I'm stepping off the diet merry-go-round - anyone want to join me for small sustainable changes?

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

This is going to be long. Because I've done 'em all. Rosemary Conley, Weight Watchers, Primal/Paleo, Low Carb, South Beach, the Zone, Atkins, French Women don't get fat (they do, actually, I was on holiday in France this summer and French women are definitely getting fatter than they used to be), Slimming World, raw diets, ... Oh, lots and lots of different diets and 'ways of eating' etc. I did Paul McKenna 'I can make you thin' but unfortunately he couldn't. I've read every book on weight loss and diet and overeating etc.

I always stick to them 100% for at least three weeks and lose a lot of weight. Some I've stuck to for longer - up to a year... But after being on a diet for 32 years (I'm 40) I am overweight - and I was a skinny child.

I was talking to my lovely DH about this at the weekend, feeling really fed up about it and having a little cry. He pointed out that I'm always 'on a diet', or 'off the diet'. He suggested that I take my 'off the diet' eating pattern, which seems to be what I 'snap back' to, and just change one small thing about it, and stick with that change until it's a habit.

This goes against all of my instincts, I'm an all-or-nothing person - but I realise that this is the whole problem and that he's absolutely right. I know I'm going to find it really hard though. I normally go all-out on a diet. Just making one small change which won't result in lots of weight coming off at once is against my nature. It would be nice to find some others who want to do the same thing.

Here are my rules - just for me, you don't have to have the same ones as me...

• my first small change is to stop eating between meals. I'm not going to change my meals or stop eating dessert or anything. Just stop snacking. I'll eat three meals a day. I won't restrict portions for those meals and I'll eat what I would eat when 'off the diet'.
• because I think snacking for me fills an emotional need rather than a real hunger, I'm going to do something every day to fill those emotional needs in another way e.g. call a friend, paint my nails, declutter a drawer, make a gratitude list...(I've got a list of these in a notebook so I can refer to them and choose one a day.) Part of making 'no snacking' a habit I think is to replace the habit with other things that fill the same needs.

I'm not going to add any other rules until I'm sure that the 'no snacking' habit is established and I'm comfortable with it. After that I'll add another small change.

Would anyone like to join me on this one? - I could really do with some 'accountability buddies'!

[TwoStepsBeyond]

Sorry about your mum Becs, I know exactly how you feel. Well done for not giving yourself an excuse to fall off the snack-wagon though. x

My 'no snacking' didn't go brilliantly at the weekend when DP turned up with a bag full of chocolate and desserts! He is even worse than me at snacking and eating crap - I had hoped that I could just subtly make some changes without making a big deal of it, but I think that I will have to bring him on board with it to make it sustainable.

In fairness, we would usually have had our evening meal and then sit with snacks in front of the TV later, but we made the snacks into the meal by having nachos with cheese/salsa etc, so it wasn't technically snacking, it was a slightly unhealthy meal instead!

I'm also working on the portion sizes, I bought one of those tiny loaves of bread 1/2 price last night for my breakfast and instead of putting 4 of them into toast this morning (well, they're only little!) I just did 2, which was perfectly sufficient. I used one of the DCs' bowls for my dinner, so had a smaller portion than DS1.

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

Thanks for all the kind words about my mum, I really appreciate it.

sweetfluffybunnies well done on the weekend! Glad you're feeling positive, it sounds like you're doing really brilliantly.

gussiegrips I haven't watched 'Downton' yet - going to catch up on ITV player tonight... can't wait! And I'm dying to see 'Breaking Bad' too - it's on my 'to watch' list. Now then, don't you dare beat yourself up. You are not an idiot. This is a learning process and it's going to be slow for all of us, and that's the point, otherwise we might as well go on yet another diet. So what do you think the trigger was? Was it seeing a weight loss and then self-sabotaging? Or just the habit of tv = snacks? You.Are.Not.An.Idiot. Don't talk to yourself that way. It does sound like late evening is a potential trigger so an early bed might be a very good idea. How about putting some really nice fresh sheets on the bed, and a good book/magazine next to it ready, and making it less of a 'should' and more of a 'time for me'?

TwoStepsBeyond - good 'workaround' on turning the snacks into the meal! I've been deliberately planning in a few 'non-diet' type meals in order to reinforce in my mind that I'm not on a diet. Do you think your DP would be open to getting on board?

[gussiegrips]

Downton's gone a bit wooden - but, I still luffs it. Breaking Bad's on Netflix - I only opened it about a month ago and Am Hooked. Actual palpitations watching it (though, that may have been the MSG in the crap I was eating)

Weighing myself is a trigger- well observed. Hadn't thought about it, actually - but, if it's good I reward myself, and if it's bad, I console myself. I should just not weigh myself.

Am shattered today (that's what I get for sitting up too late) BUT am not resorting to sugary guff for energy. I am promising myself an early night instead -t hanks for the top tip.

[TwoStepsBeyond]

Yes, I think DP will be up for it even though he is a chocaholic but the DCs may need some persuading! I know they snack too much too, as well as having pudding most nights, two of them are still totally skinny (although DS1 is convinced he will be a TOFIs - thin outside, fat inside - with the amount he puts away). I don't want them to feel like they are being 'punished' by having their snacks removed, perhaps I just need to push the healthier kind so that they don't all grow up like me!

[Whoknowswhocares]

Wishing your mum well, Becs. Total respect for managing to stick to your rules over the weekend.
Have managed well over the first few days, but this week is definitely going to be more of a challenge. I'm off out tonight and not sure what's happening about food, so in an effort to stick to my rule, I am going to switch my main meal to lunch time. It might not be dinner, but it's sort of sticking on plan!
Will have to eat at weird times Wedneday,Thursday and Friday too. I play tennis matches often in the evenings and that is why I've got in the habit of skipping meals. Don't want to eat dinner just before and it's too late when I get back. Eating at lunchtime is not often viable, it's only because there are leftovers today that I can do it.
Hmmmm. Will have to think harder!

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

How'd your early night go gussiegrips? I finally watched 'Downton' last night. It's a bit soapy now isn't it? But I did enjoy it anyway. As long as Bates and Anna don't get too cringe-inducing!

TwoStepsBeyond yes I think trying to be a good example for DS is a good motivator for me too. I want him to have a long life and good health. Have you talked to your DP yet?

Thanks for the wishes Whoknows I really appreciate it. How was your night out? I can imagine that the tennis must make it hard to eat a good dinner. Why is lunch not viable - is it because of work? Could you freeze leftovers in portion sizes so that you can get a proper meal quickly? Soup is good - you can freeze individual portions in freezer bags and then just cut the bag open and defrost in the microwave. Also those 'steam fresh' portion packs of frozen veggies that steam in the microwave - if you bulk roast a load of chicken pieces and put them in the fridge, you can have roast chicken and veg ready in under four minutes.

Well today has been harder but I got through it. I'm feeling a bit emotional, and I was finding work difficult. I kept finding myself on the point of mindlessly just eating something. Then I resolved not to, then ten minutes later without a clue what I was doing I was lifting a piece of cake towards my mouth (didn't eat it - put it back down, wrapped it up and put it away...). But here I am, at the end of day 8 of no snacking and still on track. Even if don't lose any weight this week I'm proud of myself for eating normally.

Hope you're all doing well out there.

[sweetfluffybunnies]

Hi All

Becs it sounds as though you are really struggling at the moment, completely understandable given what's going on in your life. You are doing so well to stick with it, I think I would have crumbled by now in your shoes! It's so easy to eat without even thinking about it, it's actually quite shocking how powerful our habits are. How are your parents, any news re your Mum? The waiting is often the hardest part - I find my imagination runs riot until I know exactly what I'm dealing with. My thoughts are with you and your family.

This is my 6th day of no snacking, and I'm actually finding it harder now than I was at first. I felt really hungry yesterday evening, possibly because I had some rice at lunch which I find triggers hunger in me (very carby). I am lucky enough to have lunch provided for me at work, and it is usually delicious. The only downside is that I don't always have much choice as to what to eat. However I did manage to stick with it, I'm just hoping that the urge to eat random crap between meals starts to subside soon! I have decided to weigh myself only once a week, otherwise I can become a bit obssessive, so I will wait until Monday morning I think.

whoknows, just a thought, would it be possible to make a bit extra with your evening meals so that you can have some leftovers for lunch on days when you are busy in the evenings?

[claretandamberforever]

haven't got time to read the whole thread but by god, I could have written the OP!!! will definitely read whole thread later and join you x

[BsshBossh]

Big hugs to you becs.

Those of you struggling a bit with hunger between meals, the way I dealt with it at the beginning of my no snacking journey was to just eat more at each main meal. It took a bit of trial and error to work out how much more but the bigger meals helped keep me going to the next meal without having to snack - thereby allowing my digestion a complete break in between.

Eventually my appetite shrank (though this is in part due to 5:2 too) and my portion sizes came down again.

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

Hello all! Thanks sweetfluffybunnies, you are very lovely. I won't have 'proper' news about my mum for a while - she's seeing the consultant, then she'll have the lump removed, then we'll have to wait to hear the news... The waiting is tough, you're so right. On the 'no snacking' I found day 6,7, and 8 super-hard too - but I feel like I've turned a corner today and it seems easier again - my state of mind is better than it was yesterday and I feel like I'm making progress. Hope that you experience the same thing!

BsshBossh thank you for the hug - much appreciated! I read your post yesterday and think you're absolutely right about bigger meals - I ate a bigger dinner last night and bigger breakfast this morning and feel much better. As you say, I can reduce the portion sizes later once I'm out of the habit of snacking.

claretandamberforever - welcome! Come join us!

[Whoknowswhocares]

Where did you all go?
I hope the lack of activity doesn't mean you are all picking at the biscuit tin?

[sweetfluffybunnies]

Oh dear, I fell off the wagon big time last week. DH bought me a bar of fruit and nut on Wednesday evening, and that was the end of no snacking for me! I am so weak-willed, I feel ashamed of myself - yet another failure.

So here I am, starting all over again. I still think the rationale is sound, so I will continue with it. How is everyone else getting on? Please tell me that it can be done!

[gussiegrips]

Erm, me too.

Middley kid's birthday - so, you know....

Have lost a pound though, so, that's not too bad. But, my mojo has taken a hit.

How to get mojos back?

[typhoontanya]

Morning, I joined ye a couple of weeks back but slipped off track.

Today my small changes are:

Go for a walk this evening
Drink 2 litres of water

Will read back when no-one is looking over my shoulder (am at work!)

[Whoknowswhocares]

Pep talk warning!
So a couple of you have snacked when you wish you hadn't. No biggie.

This is surely for small, SUSTAINABLE changes. Is it really realistic to expect yourself to never, ever snack regardless of the situation. For ever more. No cake at birthdays, no impromptu cafe stop, no eating the treat DH brings home? FOR EVER????
That sounds like diet mentality to me. It certainly isn't how slim people eat, or think. The fault is not in eating the occasional 'bad food', it's expecting yourself to attain such a goal in the first place!
There is no wagon to fall from. No need to berate yourselves. Just snack less often and don't let it derail you into diet mode when you do slip from your optimum eating plan.

[alphablock]

I totally agree whoknows. There is no wagon and no hard and fast rules. In the past if I "broke" my diet

[alphablock]

Oops, posted by mistake! What I meant to say is if I broke my diet in the past it could take days/weeks to get back on track (if at all), but now I am occasionally eating traditionally "bad" foods in the full knowledge that I will cut back on something else, or do some exercise, to balance it out so there is no guilt and no excuse to abandon everything.

Having said that, I did wobble a bit a week or so ago as my weight seemed to plateau and I thought maybe I wasn't doing enough. Toyed with the idea of using a more rigid approach, but instead decided to just keep going and see what happened. Have now lost another 3lb in the last 2 weeks (25 in total in 15 weeks). Finally starting to get a few comments on how much slimmer I look which is great and even plucked up courage to ice skate with my daughter yesterday which was brilliant fun.

[HairLikeAMadWomansKnitting]

I'd like to join you please! I'm going to stop snacking apart from fruit and veg. I know that's cheating a bit but the thought of no snacks at all makes me feel anxious. Still, fruit will be better than the usyal crisps, chocolate, toasties, hunks of cheese etc.

I'm going to start now - which feels strange because my usual thing is to only start a new eating plan on a Monday after bingeing all weekend and having bought every diet food available. But this time I don't need to!

There is a real culture of snacking at work, with everyone bringing in 'goodies' to share. It's going to be hard not to join in, especially on night shifts, but I will do it!

I have one more change I'm going to introduce now, and that's to stop finishing off everybody's dinner. It's a disgusting habit. It's so bad that when the kids finish their dinner they automatically push their plates towards me! I'm practically a human waste disposal unit. Gross.

[sweetfluffybunnies]

Hello hair (love your nickname!) Nice to meet you! Good luck with your small changes.

whoknows thank you for the pep talk, I needed that. I'm so used to blaming myself for eating, and feeling guilty, that I'm finding it hard to stop. But you are quite right when you say that 'never snacking' is an impossible goal. The trouble with me is that, once I've 'slipped up' once, I then slip into the 'oh well, what the hell, I've failed so I might as well give up' mentality. Instead, I need to think 'right, I really enjoyed that snack, but I'm not going to have any more now because I don't need it or really want it and it will make me fat'. We need to be kinder to ourselves!

alpha you are doing so well, living proof that this approach can work. I am looking forward to being able to do more active things with the family. For example, when we were on holiday this year the rest of my family went white water rafting. I would have loved to go, but didn't because I was too self-conscious about being able to get into a wet suit, and making the raft unbalanced. I am fed up with sitting on the sidelines watching other people having fun! I don't want to be a boring fat person anymore! (Sorry for the rant)

[HairLikeAMadWomansKnitting]

I'm the same Sweetfluffybunnies Yesterday I ate a piece of pasta to see if it was cooked and immediately thought "I've ruined it! I may as well have some biscuits now." Luckily I came to my senses before I binged because I remembered I'm not actually on a diet, so I haven't ruined anything!

I found yesterday ok. It was amazing how many times I went to eat something without even thinking about it. It's just such a bad habit I've got into. I haven't told my family what I'm doing, because although they're supportive on the whole, I know I'll feel guilty if they see me eat something they think I shouldn't. And the beauty of this plan is that there is no guilt!

I'm trying not to slip into the 'diet' mentality of constantly thinking about food and whether or not I've lost weight, but it's quite hard. I do ok until I see a slim friend and then I feel all impatient! I also need to clarify how soon after a meal you need to have your dessert (not that I always have one) for it to still be part of the same meal and not a snack. Last night after dinner I was gong to have a mini ice cream, but I was full from my dinner and didn't actually fancy it, so decided to have it later. Then later I couldn't decide if it was too late to be dessert or not. I didn't have it in the end, so that worked well, but what 'rule' do you have in place for occasions like this? I suppose if you're full after your meal and you don't fancy dessert, then eating it later is a snack. There, I answered my own question.

Sorry for the ramble!

Hope you're all doing ok!

[sweetfluffybunnies]

I think you're right hair. This is one of my 'cheats' as well - I get home from work and think 'well I was going to have a bag of crisps with my tea later anyway, so I might as well have it now!', and then I'll have another bag later with my tea! I need to start being a bit more honest with myself if this is going to work.

Did you manage to not finish everyone else's dinner yesterday Hair?

Hope everyone is okay, it's gone a bit quiet on this thread.

[HairLikeAMadWomansKnitting]

I did, yes, but only because got home late and ate after everyone else. The real test will be this evening.

Have you got an activity in mind for when you're feeling fitter sweetfluffybunnies? I was thinking I might treat myself to a riding lesson, but not for losing weight, as a reward for sticking to the no snacking for 4 weeks. I probably spend the cost of a riding lesson on snacks per month!

I was properly hungry for breakfast this morning, so had a big bowl of porridge with sugar on. Usually I would have picked at ham, cheese, bread etc. whilst making the sandwiches for lunchboxes, and then had breakfast as well. And usually I'd have felt guilty about the sugar too.

It is a bit quiet. Where are you all?

[Whoknowswhocares]

I'm doing ok, but I set the bar a lot lower than most!
My aim was to always eat dinner, as I'm useless for skipping meals as I'm busy/about to do sport etc and then filling up on crap.
So far, so good. So I'm putting in a new goal. Eat a piece of fruit with lunch.
I'm concentrating on positive goals and not negative in the hope that it stops the dieting mindset. So all my goals will be to add something healthy, rather than take away the unhealthy. Hopefully I won't have so much room for junk, yet I won't feel deprived.
I don't need to lose weight really, so I'm concentrating on stabilising my eating habits to keep off what I've lost.

[HairLikeAMadWomansKnitting]

That sounds sensible Whoknows. And I'm sure you're right about concentrating on positive aspects rather than negative. The minute you say something isn't allowed, you want it more, but feel guilty if you have it!

[gussiegrips]

I'm reading, and lurking. And, trying Very HArd to get my mojo going.

This is a standard response of mine. I do really well for three weeks, then feel overwhelmed, despondent and give up. So, this is my challenge - until I get over this self-defeating nonsense and work out a strategy to stick to what we know works then I shall remain overweight. ANd, I don't want to do that.

A lot of this low mood comes from the scales. I allow scales to dictate my mood. If the number is pleasing, I eat to reward myself. If it is not, I eat to console myself. Add to that the fact that the numbers seem totally random (how can I possibly lose/gain 5lb overnight? How?) then I don't really have much FAITH in what they are saying, so, erm, I eat to thole my uncertainty.

So: action plan -

1. No weighing. Put the scales out of sight. Scales are dead to me.
2. Get more sleep. I get about 5-6 hours most nights. Partly because of the kids, but, mostly because I flop in front of the telly, start knitting and relish the peace. If I went to bed at 10, I'd be refreshed and energetic, could exercise and wouldn't rely on sugar surges for energy. But, I would miss the knitting time.
3. Reward myself through the medium of knitting and not food. Sorted.
4. Stop nagging myself. I need a break from my negative cycle.

Someone said to me this morning "wow, you are looking really slim!" I nearly fell over. Slim? I'm 13.9, how can that be slim? But, she meant a nice thing, and I should feel encouraged that my shape is changing.

I have realised that my extra weight is equal to the weight of my 8 year old. I shall lug him around a lot for inspiration.

Oh, and the not buying cheap cakes? Sorted. Haven't done it since I prmised myself I wouldn't. I did eat a bunch of crap at my son's birthday - but, that's ok. And, there's still chocolate left over, I had a single strip of squares off the block last night and really liked it. Just one. That's an improvement.

So, yep, thread's quiet. But, I'll be back. With my mojo.

How about you?