I'm stepping off the diet merry-go-round - anyone want to join me for small sustainable changes?

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

This is going to be long. Because I've done 'em all. Rosemary Conley, Weight Watchers, Primal/Paleo, Low Carb, South Beach, the Zone, Atkins, French Women don't get fat (they do, actually, I was on holiday in France this summer and French women are definitely getting fatter than they used to be), Slimming World, raw diets, ... Oh, lots and lots of different diets and 'ways of eating' etc. I did Paul McKenna 'I can make you thin' but unfortunately he couldn't. I've read every book on weight loss and diet and overeating etc.

I always stick to them 100% for at least three weeks and lose a lot of weight. Some I've stuck to for longer - up to a year... But after being on a diet for 32 years (I'm 40) I am overweight - and I was a skinny child.

I was talking to my lovely DH about this at the weekend, feeling really fed up about it and having a little cry. He pointed out that I'm always 'on a diet', or 'off the diet'. He suggested that I take my 'off the diet' eating pattern, which seems to be what I 'snap back' to, and just change one small thing about it, and stick with that change until it's a habit.

This goes against all of my instincts, I'm an all-or-nothing person - but I realise that this is the whole problem and that he's absolutely right. I know I'm going to find it really hard though. I normally go all-out on a diet. Just making one small change which won't result in lots of weight coming off at once is against my nature. It would be nice to find some others who want to do the same thing.

Here are my rules - just for me, you don't have to have the same ones as me...

• my first small change is to stop eating between meals. I'm not going to change my meals or stop eating dessert or anything. Just stop snacking. I'll eat three meals a day. I won't restrict portions for those meals and I'll eat what I would eat when 'off the diet'.
• because I think snacking for me fills an emotional need rather than a real hunger, I'm going to do something every day to fill those emotional needs in another way e.g. call a friend, paint my nails, declutter a drawer, make a gratitude list...(I've got a list of these in a notebook so I can refer to them and choose one a day.) Part of making 'no snacking' a habit I think is to replace the habit with other things that fill the same needs.

I'm not going to add any other rules until I'm sure that the 'no snacking' habit is established and I'm comfortable with it. After that I'll add another small change.

Would anyone like to join me on this one? - I could really do with some 'accountability buddies'!

THERE you all are! I was checking for a couple of days and there were no posts, then it dropped off my 'Threads I'm On' so I assumed everyone had gone away and I didn't want to be the saddo updating my own OP all on my lonesome... But here you are! , anyone?

Brilliant pep talk whoknows! I shall reread that next time I feel like I've blown it.

Welcome HairLikeAMadWomansKnitting (love your nickname).

gussiegrips - I like your action plan. I know what you mean about the scales. There's a brilliant bit in Gillian Riley's book 'Eating Less' where she talks about the weight being a just a symptom of the eating. And that we focus on the weight, when we could just ignore our weight completely and fix the eating, and the weight would sort itself. She compares it to a smoker saying 'if only I could shift this cough' and someone saying 'well, you need to stop smoking, it's the cigarettes.' and them saying 'so how long do I have to give up the cigarettes for to get rid of the cough? I only want to get rid of the cough I don't want to give up smoking'.

Week three is always 'danger time' for me too. And my mum is in hospital so I'm anxious. I often deal with my anxiety by under-eating or over-eating (usually under-eating if I'm really anxious, over-eating if I'm just a bit anxious...).

I'm so glad you're all here. My jeans feel quite a bit looser and I feel much better about my eating - it's not ruling my life. I'm going to just stick with 'no snacking' for the moment as I'm stressed and don't want to overwhelm myself. But I'm going to suspend my 'no snacking' rule this weekend - we're going up to see my mum and she'll be out of hospital. I know she's sent my dad to buy lots of my favourite food and that she'll want us all around the kitchen table eating and being together. Maybe next week I'll add in a tweak on healthier meals or more exercise, but for now 'no snacking' is doing it for me.

becs Glad to hear your Mum is leaving hospital. And I think suspending your rule for the weekend is absolutely justified. A weekend of enjoying nice food and your Mum's company is only going to feed your soul.

I love that about the smoker asking how long they need to stop smoking for. I think that's partly why diets have failed me, because I hated the thought of dieting forever more, and so knew it wasn't sustainable, and so why put off the inevitable return to eating unhealthily.

gussiegrips - I think I'm going to join you in avoiding the scales. For the time being at least. I know I'll only feel disheartened and it will encourage the diet mentality again.

What a great thread - hope I can join in? I'm a total diet addict - despite not even needing to lose weight, how screwed up is that?! I really want to sort out my eating and make my diet healthier, but all I do is read up on 'healthy eating' theories, gear myself up, last 2 days and then return to my old habits of snacking and relying on convenience food. (I just attempted a Whole 30 and failed miserably!).

But I've just been diagnosed as coeliac and so have GOT to cut out all gluten - that's my 1 big change for now, started last Sunday, going ok so far. I also really love the no snacking idea, as I can totally relate to filling up on rubbish and then not bothering with an evening meal, so I'm also going to try that too.

Well done ladies, you're all doing great

Hi PinkCustard - please do come and join the thread! I'm coeliac too - diagnosed about ten years ago so I'm used to it now. I tried Whole 30 once too... For about three days...

As a fellow coeliac my advice would be to build your meals around naturally gluten free foods (meat, fish, lots of veg then potatoes in their many incarnations, rice, quinoa, polenta, gluten free oats, buckwheat, rice noodles, butternut squash, sweet potatoes). And watch out for hidden gluten in things like stock cubes, sauces, sorbet and icecreams, soy sauce (you can get gluten free tamari instead), baked goods that are labelled 'wheat free' but not 'gluten free', crisps, oven chips ('home fries' are the main culprit but always read the label), and beer. You might know all this already, so apologies if I'm stating the obvious. I found it out the hard way! You'll feel so much better when you've been totally gluten free for a few months. I don't have to use any willpower not to eat gluten any more as I feel so much better without it - it would be like needing to use willpower to not eat arsenic! Let me know if you'd like some meal ideas And welcome!

It's hard today, I'm worried about my Mum, about the credit card bill that just arrived, about DH who is overworked and tired and DS who is a bit run down. I succumbed to a caramel latte on the tenuous grounds that it's not technically a snack as it's a drink... (liar liar pants on fire, it's pretty much a dessert, let's face it!). But there have been so many positive changes since I stopped snacking, it feels much more balanced than my usual dieting. I've got a good lunch and a good dinner planned - it definitely goes better if I plan my meals.

I've been following this thread - I love the ethos of it and having watched a diet industry programme recently I realised my whole attitude to food / diets is totally fucked up.

I've got about a stone to shift - my problem is I'd be really gutted if I took this approach and after a week / 2 / 3 I hadn't lost any weight or EVEN WORSE put weight on! I'm not a big snacker, my problem is binging an purging! Mon - Fri I eat very little, Sat & Sun I binge binge binge! I also find I go in a 3 month cycle - really behave myself food wise and exercise for about 3 months and then I just get fed up and have a massive blow out for 2-4 weeks which just ruins all my hard work. I wish I could just learn to live a normal life where I can maintain a constant sensible level. I have actually been thinking about either:-

1. Going for hypnosis to see if they can unmuddle my brain regarding food / diets / exercise
2. Going to see the Dr to see if I can get any help with my messed up ways.

Actually thinking of it my weight fluctuations seem to revolve around the mail school holiday - I'm always in a binge phase Christmas, Easter and Summer.

I've just found this thread - could not have come at a more opportune moment. I too have a dieting history going back 35 years, I'm either on or off a diet. On Saturday night I really felt my head was going to implode with dieting thoughts, browsing the internet for new dieting books while eating an indian takeaway! Woke up on Sunday and I thought - STOP WITH ALL THIS SHIT! Just eat a little bit less and drink a little bit more water. So thats what I'm focusing on for the moment and then I found all you lot - yey!

I'm only a couple of days in and already I feel better for it. It might be psychological I guess. I even resisted the huge tub of chocolates at work, and I didnt particularly want one so it was quite easy. I was very ready for lunch though!

Hope you're all getting on ok

sweetheart I can totally identify with the bingeing in the school holidays. I don't know why I do, maybe I'm just more stressed and hassled.

Welcome sweetheart yes I think HairLikeAMadWomansKnitting has put her finger on it - being more stressed and hassled. In the school holidays how much time do you get to yourself? How much do you get to do for yourself? I'd guess not much. So grabbing something fatty/sugary gives you that moment of 'finally, something for me'. Then a low afterwards, of course. And I bet you're run ragged on the weekends too, doing stuff for the kids, taking them places etc.?

Your 'one small change' might not be 'no snacking' - you can choose the small change that will impact you the most. But keep it really small so that you can stick to it long term - no big 'diet' type rules.

SillySarah49 - welcome to the thread! I can totally identify with reading a dieting book while eating an Indian takeaway! If I had back all of the hours I've spent reading diet books and websites, making diet plans, listing 'banned' foods, browsing diet forums, counting points/calories/syns, etc. and I could go back and put all of those hours and brainpower into my career I'd be some sort of Bill Gates type billionaire... What a flipping waste of my brain! One big change I'm noticing is how much more time and brain I've got on my hands now that I don't have that extra obsession to occupy me - I need to make sure I'm using that in a positive way now rather than just filling it up with some new negative obsession...

HairLikeAMadWomansKnitting it's brilliant to hear you're doing so well - really inspiring! I've had a rough day emotionally but I've felt in control of my eating without undereating or bingeing and I can't normally have both of those things at once, so I really feel like I've made progress.

Thanks Becs that's really useful advice and greatly appreciated. I'm treating myself to more chocolate than usual at the moment but I'm using it to help me not feel too deprived about not being able to eat biscuits, toast and cake ever again! Physically I'm not feeling much better yet, but is has only been 5 days of no gluten, I guess it'll take time.

I've also discovered that I'm going to have to knock vino on the head as I had a (large) glass last night and it gave me a terrible stomach ache which lasted into this morning. I'm giving Stoptober a go, then I might try myself on vodka & cranberry juice instead of wine and see how my stomach reacts.

Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate PinkCustard so it's definitely sensible to be kind to yourself at the moment.

The weekend has been tougher. I had to resist the urge to scoff all the stuffed peppers before breakfast yesterday -I even started trying to convince myself they were vegetables and therefore allowed (despite the cream cheese and oil!).

My stomach has definitely lost some of that uncomfortably full and bloated look/feeling, and I am desperate to weigh myself and see if it's just in my head, but i don't want to ruin the not dieting feeling. I'll try and resist for now.

How's everyone else getting on?

I've introduced my 2nd rule. I can't quite manage to give up wine completely, but I'm limiting it to Friday & Saturday nights only.

Where has everyone gone - are you all frantically snacking on Rolos and dont dare confess..?!

Yeah, something like that PinkCustard

Friday was a day from hell - my DMum had her appointment to get test results with the consultant so I was waiting for the phone to ring all day to get the news. I just waited by the phone while eating all day long. The news was not great. Now it's more tests to find out how far the cancer spread and we'll know more tomorrow. I spent the weekend with her, and we all ate far too much - she was baking which she said was taking her mind off things, and I was eating, which was taking my mind off things...

I didn't snack yesterday but I did overeat at dinner. And today I ate a packet of crisps and piece of cheese in between breakfast and lunch. It's definitely emotional eating, I am just finding the waiting so hard. So I fell off the wagon and it's trundling away into the distance. But it did feel right, so I'm climbing aboard again, back to No Snacking. And I think I might add in some exercise by the end of this week...

Beenin hospital with middley kid who was Proper Poorly. He has asthma, you know, the kind that makes the consultant suck through their teeth and look concerned?

I ate not too badly - usually I'd just munch crap. Made myself get off the ward and found a lovley wee café for lunch and I bought a wrap from them for dinner. Challenge will be the rest of the week, I'm knackered and have the school run etc to do.

Am also worried about middley-kid. Big changes ahead with his medication - which is a good thing, but, ugh, the side effects are grim.

Anhoo - haven't weighed myself. So, tick. Also, haven't bought heaps of cakes - so, two ticks.

x

Becs, it sounds like you're doing well considering what you've got going on at the moment.

Gussiegrips, same to you. Just do what you've got to do to get through the week. And well done for buying yourself a decent lunch instead of munching on snacks - it's not easy to eat well in hospital with a sick child! Hope middley child feels better soon.

I did weigh myself and felt very deflated that the scales didn't reflect what I felt. I'm going to try not to think about it and carry on. And put the scales in the roof!

Pinkcustard, I think I'm going to add that rule too....just not sure when.

Am feeling weak - thinking about rejoining SW! I need counselling. Talk some sense into me! HELP!

SW make money on you learning how to yoyo diet. They, and their ilk, are making heaps of cash from misery. DO NOT GIVE THEM YOUR MONEY.

Eat less. Do more. One small change, stick to it for a month. Stop signing up for snake oil quick fixes, because, there isn't one.

We have all screwed our thought processes and our metabolisms. It's taken us years to achieve this, so, it's going to take a while to get back to what-passes-for-normal.

That's not counselling, Sarah. But, it's as good as I can do.

God you talk sense gussie. I needed to hear that. You're right this isn't going to be a quick fix - its going to take some time to get back to "normal". Do you think its actually possible to learn to eat normally and have a healthy attitude towards food. Its just that I've been dieting for 35 years which is more years than I haven't been dieting IYSWIM.

'Rejoining' SW?
There is a BIG clue as to why you shouldn't bother! You've done it before and it didn't work. Why would this time be any different?

Yep, when I was in the ward the diabetic nurse was chatting to a teenager.

It was all "factor this" "count that" "measure this" "if you have this, don't have that" - I felt utterly bored by the notion.

I really don't want to have to think about food, and, seeing as how I'm not diabetic (yet) then I have the pleasure of not having to.

Only, I've spent most of my life developing really bad habits and confusing food for emotion. Any emotion. Any upset, worry, fear, joy, boredom, celebration - anything.

It's rubbish. I'm cross with myself, I have a healthy body and I'm screwing it up through pure bloody nonsense.

I'm not sure I'll ever get a healthy attitude towards food. But, getting healthy enough to ward off having a stroke would be quite good.

Hello everyone! Going through this stuff with my mum these past couple of weeks have really highlighted how much of my eating is emotional. I eat to numb myself. Being aware of that is a positive step I think and I'm feeling more confident about the week ahead.

Oh gussiegrips sorry about the hospital and stress you've had. My DS had a couple of serious asthma attacks when he was a toddler. None since, thank heaven, but I remember seeing how worried the doctors all looked and being whisked through A&E at top speed - it was so scarey. I'm truly sorry you've been through that. Hope middley kids medication change is positive and that the side effects don't show up too much. You've got a lot to deal with - it sounds like you're doing brilliantly.

Sillysarah49 - yes I think it's really hard to learn to eat normally - we've trained for a long time to be 'good at dieting'. And it's hard to persevere with learning something slowly when there are so many things around us marketed as a 'quick fix' - "Lose a stone in two weeks!" on the front of every magazine, "Lose weight while eating all your favourite foods" in ads for slimming companies, and in the newspapers - "RandomCelebritiesName looking slim "I ate nothing but agave nectar for three weeks and lost THREE STONE!" interview inside!". But I want to eat normally for the rest of my life rather than doing 'a diet' - for me 'normal' means three healthy but satisfying meals a day with very occasional 'special' days where I might eat something extra, and regular exercise. That's where I want to get to - it still feels a long way away but I'm moving slowly but determinedly towards it!

I read a really good free e-book on transforming habits this week - you can get it when you sign up to blog updates at jamesclear.com It's just a short pdf, but I found it really helpful. A quote from it:-

"It's natural to think that we need the result, the transformation, the overnight success. But that's not what you need. You need better habits [...] It's so easy to overestimate the importance of one defining moment and underestimate the value of making better decisions on a daily basis."

HairLikeA - know what you mean - I weighed myself after a weekend of non-stop eating which was VERY depressing! I'm going to stop weighing myself now - it's too crazy-making!

Hope everyone has a good week.

Thanks, Becs. It's a bit grim. He lost half his schooling last winter, and, looks like it'll be the same issue this year. Seems like every kid has asthma - only, sometimes, it's not just a wheeze. Sigh.

I've kind of lost my appetite. This has genuinely never happened to me before. Every cloud, right?

Oh gussiegrips I am so sorry. Yes it is very common but what you're going through is harder than the usual wheeze. DH and I always say that those two serious attacks aged us about 20 years, and we only had to do it twice. Urgh. Just terrifying. I really hope you have a better winter this time.

Unfortunately my current state of mind is not helping my 'no snacking' at all - don't have an appetite but want to eat chocolate VERY much. I'm waiting for my mum's results AGAIN - god, I hate all the waiting involved with cancer. There's always another set of results to wait for. DH just called and suggested that I abandon my work for the day and head for the high street for retail therapy. He's a gem that man of mine. I'm off to Primark!

Please may I join? I've done WW, SW, calorie counting with and without MFP, all over the course of several years but I'm now not far off the heaviest I've ever been. I've spent my entire 20s feeling miserable about my figure and wanting desperately to change it but failing.

Last Christmas I weighed myself and was 14st 6oz - my heaviest ever. I got down to 13st 1oz through a combination of diet efforts between then and September, but since then my husband had knee surgery and has been off work recuperating. With all the extra stress of that and managing 4 dc by myself, I've started comfort snacking again and slipping back into ordering takeaways when I'm too tired to cook. I've gone back up to 13st 7oz in the last 4 weeks.

I fell out with SW after the consultant at my group insisted that exercise has no impact on weight loss "because you'd have to cycle for hours to burn off the calories in just one chocolate bar" () and generally don't think I'm suited to such a carb-heavy eating plan. I don't have the time to weigh out everything to work out WW points either so would really prefer to just make little sustainable changes here and there that get me into the habit of a much healthier lifestyle.

After reading this thread, I think between-meal snacking will be my first target. No more "oooh I'll just munch a biccie which I wait for the kettle to boil"! After that, I'll target my portion sizes and try using a smaller plate.