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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

AIBU to ask people who maintain a healthy weight how they do it?

215 replies

smoggii · 24/03/2012 21:51

I know that to lose weight you should eat less and move more but I would love to know what the balance is for healthy (or just slightly overweight) maintenance.

I think I am being unreasonable because i know this should be common sense but after years of dieting (losing a significant amount of weight - still a bit overweight but not supermorbidly obese as i once was) i am struggling to maintain a weight, i'm either dieting or gaining weight and i'm starting to feel a bit stupid that I can't just maintain it.

OP posts:
NettoSuperstar · 25/03/2012 02:09

What I do notice, with people who want to lose weight is that they eat.
They seem frightened to not be eating.
It might be fruit, or veg, or crap full of crap (Diet bars and the like), but they have to eat all the time.

I am sure I eat better generally, and eat more crap, and I'm less obsessed with it, and am not overweight.

hopkin · 25/03/2012 03:54

I'm 5.7, size 10-12 and I weigh 64kg (10 stone). My weight sometimes fluctuates by a couple of pounds, but rarely.

I regard myself as someone who likes food and I honestly do eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I think it helps that I don't really think of myself as liking sweet things - I do occasionally really fancy some raspberry jelly or half a tin of peaches with a load of cream, and when I want them I have them and enjoy them.
But I would never casually buy a Mars bar or anything like that just because I happened to be in the newsagent. Wanting something sweet is an aberration for me, rather than my default: most of the time I really don't like sweet things.

I think it also helps that I don't associate any kind of food with "relaxing" or "giving myself a treat." If I have the night off work, it doesn't cross my mind to incorporate any particular kind of food (crisps, Maltesers, wine gums etc) into whatever I'm planning to do, whether it's having a bath, watching a film or spending time online. I'll sometimes make a bowl of popcorn, but that's it really.

And I think my lifestyle also contributes to maintaining a stable weight: I work in a restaurant so I quite often start work at 5ish, which means that I'm cooking and eating my main meal of the day before work, rather than after, which in turn means that I have a limited amount of time to do it.
If I want to eat before I go I don't have loads of time to fiddle about making nice creamy sauces or gravy or anything like that: I just want to have my food cooked and eaten as quickly as possible, so that it takes up as little of my free time as necessary! This pretty much rules out rice (I only like brown rice and wholegrain basmati, both of which take about 35 minutes to cook) and potatoes (again, they take an irritatingly long time to cook) so my main meal of the day - whatever time I have it - is almost always protein and a SHITLOAD of vegetables.

In fact I think the only thing I do ever fret about with regard to my diet is whether I'm eating enough vegetables. I aim for 8 portions a day, ideally a mix of colours, and that really is the only (food related) thing I ever berate myself over.

Oh, and I walk EVERYWHERE and I walk FAST - usually a minimum of an hour a day.

LondonMum1 · 25/03/2012 04:39

Knowing what to do is easier than doing it. You need to make good choices again and again. Self control is hard work. Motivation, habit and routine help a person to make good choices. You can also avoid temptation by closing down choices. Here are some I find helpful...

Porridge for breakfast every day. No choice, nothing else with it and nothing on top.
Lunch during the week is soup, bread and a fruit salad. If you take this from home, then you don't have to choose lunch in a cafe when you are hungry and likely to be tempted.
I don't have snacks in the house. This is what I mean about closing down choices.
My routine is to cycle 5 miles to work and 5 miles back every day.
I don't have a car so walk and cycle everywhere.
Weigh myself weekly.
Get enough sleep as being tired makes you more prone to put on weight. (You might ask what I'm doing up at 4.30am).

echt · 25/03/2012 05:47

I'm fortunate in that I don't like cake, chocs, biscuits, etc. so they're not in the house. I quite like crisps/ savoury nibbles, so they're only in if we're expecting ravening hordes of teenagers.

No fruit juice but loads of fruit. No soft drinks, unless the tonic for gin.

No cereals other than plain porridge, as they're all, even muesli, full of sugar out the wazoo. Eggs for breakfast instead.

I always make my own lunch for work, a hefty bean-based salad.

Alcohol's my vice; nice wine at weekends.

I do not weigh myself, but go by my clothes.

I run every other day, about two miles.

I'm still a size 12 in my late 50s, (was a real size 10 from teens to 40s) but have to pay attention to the face/arse payoff so as not to look gaunt.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 25/03/2012 06:01

I am 5' 7'' tall and weigh between 10st and 10st 5lbs and wear a size 10. I'm 36 yrs old.

I think there are a few factors but I wouldnt say they are down to self-control as I dont really have to think I can't have anything.

  • I never diet. In my twenties I was permanently dieting and yo-yo'd between 10st 7lbs and 11st 7lbs. It was miserable. If I fancy anything, I have it.
  • I am fairly metabolically fortunate in that I have a naturally athletic build and build/maintain muscle easily. Actually, a lot of women would prob not want the definition I have in my arms, but I like it.
  • I never buy diet or low fat products, other than I do drink semi-skim milk in my tea. I hate anything with artificial sweeteners in it, so I drink full sugar Ribena/squash/coke etc but prob only one glass every few days- rest of the time it's water or soda water.
  • I don't really eat snack foods like crisps, biscuits or chocolate. I prefer some carrots with humous or guacamole or salted popcorn as a TV snack. As a result I eat very little refined sugar- prob have a cake once a week maybe. I find it just makes me feel crappy and tired. I'm more a savoury person.
  • I eat quite a lot of protein- so for breakfast I usually have an egg and back bacon sarnie on granary and a latte, and that fills me up till lunchtime. Lunch I'll have soup and some sashimi or a greek salad with some cut fruit in the afternoon as a snack, dinner maybe a salmon steak and salad or roast chicken and veg, chili and rice. It helps that I live in a country with no convenience food so as I'm a lazy cook I tend to eat pretty simply.
  • I enjoy sport/exercise- play in a tennis league and love hiking/ running.
  • On the downside I drink far too much wine and coffee.
SodoffBaldrick · 25/03/2012 06:11

Interesting the number of people who maintain a good weight, who weigh themselves daily, when you consider one of the main piece of diet advice is to throw away the scales...

That is nonsense, IMO. I weigh myself every single day and is the only way to successfully maintain weight in my opinion.

You can see if it is creeping on very quickly and deal with it immediately, instead of putting on quite a bit of weight and then having a much bigger job on your hands shifting it. Cut back for a week and you're back to your ideal weight.

I walk everywhere, power-walking, usually pushing 30+ kg in a double pram. I take long, circuitous routes. I control portions and try to stick to around 1500 calories a day. I am 5"9' and a size 10/12.

It isn't a miserable existence at all. I am not one of those lucky people who can trough all day and not gain weight. I have to watch quite strictly what I eat and control it.

But the flip side is that I am slim and, modesty aside, look good in clothes. I eat whatever I fancy really, just not huge amounts of it - so I don't feel I am missing out. And if it's a special occasion then I will enjoy it. Overall, I am happier looking good and not eating whatever I want than I would be as an overwieight person who indulges wherever and whenever.

I guess it all comes down to the personal deals and bargains you make with yourself and what your own priorities are.

nooka · 25/03/2012 06:33

I'm not sure whether I'm (relatively) thin because of my genetics or my lifestyle, but I've never been over weight and I've never consciously dieted apart from a year or so when I was doing weight training. I was hypoglycemic as a teenager and that has made me a little more careful about what I eat (mostly making sure I eat regularly and enough). I also don't have a sweet tooth and am a bit fussy about additives. Generally speaking if something has what I consider crap in it I don't eat it (like today looking for ice cream I couldn't find anything with under 10 ingredients so I didn't have any). Things I really like I tend to savour (eg if I have a box of nice chocolates I prefer one a day than ten at once).

The one thing I have noticed is that exercise, even a small amount makes a big difference. When I lived in London I walked a very fast 15-20 mins twice a day. Now I live in North America and drive I am very aware that I'm a great deal less fit and a bit more podgy. When I cycled to work I was a lot more trim, and when I did that and weight trained I ate a ton and had a very nice figure (weighed more though).

nooka · 25/03/2012 06:39

Oh and the only time I have ever weighed myself regularly is when I was weight training. I think we still have the scales somewhere. It's always a bit tricky when I have to fill in a form somewhere and it asks for my weight as they always seem to expect something exact (I generally weigh between 10-12 stone and am 5'10").

mrspepperpotty · 25/03/2012 07:14

My DH is 6'3" and weighs 11st. That's about 7lb more than he weighed as a teenager 20 years ago.

I struggle with my weight, and I have found it interesting to see how he does it. People assume he is lucky and can eat anything he likes, but in fact he is not a big eater. He does many things that have been said already on this thread, eg small portion sizes, only eats something if he really fancies it, does not think of food as "naughty" but only whether he wants it or not, if he eats more than usual one day he will cut back the next day etc etc.

The thing is, he does all this "naturally" because he has never had to worry about his weight. Whereas for you it would be a very conscious decision to say "I had that piece of chocolate cake yesterday so I'm going to be good for the next couple of days" and you would call that dieting. So, when you say in your OP "I'm either dieting or gaining weight", rather than change that behaviour perhaps you have to see it as normal rather than wrong? This philosophy does NOT allow for massive binges btw - my DH would literally never sit down and munch his way through enough food to make him feel ill - the idea simply wouldn't occur to him. If it would occur to you, and if not doing that counts in your mind as 'dieting', then I think you have to accept the fact that you will always need to be on a diet!

HTH

molly3478 · 25/03/2012 07:45

Never diet

Never deny yourself any types of food/drink

move around lots no need for gym just walk everywhere and fast. I walk faster than about 70% of people I see. I also struggle to sit still for long periods ever for instance I go on here then I am rushing off doing something then I am back down etc. I find it very difficult to sit down for long periods of time and always have done.

Also the poster above says 20 minute distance I wouldnt class that as far. I walk everywhere and before I was pregnant it was up to 6 miles a day. Even at 39 weeks pregnant I am still walking 2 miles every school day.

molly3478 · 25/03/2012 07:50

Also you can eat any takeaways, maccys ds, sweets etc on any day you like. Its how much you eat not what you eat, and most importantly how much you move imo. I do this and have never been over a size 6/8

SuiGeneris · 25/03/2012 08:06

I think the main thing is to eat regularly, healthily and watching portion sizes. I am now 36 weeks pregnant and 67 kgs for 1.68 mt, but normally I would be 54 kgs and, bar pregnancies, I have been that weight since 2002.
My sister and my mother have also been the same weight since adolescence and my mother is a doctor who specialises in eating disorders. Here's what we do.

Always eat at least 3 meals, never ever skip, especially not breakfast. Each meal is based mostly around a starch staple or pulses, with lots of vegetables. Meat around 2/3 times a week, fish 3/4 times, cheese usually with salad or as a condiment rather than as a main part of the meal. Always eat fresh fruit at the end of a meal and therefore plan what we eat to leave enough space for at least one piece of fresh fruit, usually two. My mother and I also tend to have a little treat at the end of lunch and dinner most days: one or two pieces of dried fruit or dark chocolate, or maybe an amaretto.
Portion sizes: I come from outside the UK and find UK portion sizes way bigger than in my country. For example, when we cook pasta (which is most days) I do 80 gr for a woman and 100 gr for a man. Also, we use much less sauce than is customary in the UK. And the sauces are always homemade, which usually means fresher, tastier and less fatty than bought ones.

Always eat at the table, talking to others or paying attention to what we are eating. No reading or watching tv, otherwise one does not enjoy the food as much and ends up eating more of eat.
Enjoying the food is key: it must be lovely or I'd rather not eat it. So we probably spend longer shopping and cooking than the average Brit. For me the key things are fresh crusty bread baked that day (am a huge bread lover), ripe fruit and vegetables that are in season (so that they ripened while attached to the plant, not in a crate) and fresh or frozen herbs (dried ones have less flavour, so the dishes end up needing something else, usually fat, to become tastier).
No snacks between meals, no soft drinks other than water or juice that has just been squeezed (by us in the kitchen). Only good wine- and again if it is not nice I'd rather stick to water.
Here's an example of what we had yesterday:
Breakfast: tea, two slices of fresh bread with orange marmalade. DH makes the bread, so the slices are quite big, prob like 4 of bought bread. On the other hand, his recipe uses a spoon of oil for about a kg of bread, so v low fat.
Lunch: homemade pizza with mozzarella, tomato, basil, oregano and black olives. I had a slice that was about one and a half times my hand, followed by two apples and two squares of black chocolate with hazelnuts.
Dinner: spinach and ricotta ravioli (250gr pack shared between DH, me and DS,2) with butter and Parmesan, followed by salad, grilled zucchini, some leftover boiled potato and a slice of cooked ham. Banana.

The plan for today is same as yesterday for breakfast; pasta with tomato sauce followed by veal escalope and salad for lunch and probably mushroom soup followed by spinach and ricotta pie for dinner. Pudding to include yoghurt at either lunch or dinner and fruit in each case.

Hope this helps. I think it is really important to enjoy what you are eating and to be aware of portions as well as of what helps you stay full and satisfied until the next meal. And, as others said, be aware that it takes 15-20 minutes for the fullness message to arrive to the brain, which is why it is important to take your time while eating and to aim to stop before you feel completely full.

lechatnoir · 25/03/2012 08:09

Can't speak for myself as I'm loft ever dieting but do come from adsmily of natural skinnies so have seen first hand what needs to be done. My mum (5ft5 always been a size 8):

Doesn't own any scales and has no concept of dieting
Wouldn't even consider to have more than 1 biscuit / slice of cake / piece of chocolate - these are treats for occasional & limited consumption
Rarely has puddings - just fruit or yogurt
Eats fruit if she's hungry between meals
Eats very little processed or low fat food

and never seems to stop moving!!

laptopdancer · 25/03/2012 08:11

When I was a constant weight?
There is no magic to it...I basically restricted my eating A LOT and did a hell of a lot of exercise.

SuiGeneris · 25/03/2012 08:16

The other thing is to walk as much as possible. I do not like the gym but walk pretty much everywhere when not pregnant (SPD is very limiting). Mother and sister do the same and also low-impact exercise in the gym. I dp Pilates once a week.

And you should be a little bit hungry but not starving before each meal. I find this changes in pregnancy for me when I have been known to get up at 4am to eat a banana and have a glass of milk, otherwise I am too hungry to sleep. Normally I just wake up hungry and could never skip breakfast or even wait until, say, 9am. I must wake up and eat. Find it very difficult at the in-laws where sometimes at the weekend they wait longer. DS has woken, must go, sorry!

undercoverPrincess · 25/03/2012 08:32

Everyone is different but it's a lot to do with mind and attitude too, I have friends who will have something unhealthy and then think 'well I've blown it now I might as well also eat x, y and z and start the diet Monday....

This is not the right attitude, the right way to think is that was a nice treat but I am going to eat more healthily for the rest of the day to compensate.

Once you get into this mindset you don't feel deprived and you enjoy the small treats you have more without feeling guilty for having them.

marriedinwhite · 25/03/2012 08:35

20s, 8st 12lb, size 10
30s, 9st 4lb, size 10-12
40s, 9st 12lb and rising, size 12-14
50s, 11st 3lb this morning, size 14-16

It has gone up and I honestly don't eat more now than I did before. I have really struggled since the menopause started with a vengeance and am convinced HRT has automatically added 7lb.

I know the wine, probably 2 glasses a day needs to go but a typical day really is:

beans on toast (1 slice)
sandwich and soup
evening meal of something like spag bol, chicken cass, etc.

And I walk for about 45 minutes every day. I think that phase of constantly running after the children ends too. Am 5'4-1/2"

Talks to self sternly.

swallowedAfly · 25/03/2012 08:36

i'd say what helps me (my weight fluctuates up and down by a stone or so but never gets too out of hand really) is:

-i don't drive therefore my baseline energy use is higher just from walking everywhere and always has been

-i don't eat when i'm not hungry, my body does not need or want 3 meals a day - i'm not sure anyone's does if they're not doing a manual labour type job - we just don't do enough to justify eating the same amount as our grandparents did. i generally don't eat at all until the afternoon when i actually start feeling hungry.

-if i have a massive chocolate craving and want to scoff chocolate then i only have a very light tea and then scoff my chocolate - not eat a full dinner AND scoff the chocolate.

-i go through patches where i'm just not into food and don't feel hungry and when that happens i go with it rather than ignoring my body and shoving in food it doesn't want - that sometimes means i eat virtually nothing for a day - no one dies and i tend to think my body knows what it is doing - maybe it needs a short fast to catch up on digestion and other stuff rather than being clogged up with yet more food.

other ideas

  • rescue a dog and get into the joy of long walks morning and evening
  • do fat free friday this is my code for just having one day a week where you let yourself eat whatever you like knowing that that is your blow off day and you'll be careful for the rest of the week.
  • invest in a juicer and have one day a week where you only have vegetable juices
  • or do a protein only day once a week.

i think the trick is knowing yourself rather than trying to do what works generically. some can eat sensibly every day, some do better with having one day a week where they fast, some do better being sensible 6 days a week and having one blow out day, some just love their food and want to eat loads so need to do a LOT of exercise etc.

swallowedAfly · 25/03/2012 08:38

miw - that's a lot of carbs - beans on toast, sandwich, pasta - that's three bulky carbs meals in one day. i'd be constipated and bloated feeling apart from anything else.

Ephiny · 25/03/2012 08:46

I just eat when I'm actually hungry, and stop when I'm starting to feel full, it seems to work for me. I don't have any banned foods, and generally eat what I feel like - and if that's a chocolate bar or biscuit then I have it!

This is how I've naturally eaten for most of my life, and have always been slim when I've done this. The only time I've gained a bit of excess weight was in my mid-20s when I started binge-eating mostly due to stress at work, and got trapped in that awful overeating/dieting cycle. So I know how it can be.

I have used calorie counting with some success for short-term weight loss, it does work and is a simple and reliable way to lose some weight. It can also be a useful tool to teach yourself what a 'normal' amount of food looks like, how hungry/full you should feel etc. But it's not sustainable for the long term IMO, who really wants to be adding up calories every day for the rest of their lives?

Ultimately you need to start listening to your body, your sensations of hunger and fullness, how the food really feels and tastes in your mouth (and you'll find a lot of 'junk' foods actually feel greasy and taste a bit nasty when you do this, they're designed to be stuffed down quickly), what your body needs and what you really want. You'll find that eating when you're not hungry doesn't actually feel very nice, and you won't want to do it.

The Paul McKenna method is a good way of learning to do this, though the principle is a fairly simple and common-sense one.

ithaka · 25/03/2012 08:49

I am 5 foot 1 and 8 stone - age 45.

I think my trick is portion control and not snacking for the sake of it. I don't each vast amounts at each meal and I find if I have porridge for breakfast it easily sees me through to lunch - I don't get this 'mid morning snack' stuff lots of people seem to need.

I also do excerise I enjoy, so I horse ride, hill walk, yoga and zumba. I don't like running or gyms, I like to be outside.

I eat whatever I like, but not lots of it.

Bonsoir · 25/03/2012 08:49

Eat three meals a day at regular times and no snacks (or drinks other than water/tea/coffee).

Eat healthy fresh food, balanced meals and reasonable quantities - no second helpings.

Take decent amounts of exercise - 30 minutes walking a day minimum.

exoticfruits · 25/03/2012 08:50

I lost 2 and a half stone three years ago and have kept it off. I changed my eating habits.
It is very easy, your body gets used to it.

  1. I watch portion size.
  2. I watch fat and sugar content.
  3. I eat 3 meals and don't snack, apart from fruit (and my fatless, sugarless, eggless fruit cake)
  4. I eat one chocolate a day!
  5. Wine is my weakness.

I don't have to be obsessive-if someone has baked a cake I have a slice, I have the odd treat-I just compensate later.

I also go running regularly.

exoticfruits · 25/03/2012 08:51

Cross posted with Bonsoir-she has the answer and that is generally what I do!

Ephiny · 25/03/2012 08:52

Exercise does help too, but for me I find it's what I eat that makes the biggest difference to my weight. There will be exceptions but the amount that most overweight people over-eat by is likely to 'cancel out' the weight-loss effects of the exercise they do (unless they really exercise a lot).

Exercise is great for other reasons though, i.e. general health and fitness. I've always done a lot of walking, which is great exercise as almost everyone can do it, and it's usually easy to fit into your daily routine. Also recently discovered I actually like going for a swim or to the gym - you have to find something you enjoy doing, I think!