How can I lose 10lbs before my holiday on, er, Monday?

[WhatsGoingOnEh]

In a panic. Was meant to start diet in May but one thing (or rather, one pizza) led to another and now I've got less than a week.

I'm 5'6" and look great at 9st 7. This morning I was 10st 11! Shiiiiiiiit!

What can I do? I really REALLY need to crash some of this off. I don't care if it's unhealthy, it's only for a few days and I can do it properly when I get home.

Any and all ideas MASSIVELY gratefully received. What are your tried and tested tricks? Thank you!

I think chronic food poising is your only hope here!

Almased is good. Natural and low gi. It has years of scientific testing of safety and efficacy in Germany and just recently came out here. You can do phase 1 (shakes and veg broth) until Monday and you will probably lose 5 or 6 lb, plus you won't be hungry. Warning, you will need cocoa powder to mix in it, otherwise it tastes strange.

Ooh great tip! Where can I buy that? Thanks!

online mostly. usual suspect websites, one day delivery....

Loving this thread. Is well funny. Trying to work out which technique is best for me!!

OP, do you not think that the banging headache might be telling you that your crash diet is not such a great idea?

I've no idea what caused the headache, but I can't believe that eating a salad instead of a pizza is causing anything sinister to happen in my brain!

I googled the Almased, which kick started a huge, protracted google spiral that ended with my spending £56 on the Boots website (£33 of that on emergency St Tropez - AKA "the fat disguiser").

Quite a lot of that money was on Full & Slim sachets. They're sachets of some gel shiat, which you mix with 250ml water and drink before a meal. They contain something with a long name (sorry - lack of carbs is making my brain shut down... God, maybe it is a salad-related stroke after all?) which fills you up. Of course, just drinking 250ml of water before a meal would fill you up anyway, but these had a long name and were on 3 for 2.

I can pick them up tomorrow. I also ordered the tan, plus 3D Whitening toothpaste, and shower gel. I currently get through quite a lot of both, as my teeth have been constantly covered in food for 6 months, and I need almost a whole bottle of shower gel to do one thigh.

You substituted caffeine for food! I didn't say it was causing sinister things to happen, a headache isn't necessarily sinister - just very unpleasant!

I'm watching this with interest. I need to lose 2 stone by tomorrow.

I don't find it funny.

Today I've eaten:

Black coffee - about 64 cups
Diet Coke
That amazingly healthy and ££££ Zizzis salad (250 cals! £10.50! That's like 4 pence PER calorie. I'm living the Posh Spice lifestyle here)
Carrot sticks and cucumber (my youngest son's starter in Zizzis. I literally ripped these out of his hand.)
An apple
Three glasses of water
Two Ibuprofen (I almost googled the calorie count of these)
Ahem, one slice of garlic bread (oldest son's starter. See "ripped out of his hand", above.)

Now I need dinner. I was going to have lamb chops but forgot to defrost them so it's going to get nasty in this house very, very soon. No exercise.

Today I've spent:

£10.50 on diet salad
£56 on diet supplements

Losing weight is going to destroy me financially.

I wouldn't normally eat breakfast, so I didn't substitute caffeine for food really. I normally eat for the first time at 11.30am. And then it's practically non-stop for 12 hours.

Dad defrosted the chops! I'm going to have two with ratatouille then take the dog for a walk.

My engagement ring feels looser. Maybe it's just grease from the garlic bread.

The egg diet. (Same as the James Duncan 1).
I lost 7lb in 7 days.

Take a handful of vitamins each morning and then eat fuck all. Has worked for me for years and I'm thin.

Water fast
No solids
Only to use when desperate( eg weddings , holiday etc)

Whatsgoingon - you are funny! And I can't imagine that you are not gorgeous as you are. But please don't stop posting. I too am heading on hols on Mon and have discovered I need to loose a stone by then

*LOSE not loose....grrr....

Great thread, loving your updates and following with interest as I lost 9lbs for wedding in May and put it all back in two weeks on honeymoon. I keep lingering around people with S&D a bit longer than is appropriate as have wedding to attend next weekend! Dust anyone?

No jink food, mostly plants all week.

And buy yourself some "beach trousers" in size twelve. You can't wear them outside the house in the UK but you will be comfy on holiday.

I love how you're all helping. Thank you. :)

I once lost 6lbs in five days staying at the Slimmeria health farm. I'd got a Groupon. It was so much fun - about 14 women and two men staying at this gorgeous house. We'd get up at 6am (!) for a glass of hot water, then go on a long (2-hour) walk. Then we'd get a glass of juice. Then aerobics, then yoga on the lawns while we drifted in and out of consciousness. Lunch was minuscule - maybe some lettuce, some grated carrot and a radish. I'm not kidding. Then beauty treatments in the afternoon, then half an orange at 4pm.

Dinner was foul. Always vegan, but seasoned with some revolting herb that none of us could identify. Fennel? Fenugreek? If you complained about the meal, you'd be given half an apple instead. Which tasted amazing.

If you got dizzy, you'd be given a raisin. One.

It was in the middle of nowhere, no nearby shops. One of the men turned Smuggler and used to disappear in the afternoons and turn up with bulging Sainsbury's bags. One girl I walked with just ran off, off the coastal path, and disappeared into a newsagents. We watched her go like she was leaving a cult. She reappeared, chewing, but refused to admit she'd just bought a Snickers.

I had such a good laugh with the other women. We used to lie on the sofas, stomachs growling, and talk about food constantly in the tones that teenage girls use to discuss boy bands. We'd watch the Food channel like it was porn.

I left there, sleek and toned, weighing 9st, with a stomach like a ironing board. The following week I took the kids to Pontins and gained it ALL back.

OP, you are an inspiration.

My plan was steamed leeks and yogurt later as a treat.

DH turned up with a bag from Laduree - one millefeuille and one eclair type of thing. Why? oh why?

Ok your thread is making me :o I am on SW which is all about slow, steady weightloss - the opposite of what you are looking for. BUT they have something called success express which is supposed to be good for a few days for rapid weight loss (e.g. before your wedding day or something). Basically your plate should be 2/3 veg or salad with only 1/3 for your carbs and protein. They say only to do it for a few days. That's it. No magic but effective :)

Slash your calories and then do a few fast days on top as a boost. You still get 500 cals on a fast day so you could have two of your zizi salads and still be within allowed cals. Your stomach will shrink massively so you won't be able to eat as much the following day.

Also hartleys jelly pots. Something ridiculous like 36 cals. So buy lots of them. Spinach and rocket also very very low cal.

You're all bonkers.