I am so fat there are a number of things I can't do

[Newyearnew2017me]

Walk without getting breathless. Even small distances.

Wipe my bottom.

Wash myself properly. I do, but it's very difficult indeed.

Wear nice clothes that fit.

Sit next to someone in the car without touching the driver embarrassingly

Plane seats ditto

I am not writing this for people to lay into me and tell me I'm a horrible example to my children, or that I'm a waste on the NHS. I wasn't fat when I had my children, in fact I was marginally underweight with no1 (very marginally mind!) Please do not be critical of me because I have already done so.

I had planned to start today and binged. This made me realise I cannot do this alone.

I am starting my journey tomorrow, Monday 2nd January. If I don't I will be dead before I am 60. I am not saying this to sound dramatic it's just how it is.

Please support me, please tell me I can do this, please promise me there is a life out there for me if I am brave enough to stick to this.

First of all, forgive yourself. Anger sets you up for failure. It becomes self-perpetuating and 'safer'.

Instead of being angry with yourself that you ate 15 biscuits, be pleased with yourself that you stopped and left 5 in the packet. Promise yourself that next time you will leave 8 in the packet.

Hopefully there won't be a next time but you're less likely to begin a binge and then think "Fuck it, I've started so I might as well guzzle on!" if you've left yourself an escape route.

You are about to try changing a hugely ingrained behaviour. You can't just avoid food! You can't go cold turkey on food. It's there all the time, you have to prepare it for others, you have to eat it yourself.

How do you plan to lose weight? I have never found the gym helpful. I have found allow-carbing hugely helpful. I also created a motivator for myself. I weighed myself once a week, and put aside £2 for every whole pound I lost. Putting those fat coins in my box, and knowing what I planned to do with half of anything I 'earned', were excellent motivators and interim rewards. After a bit over a year I had £140. I spent £70 in a beautiful pencil skirt and silk T-shirt, and bought £70 of groceries for the Food Bank.

Some of the weight has crept back on, so I'm gathering myself to have another push in the same way.

Where do you live, OP? Have you got a local farmers' market where you can buy really delicious fresh produce? You need to learn to treat yourself with quality rather than quantity.

Thing is Goody I DIDN'T! Those Oreos didn't even make it home

I'm kind of worried saying what I want to do, people are critical, but I a, committed.

Starting with eating better food sounds a good idea - I get more than the government recommended amount of exercise each week, but am still overweight because I eat too much, especially chocolate/cakes. There are great health reasons for getting exercise, but if weight is your first concern, then you need to look at your diet first. Hope things start going the right way soon!

Rather than directing anger at yourself, direct it at the unbelievably corrupt food and supermarket industries. Oreos are no more fit for humans than are cigarettes.

I have found slimming world to be great. The recipes are easy to follow and you can eat loads which for me is the best bit. I also like that it's not a diet just normal food that the whole family can eat. I couldn't lose weight on my own, I need the weekly weigh in to stay on track.

Whichever way you choose though I really do wish you luck. Please keep us posted so we can see how well your doing!

OP have you ever had counselling for your overeating? The mechanics of losing weight is easy but it's the mental hurdle that is so much harder to work overcome. It might help you to recognise the triggers that make you binge and how to manage them.

Find something good to say about yourself!

Op I'll pm you if that's ok?

Truth is gamer it doesn't work, if it did, people would have counselling and not overeat. But they do. The people I know with good relationships with food come from families who ate healthily but who more importantly had healthy attitudes towards food.

Of course lorelai :)

Well we all know ourselves best. And know what will or won't work

I hated Slimming World when I went over 20 years ago. Recently joined with a friend and am surprised by it. But I hate all the muller/frylight hype and clapping and raffle and slimmer of the week stuff. A bit cringed but it is working for me for now

I prefer my low carbing method. I have a new diet journal/diary to use so will see if that will be any good. Would that help you? A diary?

A healthy attitude towards food is knowing that the only problem food solves is hunger. And that nourishment is crucial to well being.

Realistically I will never have a healthy attitude but I can have healthy body.

Absolutely do what works for your and not necessarily what has worked for any of us. Maybe some of the suggestions can be useful though?

A good friend did a VLCD (LighterLife) and lost lots of weight with them. What she said she benefitted most from what the specialist counselling that was part of what she paid for (not just the meal-replacement shakes etc).

Another thing to consider is intermittent fasting - huge metabolic benefits. I still do 16:8 (16hrs of fasting : 8 hours of eating in every 24 hr period). I am never hungry, I don't binge and the weight I have lost is staying off - even Christmas and New Year was no issue well, apart from today's hangover, but that's another story.

Yes of course you can do it! Congratulations on taking the first steps. Would any of these things help?

🌻 Join a group for moral support
🌻 Fill your kitchen with helpful food
🌻 Chuck out unhelpful food
🌻 Keep a food and exercise diary
🌻 Plan rewards (magazine, manicure etc.) for each half stone lost

Wishing you lots of luck and success 💐

I used to be massive and your post struck a cord. What worked for me was moving more (gentle walking mainly then as I grew more confident rock climbing and rowing) and counting calories on my fitnesspal, restricting myself to 2k per day initially then adjusting as I lost weight. Went from 16 stones to 11 and have maintained my weight for 3 years. If calorie counting isn't for you then try dietchef or similar for a month? It gives you boxes of meals for a week with normal portion sizes & could help you retrain your appetite. You will need to chuck out all the junk to make it work though.

To be honest we don't have any junk in. Which strictly speaking isn't fair on other family members but DH is more of a cheese smacked and I hate cheese. But as I say I will go out and buy it.

I don't think it really helps to be massively defensive.

Fat is something you have, not are to coin a cliche!

Sometimes I think a soh about it all is a good thing. Lighten up a bit, unclench, find some interests, don't go all po-faced about your weight. It can be overcome but you might need to be a bit less rigid.

I'm not defensive :) just trying to be totally honest and realistic!

I think it helps to try to visualise the person you are inside and slowly, steadily take the steps needed to be that person. There is so much good advice on here about diet and exercise, but most of the battle is often psychological. Try to move away from the negative perceptions you have now and towards a more positive image of yourself. Whether it's more confidence, or a new hairstyle or the clothes you wear, see yourself as that person already and try to start living like her, right now, today. Forgive yourself for the inevitable slip ups and keep going. You'll get there. Good luck.

I do intermittent fasting too.
Maybe not doing it right as I don't do 16 hours .
More like 13 or 14

I'm also gluten and dairy free and low sugar.

I want to lose a bit more this year so I need to be a bit stricter.
I find that it helps me keep my food choices in the more healthy zones because the other stuff makes me quite poorly.

Meals are protein and veg based. I eat very little carbohydrate.

OP - do reconsider exercise. Totaly get why you don't want to go to the gym and agree that cardio exercise that makes you hungry is not a good idea atm. But if you are that morbidly obese you will have incredibly low muscle mass, and that measn a low metabolic rate as well. My personal trainer works miracles with obese people by getting them doing weights to build muscles - even a small amount will make a huge difference to how fast you burn calories.

You don't even need to do them as a special exercise - try incorporating them into your day - so when you make a cup of tea do some squats whilst waiting for the water to boil (even if you can't get down very far at firts it will get better, and if you can do it whilst holding something heavy it will wokr even quicker). Or put a couple of bottles of water in the fridge and do 20 biceps curls or shoulder raises every time you open it.

I have struggled with weight all my life and only seem to have managed some real control of it in the last two years.

I have been a size 24 (first time I have admitted that) and as low as a size 14. My typical size is 16-18 but I have been a 22 several times.

How much do you think you need to lose? At my biggest I needed to lose 5st.

One thing I have learned is it has to be right in my head or I can not diet. I understand weight and weight lss- health, calories, exercise, good nutrition etc but unless something is right in my head I can't do it. Not sure what the thing is that has to be right but I will bnge e ery day if it isn't.

DH just loves me and is never bothered by what I weigh. He has seen me at a 22 and a 14 and loves me whatever. Never says anything negative. After I had DS two years ago I had not put on weight - I was lighter 3 weeks later than I was before I was pregnant. I walked lots and lots with him every day and have continued to lose weight and a 14 feels normal now. I am pregnant again - almost 24 weeks- and have gained just 7lbs.

This is what I have learned:
It has to be right in my head.
Once I can do it, I take it a day at a time.
I eat lots but of healthy things. So bulk up my meals with veg and salads.
Walking has been my greatest exercise. I could not walk more than 100m without being puffed at the start. I quickly got better at it and walk about 4-5 miles most days.
Get a fit bit. You can keep control of your steps and even a short walk to the end of the road can add 2000 steps.
Counting calories is best for me. I can treat myself and have something I like, I just count it.
I have worked out some things I know I can have if I am tempted to binge and I keep them in the house.

You can do it. Anyone can do it. You just have to be 'in the zone' to get started. Goid luck.