AIBU to ask people who maintain a healthy weight how they do it?

[smoggii]

I know that to lose weight you should eat less and move more but I would love to know what the balance is for healthy (or just slightly overweight) maintenance.

I think I am being unreasonable because i know this should be common sense but after years of dieting (losing a significant amount of weight - still a bit overweight but not supermorbidly obese as i once was) i am struggling to maintain a weight, i'm either dieting or gaining weight and i'm starting to feel a bit stupid that I can't just maintain it.

To add to what Bangtastic said, my 'stable' weight fluctuates a bit too, at the moment I don't worry as long as it stays within a 4kg (9lbs) bracket (ie. my jeans still fit!)

OK, to summarise the point of the Paul McKenna book, he studied how naturally slim people eat and came up with these rules:

1. When you're hungry, eat.
2. Eat what you want, not what you think you should.
3. When you think you might be full, stop eating.
4. Enjoy every mouthful.

All this makes sense if you look at the people you know who are slim. I don't know any lifelong slim folk who avoid particular foods - all the naturally slim people I know would eat anything as long as it's something they like. They don't eat for the sake of it, and they aren't members of the Clean Plate Club.

I don't really think there are certain people who can eat more than others and stay slim - I have a very slim friend who can eat a huge pizza and a bottle of wine if we go out for dinner, but I know she never eats breakfast and would probably not eat anything for most of the next day after a huge dinner as she would be too full. So whilst it appears at first glance that she can eat loads and stay slim, she just has a different eating pattern from me which is why I'm bigger than her (altho not overweight). It would never occur to her to eat something, for example, just because it's a meal time according to the clock, or because she needs to clear her plate, or to use it up before it goes off, or to avoid offending someone by not finishing what they've made for her - it's entirely down to hunger and enjoyment.

I'm early forties, 5' 4" and my weight has always been between 9 and 10 stone. I'm currently 9.5 stone. I have never dieted.

I'm a great believer in three meals a day. We don't eat massive dinners and we eat lots of different things. I normally cook from scratch and I don't deny myself anything. I have been known to eat half a packet of biscuits in one go but I guess my secret is that I don't do it every day!

Exercise helps. I'm not doing a lot of that at the mo but I'm planning onrunning again shortly. When I start feeling a bit lardy I listen to hypnotherapy CDs as I go to sleep. Paul McKenna, Marisa Peer and Glenn Harrold are all very good.

I've worked with three overweight women in the past and one thing they all had in common was that they seemed to think and talk about food constantly. In the morning, they were planning what they were going to have for lunch. In the afternoon, they were planning what they were going to have for dinner. In between, they were eating sweets and other crap. It really was irritating. I love food and spend quite a bit of time planning and shopping for food but I'd like to hope I don't bore everyone around me rigid!

The only thing which has worked for me is accepting that my metabolism has changed over the years. In my 20s, I could eat huge amounts and remain skinny. I began to put on weight more easily around age 30. Then pregnancy did it for me. I'm convinced it changed my metabolism, as since having kids, I probably eat literally half the amount I did when in my 20s. It took me a while to accept this though, and I think many people fight against it and expect to be able to eat like they did as a much younger person.

I eat pretty much what I want but generally migrate towards a low carb sort of diet as I'm not a fan of bread or potatoes.

I exercise a lot and will not eat as much if I miss a day at the gym.

I weigh myself every morning.

I think people who maintain roughly the same weight and don't yo-yo have a different relationship with food.
I have all types of friends, high metabolism skinny rake scoffs crap all day long
Gym bunny who eats mainly macdonalds
Obese, BMI is near 40, in denial, has lost and regained 100's of stones in the 20 years we've been friends. All psychological and related to her parenting.
Weight watchers who know the points of all and sundry and go up and down by 2 or so dress sizes annually

Personally the couple of us who don't think much about food are the ones who are static. I love cheese and eat it whenever but dont have milk so figure my body is getting what it needs. Never eat pudding, choc, cake as it doesnt please me.
Other static friends are opposite

I don't think you can change the type of person you are.

You just need to identify yourself, your weak points and deal with them.

Bloody hell, this all sounds so restrictive.
I've never been over a size 8 in my life, I eat and drink everything.
I adore cheese, I drink when I want, I like pastry, and cheese, always full fat milk in my tea, I eat cheese, I put cheese on bread.
Sometimes I even eat cheese.

I am 5' 6'' and about 9 and a half stone. This is about a stone and a half heavier than when I was a teen, but I would look gaunt now in my 40's at that lower weight. People assume I'm just lucky & eat what I want, but while I don't stick to a 'diet' as such I am careful about what I eat & soon start to put on weight if I lapse for a couple of weeks.

I generally...

1. Avoid all takeaways and very rarely eat out.

2)Hardly ever drink alcohol

3. If I do eat out I have no starter, no pudding & drink water. I stop eating before I'm bloated.

4. Do not keep in the house crisps, chocolate, biscuits or cake. If they're not there I can't eat them easily. If I really fancy one of these things I don't deprive myself, but a walk to the shop is a good test of whether you really want something. If you can't be bothered, you don't want it that much. It also stops constant pestering from the kids for such items.

5. I never drink fizzy drinks or squash. I reckon even the sugar-free versions cause sweetness cravings & mess with your appetite.

6. I very rarely eat breakfast cereals. In my experience they don't fill you up & leave you craving for more food. I do have toast with butter, but find that fills me up more...

7. I use small plates for most meals to limit portion size. If we have pasta I weigh it out before cooking so we don't have too much & I give myself an extra small portion of that. (Fairly easy this one for me as I'm not that keen on pasta!)

I know many people would like to believe I'm just lucky, but there's more to it than that...

But yes, I rarely overeat, I don't get pleasure from being overly full, and I never eat for the sake of it, or because the clock says it's mealtime.
I spent a week in hospital and ate nothing, because the food looked horrible, and smelled worse.
I don't put things I don't want in my body, just because someone says I should eat.

i'm 5'8'' and small-boned. at nearly 15weeks pg, i'm just on 10 stone, the heaviest i've ever been afaik. i come from a slim family and DH is slim too.

am not in UK but have lived there, and am now living in an affluent country with a similar standard of living to UK (if not a bit higher). i come from a poorer country.

i must say that i've always been struck by how enormous the portions are in the UK and my new country, compared to where i grew up and how we used to eat. i do think portions are dramatically bigger in wealthier/Western countries and the expectation seems to be that you keep eating until your plate is clean, no matter what.

here's how my eating seems to differ from my friends/colleagues in my new country:

• i serve myself small portions, and slow down my pace of eating.
• i look at my plate and can usually visually ascertain how much is going to fill me up. i don't dish up more than that. if i do, by accident, then i don't attempt to clear my plate. i hate feeling overfull.
• i never ever ever eat until i feel full -- by then, i've eaten too much and in 15 minutes i will feel sick and bloated. i stop eating before i feel full and then wait and see if i still need more to eat later on.
• i eat little and often. really little though - e.g i don't even finish a small packet of crisps to myself usually. (some people i know do the "eat often" thing, but they seem not to understand how small a "small portion" is)
• i drink mostly water and milk. if i have juice, i dilute it 50/50. i don't drink fizzies or diet things or squash really.
• i try to have protein with as many meals as is feasible.
• i don't eat reduced fat things. i eat the full-fat version and have less of it, but enjoy it.
• if pudding's on the cards, i tend not to have any starch with the meal.

not sure if that helps (and hopefully i've not repeated anyone else, i haven't read the thread in detail)

I am loving all this insight it all makes sense and i am glad i asked.

Sebastionthecrab I have always been a binge eater, which was how i reached such a high weight. I am in a bit of a binge/starve cycle and i just want to learn how to do it right.

I eat cheese . I also don't have any 'forbidden' foods, if I'm going out I'll have a cake or dessert.

I never walk in the biscuit aisle. Doesn't occur to me to go down there.
I don't have a sweet tooth.
Maybe that's the answer?

I now get shopping delivered and meal plan the entire week, takes 20 mins. Our diet is a monthly repetition. But it means there is no junk in the house.
And I look at the menu and say
Mmm need something with fish
One rice, one pasta, one potato. One roast.... And so on

Though I generally eat takeaway every weekend!

Takeaway means what though?

A grilled chicken kebab with a tomato based sauce and salad, or a Chinese with really greasy Singapore noodles, and satay, and spring rolls?

I still swear that you can be a healthy weight, and eat whatever foods you like, so long as you watch portion size.
And that can include twenty chocolate bars at once, so long as you only do that once a year!

Quite simple really - I dont buy bigger clothes. I dont own scales either. If my waist band get tight I eat a little more sensibly for a couple of days. I dont starve or gorge.

I really don't have a sweet tooth but I'm not sure if that's the answer as I'm a crisp and nut addict!

I think (for me) the answer is that I really only do eat if I'm hungry.

When we eat out, I order starters and main but skip dessert....the reason being because I wouldn't be hungry enough for dessert having just eaten a meal.

I keep coming back to this thread, sorry, you will all be bored with me!

My mum is 5'8" and weighs 9.5 stone. She has never been overweight. She has no capacity to understand why other people have weight problems because she has simply never had any issue with her weight. She does not have a sweet tooth - she would eat chocolates if someone bought her a box, but she wouldn't buy herself a box and although she buys biscuits and cakes and things to have them in the house for visitors, she doesn't really have a taste for them. So she doesn't purposely avoid them, they're just not her bag.

She eats everything else, including bread, butter, cheese etc - usually toast & 3 inches of butter (seriously) for breakfast, often a light lunch of soup or half a sandwich, then a home cooked dinner. She drinks wine most days, although she has clocked that if she drinks as much wine as she would like then she gains weight - but she has a glass with dinner pretty much every day.

If my mum went to a restaurant and thought the dinner put in front of her was crappy, she just wouldn't eat it. She doesn't eat anything she doesn't enjoy (this is the absolute nub of it IMO). She eats a LOT of potatoes. And fairly often eats fried bacon & eggs. She doesn't really eat takeaways (although she has been known to eat chicken fried rice with chippy chips - not for about the last 7 years though to my knowledge, she prefers cooking at home). She enjoys eating out, but if we went to a naice restaurant for lunch, she wouldn't eat dinner - not through trying to control her weight, just she would be too full to manage dinner).

I still swear that you can be a healthy weight, and eat whatever foods you like, so long as you watch portion size.

Me too and as long as you don't drive everywhere.

When my parents were growing up...bread and dripping, lard and stodgy desserts like treacle pudding and custard were common place.

But hardly anyone drove, kids were allowed to play out morning til evening, no-one shopped online or even in a supermarket.

Basically people moved a lot more than they do now.

In answer to your OP, they don't have PSOS, they aren't on steroids and don't eat a ton of chocolate. Oh, and they don't drive everywhere!
I have, am on and do all of the above and am very big!

My weight doesn't fluctuate by more than about 4 lb.

I don't snack, other than a biscuit after work I always have breakfast, a decent proper lunch and a biggish dinner
I don't drink much alcohol
I don't do much exercise but my job means I am up and down stairs and walking a fair bit. I am also fidgety, which I've heard burns calories

I think a lot of it is luck, but I also think the obsession with food can come from depriving yourself.
Also, some people eat to treat themselves, I buy clothes. OTOH, when I was a SAHM I ate more because I was bored at times and the opportunity to snack was there.

Being aware of why you are doing any behaviour, and thinking about alternative ways of fulfilling your need through other means than food is really important.

Also, although I'm slim, I'm not all that fit, and I have no idea what my cholesterol level are like.

i think the quality of food is very important. I don't eat processed food, avoid white bread and never eat white rice. I always read the ingredients in the package and never buy stuff with preservatives or additives (i end up buying the most expensive stuff). Lots of veggie and try to eat fruit everyday. And lots of nuts as well. It's not cheap to eat like that though, a good part of our budget goes to food shopping...

I have weighed myself every morning for 25 years.
I weigh 8 stone 6lbs am 5 foot 7 (age 44)
I have weighed the same give or take 4 lbs or so ( and 4 pregnancies) for all of those 25 years.
It is NOT easy, it has become the norm for me to refuse food, so I have got used to eating less. I never eat pudding, never have had rich sauces, or milk & sugar in tea and coffee. Have told friends & family I don't like chocolate so they don't buy it for me. When I cook I always serve myself a very small portion. This has become a way of life. I do actually like food, but am controlled in what I eat, and the older I get the harder it is. I also exercise 6 days a week, and lead an active life.
Still like a glass of wine and a bag of crisps in front of the telly though

Yes the walking thing is definitely a factor I think - my mum doesn't drive any more and walks everywhere - miles and miles. I was definitely slimmer when I lived in London as I used to have a 15 minute walk to the station, another 15 minute walk to work at the other end and then the same in reverse to get home.

emsyj it's funny you should say that cos my mate moved out of London to live in the sticks because she wanted a 'healthier lifestyle'

Now she has to drive everywhere