... My problem is as soon. As I say I am on a diet I binge. Tell myself I can eat what I want and I don't seem to want it and eat much more sensibly because it is not the forbidden..

I don't know the answer but I know I am going to try and get outside and walk more if it is dark I will stick to the estate. But I need to be healthier and this may help me. I have 5-6 stone to lose.

Pacific - do you eat 500 Cal's in the 8 hours period?

I started today......

I have eaten
3 pork sausages
Bacon
2 poached eggs
Beans
Mushrooms
Tomatoes
((All free and legal on sw))

Lentil and carrot soup (delicious)
2 fat free yoghurts

Italian beef stew
Potatoes
Carrots
Sprouts

45g Crunchy Bran
Mullerlight
Banana

So I've not starved myself at all and feel in control.

I am absolutely chuffed that you've even written the post. It doesn't matter how long it took to gain the weight you did, today is your starting point. You've done the hardest part, which is to see the problem. You'd be amazed by how many truly obese (morbidly) patients we meet who refer to themselves as 'a bit chubby' and don't consider themselves to need to lose weight. A relative of mine is battling at 19 st and has been for years. He clearly remembers saying "That's it! I'm going on a diet!" when he was 12st 7lb: a weight he can only dream of now.

I find My Fitness Pal very helpful. As you are so over weight, even small adjustments to your diet will initially have quite dramatic results, so you should be encouraged.

Hi OP.

I have never struggled to your extent with weight but I have in the past weighed a fair bit more. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and the excess weight I was carrying made symptoms much worse. i eventually found out that women with polycystic ovarian syndrome are much more susceptible to insulin resistance, which leads to type 2 diabetes. I also found out that have a thick layer of fat around the stomach area increases the release of cortisol, the stress hormone. This contributes further to likelihood of insulin resistance.

This lead me to reading up more as to how I could change how I was eating to ensure I didn't develop health problems but also to alleviate the stress of the embarrassing issues pcos was causing me (i.e. acne and excess hair). Like you, I hated being hungry. I found it so very demotivating. I really had no idea how to use food in a healthy way. I eventually found the Low GI Diet. This changed my life and my attitude to food. Please look it up and see what you think. I promise you won't feel hungry if you do it, you won't feel like you are missing out. If you can't cook, maybe buy some recipe books off amazon and give it a go, as fresh eating is key. I lost weight and the symptoms of pcos i was having decreased dramatically. It just goes to show that we need to think of food as something that can help us and make us better. It is not the enemy, understanding the effect food has on blood sugar and hormones has meant I now have the power and knowledge to make the right choices. I completely agree with those saying Oreos are as bad as cigarettes! You just need to watch Netflix documentaries such as Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead (and another brilliant one about sugar that I forgot the name of) to realise we are completely not taught how to eat properly and it is so inappropriate that high sugar products are so easily available. I think in the sugar doc they showed a brain scan of someone on cocaine and someone that had just consumed sugar... very similar parts of the brain were lit up! So don't be hard on yourself.

Another thing, I notice you mention the word fail a lot. I do this too. In the the past if I started a gym regime and missed one session I would immediately say "That's it, I failed" and give up on it all. Or if I ate the wrong thing or binged, I'd think the same. This style of thinking is not helpful. I'm not good at it yet, but if I binge or miss a few gym sessions (starting a healthy kick myself this week) I will now try to say "Ok, that didn't go to plan, but at least I have been doing my best and this doesn't mean failure". If you are very sensitive to the feeling of failure and are worried it will ruin your plans to lose weight if you sign up now, then do what you are comfortable with. But don't be afraid to try. And fuel your workouts with healthy carbs and protein. The Low GI Diet allows you to eat food that will help you with that as it is about eating food that keeps your blood sugar levels stable, rather than a spike from high carb foods leading to sugar crash and massive hunger. Amazingly eating the wrong foods actually makes you more hungry!

Sorry for blathering on, may have gone a little off topic there. You can absolutely do this, just find something that works for you. Please feel free to message me if any of this seems useful.

Op you seem to have plan of action which is great.

Do you have a hobby? Is there anything creative you'd like to do? Knitting, painting, photography that kind of thing?

It's a good idea to try to focus on something creative and use that to put your energy into. It's a distraction from food. It can also become a new 'addiction' in place of food.

I picked up a book in a charity shop years ago by Susan powter. I found her very inspirational.
She had babies back to back. Husband had a restaurant. Very stressful. Husband had affair. Meanwhile she just got fatter, till the day she had her epiphany and had a meltdown on a hot day in her car while struggling to get out of it.
She then started walking. Bit by bit around her neighbourhood. Holding one child while watching the other play...she must have been on one of those nice American estates where it's really quiet during the day.
Gradually she noticed her thighs weren't rubbing together as much. Clothes were getting looser and so on.

The last I saw of her she was a little powerhouse of fitness and energy.

I do believe in so if you're in the right class it can give you the guidelines to hang your eating onto. I lost two and a half stone and kept most of it off.

I ate well and healthily and still do and wouldn't touch a sugar free jelly with a barge pole. If it's full of E numbers or names I can't pronounce it's not coming in my trolley.

Even if you just get the books and the basics it's worth giving it a go for a month..

Lulu, congratulations and love the way you got a handle on it.

My cousins husband got up to 38 stone. He'd once been slimmer of the year but all his old childhood patterns came back with a vengeance and he ballooned. He could eat loads. They were very poor when he was young and often didn't get enough to eat . At 16 his first weeks wage he blew on food.
Very sad. When we went for a meal. He loved harvester restaurants. He'd have 12 of those little buns with salad while waiting for the main course. If I left some chips which I always did, he'd eat those as well as his own food. Food was eaten very quickly. Then he'd have a big , creamy milky dessert.

There'd be loads of Coca Cola too.

Sadly he was just on the way down when he got bowel cancer. Very sad.

I hope you have a good day today.

Hi OP. I know you've had lots of advice on here. I just wanted to suggest that you have a look at the NoS diet. Its not a diet as such but it is an amazingly simple way of helping you repair your poor relationship with food. In a nutshell it is no Snacks, seconds or sweets except for days beginning with S eg weekends and special days like birthdays. If you have a look at the website you will find a wonderful supportive forum, I know that there are people on there who struggle with binge eating on there who are finding it really helpful.
Here is the website https://everydaysystems.com/bb/
Good luck

Can people stop trying to convince OP to join SW or the gym! She has already said she doesn't want to, she has a plan, and wants reassurance and support!

You can do this, you've openly said how your current lifestyle is affecting you, you have a plan in place, you are strong and determined. Keep up the good work. Baby steps will get you there. Good luck.

Thanks for saying that Turnip

I was actually on the verge of giving up on the thread because I knew it was only a matter of time before I started getting a flaming for ignoring helpful advice.

I have a plan.

It does not involve fitness pal, SW, the gym or my GP. Or 'not having it in the house' because I never have it in the house because it ends up in my belly!

I'm started adult colouring in again.

Well done op for making this decision. You say you go out and buy food and that is where you are most likely to get excess calories. Do you have a plan for what y are going to do next time you head out to buy food? What's the plan?

When people give up smoking they are told to plan ahead what to do with their fingers and hands when they want a cigarette else the change is too big and too much to achieve. You likely need a plan on what to do when you feel like heading out for food. A walk round the block? Half an hour alone in your bedroom with your favourite book and no one is allowed to disturb you? A huge hug from DH? A scream at the bottom of the garden?

If this is where you see yourself not sticking to your plans, decide in advance what you are going to do and stick with it. Visualise yourself in a situation where you want to go out and buy food and visualise yourself standing still, saying no and making the decision to not go out and to do your planned activity instead.

Good luck!

Tbh I'd rather not. I'm committed to what I'm doing. I have said a few times now I'm not going to think about exercise until I'm a couple of stone down. I'm not immobile!

Why don't you want to say what you're doing? It's a bit difficult to offer support if you don't want to even hint at what your plan is.

Just don't want to argue with people but OK. I'm doing one of those very Low calorie plans.

Haven't read the whole thread but it seems to me that you're addicted to sugar.

Try cutting out sweet stuff first - if you still crave carbs then go for savoury stuff like crisps etc if you still fancy junk. After a week or so you will find it easier not to eat sugary foods, or even diet foods with sweetener. From there it's much easier to start cutting down.

I think you do what you have to do and if it is one of those very low calorie plans, fair play to you. There is a thread in this section for those of us who are looking to lose 100lbs or over, please do pop over if you would like to, you'd be very welcome and people are doing lots of different methods.

Know you don't want yo think about exercise at the moment but am going to put a link to a Leslie Sansone 5 minute work out as it might be something that can help when you start to feel ready. Can be done in the kitchen whilst the kettle boils and if you only do the first 30 seconds whose to know or care ?! To coin a phrase from another thread she is cheesy as fuck but effective.

Good luck with it, you've made the first step ie. a decision to change which is a great start to the year . There are some very inspiring stories on this thread which are helping my motivation.

Op, am I reading you correctly that you have gained approx 20 stone in a year?