Morbidly obese but can't stick to diet.

[LEIGH350]

I weigh 25 stone and am almost 60. I have been trying to diet 40 yrs. Sometimes I have lost a stone or two, then I give up, eat normally again, and regain.

It's obvious that I have a slow metabolism but I think that just means I should eat even less and less until I find an intake that causes weight loss.

Despite being pretty much under attack from society 24/7/365, I still don't seem to be able to make myself stick to any diet. It's like there are two of me: the dieter and the rebel, and the rebel always wins.

I am currently supposed to be on Atkins. I keep to it at every meal, but then, whenever I have the impulse to cheat, I pop out (my street has shops) and grab a family sized bag of crisps, a giant bar of chocolate, or a litre of ice cream.

Afterwards I hate myself, feel a failure, sob in bed at night and make plans to re-start tomorrow and be REALLY good, no cheats THIS TIME. All night every night I play MP3s - hypnosis to make you stick to your diet, or hypnotic gastric band. But the next day I cheat.

When I was calorie counting and logging on MFP I allowed myself a treat size chocolate bar every day. I bought a bag of 12 with the intention of having one a day, the whole lot was eaten in 2 hours, so now I never keep treats in the house.

Why do I cheat? I honestly don't know, even after all these years. In the last ten years I have had three lots of eating disorder counselling, lasting about a year each time, trying to get to the bottom of it. None of this has worked.

I resent being told that I must eat only for fuel, whilst everyone around me is using food for pleasure and entertainment ("hey - let's go for a pizza!" and "break open the bubbly!" "ooh, cream cakes - yum!") Friends recount how they enjoyed the eat-all-you-like buffet they had on holiday or at a local Indian (things I never do) then tell me I have to stop overeating. I seethe when I look into the windows of pubs, cafes, restaurants, and see slim people scoffing cakes, pizzas, hot chocolate, muffins, McD's, fry-up breakfasts; I am cross when I see them buying cakes in Gregg's and eating chips in the street, because if I did that I am labelled "naughty" or told I have an eating disorder.

It's taken me ages to realise that it's not what I eat that is the problem. From observing close up the eating habits of my flatmates and friends who come to stay, I don't eat more than the average person. It's the effect it has on my body: clearly, I am still eating too many treats for my particular slow metabolism.

My GP says "lose weight or die young". I've had the same from everyone in my life for the past 30 years and some of them are getting really pissed off with me because they don't think I am taking their advice.

All my stats like BP, cholesterol, etc are good and I am not diabetic. I take no medication. Ironically, many of the slim people who issue these dire warnings to me about my health are themselves on insulin, statins, BP pills, etc, and some who used years ago to warn me about how I was cutting my life short by being overweight have since died of various illnesses, at ages younger than I am now.

GP has made an appt for me to begin the long series of meetings and consultations that lead to a gastric bypass. First appt is in a week.

I have read about this and it is a barbaric mutilation. I have read about several women who died of starvation afterwards. I don't have any digestive issues. Having a bypass causes chronic problems for the rest of life (reflux, vomiting, diarrhoea, constipation, indigestion, malnutrition). Even if I came out of surgery OK, the thought of never being able to eat a proper meal again for the rest of my life (bypass is irreversible) makes me feel I would rather die young but enjoy my food.

My basic diet is healthy, currently two big bowls of salad a day with mayonnaise and some kind of meat or fish or seafood on top. No sugar, and no wheat. I am also teetotal and I never touch fizzy drinks or sweeteners. But then I ruin it all by having "impulse treats": either sugary (ice cream), wheaty (cake or chocolate biscuits), or a family bag of crisps. I do not keep any of these things in the house - ever. I HAVE to go out and buy them.

Each day I get up with the intention to just have the healthy meals and not to give in to the cheating impulse. Probably 4 days out of 7 I fail.

After 40 years I still cannot work out why I am self-sabotaging my every effort to diet. Especially as I now cannot walk more than 50 metres, get upstairs, and my world has become extremely restricted as I cannot fit into cinema, plane seats etc. Predictably, I am still single. (Yes there are specialist dating sites for men who like obese women but they are fetishists who would sabotage a woman's attempts at dieting.)

I am literally making myself disabled, and un-dateable and I don't know why.

I want to live a normal life, get about and have holidays and a great love life, and yet why oh why isn't even all that proving to be an incentive to stop cheating? I want to live again, but it's like I am not prepared to pay the price of constant deprivation.

I am not sure if this is far too complex an issue for a dieting board made up of people who are just a little bit podgy from baby-weight, but I post in the hope that there is someone else out there who feels the same or is in the same position or has some advice on how to escape from this self-imposed prison.

Nutter? Nice.

I gave other advice too.
I gave that advice out of genuine desire to help you.
Check out the video at all?

I can see that you only want a certain kind of advice like your friend who says you don't eat enough? That's not really helpful advice is it?
Good luck.

OP, why are you attacking people who have made reasonable and sensible suggestions? I know this must be very hard, but calling people "nutters" when they're trying to help you is not on.

You know the way you eat isn't healthy. You wouldn't have posted otherwise, asking for help. You wouldn't be the size you are if you really did eat healthily. You know that, deep down.

I ate reasonably LCHF (I did have some carbs, but slow-release ones) for a year because it was urgent that I get the weight off, but the important thing is that I was also eating 1200kcal a day. The L-ish-CHF (and high protein) worked very well for me and I lost six stone, but I'm not kidding myself that it worked via Atkins magic (which in any case will only work if you avoid carbs EVERY day). It worked because the fat and protein allowed me to eat 1200kcal a day and not feel hungry.

Now most of the weight is off, I still need to be careful about my food and always will be. Over the last year and a half, I've put back on a stone because I (only slightly - it only takes a little bit!) have eaten more calories than I expended over that time. So I need to lose that stone, by being careful, then be careful for the rest of my life. But I won't be able to do that by depriving myself. Psychologically, it's just not possible. Being careful is doable, though! Most people are careful about what they eat. But you have to accept that you need to be careful forever. I'm not one of those people who can eat whatever they want and not gain weight, because for me, "whatever I want" is more than my maintenance calories. For other people, "whatever they want" aligns with what their bodies need. And I bet they're being careful too.

Yes v plesant to be called a nutter when trying to help.

*Pleasant

It's very upsetting for me to see people being called nutters, for personal reasons, but I totally get why you're angry. It feels really unfair when you're very fat, because whatever mistakes or choices you might have made in the past, whatever caused it, you're now at a starting point that most people will never have to deal with and will never understand.

You're running the 100m from a km behind the starting line. But you have to ignore those people on the starting blocks because they're irrelevant to your run. You're not competing with them to get there first. You just have to finish the 100m. Then carry on jogging alongside everyone else when you get there. (Sorry about the shit analogy.)

It made me angry to be told all this stuff as well, because it's hard to separate it from all the nastiness and cruelty that fat people are subjected to, every day. But every post I've seen here has been, from my perspective, written by someone who's trying to help.

Well done, you are doing well without snacking for 3 days. Personally, I would introduce more meals to make it easier not to snack. Also, drink a lot of water/tea every time you feel like snacking! Something like Avocado and eggs and ham would be a good extra meal (if you are allowed on Atkins). Oranges are surprisingly filling for a snack.

I think you are unlucky with your metabolism as like you say a lot of people can eat what they like and not put on weight. Have you have thyroid etc checked (sorry it is probably elsewhere on thread)?

Maybe the reasons you 'cheat' are that you are not convinced any of it will help. How about setting yourself a time limit with no 'cheating' and see if there is a result in weight loss - ie 3 weeks. This may make you more encouraged to continue. Also if it doesn't work and you have honestly followed the diet to the letter you know that it doesn't work and you can tell your GP.

So you are arguing that eating a diet consisting of non-starchy vegetables, meat, fish and fat, the diet our ancestors ate for millenia, isn't healthy?

But that isn't your diet. Your diet is the above PLUS the binges. The presence of healthy food does not rule out the unhealthy.

As soon as you eat a tub of ice cream in one day you have eaten unhealthily for that entire week, regardless of how many plates of salad and broccoli you get through.

You're STILL trying to separate the normal healthy from the binges. But they can't be separated. They both go into the same body, mix themselves around inside you and damage you.

A tub of ice cream will work its way into your fat layers even if it is combined with lettuce.

But Atkins is a diet and not sustainable long term! You shouldn't be following any plan or special diet as you are restricting and then binging on the very foods you restrict. Slim people aren't 'getting away with' anything, I agree with other posters who have said you don't have the a true picture of what other people eat, even those close to you. I'm sorry that you are upset by previous posters but it's a little frustrating that you don't seem to want to hear other people's opinions or experiences.

a lot of people can eat what they like and not put on weight
Totally depends on your definition of "eat what they like." I eat what I like and my weight is stable. But I don't eat crisps, chocolate, ice cream, fast food, biscuits, ready meals, chips etc. I don't "like" to eat that food because it's unhealthy. Do you see what I mean?

I think you are unlucky with your metabolism Have you read the thread?

I think you are unlucky with your metabolism as like you say a lot of people can eat what they like and not put on weight.

That's not because they have super fast metabolism (although my friend who could eat like this was later diagnosed with a thyroid problem). It's because they have a diet that generally matches their calorie expenditure. If they were to change what they ate to include lots of binges they'd get fat.

Most people agree that if they eat well 80% of the time they stay at a consistent weight. Thin people in McDonald's are there on one of their unhealthy days. The rest of the time they don't eat like that.

I feel the same with regards to sticking to a diet. Not quite so much to lose but this thread is very useful

If your everyday diet was what you eat without the binges then of course it would be fine and healthy but the binges are what keep you overweight. Each binge must be around 2000 calories extra on top of a normal days food. If you want to get angry, get angry at yourself rather than attacking posters who are trying to help you. Please seek professional help.

He isn't fat and nor are any of our other siblings, all of whom enjoy parties, buffets, restaurants, cakes, chocolate and biscuits and alcohol on top. It's weird you don't believe they exist, but they do and I have known them all my life

This shows your disordered thinking about food. This describes MOST people. Most people enjoys all of those things, without being morbidly obese.
You don't understand some very basic facts about food and eating. Your comments about thin people being able to eat whatever they want: HALF of them said they ate whatever they wanted in whatever quantities, the full range of junk and alcohol etc and remained thin.....you can't fathom that the quantities that they want to eat are a lot less than what you might want to eat.
I know lots of people who eat what THEY want, in whatever quantities they feel like; but those quantities are comparitively small. I have a friend that complains she can't eat chocolate because she's dieting, and its unfair that I eat chocolate when I want. But I eat a fun size mars bar, she eats the entire bag full. Of course she can't eat those quantities and stay slim, no-one could.

You are angry at people telling you the truth and you refuse to listen to how people truly eat. Your perspective on food and eating is so skewed you can't see anything clearly here. This is what you need to address, not just go on yet another diet.

and stop calling people nutters, its offensive and rude.

I know lots of people who eat what THEY want, in whatever quantities they feel like; but those quantities are comparitively small yy Arseicle.

Has a dietician or nutritionist told you to only eat two meals a day to let your pancreas rest? Is this sound medical advice? I ask because I do not know.

My nutrition person says that the body is much happier getting food little and often, and the body find it easier to digest little and often than large meals.

For me, if I go long between meals, I overeat. I put my body into starvation mode, and then I binge on food like there is no tomorrow. I crave sugar, chocolates ice cream and I cant stop myself. For me, the only way to stop the cravings is to eat little and often. Just the other day I let there go 8 hours between lunch and dinner and I ended up eating 7 slices of a mahoosive pizza from the local delivery. It was obscene. It was like, even if I was full, I felt compelled to eat more.

Hi again. What you said about your dad also resonated with me: my grandparents were holocaust survivors and we grew up knowing they had been starved. These issues add to the tangle of emotions I think.

I'm not an expert and to be honest I've never had to lose more than half a stone or so, but I can't help feeling that there is too much emphasis (on here at least) on what you eat rather than why. I don't think you can get on top of an eating disorder by obsessively thinking about types of food, good vs bad etc.

If you knew why you binge you might be able to stop it? It might feel good in the same way that an alcoholic feels good unwrapping a bottle of vodka ( I imagine) but it's a short lived high and long term is a former of self harm.

We need better mental health provisions on the nhs :-(

Yes, me too quint. I have breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner (usually no later than about 6pm. If I don't have a few nuts or a nectarine or something in between meals I eat sugary crap afterwards. Two meals a day with nothing in between would mean I was STARVING when it came time to eat and that would be a disaster. Plus, with low blood pressure I get faint easily so I need to keep my blood sugar stable (or I'm not only faint, I'm mean with it!)

Starvation mode is a myth. Or excuse.

Calorie deficit = weight loss.

Hi there Leigh350.

On July 31st 2015 I weighed 25 stone 9lbs. Today I weigh 18stone 1 lb. It can be done. I am younger but middle aged iygwim. I read your post and have come back to it today. Nothing I write is new to you, but hopefully something will click. You have to do this for you and it doesn't matter if it takes the next 5 years as its no-one else business but yours.

To lose weight you have to eat less calories than your body needs to maintain that weight. I started off on 1800 cals and now I'm on 1400.

That's it, no books, no special diet, no illness excuses. Fat people are fat because we eat too much. You me both. You can eat apples or chocolate but if it's more than say 1800 cals you'll put on weight. You have to want to do this. I've been in the 20 stone plus for most of my life but last July something clicked and here I am vowing never to go back to that place.

I've read a tiny amount of replies and although I haven't seen the rude ones I'm guessing on this site there are plenty - those comments can be ignored. A lot of posters talk about your binges and maybe some cognitive therapy would help in coming to terms with why you do this. Binges do count, if they are swallowed they count.

I haven't done anything special but I feel great. I joined a group with supportive dieters on it, I joined a slimming club, I eat per week 1400x7 days. I have yet to join the gym but as I lose weight my vigorous house cleaning isn't assisting my weight loss quite as much, I walk as fast as I can everyday - it gets easier. I used to struggle to get to 3,000 steps on my fitbit now I do 15,000 nearly every day. I batch cook recipes that my family also eat. I don't drink alcohol or any high fat, high sugar except on special occasions. I record my food on my fitness pal. I make different choices every day.

I have had 4 weeks holiday and yes a weight gain but I'm happy with that as I know I enjoyed my food and drink. My new goal starting tomorrow is to lose 2 stone by the end of the year. Why don't you join me and see if we both can lose 2 stone?

Best of luck and let us know how you get on. xxx

Your know-it-all and scathing attitude is coming across really badly.

There's a reason you are 25st and maintaining 25st. You eat more calories than you burn. The 'skinny' people you see stuffing their faces will be doing that maybe once a month, then cut back for the next few days. There is no conspiracy against you.

I don't know what the answer is but you seem to have them all, so I'm not sure why you posted.

Best of luck, only you can do this.

thinkingthingsover, you are none of those things. Please don't take any notice

Well done Pink - seven stone in a year is an absolutely amazing achievement. My sister is a similar size to your starting weight, and desperately unhappy. I hope something "clicks" for her the way it did for you.

Leigh, have you looked at Zoe Harcombes website? She doesn't subscribe to the "a calorie is a calorie" theory. Makes interesting reading. I have her book somewhere .. It's loosely based on low carb .. I'll happily lend you it if you pm me your address (if I can find it). Access to the website is free, but you can join the main forum for £1 a month or something .. cancel at any time.

Pink Freesia - well done you, that's an amazing loss, you must be really proud