AIBU to ask people who maintain a healthy weight how they do it?

[smoggii]

I know that to lose weight you should eat less and move more but I would love to know what the balance is for healthy (or just slightly overweight) maintenance.

I think I am being unreasonable because i know this should be common sense but after years of dieting (losing a significant amount of weight - still a bit overweight but not supermorbidly obese as i once was) i am struggling to maintain a weight, i'm either dieting or gaining weight and i'm starting to feel a bit stupid that I can't just maintain it.

My cousin works for the nhs in a unit with anorexics, and she told me, (and I have just double checked) that the nhs criteria for anorexia is a bmi under 18.5.

Of course anorexia is not just about weight, so may be possible to have a bmi under 18.5 and be underweight, but not be anorexic.

FWIW I am 5 4 and 8 10 (so bmi 20.5) yet my body fat per callipers in the gym is 14%. I suspect its more like 16%, but still if I was a stone less I would be severely underweight, as I am already borderline "underfat".

i agree that a bmi of 18.5 is healthy for some but it is a range. a bmi of 20 is not necesarily healthier than a bmi of 25. whilst bmi doesn't represent every body type it does at least recognise that an ideal weight is different for different people

What nonsense! (that's not to any poster on here of course) How can you have a BMI for anorexics? Surely how much someone eats and their attitude to food makes them an anorexic.

I am 5 ft 7, 8 stone 10 and have a BMI of 19.2. This makes me skinny in many people's eyes, but I don't think I am. It's just normal for me.

Interesting foreveronadiet - I'm a similar BMI (5'2" and just over 8st) but tending more towards 'overfat' . I could probably afford to lose a stone of fat...in fact I used to be a stone lighter than I am now, and while supposedly that was 'underweight' I didn't look skinny and was probably healthier than I am now.

Just shows that BMI is a very crude measure - helpful to give you a rough idea, but there can be big differences in size, appearance and indeed health between two people of the same BMI.

I am overweight.Mostly because I eat when stressed/bored.Its a habit that started in my teens at a time of great stress at home.It's only reading this thread that has made me see it and also see how little I should be eating (I am not talking starving myself).This thread has been my lightbulb moment and IMO is the most brilliant thing I have read on MN for ages. To have some clarity on what constitutes normal eating habits is amazing.My mother over eats and I can now see I am passing my bad habits to my children (although neither are overweight). To those who don't particularly struggle,you may think I am being overly dramatic.But how often do we talk about normal eating versus abnormal eating.IE,Dieting. I have noticed alot of you don't snack so today I started with that.I will report back in a month and may even print this thread out for reminders sake.

Interesting to read about portion size limitation- I've always been on the lighter side of normal and I eat properly enormous portions of dinner, probably twice what many friends eat. I often get envious comments. But what people don't see is that I eat my meals then that's it. Im unfussed by sweets, biscuits, cakes and chocolates unless they are incredibly delicious and special. If I'm hungry between meals, I'll have a snack, but more often than not I won't, because I really fill up at meals. Too often I see people limiting their portions of rice or veg at dinner, then snacking on cake later because they are still hungry. On the whole, main meals are less calorific than snacks, so it makes sense to me not to stint on those.
Having said that, in recent times I've taken to finishing up the kids dinners, and I'm noticing the effects! Must start giving them less tasty food :)

Lib, I'm the opposite - I eat tiny meals and then snack a lot. Part of this is that I know I'll want the cake and stuff so I leave room for it.

Trying to eat a healthy decent sized meal and THEN struggling with the thought of a pudding I can't fit in really upsets me.

So I work around it by prioritising the cake etc. Which I know is innately wrong but it's a question of managing my eating issues and it works for me. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it!

Today I mainly ate cake. Lunch consisted entirely of cake (bizarre work situation). God, I was absolutely dying for something green and leafy by 3pm.

I found it really hard to shift the weight after DC2 was born. I was back at my pre preg weight with DC1 after 5 months, but even after 19 months now after DC2 was born I'm still 3lbs heavier than I was (although have lost the last 7lbs since Jan by healthier eating and more exercise, so expecting to lose that 3lbs in the next 4 weeks is my plan).

The stress of looking after 2 small DCs meant I comfort ate in the evenings. Meals times were always stressful affairs with two DCs, and I couldn't/can't really enjoy and eat my meal in peace. I'm for ever getting up to tend to one of them or to pick up a utencil that has been thrown or to fetch this or that, so I'm kind of stuffing myself with the dinner whilst my concentration is on the two DCs. At the moment DD who is 19 months won't sit in her high chair and wants to sit in my lap at mealtimes, and then she just plays with the food on my plate, so I have to shovel it all in while I can!

So because I was no longer enjoying my food, I felt the need to eat again in the evening to really sit down and savour it. So the constant snacking in the evening (and always puddings/cakes/cheese and biscuits) and hence the weight never shifting. I was lucky that I didnt' actually put on any weight - prob as i'm still BFing and runnign after a toddler and preschooler. But since Jan I've cut down on a lot of snacks in the evening, replcaing them with lots of fruit with some yogurt or a couple of pieces of dark chocolate. and I've also taken up exercising about 4 times a week.

The NHS guide BMI for anorexia is 17.5 not 18.5

It'd be a bit crazy to tell a person that they are healthy with a BMI of 18.5 at 9st, but anorexic if they lose a pound and go to 8 stone 13.

Finding this thread really interesting. I have not maintained a healthy weight and have gained 2 stone over the last 10 years approx. With a few exceptions, I have to say that the posters who have stayed thin all their lives seem to just not be that interested in what they eat. I love food and cooking, and sometimes spend several hours cooking and baking for my family. I would be one of those who is planning what to eat all the time, I just really enjoy trying new recipes and feel a sense of achievement when people enjoy what I've cooked. Absolutely everything we eat is home-made, my dcs will eat almost anything and we are almost never ill. Don't know how much of that is luck or diet obviously, but it's important to me to provide the best quality food I can.

I do wonder how some people stay thin - we were at a dance show rehearsal recently for my dd and everyone except me went out for drive-through McDonalds. I had brought a packed lunch for us - home-made bread with tuna and salad, fruit etc. All the other mums were skinny yet every time I see them they are eating junk! DH tells me it's not a question of luck/genetics but I would like to know their secret!

I am a healthy weight and enjoy cooking, baking and (especially) eating :). It can be done. Mainly I eat only when I'm hungry, and stop when I start to feel full. Because eating when I'm full is not enjoyable, not when I stop to think about it. And it's old-fashioned now to talk about 'spoiling' your dinner by snacking, but it's true - I enjoy my food more when I'm physically a bit hungry and ready for it.

The important thing to remember is that weight is not just (or even mostly) about the quality of the food, whether it's home-cooked or 'junk, it's more about how much you eat in calories. Of course it's good to eat well for general health reasons, but even lovely organic home-made food will make you put on excess weight if you eat too much of it!

GeorgiaMay, I think your DH is right, it's partly down to luck / genetics but mainly down to calories consumed. I don't think they have a secret, I bet if you followed these skinny women for a week and wrote down everything they ate, you would find that it was a lot less than a larger person.

It's great that you love cooking and eating, but I think the revealing part of your post is the sentence "I would be one of those who is planning what to eat all the time". I think most slim people may well enjoy their food, but not to the extent they are thinking about it all the time. (I'm more like you btw!)