I'm stepping off the diet merry-go-round - anyone want to join me for small sustainable changes?

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

This is going to be long. Because I've done 'em all. Rosemary Conley, Weight Watchers, Primal/Paleo, Low Carb, South Beach, the Zone, Atkins, French Women don't get fat (they do, actually, I was on holiday in France this summer and French women are definitely getting fatter than they used to be), Slimming World, raw diets, ... Oh, lots and lots of different diets and 'ways of eating' etc. I did Paul McKenna 'I can make you thin' but unfortunately he couldn't. I've read every book on weight loss and diet and overeating etc.

I always stick to them 100% for at least three weeks and lose a lot of weight. Some I've stuck to for longer - up to a year... But after being on a diet for 32 years (I'm 40) I am overweight - and I was a skinny child.

I was talking to my lovely DH about this at the weekend, feeling really fed up about it and having a little cry. He pointed out that I'm always 'on a diet', or 'off the diet'. He suggested that I take my 'off the diet' eating pattern, which seems to be what I 'snap back' to, and just change one small thing about it, and stick with that change until it's a habit.

This goes against all of my instincts, I'm an all-or-nothing person - but I realise that this is the whole problem and that he's absolutely right. I know I'm going to find it really hard though. I normally go all-out on a diet. Just making one small change which won't result in lots of weight coming off at once is against my nature. It would be nice to find some others who want to do the same thing.

Here are my rules - just for me, you don't have to have the same ones as me...

• my first small change is to stop eating between meals. I'm not going to change my meals or stop eating dessert or anything. Just stop snacking. I'll eat three meals a day. I won't restrict portions for those meals and I'll eat what I would eat when 'off the diet'.
• because I think snacking for me fills an emotional need rather than a real hunger, I'm going to do something every day to fill those emotional needs in another way e.g. call a friend, paint my nails, declutter a drawer, make a gratitude list...(I've got a list of these in a notebook so I can refer to them and choose one a day.) Part of making 'no snacking' a habit I think is to replace the habit with other things that fill the same needs.

I'm not going to add any other rules until I'm sure that the 'no snacking' habit is established and I'm comfortable with it. After that I'll add another small change.

Would anyone like to join me on this one? - I could really do with some 'accountability buddies'!

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

Thanks BsshBosh

That does make sense Talkinpeace. What's kind of sad about my situation is that I wasn't at 'size a'. I first started dieting as an underweight child (aged 8) when bullies were teasing me about having 'fat legs' (they weren't fat, looking at pictures now I can see that I was too skinny).

And now I'm an overweight adult. If I'd never dieted and just stuck to healthy meals without restricting myself there's no way that I'd be overweight.

This the first time I've tried a 'moderate' approach - for anything, not just dieting! I'm finding it pretty terrifying to be honest!

Today I'm literally forcing myself to eat my three meals. My brain is shifting into 'diet' mode but I'm going to ignore my brain and just eat three normal meals, same meals as the rest of the family. Skipping one of those meals, or weighing the food or reducing the portion size - it is very tempting. But no. Moderation, no extremes. Just no snacks, that's all. I'm going to stick with this until it feels normal to me to eat three meals a day without snacking in between before I make other changes to my diet and when I do they'll be tiny changes... TERRIFYING!

Thank you so much for dropping by - it's nice not to be alone while doing this x

[Talkinpeace]

Snacking is the spawn of the devil.
If you can get into the habit of eating a sensible breakfast, a reasonable lunch and a family supper
with nobody in your family having ANYTHING at any other time
(no late night munchies, no elevenses, no after school biccies)
you will get to where you want to be and set all of them up properly for ever.
Your are in control.

My other top tip is
If there are more than ten ingredients on the packet - leave it on the shelf
If you look at the list of ingredients and do not understand what/why they are - leave it on the shelf
that way you are much less likely to be getting hidden fat, salt and sugar that nadger up your system.

[bunjies]

I really like the look of that website Bssh.

[Rules]

If you never ever went on a restrictive food diet, ever, then you would not be overweight and not have disorded eating. Restrictive diets are what cause us to gain weight and lose touch with how to eat like a "slim" person. Food should really just be all the same. If you look at children or at friends who are naturally slim, they will eat whatever they want but maybe they will only have a few bites and then leave the rest and then not eat until the actually feel true hunger again. Its not about listed food as good or bad, healthy or unhealthy (that always depends upon how the individual sees food anyway and one persons "healthy" will not be the same as another) its about seeing all food as equal . When we start feeling bad for eating something on our "unhealthy" list we end of overeating it and heading towards the binge mentality again.
That's how I see food now anyway. I know longer gain weight, I lose or I remain stable but I eat anything that I want.

[Talkinpeace]

But that is not true.
People get overweight because they eat a teeny bit more than they need every day

• hidden calories in processed foods
• not realising that calorie requirement drops with age
• food is very cheap

I never ever dieted until I was 35 and three stone overweight - I did not realise I was because the clothes sizes had grown with me ....

now I do not diet, I just fast twice a week and eat much smaller portions.

[LauraShigihara]

Hey, I am coming late to this no snacking party but I would like to join too

I have some bad food habits that I would love to kick but am not a natural dieter as I have not a scrap of willpower... I had a go at the 5:2 earlier in the summer but the restricting days gave me terrible headaches and lethargy and, in three weeks I just lost and regained the same pound

I cut out sugar in my hot drinks at the time, so that was helpful. But yes, I could do with some small steps to a healthy attitude towards food and no snacking sounds a good start.

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

I think you're both right Rules and TalkinPeace - restrictive eating in my case made me lose touch with what was 'normal' eating so that I then rebounded into eating more than I needed every day and that made me overweight. Restrictive eating made me think of 'being good' and 'being bad', lots of trying to control my eating and then rebelling against that control. But of course it was the overeating part of it that made me fat.

For me both restrictive eating and over-eating are like opposite sides of the same disordered coin. Neither is healthy for me. I guess over-eating can just as easily be triggered by stress or just habit as well as by restrictive dieting - or all three at once, which I think is my case.

This is feeling very different to me. I had a revelation last night which will probably sound totally obvious but it hit me like a bolt of lightening - I can easily sustain 'no snacking' for the rest of my life. It fits in. It doesn't require me to eat different foods, to write down my food, to count anything, to restrict a particular food group, to give up any of my favourite foods, to make particular strategies for social occasions, to buy anything, to spend any extra time or headspace on food. It's not an 'induction phase', it's not something I'll do until I've lost the weight and then enter a 'maintenance phase'... It's just very simple - I don't eat between meals. (Apart from the exceptions on the 'No S Diet' which BsshBosh linked too - I think it's very sensible to have a safety valve for truly special occasions without feeling that I've 'broken the diet' - by 'special' I mean Christmas Day and big family parties to celebrate significant occasions.).

I loved what you said about setting up my family as well TalkinPeace. DH has a very healthy relationship with food and is quite fit, and DS is underweight due to his sleep disorder. But I know that my disordered eating comes partly from my Mum's obsession with dieting and I don't want DS to pick up that message.

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

X Post LauraShigihara - hello! Please do join in! The start you've made by cutting sugar in hot drinks is already great - one habit changed.

Are you going to start with 'no snacking' as your first small change? I'd love it if you did then I'd have some company on this one! But you can choose any habit you think is a problem, it doesn't have to be that one. I think I'm going to stick with establishing 'no snacking' as a habit for at least two weeks before I try to add on another new habit.

[Talkinpeace]

TBH "no snacking" is a massive change for many people - and one that the food industry would merrily assassinate me for shouting about for the last year.

Once you stop snacking and stop buying snack foods, the rest of relaxedly eating healthily for the rest of your life starts to fall into place.

Allied to "no snacking is - no booze on 4 nights a week
and to treat fizzy drinks equivalent to booze - my kids only get fizzy when I am having alcohol ... its setting them up to treat both with the respect/disdain they deserve

[LauraShigihara]

Oh, yes, I will definitely start with the no snacking, so I will keep you company. DH and I did it last year, after being diagnosed with high blood pressure, and while he is still going strong, I fell off the wagon and starting filling up with biscuits again.

Encouragingly, he lost two stone (and kept it off) while I lost a stone and put it all back on I do get a bit bored during the day and find that, bizarrely, half a packet of custard creams has mysteriously vanished.

I can't remember if you said, but are you going to replace snacking with something else? I like making stuff, so instead of baking(!) I am going to dig out A Project. Possibly something crochet-ish.

I think no snacking is certainly sustainable, long term. It doesn't require any special arrangements.

[LauraShigihara]

X post talkin

I am one step ahead on the no drinking as I gave it up many years ago, as I get tremendous hangovers. So an occasional Bailey's or a small glass of red (maybe four times a year) is all.

Chocolate is my nemesis. And cheese and crackers.

[gussiegrips]

me! Me! ME! Please let me be in your gang!

Same old story - slightly overweight as a teenager, went on a diet aged 15, now 41 and 5 stones heavier.

Makes me cross/sad that I've spent my entire life worrying about the size of my ass. And, making it bigger as a result.

I DID just lose 17lb by "eating less and doing more" mainly because I was in the Edinburgh Fringe so was not in the house, nibbling.

Then we went on long weekend, and I put on HALF A STONE! IN FIVE DAYS!

Ugh.

So, my "rule" is DO NOT BUY DISCOUNTED PACKS OF CAKES IN THE SUPERMARKET AND PRETEND THEY ARE FOR THE KIDS' PACKED LUNCH. YOU JUST EAT THEM AND THEN FEEL BAD SO YOU EAT MORE. YOU EEJIT.

And, I'm going to exercise more. This means getting the house organised so the kids can find their stuff in the mornings so we walk to school instead of it descending into chaos at 0820 every day of life.

[BsshBossh]

Since I stopped snacking, my DH and 5yo DD have followed suit. My DD in particular was a fussy eater of her main meals and always stopped eating much of it, complaining she was too full. I told her that I was replacing her snacks with fruit (just as an experiment as I know many kids need to eat frequently). My word - she now eats all her main meals - no waste, no fuss. I am so happy with this, because her main meals are very nutritious and balanced. Because I no longer stock many snacks in the house aside from fruit and some nuts, my DH had drastically reduced his snacking too and has commented how much hungrier he is for his meals and therefore more appreciative of his main meals. He fasts just one day a week (for health benefits) and no longer snacks and has lost 2.5% body fat this year (he doesn't need to lose weight).

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

Oh I like the sound of relaxedly eating healthily for the rest of your life starts to fall into place TalkinPeace what a wonderful thought! That's definitely my goal.

Hurray, LauraShigihara I have a 'no snacking' friend! So far my replacements have been:-

Daytime

• tooth whitening strips - they need to be left on for half an hour, you can't eat immediately before or after, and they make me look much better
• making tea in a teapot with a china cup and saucer, or a 'nice' ice cold water with sprigs of mint and lemon slices - that helps with feeling like I need a treat.
• taking a proper 20 minute break for myself and going for a walk instead of continuing to sit at my laptop semi-working, semi-eating, semi-mumsnetting...

Evening

• last night when I wanted to snack I gave myself a pedicure instead - kept my hands busy while making my feet pretty.

I'd love more ideas if you come up with some. I'm on Day 4 and it's already feeling loads easier than Day 1 when I was at a bit of a loss as to what to do with myself!

[BsshBossh]

Oh yes, I never buy those multi-packs bags anymore. It helps that DD doesn't take a packed lunch to school but even when she has activities and I want to treat her to something snacky then we simply go to the shop to buy the treat - eg she's allowed sweets on the weekend or a pack of crisps after her gymnastics class but we buy them together at the shop as in the old days when I was growing up.

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

X post! Hello gussiegrips I really, really know what you mean about obsessing about weight and getting bigger as a result. Seriously - I feel you .

I too suffer with buying stuff pretending it's a treat for others then scoffing it myself. If it's in the house then there's a good chance I'll eat it. I am hoping that as I establish better more sustainable habits it won't be so 'out of control'...

I'm planning to add exercise as my next habit once I've established 'no snacking'. Do you have a plan for how to organise the kids' stuff to help your morning routine so that you have time? I am OCD, which is annoying in many ways, but my obsessive tendencies can occasionally be helpfully channelled, and I'd be happy to tell you my system for DS's stuff which has saved masses of time and nagging in the mornings. But if you've already got a plan I won't go on about it!

[Rules]

I do buy the big bags of little treat size choc bars. I love them but because I don't ban any food, I only eat one little one some days.

[gussiegrips]

Becs. Spill. The. Plan...

To help you understand my house: we have recently finished an extension. The kids' rooms have furniture now, which is lovely, but, largely empty.

This is because, prior to having the cash to make a job-lot trip to IKEA, we got into the habit of leaving all the clothes in a heap at the top of the stairs.

So, now, we have many, many heaps. Which, surprisingly, do not put themselves away. So, the mornings are full of "I can't find my...were's my...that's mine..." ugh.

Now, I know I could do that now, but, I am eating a late lunch after running around like a loon all morning. And, I have a deadline to meet for what-I'm-going-to-call-work-but-isn't-paying-anything-yet.

So, I shouldn't be on MN.

This situation is symptomatic of my eating - I feel overwhelmed, so, in the end, I do nothing.

I think I need to work out what the benefit is to my life of living in this way. There must be a payoff, or, why would I put up with it?

Got another goal. House organised by Christmas, so, all the snagging done, all the curtains made and some sort of order in place.

Give me a plan. Hiiiiiyaaaaalp!

[BsshBossh]

gussiegrips the plan (as far as weightloss and this thread is concerned) is very simple:

No eating except during main meals

You can add in more rules eg "every day I will walk X amount" or whatever suits you personally. But my understanding of the original post was to keep it very simple, go back to basics, no snacking between meals.

[BsshBossh]

Argh! gussiegrips I AM SO SORRY. Ignore my previous post. Of course, you were talking about Bec's plan for organisation. I sound so patronising. I apologise .

[mrsharrystyles]

Can I join you?
Like you, I have been on and off diets for 30 years. Obviously not working as I'm getting fatter and fatter.
I have had the same conversation with DH and have come to the same conclusion.
My plan is to walk my dog daily and cut out the snacks.
I'm both frightened but also quite excited to let go of all that dieting rubbish.

[HerdyHerdwick]

Thanks for starting the thread becs.
I'm currently trying to lose weight, BUT more importantly for me is to get some control back with my eating. All that I've ever achieved by doing conventional diets is an initial high, a bit of weight loss, then misery and regain.

I'd like to thank Bssh for linking to the No S diet. Not a lot of people seem to have heard of it but it's great. I've had all kinds of issues with food over the last 30 years or so. Tried every diet out there.
The only thing I've tried that gave me some sanity with food was No S.
It calls itself the No S 'Diet' but I don't think of it as a diet, more like a sane eating plan. I didn't know there was a forum until I saw the link, I've been reading it today and it's very helpful.
I've been back on No S since Sunday. Had a good couple of days then I blew it yesterday because I was too hungry and had to go food shopping on the way home from work feeling ravenous.
I'm back to it today. It's just tough learning how to eat enough at meal times to get me through to my next meal, without a snack.

[BsshBossh]

My pleasure Herdy. Do you follow all the No Ss eg no seconds, no sweets etc? I found all those extras a bit of a faff and focussed me too much on deprivation. I find just not snacking (and 2 fast days as I combine no snacking with 5:2) has made me lose all my unwanted weight (still a stone to lose though).

[BsshBossh]

It's just tough learning how to eat enough at meal times to get me through to my next meal, without a snack. I think it's just trial and error really - over time you get used to eating a good enough portion of your main meal to get you through to the next. Also, a little bit of hunger and emptiness is fine - it means our digestion has the time and energy to complete its digestive cycle before we bombard it with yet more food.

[HerdyHerdwick]

Bssh yes, I do follow them all, but thoroughly enjoy my 'S' days when I have them. I've got a lot of weight to lose though and horrible issues with food. Doing straight No S seems to help me. I may tweak it eventually though, but for now need to do it strictly.

And yes, agree with you about the hunger. I'd forgotten what it felt like to be hungry! I seem to have problems with wheat in particular setting off some mad sort of craving/hunger thing.