AIBU to ask people who maintain a healthy weight how they do it?

[smoggii]

I know that to lose weight you should eat less and move more but I would love to know what the balance is for healthy (or just slightly overweight) maintenance.

I think I am being unreasonable because i know this should be common sense but after years of dieting (losing a significant amount of weight - still a bit overweight but not supermorbidly obese as i once was) i am struggling to maintain a weight, i'm either dieting or gaining weight and i'm starting to feel a bit stupid that I can't just maintain it.

I walk every where we don't drive so have to, have small plates so portion sizes are small, cook from scratch, exceptionally rare drinker and I still struggle to keep weight off.

I'd managed to get a lot of the baby weight off - and keep it off by monitoring and weighing myself regularly but at the minute I watching it go up and up.

I know the problem - comfort eating because I'm finding things difficult at the minute. I also can't eat everything - as sweet things make me crave more of the same. People often tend to force cakes and biscuits at me and while I say no they can be persistent and if I give in that's it - I want more and more.

I suspect people with no weight issues don't comfort eat and certainty have no trigger foods that set them off on craving and associated binges.

My family are mostly plump & I was veering toward plump until my mid 20s. Have been pretty trim since then. So genetics say plump but reality is

I'm also fascinated by what it is that means some people seem 'naturally' slim, and others struggle with weight much of their lives. I'm 35, and I can still fit into clothes I had when I was 18. I'm size 8, and never go on any diets. As far as I'm concerned, I eat whatever I like.

I think that if you arent consciously depriving yourself of food, then chocolate / cake / sweets don't seem like a particular treat, so it's much easier to eat something healthy - a real virtuous circle. I also think there must be some relation to the issue of comfort eating - if the major way you've been taught comfort yourself is to eat sweet things, then it's no surprise that you tend to put on weight in difficult circumstances.

Oh, I've been told by a medical researcher specialising in obesity that actually genetics play a very small role in weight, and that no-one should feel discouraged from maintaining a healthy diet and exercise because they think their genes are going to let them down.

i think that sometimes, what seems like genetics is actually learned behaviour picked up from family.

example, when i first had Xmas lunch with my ILs, they were bemused and even a little annoyed that i didn't fill my plate to groaning and then join in the complaining about being overfull/semi-comatose afterwards. i did my usual thing, a little bit of everything i fancy.

when i started sniffing around for a biscuit to go with my tea a few hours later, they were actually fully annoyed i think! i talked to my SIL about that afterwards and she thought about it and said "well it wouldn't be Xmas unless we ate till we were almost sick". they felt i was being unfestive by not gorging and then complaining.

which to me was bizarre! but again, it's learned in the family. SIL and MIL are always complaining bitterly about their weight while guiltily snaffling down an extra biccie. it's how they bond.

we don't really talk about food/weight in my family besides "what do you fancy" and "was that nice?". i think it's better that way, in terms of the kind of behaviour/feelings it produces.

i was always a size 8-10 until i moved to asia and never cooked (it was too expensive and hot to be in a kitchen) and piled on the pounds, add a hyperemetic pregnancy, where i ate constantly (and over and above what i was throwing up) and i went to a really large 13.5 stone at the end of my pregnancy (baby weighed ahem, 5.5lb).

four years later, another baby and i'm the lightest i've evr been, hovering st 8 stone. i am breastfeeding still but i found that bfeeding the first (i fed through pregnancy and tandemed a while) made me hungry, which interfered

i've done low carbing in the past but found after a while

i don't diet as such and eat anything and am a keen home cook and baker

i eat more protein than i used to. always some eggs, smoked fish for breakfast with only one slice of toast.
i eat half of any plate of food as veg or fruit (i do huge plates of chopped fruit for the girls for breakfast
i drink a large glass of water before any meal
i never ever snack, unless it's fruit. same goes for my children, it weekly exception of what we've baked
i drink minimally, but do have more wine at the weekend
lots pf soups for lunch
lentils, middle eastern salads form a large part of lunch menu
i will (and did tonite) eat almost a whole headof broccoli with my gong bao chicken (poor husband)
in general my portions are small. i wouldn't eat a whole chicken breast, for example. i eat from smaller plates and bowls.
i stop when i'm full
io accept that light hunger is ok and isn't something that's going to kill you
i now have a less angsty relationship ith food.
my NEAT is high from not ever using a pram

Exercise. Every day. 30 min.

Not bedtime till it's done.

My DH is naturally slim. He's a real foodie and wakes up thinking about what he wants to eat that day. He loves cooking and reads recipe books like novels. But he doesn't overload his plate, generally always leaves something as he stops eating when full, he won't eat if he's not hungry (even if others are eating) and he generally doesn't snack.

He eats like Paul McKenna writes about in his book about weight. I lost loads of weight reading this book and observing my DH and my eating habits have been transformed (no weight gain either).

I think the less you eat, the less you need to eat and vice versa

Don't eat by the clock. Listen to what your body is telling you instead.

Many people look at the clock that tells them it is lunchtime, dinnertime etc. and feel that they have to eat regardless of whether they are actually hungry.

Focus on being healthy, not thin.
When you want a snack, choose fruit or carrot sticks and hummus, not biscuits. Think about the nutritional value of the food you eat, and not the calorie content.
If you are not really hungry, it's fine to skip the odd meal.
In studies, thin people tend to eat lots sometimes, and not each much at all other times. As humans we are hunter gatherers, which means that sometimes there will be lots to eat, other times very little. Contrary to popular belief, your metabolism won't instantly slow down if you skip lunch two days a week, or just eat a banana.
It's the total intake of food in a week, not a day, which is the main thing.
If you eat too much one day, adjust the next.
Eat plenty of protein-eggs, beans, pulses. Fill up on slow acting carbs, and have porridge for breakfast as it is good for you, and keeps you full (and its lovely and cheap!)

"At 5ft 7 and 8 stone 6 I feel about the right Weight for my height."

But you aren't. You have a BMI of 18.4 which is underweight, which is just as statistically associated with unhealthiness as obesity (and more unhealthy than 'overweight', which is associated with the longest lifespans). How is it helpful then for you to advise people to copy what you do when it's causing a health problem, and isn't even what the OP asked? Or did you just want a badly thought out 'stealth boast'?

OP a lot of the people 'advising' you here are clinically underweight. If you want to maintain a healthy diet you would be better asking your GP to refer you to a dietician than listen to pro-eating-disordered people on the internet.

On that note, I am 5, 5 and weigh around 10 stone, and am happy with that.(And I get lots of exercise thru not having a car, and my weight stays the same mostly).
I have been around 9 stone 3, but look a bit skinny at that weight.

Like I said, your focus should be on health, and not thinness.

My husband always stay more or less the same healthy weight. The secret? He is very active.

He doesn't stick to a rigid diet. It's probably healthier than average as he likes his veg, but it isn't 'perfect' - he eats chocolate pretty frequently (although no alcohol or very rarely). He does no formal 'sport' nor does he ever go to the gym, but he does a LOT of gardening and DIY, likes everything to be spotlessly clean and generally has ants in his pants if he sits still for more than 2 hours. And once he starts on something, he keeps going until he can no longer move! I envy him as although I have a healthier diet than him, I cannot motivate myself to move as much as he does. I just don't have his stamina. Consequently, I'm a little bit heavier than I should be.

Eating well helps you lose weight, but the key to maintaining it is to be active.

I lost over a third of my body weight last year and have been maintaining it by never having two bad eating days in a row so I don't give the weight a chance to go on. I also don't give into pressure to over eat or have puddings at social occasions.

Wibbly, don't you think that's a bit strong? 18.4 is only just below the 18.5 cutoff for normal and given how imprecise a guide BMI is I don't think one can possibly say that somebody they have never met has an eating disorder based on a BMI of 18.4.

I weigh myself most days.

I cycle to work between 2 and 4 times a week, round trip of 15miles minimum.
I walk twice a week for an hour or so.

The cycling has made the difference for me and I bought my bike through work so feel I have to use it! I've lost about 8 -9 pounds since last July.

I eat a lot as the exercise makes me hungry, but I think I burn it off now.

I fluctuate between 9.2 and 9.6. If I got to 9.7 I would panic. I am 5 4 and 37 years old. I have weighed the same since I can remember.

My vice is wine. Red. I drink at least a glass, usually 2 every night. Because of that I try not to eat carbs other than those in salad etc, apart from porridge which I eat every morning. I do eat takeaways, nuts, but rarely eat crisps, biscuits, puddings or choc apart from the odd square of dark most evenings. I don't drink any caffiene.

I exercise 3 times a week.

If I've been on hols and overindulge I'd cut out the choc and any treats... But not the wine

I weigh myself once a week.

Wibbly BMI is a guide that's all

And actually it's extremely 'generous' too.

I know when I gained a large belly that hung over my jeans and made me look pregnant, my BMI was still in the perfect range.

But anyone with a pair of eyes could see I had a big fat belly.

It can't be taken too literally.

Oh and I try and drink loads of water. I do this to flush the wine out and stay hydrated. I do find I am full till at least 1pm from porridge and stay fuller longer and get less ravenous than I did on a low fat diet.

Wibbly I am very interested to know that "overweight" people have the longest life spans. Or am I using this as an excuse not to go lower? What stats have you got on this?

I always used to find excuses to eat unhealthy food and rationalise what I was doing, usually by telling myself I "deserved" a treat. Deserve or not, it was still food that wasn't good for me and stopped me from becoming the size I wanted. It was an excuse to get what I wanted short-term, while damaging me in the long run. So I guess make sure you don't rationalise why you should have something that isn't good for you, and look closely at yourself if you can see that kind of logic effecting how you eat. Don't justify poor eating habits with arbitrary reasoning.

Hmmm. I am not sure if there is a genetic element or not: I am from a family of small people who are active and don't think about food too much. I have been chubby (when I was much younger) but stabilised at a 'small' size.

I think for me, the difference is made up of various elements.

1. I don't really think about food too much. When it is time to eat, I prefer 'healthy' food. Sometimes, I do eat crap, but it doesn't make me feel great. The more I ensure that the majority of fuel going in is high quality, the less I crave the rubbish. But I don't sweat over it.

2. Don't pick the path of least resistance, physically. Take the long way round and check stuff out along the way. Don't make it about 'losing weight'. It's about enriching your life.

3. Don't get obsessed with clothes size or a number on your scales. Do you want to be that person? Really? Instead, focus on being at a point where you feel good rather than being able to fit in tiny clothes and looking haggard and miserable. Newsflash: we are all designed differently. Some people just suit being bigger, IMHO.

4. If you feel that the above is not enough, then maybe you could benefit from an exercise regime. However, as with eating: something that has you gritting your teeth and thinking of England- is this how you want to live your life? Find something that pays dividends in other ways: is it fun? Do you get an endorphin rush? If you getting slimmer/trimmer is a side issue there is more chance of you sustaining it.

Good luck. :)

Read John Briffa's escape the diet trap and Paul Mckenna.

Incorporate both into your life:

a) only eat when hungry stop when food
b) eat protein at each meal; don't eat empty calories particularly ones that will affect your blood sugar

I am careful all week but eat more at the weekend.