Hi all
Spacecucumber - honestly it will get better. Try the vanilla dessert with some stewed rhubarb. Also try the chocolate dessert and hot chocolate too. Keep focussed on what you are achieving and your body will soon get used to it all.
Well I promised an update from my final session today. It was hard. I wasn't expecting to feel so emotional but I had to fight back the tears during the session. I think it was the fact that my fixed regime has come to an end and I am sort of out there on my own now and can eat anything that is scary and hard. Going to the clinic every week and eating sachets and very limited types of food has become the norm and finishing this is very unsettling.
It was useful though aw I got my new metabolic rate -1272 calories per day to maintain this weight. Doesn't sound very much! I also got told my BMI is 25 which is officially healthy. I haven't had a healthy BMI for over 25 years so it's a phenomenal achievement.
The big question is can I keep the weight off???
Well I asked the staff about my chocolate craving I have constantly. She said if I have to have chocolate then something like an options hot chocolate is best. Failing that a spoonful of Nutella as at least it's full of protein. Or I could have the odd two squares of dark chocolate if I absolutely have to.
So I have a big confession to make... Having heard all of this (and having starved myself as you can't eat before you get your metabolic rate tested) I went into the supermarket after the clinic. They were giving away free samples- the first one was Lindt chocolate and I simply couldn't resist. So I had two. I then had two samples of cake. I then bought a jar of Nutella and as soon as I got in the car I opened it and stick my finger in and ate loads. Do you know what it was fantastic - people had said to me it won't be as nice as you imagine as you- but it was.
However I now feel terrible. Not only do I feel like I have really let myself down but I also feel very bloated and really quite sick too. I have told my husband to get rid of the remains of the Nutella jar before I get up in the morning. I never want to see Nutella again!
So where do I go from here? Well I have devised a plan. I have found an app which I have put on my phone and iPad on which I can keep a food diary. I have loaded in all the food I was having on stabilisation like rhubarb, salad, fruit, porridge, meat and eggs etc and have planned my day for tomorrow and set my own diet plan and have prepared all my meals in advance. It doesn't have any nutella in!!
I have also learned that I am no good with resisting temptation and so I need to keep to a very strict diet exactly as I was doing. I can't have temptation anywhere near me as I have too many weak moments.
I confessed all about today to my mum who has been my rock throughout the diet. She reminded me 1) how amazing I look now, 2) how she was preparing herself for me dying young because of how unhealthily I was living - just like my dad who died of a heart attack at 48 - heavy stuff, 3) what a phenomenal achievement to lose 6 and a half stone is; and 4) how I suspected certain people congratulated me on my weight loss but really they are saying 'she will soon put it all back on' behind my back. It's true and it's another reason why I have to keep it off to prove them wrong as well as keep looking fantastic and keep able to buy skinny size 10 clothes.
I am feeling very confident I have now got control back and tomorrow is another day. I have also booked maintenance plus LPG treatment sessions for the next two weeks as I want to know I have to get on the scales and talk about how I am doing on the diet.
Will keep you posted - fingers crossed! Any tips or things to avoid from post Alevere survivors gratefully received.
a good tip from the clinic today- apparently your head still thinks your body should be big and so tells you to crave what you used to love but you have to ignore what your head is telling you- it's not telling you what your body actually does need.
Sorry for another essay from me but it really helps to have somewhere to express how I am feeling.
Keep strong everyone- we are all on this journey together and it's a massive help to know we all have each other's support and know what each other is going through. Thanks Xxx