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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Brides to be on a weight loss mission! Part II

371 replies

SoonToBeMrsB · 17/03/2015 09:20

Hi ladies, here is part two of the thread.

Part one here

As you were...

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Dowser · 24/03/2015 22:40

Awww! That's sad news Mrs B

Why does it affect him like that do you think?

That's odd.

Anything underlying. Has he had testosterone levels checked? For eg

Dowser · 24/03/2015 22:41

Does he eat plenty of protein? Just thinking he might be low in something but not sure what.

SoonToBeMrsB · 25/03/2015 09:29

I don't know, it's odd to me as I don't change personality-wise when I lose or gain weight, I'm still chatty and bubbly, just a bit fatter or thinner lol. He completely shuts down, doesn't want to go out because his clothes don't fit, doesn't want to have sex (sorry ladies, TMI), doesn't even feel comfortable cuddling, etc. He has lost a shedload of weigh since new year and things have been a lot better.

He threw out the things he hadn't eaten last night and admitted that he felt like crap after eating it. Hopefully this won't be the start of a pattern. He said that it happened because his shift finished much earlier than he had planned and so he had a few hours to fill, which resulted in boredom eating.

As for me, I'm at work after an early morning spin class at the on-campus gym. I don't really like morning exercise because I hate rushing about but I have book club tonight so needs must. Plus, I get to feel smug all day Wink

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FreakinScaryCaaw · 25/03/2015 10:05

Sorry to hear this soon. I don't suppose he'd talk to his gp? Does he go to a gym?

I'm off to work at 12 to help out for a few hours. An old client I worked well with is returning. I've had some muesli to keep me going and will eat when I get in around 5?

I'll have to force myself to do some exercise tonight to burn some fat. Am off out with the dog now will walk fast.

It's beautiful weather so nice to be out.

SoonToBeMrsB · 25/03/2015 10:14

No way, he has terrible anxiety (as do I) and he's a chronic avoider. I brought up the GP and was immediately shut down. He doesn't go to the gym but he's a postman so he walks 10mi a day with his bags and, being in Glasgow, climbs up and down tenement stairs all day. Not many main door houses where we are. He is very physically fit, he can just eat an obscene volume of food without feeling full.

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FreakinScaryCaaw · 25/03/2015 10:50

I suffer from anxiety too but take meds which help. It's awful.

Guided meditations can be useful. I found a nice short one on YouTube. Some can be more annoying than restful.

Is he getting plenty vitamins? B vits are important for MH.

SoonToBeMrsB · 25/03/2015 11:17

I'll get him some vitamins at the weekend, thanks FSC.

Anxiety is awful, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I actually didn't go to a very close friend's wedding last year because of it. I gave her plenty of notice that I wouldn't be attending due to various circumstances and we didn't speak for almost a year Sad

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Dowser · 25/03/2015 12:01

Oral b liquid vitamins under the tongue are best. I can't find the ones I use on net.

Something to do with absorption but to be truthful it sounds like only part of the problem.

Withdrawing affection and lack of wanting intimacy is something that needs addressing.

He's filling himself up with junk food and then feels awful about it and pushes you away.

It sounds like he's trying to fill an emotional hole within himself but then when he's full of crap he feels like crap.

You, who would be a much better way of filling the emotional need weren't available ( hence the junk food) . His emotional need has been filled so you aren't necessary.

It's a bit like a baby with separation anxiety. Baby for eg has to go into hospital. Maybe mum can't stay. When mum goes to see baby , baby turns its head away. Mum wasnt there when baby needed it, so now baby punishes mum . I've written that very simply. Just trying to get the basic idea across to you.

Course we aren't dealing with a baby but a grown man but sometimes when we do strange things as adults we need to look back over to get some sort of explanation. I'm not saying that is true of your DP mrs B, I'm just trying to make sense of a distressing situation for you both.

Our relationship with food is very complex and I think we all struggle with it over our lives to some extent. How often do we reach for comfort food or drink. There's those that gorge and there's those that limit their food intake when upset.

Food is one of the first things we are offered as babies. Our relationship with it is a very primeval one. Followed by affection.

Certainly DP seems to have an exaggerated response at times to food and then to affection. Like he's got his wires crossed somewhere.

I would suggest going to relate to see if you can unravel this because it appears that he doesn't understand it and you get hurt by it.

Once you shed a light on it and get some understanding of the situation then he can make an adult response to it. As in he says silently to himself for eg you know what, I've had a crap day, mrs b isn't here, oh bugger it, I'm going to have that pizza because you know what, right now I'm craving a pizza and if I eat a pizza maybe that tummy monster will shut up and then we can all be happy.thats just my daft little scenario , but it's eating with a bit of understanding of why he's doing it. A crap day! Feels down. FEels sad. Having that knowledge that he's eating it for a reason hopefully will take the guilt away. Eg I'm going to give my body what it wants. It wants pizza and I'm really going to enjoy it.

I've gone on and on again. I hope I've helped. Maybe not and if I haven't I apologise.

SoonToBeMrsB · 25/03/2015 13:01

It does help, thank you Smile

He has done this a couple of times in our relationship but it got quite bad a few months ago and I basically sat him down and said it had to change or I was walking. He is the love of my life but he was so depressed and withdrawn, he felt like a different person. He had been talking about wanting to lose weight so it wasn't something that I was bringing up - I would never, ever tell someone to lose weight for any reason. He agreed that eating rubbish wasn't worth feeling that bad for so he started eating well on new years day. Things have been infinitely better and we've both agreed that they can't go back to the way they were because we argue and resent each other and it's no way to live.

I wish he would talk to someone about his issues but I know 100% that there's no way he'd do it so I don't push. If I see another slip in the next couple of weeks I'll have to bring up our agreement because I told him straight-up that I refused to live with a sullen, moody wet blanket. I refuse to be miserable just because he won't make an attempt at controlling his junk food intake.

I know how harsh that sounds but when his poor decisions regarding food begin to affect other people (me, in this case), it's not something that he can just ignore.

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Dowser · 25/03/2015 13:03

EFT is really good for anxiety Mrs B

I learned it from Paul McKenna on the tv

Here is an excellent guide that explains it all and unless than five mins you've got it.

eft.mercola.com/

There's also
Emofree.com

Gary craig developed roger callaghans ideas a bit further. It works on meridians and you can also use it for help with weight loss, cravings etc

No why didn't I think of that sooner.

Why, thank you mrs B for pointing me in the right direction

I was involved in a serious accident years ago which resulted in me being avert nervous passenger. I was in Florida with my SIL driving and there was a huge black pancake cloud looming which meant one thing ...a severe storm. It was already lightening. We were outrunning it but we had a good half hour journey to get back home and then we changed direction and next thing, we were in it.

It was pitch black, lightning was circling all around us, the wind was up, rain was so heavy the wipers couldn't cope, the traffic lights were out and there was about 4 ins of water on the road. I was almost begging for mercy.

Then I remembered Eft . So, I concentrated on tapping and let him concentrate on driving.not only did he get us back to the villa in one piece, I managed not to cry.

It does work. I've used it many times in anxious situations.

SoonToBeMrsB · 25/03/2015 13:17

Omg that sounds terrifying, I'm not surprised it stuck with you! I'll definitely have a look at those resources and bring it up to DP.

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Dowser · 25/03/2015 13:18

Oh dear! Just seen your reply. That is sad and exploring this food addiction with a trained counsellor might get to the bottom of it so that it's manageable ( I wouldn't say cured) and doesn't impact on your relationship.

My cousin had an unhealthy relationship with food. He got to 38 stone when it got out of control. He had a deprived childhood. They were very poor with not much food to go around .

When he got his first pay check he went to the supermarket and bought himself a trolley full of food. He was 16 years old.

That seemed to set the pattern for the rest of his life. I've seenhimwolf down 12 bread rolls in one sitting as well as a meal and dessert.

You can't make someone change who doesn't want to change though. They have to see the benefits for themselves.

SoonToBeMrsB · 25/03/2015 13:26

It's so difficult. When my eating is bad it doesn't affect anyone else because my personality doesn't change so he can't complain when I'm eating rubbish. He struggles with the same thing but, unfortunately, it's more important that he works hard to control the urges because it does affect other people.

If he ate crap and gained weight and stayed the same cheeky, funny, bubbly person then I wouldn't care a jot.

Am I making sense or do I just sound like a terrible, unsupportive fiancee?

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Dowser · 25/03/2015 21:57

Makes perfect sense to me.

It's like if someone binge drinks occasionally but stays the same , level headed, funny, generous, kind loving person before they drank as after then the occasional lapse doesn't hurt but if they turn nasty, abusive, hurtful, and so on.

Not ok!

Dancingwitch · 26/03/2015 13:13

Soon - you don't sound terrible at all. If I were in your position, I think I'd feel exactly the same. It is so hard for you as you are helpless to do anything about it. You can't stop him buying or accessing this food and, unfortunately, nothing you say is likely to stop him from wanting to. Hopefully he will stop himself from doing it again but I imagine it is also easy to get into a vicious cycle where you feel down due to the binge so eat again to cheer up, then feel down so eat again etc.

Something I wouldn't have imagined myself saying last week was that I was really grumpy to be 10st1 again today as I have hoped for 10st having been for a run and had a semi successful fast day yesterday! Today hasn't been great. Starting off with a bag of mini eggs for breakfast was a mistake and, since then, I have just been seeking the sugar high!

FreakinScaryCaaw · 26/03/2015 13:40

Been to see the florist today ?Getting closer!

I've done some jogging, walked the dog and only eaten fruit up to now. Bought a nice joint of beef and it's on a veg trivet with beef stock in the slow cooker.

I bought 2 big jars with lids to put sweets in for £1 each at the charity shop. A friend has some too with the scoops. I'll set up a little table for the kids...and big kids.

I love a party. Am looking forward to the wedding day too of course ??

Just hope I can lose a full stone. Not looking likely? I had hoped for 2 but 1 would be nice.

SoonToBeMrsB · 26/03/2015 16:00

My eating was perfect all week until last night. I had book club and was meeting the girls for the first time since before Christmas. I went to Subway for an early dinner of ham salad but for some reason I also bought an oatmeal raisin cookie. I had a wander around the shops before going to the bar a couple of hours later and everyone was ordering food so I was egged on until I ordered nachos. Thankfully it was quite a trendy place so it was all wanky presentation and small portions. However, I also ate a Kitkat Chunky and a Tunnock's Teacake when I got home! Angry

I woke up this morning feeling really rubbish about it (not to mention how the spicy salsa and jalapenos upset my stomach Blush) so I've been syn-free today and I'll do another syn-free day tomorrow until weigh in on Saturday morning.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

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FreakinScaryCaaw · 26/03/2015 16:41

Soon, we do it because they taste nice! I can't resist nachos. Cakes and biccys aren't tempting but I love savoury.

I've had cheese and oatmeal crackers and 2 small pieces of Coop's posh pizza. I'll eat some beef with veg after dancing.

Dancingwitch · 26/03/2015 17:21

I've had a dreadful day too. Having succumbed once, it is as though I may as well continue in the spiral & have eaten all of the things that have been tempting me for days. I am about to put the squirty cream in the bin as no one needs that & I just keep having a quick squirt of it on a ginger nut!

Whose is the first wedding? I've forgotten. I've had a busy week with a dress fitting, doing our marriage notice & organising my hen do.

SoonToBeMrsB · 26/03/2015 17:50

I think my wedding is last - I'm not until 22 June 2016.

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rusmum · 26/03/2015 21:08

Hi I'm a December bride and 2 stone too fat! Hmm

Dowser · 26/03/2015 22:23

Hi RUSmum

Welcome to the club.

Bastardgodarkly was first but she kinda dropped out. Think she might have had it by now. It was set for march.

The list is buried in the last thread.

FSC is June....not too far away!

Had a good day today really. Just had a wheat free biscuit which was a bit crap and a small choc bar. The rest was the usual.

Been to see my GP , the homeopathic one. Got some real nasties. Gastro enteritis, shigella and something else. Can't remember the name.

She muscle tested my kefir and pronounced it good strong stuff! So I'll make more of it and eat more of it!

Also the Ayurvedic medecine I brought back from Tenerife. Also good. I just wish I didn't keep getting so poorly.

Still, I could be worse!

FreakinScaryCaaw · 26/03/2015 23:51

Hi rusmum, you have plenty of time.

Dowser, I take it your homeopath does kinesiology too?

Had plenty of dances tonight. I was the lead for beginner's and intermediate tonight as we were short of men.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 26/03/2015 23:53

Oh got lots of comments on my weight loss but scales say the same? Confused

gotredonyou · 27/03/2015 08:10

Morning ladies, sorry for my absence. Not only have I been a little piggy but work have installed some kind of advanced monitoring system so I'm too scared to surf the net incase they are tracking me!! Lol next week I've decided to start the couch to 5k. Never tried running before but my fiancé suggested it so his interest should keep me motivated. Will let you know how I get on xx