Morbidly obese but can't stick to diet.

[LEIGH350]

I weigh 25 stone and am almost 60. I have been trying to diet 40 yrs. Sometimes I have lost a stone or two, then I give up, eat normally again, and regain.

It's obvious that I have a slow metabolism but I think that just means I should eat even less and less until I find an intake that causes weight loss.

Despite being pretty much under attack from society 24/7/365, I still don't seem to be able to make myself stick to any diet. It's like there are two of me: the dieter and the rebel, and the rebel always wins.

I am currently supposed to be on Atkins. I keep to it at every meal, but then, whenever I have the impulse to cheat, I pop out (my street has shops) and grab a family sized bag of crisps, a giant bar of chocolate, or a litre of ice cream.

Afterwards I hate myself, feel a failure, sob in bed at night and make plans to re-start tomorrow and be REALLY good, no cheats THIS TIME. All night every night I play MP3s - hypnosis to make you stick to your diet, or hypnotic gastric band. But the next day I cheat.

When I was calorie counting and logging on MFP I allowed myself a treat size chocolate bar every day. I bought a bag of 12 with the intention of having one a day, the whole lot was eaten in 2 hours, so now I never keep treats in the house.

Why do I cheat? I honestly don't know, even after all these years. In the last ten years I have had three lots of eating disorder counselling, lasting about a year each time, trying to get to the bottom of it. None of this has worked.

I resent being told that I must eat only for fuel, whilst everyone around me is using food for pleasure and entertainment ("hey - let's go for a pizza!" and "break open the bubbly!" "ooh, cream cakes - yum!") Friends recount how they enjoyed the eat-all-you-like buffet they had on holiday or at a local Indian (things I never do) then tell me I have to stop overeating. I seethe when I look into the windows of pubs, cafes, restaurants, and see slim people scoffing cakes, pizzas, hot chocolate, muffins, McD's, fry-up breakfasts; I am cross when I see them buying cakes in Gregg's and eating chips in the street, because if I did that I am labelled "naughty" or told I have an eating disorder.

It's taken me ages to realise that it's not what I eat that is the problem. From observing close up the eating habits of my flatmates and friends who come to stay, I don't eat more than the average person. It's the effect it has on my body: clearly, I am still eating too many treats for my particular slow metabolism.

My GP says "lose weight or die young". I've had the same from everyone in my life for the past 30 years and some of them are getting really pissed off with me because they don't think I am taking their advice.

All my stats like BP, cholesterol, etc are good and I am not diabetic. I take no medication. Ironically, many of the slim people who issue these dire warnings to me about my health are themselves on insulin, statins, BP pills, etc, and some who used years ago to warn me about how I was cutting my life short by being overweight have since died of various illnesses, at ages younger than I am now.

GP has made an appt for me to begin the long series of meetings and consultations that lead to a gastric bypass. First appt is in a week.

I have read about this and it is a barbaric mutilation. I have read about several women who died of starvation afterwards. I don't have any digestive issues. Having a bypass causes chronic problems for the rest of life (reflux, vomiting, diarrhoea, constipation, indigestion, malnutrition). Even if I came out of surgery OK, the thought of never being able to eat a proper meal again for the rest of my life (bypass is irreversible) makes me feel I would rather die young but enjoy my food.

My basic diet is healthy, currently two big bowls of salad a day with mayonnaise and some kind of meat or fish or seafood on top. No sugar, and no wheat. I am also teetotal and I never touch fizzy drinks or sweeteners. But then I ruin it all by having "impulse treats": either sugary (ice cream), wheaty (cake or chocolate biscuits), or a family bag of crisps. I do not keep any of these things in the house - ever. I HAVE to go out and buy them.

Each day I get up with the intention to just have the healthy meals and not to give in to the cheating impulse. Probably 4 days out of 7 I fail.

After 40 years I still cannot work out why I am self-sabotaging my every effort to diet. Especially as I now cannot walk more than 50 metres, get upstairs, and my world has become extremely restricted as I cannot fit into cinema, plane seats etc. Predictably, I am still single. (Yes there are specialist dating sites for men who like obese women but they are fetishists who would sabotage a woman's attempts at dieting.)

I am literally making myself disabled, and un-dateable and I don't know why.

I want to live a normal life, get about and have holidays and a great love life, and yet why oh why isn't even all that proving to be an incentive to stop cheating? I want to live again, but it's like I am not prepared to pay the price of constant deprivation.

I am not sure if this is far too complex an issue for a dieting board made up of people who are just a little bit podgy from baby-weight, but I post in the hope that there is someone else out there who feels the same or is in the same position or has some advice on how to escape from this self-imposed prison.

I just want to add that it is perfectly possible to be thin without cauliflower rice, undressed salads and fat free yoghurt ever passing your lips. In fact, in terms of lifetime thinness I would say a person is more likely to be thin all of their life if they don't do daft things like cut all of the fat from their diet.

A new norm is needed for the OP, with an understanding that it isn't normal to eat six slices of toast, ever. No one with a healthy approach to food is doing this (apart from athletes who eat huge amounts to ensure they have the energy they need). You should never feel deprived to have three biscuits, or a normal size bowl of cereal.

When you see a thin person eating out in a restaurant, having three courses, the reason they can do that is most likely that it's a once a fortnight or once a month sort of occasion and they won't then go home and eat loads of snacks.

I was baffled for years as to why one of my friends was overweight (and she was baffled too) and then I had a couple of weeks away with her. After having had a good lunch at a restaurant, in the afternoon she still wanted a 'treat', and when we stopped at a cafe for coffee she had a hot chocolate rather than tea/coffee every time. I think it just didn't register to her that this is not the norm and to her she didn't see drinking hot chocolate as any different to everyone else drinking coffee.

I think it would help OP hugely to accept that she needs to bring her idea of what everyone else is eating into check and not feel envy or whatever on seeing a thin person eat an ice cream because that ice cream is just one part of the story.

Pacific if you are intolerant to gluten (not coeliac), and you're eating it every day, it will mess with your digestive system and your metabolism.

Same with candida. You'll crave white carbs and sugar, and your blood sugar levels will be all over the place.

Once your digestive system is in optimal mode, the rest can sometimes follow....

It was just a suggestion beyond the 'watch your portion sizes' comments which are far easier said than done. I know!

Try reading fat is a feminist issue by susie orbach. It might help you take back control of your body and your eating.

I doubt a particular eating plan is the answer at this point - certainly not a restrictive one. I am no expert but my rating has gone awry at times and my strategy is to try to eat like a normal person not on a diet. Can you start trying to eat nutritious delicious food that you enjoy at every meal so you are not so hungry. Be nice to yourself. You do deserve to eat nice food and get enjoyment from food. Be honest - how much do you actually enjoy the binge food? Do you like steak? Do you like mashed potato? Do you like broccoli? Make yourself a lovely meal of proper food and enjoy it. Don't think about calories or diet. Just think- is it nice? Does it make me feel good?

Leigh I hope you had a good sleep and feeling well today. Your evening sounded awesome compared to mine. It's such a nice feeling to self care. You reminded me that I need to oil my hair. My mother used to oil our hair with coconut oil and I still do that now. Please come back when you are ready. I hope you have a good day.

Leigh, hope you're ok.

Just wanted to add, people who don't have the same problem don't understand the feelings, cravings involved. We know it's not good to eat say six slices of toast, but we crave more and more .. It's not hunger, it's a craving, for whatever reason. Eating less and depriving ourselves doesn't help. We need to address the cravings. I'm not sure how though ... If someone works it out, they'll be very rich!

THANK YOU to Pacific, Quint, Deb, Welsh.

Yes I keep reading about the effects of sleep deprivation on weight. Also cortisol, stress, depression, ghrelin, insulin. There is definitely an awful lot more to this weight issue than calories in-calories out (which has itself been debunked).

Thank you for the kind words and reassurance that I am not alone in struggling with emotions and food.

I think I have issues that are deep and maybe subconscious that I am too scared to dig up and examine. Many traumas in childhood inc sexual abuse, lack of love, loneliness.

I have taken on board all the suggestions on here that resonate with me and make sense. Especially the one about using my obvious "OCD tendencies" to help not hinder me.

*Quint"

I do nibble like that all day when doing the low calorie diet but currently I am trying to do 16/8 and high fat low carb,to let my pancreas/insulin rest by leaving as long between meals as possible.

Welsh

I think that I, too, am terrified of hunger. My father got caught up in a war and was starved almost to death. He repeated the story many times throughout my childhood, and this could have affected how panicky I feel when I feel hungry.

It could take years to unravel and untangle and heal, but in the meantime I have to make choices about what to eat every single day, and I am terrified at the thought of just ceasing to diet and "eat what I want". I have tried that several times (when I got sick of the whole dieting thing) and I can gain a stone literally in two weeks. At 25st I cannot afford to gain. I have to lose, and as soon as possible. I literally can barely walk. Also, the pschological effect of seeing those scales read 360 instead of 350, it could plunge me into such self loathing that I may never recover.

Everyone tells me it's wrong to be a slave to the scale, but I am, and I cannot help it. When I see a loss, even just 2 or 3lb, I feel proud, happy, positive and in control. And those feelings (should) help to keep me on track.

As of today, I have a foundation of three days good intake to build on, and scales tell me I have lost 3lb in as many days. Somehow I have to keep up the dieting whilst waiting for the therapy.

OP I hope you find a good psychotherapist and that s/he can help you, because until you address the mental and emotional aspects of your eating you will continue to fail to lose weight. Your whole life seems to revolve around food, thinking about food, trying to resist food, failing, beating yourself up - its an endless cycle of food-related misery.

Your eating is the definition of 'disordered'. Your thinking about food is obsessive and all-consuming and in many aspects your thinking isn't right either - those big salads piled high with meat and mayonnaise are helping to keep you fat just the same as the litres of ice cream, the crisps and the chocolate bars are. I'm actually wondering if what you need is a referral to an eating disorders clinic, because while some starve themselves or binge and purge, you are quite literally going to eat yourself to death if you continue on this path.

And no, thin people don't gorge themselves day and night on junk food and still stay thin. They treat themselves occasionally and then they cut back afterwards to balance it out. The thin people I know all eat very lightly 90% of the time. If you're fat its because you simply eat too much. You eat too many calories. And being virtually disabled by your weight you're unable to burn many of them off.

Have you ever looked into seated exercise classes? In my area there are several (including some for over-50s, people with COPD, etc., although you don't need to fulfill these conditions to join a class), and while they won't make you lose any weight, it'll get you moving more and maybe making some new friends.

Whilst I was typing all that, four more posts have appeared!

Thank you Hector, Shoes, Cocoa, Babylon, Blue, and Cat.

Hector

My GP has referred me for bypass, I will ask for WMT instead.

Shoes

I have never eaten 6 slices of toast in my life!

And I repeat, yet again, I am not basing my observations on one person and one meal but living with many different people (parents, siblings, flatmates) over decades and by spending weeks/weekends with boy or girl friends. I can only conclude that denying such people exist is intended to bash fatties. I wish I could post here my 9stone sister's phone number and you could ask her yourself.

Babylon

I read that book years ago. Maybe I should read it again. And I do have to keep restricting, every single day, sorry :-(

In my OP I described the delicious, nutritious food I eat every day. (no potato as am on low carb high fat.) I do enjoy the binge as it releases the tension, I suppose, satisfies the craving, then I totally regret it afterwards.

Blue

Yes, I slept like a log thank you (antihistamines help!) and had a lie-in, too. Avoiding wheat helps with my sleep apnoea.

Cat

You are 100% correct. People who have never experienced having a mess-up emotional relationship with food have no idea.

A stick-thin NHS dietician I'd waited 8 months to see once told me to "lose three stone" by the time she saw me again in 6 months, and I asked, "Yes, but HOW?" and she replied, "If I knew that, I would be a millionaire". Then she laughed and showed me the door. I can't believe these people draw salaries.

I told the dietician that I ate homemade houmous and she told me how good that was. She didn't ask how much. Think large pyrex bowl.

OP, I'm sorry, but you are kidding yourself if you think your 9 stone sister is eating a fry up for breakfast every day, then tucking into a pizza for lunch and fish and chips for dinner (or some similar sets of meals). I have a skinny friend who eats crap. The point is that she doesn't then have a great big salad loaded with high fat meat and dressing. She has a bag of Monster Munch and that's it - that's her lunch!

Another skinny friend will eats chocolate while sitting watching TV, but its one Curly Wurly or a few nice chocolates out of a box. Then at the weekend she goes on a 20-mile bike ride and in between she walks/cycles to work/into town, etc. Skinny people may have faster metabolisms, but from observing them I'd say that very generally they don't eat that much, they're active and if they're not then as they age they gain weight like anyone else.

The world is not out to get you OP. There is no conspiracy that keeps you fat and other people thin. But you are going to need help to rewire your thinking on food or you're going to have to leave your purse at home and just take your keys and phone when you go for a walk. Because those trips to the corner shop will be the death of you otherwise.

I'm just thinking back to when I lost 4 stone, and the major thing that allowed me to do that was accepting that I couldn't just eat exactly what I wanted. I realised that I had to eat less than I had been doing, and that there was no magic answer apart from that

Juneau

"those big salads piled high with meat and mayonnaise are helping to keep you fat". You may deny low carb high fat diets work, but they do, for millions. On the Atkins forum there are hundreds of before-and-after pictures and stories of massive weight loss from eating exactly this way. I also lose weight eating that way. My sole problem is the carb binges. And, just for the record, I don't think a tablespoon of mayo can be described as 'piled high'. But fats are not restricted on this diet, in any case.

Iced

No need. There are lots of Youtube videos, free of charge, and one can follow the chair aerobics instructor in privacy. And they are great fun!

I agree re LCHF diets. They definitely do work. And you can eat as much fat as you wish on them.

What thinking said. I was just starting to write a near-identical post,but realised that she had already said it better!

OP, you are in deep denial about what you eat and what others eat. Until this changes, you will struggle to make any real change to your health.

I know lots of slim people. I'm a runner, it comes with the territory. But even my DH at the height of marathon training, when he's running 80+ miles a week, doesn't eat the quantity,or type,of food you describe.

There is no big conspiracy, slim people aren't "getting away with it." You have the power to change your health, and accepting the reality of your daily diet vs the "norm" would be a good starting point.

Very best of luck.

thinkingthingsover

How nasty and cruel of you to make a list of things I fantasize about eating and include them in a list of why I am fat!

How nasty and cruel of you to make a list of things I have stated that I feel terrible about eating, beat myself up about eating, hate myself for eating, and include them in a list of what YOU think I eat every day, and then try to humiliate me publicly saying that I eat this great long list every day then wonder why I am fat.

What a very nasty person, you are, and a liar and a manipulator of what has been said.

FOR THE RECORD to set things straight for anyone who accidentally believes the nonsense this nasty person has posted, my normal day to day diet, MOST DAYS is a standard, tried-and-tested high fat, low carb diet that is

One meal late morning and one meal late afternoon, no snacks, no treats, no alcohol, no sugar, no wheat.

I already stated I mean, the whole point of this thread is, that I want and expect to keep to that the whole time and my only problem i.e. the whole point of the post, is that 3 or 4 times a week I keep having these ridiculous junk food binges which I want to knock on the head completely.

Your nasty, vicious message twists everything I have posted into a total pack of lies, by pretending that I have said I expect to eat that great long list of stuff everyday and expect to lose weight.

It is the very OPPOSITE of what I am posting.

I guess there was bound to be one or two nasty people leaping into my thread and twisting everything I have written.

Thank God most people understand what I am struggling with. THANK YOU ones for your helpful posts. The liars can sod off, I won't be reading any more of their pack-of-lies posts.

My BMI is 31-32

I am obese and four stone overweight.

I cannot eat what I like and never could. I eat chocolate once a month, about 100 cals worth. I might have 2-3 ice cream cones during an entire family holiday. I have cake maybe twice a month, the smallest one available.

I eat mainly things like fruit, veg, salad, crispbread, occasional brown bread, occasional crumpet or bagel, yoghurt, lean meat, poultry, fish, Edam or Cheddar thin slices, occasional Halloumi or Feta, pulses and grains, nuts and seeds, spreadable butter, milk, low sugar jam, honey, eggs, olive oil. I drink tea but very little coffee and alcohol.

I know my diet is very healthy as blood tests relating to my disability issues show perfect stats.

However I am still overweight because of disability issues. Yet if I ate what you did I would be enormous.

OP, you need to train yourself to like the good stuff and be indifferent to the bad stuff. This will take a while but you will get to a point where crap food will make you feel sluggish and you will voluntarily reject it because you no longer like it.

That's the answer, as I see it.

I would add that the binges are like an addiction and that steering towards the other foods reduces cravings and binging.

You're NOT LCHF though. You eat carb. And LCHF isn't a lifestyle people can or should do permanently. LCHF won't work long term. No diet will ever work long term.

Changing your relationship with food, being honest with yourself about what you and others eat, and changing your view of food and your lifestyle forever is the only thing that will work.

You're still insisting your diet is healthy apart from the binges. It isn't.

It's not the binges making you fat though. Most people on the thread have said that.
Your diet is your diet. Everything you eat. The salads are making you fat too. I'm sorry you're upset but its the truth.

Most slim people can binge on junk yes but then they cut off for a month. Honestly it's a lie that skinny people consistently eat shed loads.
If I eat a meal out with 3 courses the next day I'll eat sparingly because I can regulate I don't have an unhealthy relationship with food.
It must be really hard but you want to change. Don't put pressure on yourself by cutting out the binge. Try as others have suggested, eating regular meals with a nice pudding.

Work on the emotional issues of course which are at the heart of this.

There is a great video on you tube by a lady called real swan Teal Swan about why people can't loose weight. I think you'll benefit immensely!

Ageinrunner

"re LCHF diets. They definitely do work. And you can eat as much fat as you wish on them."

Yeah, this is something a few people still refuse to believe. I have a friend who has lost 11stone on Atkns. She says I don't eat enough, and should have 3 meals a day not two.

There is definitely an element here of people attempting to "shame" me for eating fat and meat. But that is what works for millions. And yes, even mayo (it's just egg and oil, both of which are unrestricted on Atkins.)

Also, a small minority of people do feel strongly that fat people should be punished by not being allowed to have anything that is remotely tasty, indulgent or enjoyable - like cream or mayonnaise. Just bare lettuce and half a skinless, fat-free dry chicken breast!

To me all that matters is, does it work? Yes, it does, but you have to find a way of never having a carb-binge, and that is what I am trying so very hard to do.

I do not need anyone to criticise my Atkins meals - they are just fine as they are. Maybe I will increase to 3 a day.

Today is day 3 without a binge. I am doing really well, but some people instead of praise and encouragement think that lying, shaming and laying into me are what is going to keep me on track. They aren't, so don't bother.

OP, I'm sorry I have offended you. My words weren't intended to be nasty. I KNOW you don't eat that every day. But those are the things you've listed as portions you either have eaten, or would like to eat. You have stated that you think other people also desire those things, eat those things, and 'get away with it'. I was hoping to offer some perspective as I thought this might help.

I won't come back here as I'm obviously not helping. I'm sorry for this as I've thought about you a lot during this thread - and have spent a lot of time feeling concerned about your struggles and I'm pleased for the success you've had this week. I wish you well.

titchy

"You're still insisting your diet is healthy apart from the binges. It isn't."

So you are arguing that eating a diet consisting of non-starchy vegetables, meat, fish and fat, the diet our ancestors ate for millenia, isn't healthy?