I'm stepping off the diet merry-go-round - anyone want to join me for small sustainable changes?

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

This is going to be long. Because I've done 'em all. Rosemary Conley, Weight Watchers, Primal/Paleo, Low Carb, South Beach, the Zone, Atkins, French Women don't get fat (they do, actually, I was on holiday in France this summer and French women are definitely getting fatter than they used to be), Slimming World, raw diets, ... Oh, lots and lots of different diets and 'ways of eating' etc. I did Paul McKenna 'I can make you thin' but unfortunately he couldn't. I've read every book on weight loss and diet and overeating etc.

I always stick to them 100% for at least three weeks and lose a lot of weight. Some I've stuck to for longer - up to a year... But after being on a diet for 32 years (I'm 40) I am overweight - and I was a skinny child.

I was talking to my lovely DH about this at the weekend, feeling really fed up about it and having a little cry. He pointed out that I'm always 'on a diet', or 'off the diet'. He suggested that I take my 'off the diet' eating pattern, which seems to be what I 'snap back' to, and just change one small thing about it, and stick with that change until it's a habit.

This goes against all of my instincts, I'm an all-or-nothing person - but I realise that this is the whole problem and that he's absolutely right. I know I'm going to find it really hard though. I normally go all-out on a diet. Just making one small change which won't result in lots of weight coming off at once is against my nature. It would be nice to find some others who want to do the same thing.

Here are my rules - just for me, you don't have to have the same ones as me...

• my first small change is to stop eating between meals. I'm not going to change my meals or stop eating dessert or anything. Just stop snacking. I'll eat three meals a day. I won't restrict portions for those meals and I'll eat what I would eat when 'off the diet'.
• because I think snacking for me fills an emotional need rather than a real hunger, I'm going to do something every day to fill those emotional needs in another way e.g. call a friend, paint my nails, declutter a drawer, make a gratitude list...(I've got a list of these in a notebook so I can refer to them and choose one a day.) Part of making 'no snacking' a habit I think is to replace the habit with other things that fill the same needs.

I'm not going to add any other rules until I'm sure that the 'no snacking' habit is established and I'm comfortable with it. After that I'll add another small change.

Would anyone like to join me on this one? - I could really do with some 'accountability buddies'!

[HerdyHerdwick]

Bssh that's brilliant. Well done!

[sweetfluffybunnies]

Hi everyone, can I join you? Just found this thread and read it through - so much of what you are saying rings true to me! I need to make another new start, have been on so many diets and am heavier now than i have ever been.

So I will start with the snacking, although this will be hard. I find I am fine through the day, it's when I get in from work that the cravings kick in. This will be the challenge for me- that period between 5 and 7pm. I need to try and keep busy, although that's tough too, as I have just got in and really want to unwind a bit! Trouble is, as soon as i sit down with the paper, TV or my Ipad, my habit is to start snacking.

I am also planning to try couch to 5K, just waiting for a heavy duty sports bra I ordered to arrive as my upper half definitely needs some extra support!

Well done those who have lost weight, you are inspirational! Keep it going!

[typhoontanya]

Count me in .

As someone upthread said I also am going to try to stick to 3 meals per day and gradually improve how healthy these meals are and start walking at least 3 morning/evenings per week.

I am at least 3 stone overweight and have never managed to stick to a diet in my life!

[noddyholder]

I did this last xmas and never looked back. Lost about half a stone straight away and it has stayed off more or less.

[LauraShigihara]

Good morning bunnies welcome aboard. My horrible, craving-snacks time is right now so I am sitting on my bed, as no one is allowed to eat upstairs and I won't be tempted. My newly thought out approach is to treat it like giving up smoking (many years ago) and at weak will power time, do something differently. I might even be tempted into some housework - but only if things get really bad

Having said that, of course, I have to confess that, after a no snack day yesterday, the evening didn't go well. We had to take DS for a swimming lesson, then on to a trip to a secondary school open evening. That meant leaving the house at four, topping DS and DH up with a quick sandwich, but by eight o'clock, I was so hungry, I ate some little snacks that the food tech boys had made. Also, it was very hard to say no to these proud little lads, who are pressing food on you, food which they have carefully sourced, prepared and cooked...

It was ten before we got home and DS was ravenous, so we picked up a MacDonalds on the way, so not a good day. Still today is a new one

Hope you are all doing better than me.

[LauraShigihara]

And hello Tanya

Well done Noddy - you must have been very pleased!

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

Morning all! Congratulations BsshBosh, that's brilliant! Welcome sweetfluffybunnies and typhoontanya. And thanks noddyholder - that's really good to hear - having people pop in to say that this measured approach has worked in the long term is so encouraging!

sweetfluffybunnies I remember when I was working in an office 5-7pm was a real 'danger zone' for me too. Like you I needed to unwind, and unhealthy snacking had wangled its way into my unwinding routine. I was practically inhaling a chocolate bar on my way back from work some days. I think it was again that feeling of being overwhelmed and just needing to have something that was 'for me'. But of course because I felt guilty and I don't like being overweight so that 'little something for me' was actually contributing to my stress. This thread is kind of my first step on dealing with that in a more gentle way. Until now I've thought 'well you just need to be stronger about it'. Now I'm recognising that that chocolate bar was filling a need, and the need does have to be filled just not with chocolate. And that going on yet another diet will not help me fill that need in the long term.

I'm on Day 5 of 'no snacking'. Here's something weird. I've found myself gravitating towards a few healthier things. I've had less coffee and more green tea. I've taken the time to do the exercises my physio gave me that I've been neglecting. And yesterday I ate a bit of my dessert after dinner and decided that I didn't like it (it really wasn't very nice at all). So I left it. This is very unusual for me. When 'off the diet' I'd normally eat all of it, while not really liking it and then feel irritated with myself afterwards. When 'on a diet' I might leave it, but with a sense of virtue and having 'been good'. I just didn't want it. It wasn't to do with being full or being hungry - I just didn't want to eat something that was distasteful to me. That will sound weird to a lot of people, but I suspect that some of you will relate...

I'm going to stay off MN today as I really need to get some work done, but good luck with your small changes today everyone, thanks so much for joining me on this journey!

[HerdyHerdwick]

I had granola for breakfast and have had horrible cravings ever since.
Does anyone find that some foods do this?

Hi tanya and bunnies

[HerdyHerdwick]

Becs I've just read your Day 5 update, sounds as if it's going really well.

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

LauraShigihara and Herdy - cross posted with you. Morning!

Laura You know, I'd have eaten the food tech boys snacks too - that's genuinely special. While I haven't had a snack so far, and I intend 'nothing between meals' to be my everyday way of life, when I go to my Mum's 80th birthday party I will have canapes and a slice of cake. I think that's a normal, celebratory, social way of life and the whole problem with 'diets' is that they don't let you do that stuff so it's unsustainable. And MacDonald's was your dinner, no? And we're only changing one small habit at a time, so that was just dinner and therefore not a problem because we're not trying to change everything at once. Anyway, any plan that doesn't include grabbing something quick to eat in those situations just isn't going to work as a lifelong plan. Small changes, that's all. Brilliant that you're avoiding the snacking this morning - how about replacing it with something that will make you feel happy? If that is a clean house, go for it. But singing along loudly to your favourite song or watching some comedy is good too!

Herdy - oh yeah I get that too. Sugar. I can't eat granola as I'm coeliac but those 'Eat Natural' bars send me into a tailspin of cravings. It's just biological - you get an instant serotonin 'high' in the brain from sugar. Then body releases insulin to clear the sugar, which sends your blood sugar low again. The insulin converts the sugar straight to fat, so those calories you just ate aren't available as energy to your brain so you feel a bit weak and not satisfied. So you've gone from that lovely serotonin 'good mood, anxiety disappeared' feeling to being weak and hungry quite quickly. So you want another bowl of granola to get that serotonin high back again, but you feel bad because you just ate... And it's NOT YOUR FAULT - they deliberately load food with sugar to make it more addictive. Stay strong til lunch then have something with lots of protein and lots of fibre. Don't skimp on the portion size either - you're genuinely hungry because the insulin has taken all the calories you just ate back off you and turned them into fat where your body can't easily get at them. Damn that insulin. Don't starve yourself, eat a proper big healthy lunch with lots of nourishment in it. And thanks, yes it seems to be going well... It really helps to have some people to talk to about it all.

have a good day all!

[HerdyHerdwick]

becs thanks so much for that explanation. It makes sense. I've got the day off today so I'm going to watch those Robert Lustig vids on youtube. He'll help put me off the sugar.
Wheat is a huge craving trigger for me too - obviously you don't eat that being coeliac.
Not all carbs do it to me -I can eat rice and potatoes in small amounts with no problem but sugar and wheat are awful.
Hope you have a productive day.

[BsshBossh]

Just had a slice of Victoria songe cake and a packet of crisps but I will call it "breakfast" and push lunch back to mid-afternoon . I don't do guilt around food anymore!

[Whoknowswhocares]

Well day one has been a success!
My only goal was to eat dinner, which was yummy fish in lemon and capers with lots of salad and veg and some savoury rice. Very healthy
Weirdly just concentrating on that one goal made the rest of the day better too. No idea how but almost like having given myself permission to do anything all day as long as I ate dinner took the stress out of it and I made better choices.
How long are you all doing your first goal for before you add a second one?

[sweetfluffybunnies]

Well I managed one day with no snacks! It was hard to resist the temptation but hopefully will get easier as the days go by.

I looked up the no s diet as I hadn't heard of it before. It seems to make sense, I think I will try to incorporate bits of it into my regime. So, no snacks at all, and sweets/ desserts only on s days.

Whoknows, I've heard it takes 3 weeks to change a habit, so that seems like a good goal to me. However I will start doing couch to 5k next week as I really need to start improving my fitness asap - I've been invited to a hen do next March where the main activity is gorge walking in Wales!it would be great to be able to fit into a wetsuit, even if it was an xxl one!

[TwoStepsBeyond]

I work at home and graze all day. I make nutritious lunches for the DCs and for DP but I end up eating crap, not having proper meals and being hypocritical about snacks/fruit etc as I make sure they don't over-eat and that they have a balance of good foods, but I don't.

I need to treat my body with the same respect I have for theirs. No snacking is a good place to start, portion sizes are definitely up for review too. I've tried low carb, slimfast, low fat, none of them for more than a few weeks.

The only thing that really worked was splitting up with stbxh, when I was so stressed I couldn't stomach food at all. Just goes to show how emotional my eating can be! I also realised that I was trying to fill a void with food, thinking it was hunger, whereas it was actually loneliness and a lack of affection that made me feel empty.

Nurturing ourselves in other ways can help to fill that void.

[sweetfluffybunnies]

Twosteps, I am also guilty of hypocrisy when it comes to the kids food! I have a teenage dd and I am worried that she is starting to get a bit chunky - not overweight at the moment, but plumper than she used to be. She is a constant snacker, like me, so how can I tell her to stop eating rubbish when I am worse than she is?

I am hoping that if I can break the snack habit, she might notice that i am losing weight and be encouraged to do the same. I have been overweight all my adult life, and if I'm honest it has spoiled my life. I don't want the same for dd.

[Whoknowswhocares]

Hypocrisy, yes can definitely relate to that!
I try really hard to watch the fat content of the family's diet due to a hereditary high cholesterol. (Not my side, their dad's)
I really, really ought to lead by example. So what do I do? I hide my eating habits ineffectually and eat crap whenever I think I can get away with it. In reality, they are not stupid! They MUST know its me raiding the biscuit tin of biscuits I shouldn't have bloody well bought

[BsshBossh]

I only have a 5 yo but she's no longer endlessly asking for snacks now she sees me not constantly eating them too. She generally now is satisfied with a bit of fruit and waits for her main meal (which she's eating more of now she's not too full up for it). So I really believe DC emulate our good and bad habits.

[Talkinpeace]

My kids do not snack at all, ever. (apart from a kitkat before tennis lessons)
Its not in the house so its not an option.
Meals are there to be eaten.
If you skip a meal you wait till the next one before eating

Its an old fashioned way of eating - it dates back to before the obesity epidemic
Snacking was invented in the early 1970's - its had its day
No snacks works for the whole family other than children under 3

[BsshBossh]

TiP I agree. When I look at how much my DD's friends snack and then how much their parents complain that they're fussy eaters or don't finish their main meals I just do a . I am so glad I've nipped DD's snacking habit in the bud so young. Snacking wasn't an option for me when I was a kid and I was never a fussy eater; I even ate all my school dinners too (yep, I even devoured the boiled cabbage!) cause I was hungry for it.

I owe it to my daughter to model good eating behaviour.

[mrsharrystyles]

I've been following the no snacking thing for a few days now. Even though my clothes are still very tight, or totally unobtainable, I feel so much better about myself.
I think it's something to do with taking a positive step and stopping the speeding train of overrating.
I went out for a meal last night, didn't over eat, but didn't feel that I couldn't eat as I was on a diet. It was liberating.

[BsshBossh]

Fantastic mrsharry. It's very freeing.

[becsbornunderadancingstar]

Morning all! Good to see you all - how's it going for everyone?

I'm on day 8 of 'no snacking' now.

That's brilliant mrsharrystyles - that's exactly what's happening with me too. I'm not on a diet, but I'm not overeating, and that's very new for me. Liberating is exactly the right word

Whoknowswhocares - I really relate to what you say about hiding your eating habits from your kids - thank you for being so honest about that as it makes me feel much less alone. I feel so ashamed of the times I've lied to DS about whether I've eaten something.

I didn't come onto this thread over the weekend because Saturday was just a rubbish day - not in terms of food, I stuck to 'no snacking' all day. But my lovely Mum who has been cancer-free for a few years has just found a lump and been referred back to hospital. My dad is in bits over it. And DS was being a nightmare and DH and DS fell out with each other and I just felt in the middle of everything. However rubbish the day was I'm proud that I ate normally - emotional eating is usually a big thing for me but I had three nice meals and that was that. And yesterday I was at a party. I gave myself permission to snack as I knew there would just be 'nibbles' and no 'proper' food. I didn't fancy the crisps (normally I'd either eat them all or eat nothing), and had a few strawberries. Liberating, that's definitely what it is.

I weighed myself today - I lost two pounds in 7 days of 'no snacking' I'm really happy with that. If I'd seen a big weight loss I'd be concerned that I was actually on the usual yo-yo. And if I'd gained weight I'd wonder whether I was kidding myself about not over-eating. So two pounds lost is brilliant.

I'm going to stick with just this one habit for another week before adding on a new habit as well. So just 'no snacking' this week. Next week I plan to add more exercise as well as 'no snacking', but my asthma's playing up and I've got a pretty difficult week ahead of me so I'll stick with the one thing at a time, 'steady as she goes' approach.

Hope you're all going well - thanks so much for joining in with me!

[sweetfluffybunnies]

Hi becs, so sorry to hear about your mum. It's a very stressful time for you, so well done for sticking woth the no snacking rule -you rock!
And what a fab weight loss, you should be proud of yourself.

I also managed to not snack over the weekend, although I have to confess I didn't find it that difficult as we had visitors and went out to eat on Saturday, and then cooked a big lunch on Sunday, so I really wasn't hungry at all! Maybe that's the secret of success.

The only time I felt tempted was Sunday evening when I was watching Downton Abbey on my own - that is usually a situation where I would be sneaking to the kitchen for some crisps- but I actually made the conscious decision that I didn't want to fail this time, like I usually do, and resisted.

So that's 3 days of no snacking done!I'm feeling positive about this, thanks for starting the thread.

[gussiegrips]

Becs, I'm in awe - you didn't binge after that weekend? Wow

I lost 2lbs. Was delighted. So, landed up drinking most of a bottle of wine, a packet of crisps and a bunch of sweets after my pizza dinner in front of Downton to celebrate. Idiot.

Back at it today.

My next promise is to go to bed at a proper hour. I sat up until 2am fidding around with knitting and watching Breaking Bad last night - munching. Blardy loved it, too - but, today I'm tired, craving sugar and Proper Grumpy.

If I slept more I'd have more energy. ANd, wouldn't eat biscuits. Idiot.