I'm stepping off the diet merry-go-round - anyone want to join me for small sustainable changes?

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

This is going to be long. Because I've done 'em all. Rosemary Conley, Weight Watchers, Primal/Paleo, Low Carb, South Beach, the Zone, Atkins, French Women don't get fat (they do, actually, I was on holiday in France this summer and French women are definitely getting fatter than they used to be), Slimming World, raw diets, ... Oh, lots and lots of different diets and 'ways of eating' etc. I did Paul McKenna 'I can make you thin' but unfortunately he couldn't. I've read every book on weight loss and diet and overeating etc.

I always stick to them 100% for at least three weeks and lose a lot of weight. Some I've stuck to for longer - up to a year... But after being on a diet for 32 years (I'm 40) I am overweight - and I was a skinny child.

I was talking to my lovely DH about this at the weekend, feeling really fed up about it and having a little cry. He pointed out that I'm always 'on a diet', or 'off the diet'. He suggested that I take my 'off the diet' eating pattern, which seems to be what I 'snap back' to, and just change one small thing about it, and stick with that change until it's a habit.

This goes against all of my instincts, I'm an all-or-nothing person - but I realise that this is the whole problem and that he's absolutely right. I know I'm going to find it really hard though. I normally go all-out on a diet. Just making one small change which won't result in lots of weight coming off at once is against my nature. It would be nice to find some others who want to do the same thing.

Here are my rules - just for me, you don't have to have the same ones as me...

• my first small change is to stop eating between meals. I'm not going to change my meals or stop eating dessert or anything. Just stop snacking. I'll eat three meals a day. I won't restrict portions for those meals and I'll eat what I would eat when 'off the diet'.
• because I think snacking for me fills an emotional need rather than a real hunger, I'm going to do something every day to fill those emotional needs in another way e.g. call a friend, paint my nails, declutter a drawer, make a gratitude list...(I've got a list of these in a notebook so I can refer to them and choose one a day.) Part of making 'no snacking' a habit I think is to replace the habit with other things that fill the same needs.

I'm not going to add any other rules until I'm sure that the 'no snacking' habit is established and I'm comfortable with it. After that I'll add another small change.

Would anyone like to join me on this one? - I could really do with some 'accountability buddies'!

[gussiegrips]

Bsssh - nope, acsherly, it's good to be reminded...especially as there are custard creams loose in my biscuit tin.

[gussiegrips]

Herdy and Bshh - I'd forgoteen about the S plan thingie! I did quite like it. Am away to read up (again)

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

Hello and welcome mrsharrystyles and HerdyHerdwick! It's great to have you here. On 'letting go of the dieting rubbish' - I just watched 'The Men Who Made Us Thin' episode 1 (BBC4 Documentary series - but it's on YouTube, not on iplayer any more. It's a follow up to the Men Who Made Us Fat series which was really good too) It reignited my zeal to ditch dieting once and for all. Wow. All that money that they made out of making me unhealthier. They're not getting another penny out of me.

Aw Bssh - don't delete, it's good to have a summary anyway!

And now, those of you who aren't interested in organising the mornings before school can skip the rest, because this bit is for gussiegrips (and it's going to be a bit long

So I think the best way I can describe my system is to walk you through it in action. Here it goes. DS and I walk in from school this afternoon (Thursday), and we're carrying his book bag, his wet swim kit and his guitar from his lesson.

We go into his bedroom, and there are 5 open crates labelled with days of the week (weekdays only) and which activities he has on that day - we've printed out cool images for the activities to decorate the boxes eg THURSDAY has a picture of a rock star playing a guitar and a picture of Michael Phelps to represent Thursday being swimming and guitar day. They're different sizes depending on how many activities he has on that day, whether homework will be due that day etc. We put the guitar in the box labelled THURSDAY because that's the next time he'll need to take it into school for his lesson. That's where the guitar lives - after his practice it goes back in the THURSDAY box. I put the goggles and the swim bag into the THURSDAY box too, ready for next week's lesson. When I've washed his trunks and towel they'll go back into the THURSDAY box too rather than into a drawer - so it's all ready to go. Then we put his book bag into the FRIDAY box because he needs to take it into school tomorrow. His karate kit is already sitting in the FRIDAY box which has got a picture of Bruce Lee doing a flying kick on it - that's where his karate kit lives - if it goes in the wash it goes straight back in the Friday box when it's dry so he's ready for his karate lesson tomorrow. So every day he puts his book bag into 'tomorrow's' box, next to the stuff for 'tomorrow's' activities. The pictures on the outside remind him what activities he's got, so it helps him notice if something has gone missing from his box. And I can check the boxes occasionally through the week, eg when I'm putting back the clean swimming trunks and towel in the THURSDAY box I'll just glance at the other boxes to make sure they're in order. At bedtime before he gets into bed we put his uniform in the box for tomorrow too - on top of the stuff he'll need to take. So he just has to put on his uniform from the the top of the box, grab all the stuff that is in the box and he's ready to go. We have a 'smiley' reward system and if DS is standing by the door at 7.45am wearing all his uniform, shoes, coat and carrying all the stuff he needs for the day without having been nagged or reminded then he gets an extra 10 minutes screen time. I also used some of the 'Calmer Easier Happier Parenting' techniques to reduce the nagging and reminding as well.

I also use this system as a reminder for me. So if DS has a doctor's appointment booked for the Friday of the following week, I'll write a note to the teacher and drop it in the 'Thursday' box saying 'just to remind you DS will be late tomorrow' etc. so that I don't need to remember to do that on Thursday, I can just write the letter whenever I remember and it's there on the right day for DS to take in. Then I'll put the hospital letter and anything we need to take to the doctor's in the Friday box so it's ready to pick up along with his school stuff. I sometimes put notes to myself or to him in the crates too - eg. THURSDAY box might have a post it saying 'Becs, remember it's the bake sale tomorrow!' or MONDAY box 'DS, that science homework is due on Thursday - how's it going? Let me know TODAY if you want help to get it in on time.' (Notes like that are to give me a bit more lead time before I get the bedtime cry of 'But Muuu-um, it's due TOMORROW, and I can't do it and I need you to help me right now!')

I also have a note on his smiley chart saying 'Making sure you have all the things you need for school today is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY - you don't get a smiley if Mum and Dad do it!'

!!

On the feeling overwhelmed thing - for me, that's a huge part of my overeating, I've only recently realized it. Do you work from home as well gussiegrips? I do, and I've been 'procrastin-eating' when I need to work - it's actually impacting my work because I snack to avoid starting projects - even when I like the project

[HerdyHerdwick]

becs it was watching the first episode of 'The Men Who Made Us Thin' that brought me back to No S. I remembered it and remembered that I'd felt sane around food when I was on it.
I also remembered that every diet I've ever been on - I've gained back what I lost plus a few extra pounds.

No S just makes sense to me. It gives me the structure I need without too much restriction, and I know I can live with it forever. And I can't say that about any other diet I've ever been on.
The downside is that weight loss is slow. But I care more about my relationship with food now, rather than quick weight loss.

Interested to read about your way of getting organised. I may find it useful and make some adaptations to help me. I can't seem to get myself sorted in the mornings. I've just gone back to working in the office a couple of days a week after working from home for the last 6 years. Terrible shock to the system

[AngryFeet]

I have made small changes over the last year and have lost 1.5 stone (total of 5 to lose). I have made sure I have a proper breakfast (scrambled eggs with smoked salmon or toast), then lunch is a sarnie or soup, my worst time is 3-7 for snacking so I am trying to keep busier then and only have one snack, for dinners I am adding more veg and decreasing everything else in portion size, I am also drinking a lot less booze.

In the past month I have started doing 2 aerobics classes a week which has made the biggest difference in my shape. I am going to up it to 4 or 5 a week I think after I get back from holiday on 1st Oct :)

[AngryFeet]

By the way have you ever read Beyond Chocolate? It is a great book about stopping the vicious cycle of dieting. They do workshops around the country too :)

[kerala]

Eat dinner on a breakfast plate. Honestly it works. Initially was peck ish but now my appetite has shrunk can no longer manage a normal restaurant portion. Over 5 months lost just over a stone was 11 now 9st 10 and look much slimmer - even people I don't know well have commented. So still eat nice food just less of it. Also only have carbs at 1 meal a day.

[mrsharrystyles]

I've been on several of the Beyond Chocolate" workshops. They are good and take the panic out of food, clothes, body image etc. They're expensive though.
I went to one of their workshops on body image. I found it so sad that all these intelligent, marvellous women were crying when they looked in the mirror and couldn't think of one positive word to say about themselves. These women ranged from a size 8 up.

[AngryFeet]

They are doing 4 hour workshops for £10 at the moment. Not as in depth I guess but a good start :)

www.beyondchocolate.co.uk/

[AngryFeet]

That is sad mrsharry. I am a large 16 and I don't feel bad about myself at all. Weight loss for me is mainly health although it would be nice to look better in my clothes but I feel happy when I look in the mirror and I dress well to compliment my best bits (small waist and lovely big bum plus largish boobs ;)). I have met so many people smaller than me who feel fat and ugly all the time and it is such a shame. It really is a state of mind.

[HerdyHerdwick]

I wrote about Beyond Chocolate on another thread earlier today.
I'm glad that it's worked for you AngryFeet and MrsHarry, but all it did for me was make my relationship with food even worse. And I gained quite a bit more weight too, when I was already obese.
I took the e course back in 2007 (?) when I first got the book. I used to post on the forum a lot too. There's a lot about Intuitive Eating that appeals to me, but it just doesn't work for me. I need structure.
I wonder why it works so well for some and not for others? The forum posts showed quite a divide. Some were very successful with it, others not so.

[gussiegrips]

Becs. How many of there are there in your house? We have a spare room - you could just move in with us? A month should do it. Kaithanx.

I'm inspired - I think I can see space in my hall for a set of shelves with the kids' boxes on them. By jove, it might just work!

And, yep, I am trying to work from home. Lots of hours in front of the computer, and yep, my meals are taken there. Which is bad, but, time and deadlines must.

Today has been good. I like this thread. Thanks.

[Talkinpeace]

gussie
another home computer worker here.
DO NOT eat at your desk.
You will eat without awareness and that way danger lies.
Even if you are on your own, go sit at the table, plate, glass of water and a book or the radio.
You may still eat in 10 minutes, but think actively and consciously about your meal : it helps reset the brain chemistry that regulates appetite

[Whoknowswhocares]

I think I need to be here too if I may.
Bizarrely I don't probably need to lose much if sny weight.....I hope that doesn't count against me?
To explain. I have recently lost quite a bit ('accidentally' due to an increase in exercise + a lack of time, both due to a new puppy, so no good new food habits) I'm happy with the weight loss, but I haven't tackled the totally horrendous eating habits. I'm TERRIFIED of putting the weight back on but seeing as I'm skipping meals constantly and then binging on crisps,chocolate and other crap in my all or nothing approach it seems inevitable. I probably already have, but I'm resisting the scales right now as I will want to 'fix' the problem by a new diet.
I need to start small. Really small. Perhaps my first goal should be to eat dinner every night, seeing as I have only managed that half of the last week maximum. I'm seeing it as more of a mind fix than a body one. I'm so tired of the treadmill of watching everything I eat half the time and guiltily stuffing myself the other. It's mad, I don't even enjoy the food through the guilt!

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

Whoknowswhocares lovely to have you with us. I see it as a 'mind fix' too. No more guilt. Good idea to start by eating a dinner - something you will really enjoy, and not in a 'naughty' food way, but because you deserve some good quality nourishment. I recently started thinking when decide what meal to get ready: ' Would this be good enough to serve to someone else that I really liked whose health was important to me?' and that has helped me to make better choices.

Herdy - I so agree with what you say I care more about my relationship with food now, rather than quick weight loss. - that's it for me exactly. I think I'm like you in my need for structure too. I don't do well with anything that expects me to 'eat when hungry' because when I'm in 'diet mode' I can go all day without food and almost enjoy the high of not eating, and when I'm in 'off the diet mode' it's got nothing to do with hunger but it might start with a feeling of hunger and turn into three bars of chocolate. Three meals a day just sounds sensible and sustainable to me. Then gradually improving how healthy those three meals are and increasing my exercise. Once I've done that if I'm not slowly losing weight, then sod it, I'll be fat!

gussiegrips ooh, a hall with shelves and the kids' names and boxes so they can grab and go - love the sound of that. Our home is a small two bed flat. There's just the three of us now, as DNiece who used to live with us has gone travelling (sniff... miss her, they grow up too fast).

Talkinpeace you are sooo right about eating at the computer...

[2kidsintow]

Yep - I'm ditching the snacking. Also (controversially, I'm sure) ditching breakfast as I can rarely be bothered eating it. If I wake up hungry, then I'll have some. If I don't, I won't.

I have a sensible packed lunch at school/work every day and have bought a pedometer to keep an eye on my activity. I'm getting my 10000 steps in approximately half of the week, and it's a good reminder to move a bit more on a day that has fewer steps showing by tea time.

I'm cooking in a low fat way and sort of watching my portion control.

I don't care how slowly it comes off, as long as the scales slowly show a loss. I've put on 10lb since Feb and my goal for Christmas (just under 14 weeks away) is to have lost that 10lb.

[gussiegrips]

oooh, oooh, oooh, know what I'VE done? Found my plate.

A small dinner plate, from one of those ceramic places. Painted the portion sizes on it - and TOTALLY forgot I had it.

So, half is veg, quarter carbs, quarter protein. And, even if the meal is slop, it reminds me to watch the portions - and only eat what's on the plate.

Reinstated from tomorrow.

[gussiegrips]

Talk - yep. You are right. That is what slim people do. Sigh.

[gussiegrips]

Becs. Yep, mahoosive hall here after an extension last year. To the house, not just the hall. Am going to try your idea - it would work!

[Rules]

Its good that we all have different opinions regarding food but I disagree with you Talk because starving yourself by fasting on 500 cals on any day is definitely "dieting".

[BsshBossh]

Herdy, becs I need a structured approach to eating too. I understand the principles of eating intuitively and even tried following them for a few months once but found it made me too food-focussed: I was always trying to compute whether I was genuinely hungry or not and then trying to work out where on the scale I was between satisfied and fullness in order to stop eating! It just became too hard.

The three meals a day concept is old-fashioned, back to basics and takes the guesswork out of eating for me. When it's not a meal time, I don't think about food. And the 4-5 hour gaps beween meals means I am actually genuinely hungry (yet interestingly I don't overeat as my appetite has shrunk as the weight has come off). It's also nice to eat meals at set times with friends and family as they too are more likely to eat lunch or dinner.

2kids I rarely eat breakfast too. I'm never hungry for it. Hasn't affected my weightloss at all as I eat enough calories the rest of the day to not affect my metabolism (aside from my 2 fast days, of course, but this is not what this thread is about).

[mrsharrystyles]

Herdy, the Beyond Chocolate didn't work for me either. I just ate loads and out on weight. I do think its a long term thing and you just have to trust that it will work eventually. But, like you, I need structure, so I gave up and went back on a diet. I then put all the weight back on, plus a bit more. And so it goes on..

[HerdyHerdwick]

Yes Bssh that's where No S works well for me. I'm not constantly asking myself if I'm hungry and if so what do I want to eat and how much should I eat until I'm comfortably full but not stuffed. I'm just enjoying 3 meals a day and in between I'm not giving food a second thought.
After 35 years of dieting and obsessing, this is wonderful. But as I said, I know it's not for everyone because the weight loss is slow.

mrsharry yes, I started BC in 2007 and gave it a couple of years because I really wanted it to work, but had to give up. My eating was more out of control by that point than it had ever been.
I too went back on a diet then but I found I couldn't stick to a diet for more than a few days by that point. . As I said, my relationship with food is very messed up, my experience is probably quite extreme. BC makes a lot of rational sense, and I know it worked well for a few people on the forum.

[HerdyHerdwick]

Ok, well I didn't have a great day yesterday, so today I'm back to it.
2kids thanks for the mention of the pedometer. I've got a Fitbit somewhere, I will find it and start using it again. I actually found that I was only hitting my target of 10000 steps one day a week and that was on a Sunday when I do a longish walk after lunch.

[BsshBossh]

Another lb off for me this week. That's 71 lbs off since February 2012. Very happy :)