Busty Babe With GSOH Seeks SW Partner for Weigh-Ins, Bad Jokes & Barely Veiled Self-Loathing

[BlooferLady]

All right, when you've un-cringed from the above -

I'm about to (re-)embark on Slimming World and since I have neither the time nor the funds to go to classes could really do with a coupla pals for those delicious weekly morning weigh-ins. Is anyone interested? I guess it would be ideal if we were all SWing, but it ain't essential. It's the praise or blame I need, alongside willing recipients of lengthy descriptions of the size of my arse .

Few stats (and needless to say we needn't go in for actual weights here)

I lost 3.5 stone a couple of years ago on SW, and have gained about 20lb of that. I KNOW! Silly bint.

As a first step I want to lose 10lb because this will take me into the 'light enough for IVF' category (I have 6 months left before referral for fertility treatment and if not pregnant by then would like to arrive in the pink of health).

After that I would like to lose another 10lb and say 'hello stranger!' to my sad neglected wardrobe of vintage frocks.

Finally, if you are interesting in hanging out, would you mind awfully looking in the mirror and checking that you actually are properly overweight?! Because nothing would depress me more than celebrating getting into a size 16 dress, when everyone else on the thread was lamenting finding their size 10 skinnies a little snug

Right. I'll now sit back and await rejection. Alpine my luvva, if you're reading this do join!

Hmmm, possibly came off a little needy there

What? Re-uniting myself with old clothes? You mean like the ENTIRE WARDROBE I have in the spare room which includes SIX (6)! pairs of jeans I can't do up. Some which barely graze the knees and some which do do up - if I lie down, wriggle and could wear a voluminous babydoll* to hide the muffin.

Babydoll + hips & boobs = Mama Cass the morning after. :(

Funnily enough I just signed up to a work challenge this morning and my gym has started doing morning classes which I will sneak off to. But what I really have to do is stop eating cakes. Oh, delicious cakes. Why hast I forsaken thou?

I hope you'll have me bloofer - I do understand significant weight loss. I have almost 2lbs to lose and look at me - I am a peeeeeeg!

I went out with some friends last month and was feeling a bit low - one of the girls, who is absolutely adorable and sweet and kind actually said "I know how you feel, I went up to nearly 50kg when I was pregnant". Yeh WELL MY TITS WEIGH MORE THAN 50KG!

YAY!!!!! My old pal is here!

I know you understand a lot of how I'm feeling so it's aces to have you.

And FYI some of us NEVER WEAR JEANS IN PUBLIC our arses are so huge. I feel slightly proud of that as a matter of fact

I choose not to dwell on someone weighing 50kg when diffed. That's preposterous.

My trouble is that when I successfully lost weight I was very happy and un-stressed in other areas of my life. Currently I am at a screaming level of perma-strain (PhD due four months sooner than we realised anyone? Mental boss withdrawing her help and management? And MORE?) and honestly, I have to have my face crammed with something at all times. Hence SW for me.

are you thinking of following a diet plan, old thing? And if so, which? And are you still considering having your band tightened again?

All these questions and more.

Incidentally I am about to go offline for 2 hours to do some STUDY but will be back with knobs of lard on later.

Well as you know I'm TTC, any tightening of the band will result in an instantaneous ironi-diff.

Yes, stress has me eating. I need to be feeling very zen to properly eat well - and I do try and low-carb it because bread/cereals/rice make me put on weight faster than mainlining B&J's. But I will not be sticking to any set mealplan or counting calories - the only plan I'm going to invoke is the "don't walk down the fucking biscuit/ice-cream/crisp aisle" in the supermarket. Not many people binge on lean meat or veggies. Thassa fact.

Of course all so much easier when not living with a man who uses Irn-Bru as mouth wash. :(

Today I will get my organic fruit & veg packs and I have lean meat at home.

I feel "better" when I'm eating well, I have more energy and my system feels "lighter" but yesterday working from home I found I'd chowed down a bar of 80% chocolate. :( But, will ride the horse tonight and back to Body Pump tomorrow morning. The more I go to the gym the more I want to eat nutritiously valuable food because your body works better with it. I smoke fewer fags when I go to the gym too.

Plus side of being a big fat fatty fat mcfatterson:

i) My horse is much easier to control
ii) Sleazeballs don't chat you up
iii) You get ignored

Down sides of being a big fffmf

i) Sleazeballs don't chat you up
ii) You get ignored
iii) Even in your most beautiful outfit you will still look like a Fresian cow in drag.

I do wear jeans, am wearing them right now actually - with long top which highlights flab nips in at the waist.

Mind you, I also wear jodhpurs and don't care who's behind me on the treadmill at the gym. If my arse is so mesmerating - go ahead, S.T.A.R.E!

Biggest problem right now is "lumps" - if fat were uniformly distributed I would be happier, but I'm shaped like a battery chicken and threw down my new ever-so-embarassingly-expensive dress in a huff this morning because my hips looked lumpy. Should really buy myself a Gok shaper - but it's going to be wayyyyy to fricking hot to wear such an item.

Also, bought cheap & cheerful maxi-dress in Tesco last week. Wtf? C cup? Wtf? Who the fucking fuckety fuck wears a C-cup in that size? I'm going to have to wear it sans bra which is going to make it a "home only" garment.

mesmerating? My size gives me the power to create new words!

I am going to be back to undertake a therapy session soooooooon. don't be too funny and int'resting or I'll get nothing done!

I wonder if anyone else will join us? Perhaps they will all be too intimidated by our towering intellect and wit

PS I am going to weigh meself on Sunday morning to establish my 'baseline' weight. Oh yes, I am mad enough to diet for 5 days BEFORE my first weigh-in so that I don't have a panic on my hands. I am hoping I will be the weight I have more or less sustained in the last year. I will reveal mine if you will reveal yours

I threw out my scales. :(

The Wii ones are wicked liars and weigh 10kg up - could've been because they were on carpet. We found some in the IKEA showroom which showed us both at 10kg lighter than we thought we were. I likeee those.

I will not reveal mine. Needless to say I sit on a horse, not a wheelchair but could crush a man if I needed to.

Ah yes, scales are hellbeasts. Sadly I need hellbeasts to keep me on the strait(ish) and narrow(er).

well then we shall just admit to losses. I have just been to the gym. I've been really unwell and overtired the last 2 or 3 months and the effect on my fitness has been DEVASTATING. I have gone from being able to do 40 minutes of hard-ass cardio followed by weights to being whacked out from a gentle 20 mins on the cross trainer and a sauna .

At the moment (I like a short term goal) I plan to merely achieve a state in which I don't want to commit ritual suicide at a huge work event thing on Wed. Not sure what I can achieve in a week other than slightly lessening one of my many chins but we shall see

What's for tea? Me - salmon, loadsaveg, butternut squash. Am trying to remind myself that I actually genuinely enjoy healthy food

Have you considered the Boy George style paintyourchin(s)black make-up?

I rode the horse, not particularly hard but it's a start. Gym in the morning. Mexican for dinner - so heavy on the meat & shits in the morning.

Have ordered him indoors to buy new scales.

Hm, hm, good ploy. At the moment if I put lippie on it looks like someone's kissed a white balloon. No good.

Good work on the scales. I try to think of them as my friends. I mean - sometimes you can lose a lb or two and not feel it, and if it weren't for the scales you wouldn't know to be happy IYSWIM. Check me out being all Pollyanna!

I always heard horseriding gives you buns of steel....

Definitely, and you can almost see them quiver under 8" of fat.

I just ate a handful of fruit and nuts whilst preparing my insanely healthy supper. Apparently there are people in this world that can see a handful of almonds without eating them!

A handful? I believe that's supposed to be 8.

8? Who in their right fucking mind would eat 8? You may as well not bother. I have eaten 2 squares of 85% chocolate whilst I wait for my dinner to arrive.

Btw - we are clearly the fattest people on mn because nobody else wants to join us.

I'm going for Festival Chic this summer, ie, I will be wearing a yurt rather than an ordinary family tent . Maybe people get drunk tonight, throw caution to the winds, and join in....

If not it's you, me, and fifteen handfuls of almonds. 8. I mean HONESTLY. who COUNTS food? I don't have time! It delays the moment of eating!

I am SWing, and am a proper fattie - I will join you (unless it is a private party - you seem so happy together, I would hate to intrude)

3 weeks in, 9lb down, 5 stone to go, not going to meetings, still BFing DD2 who is 1 in 2 weeks, previously lost 7 stone, and got far too skinny - all crept on with contentment and kids (and age)

I would love to wear a Bell Tent, but have a Kalahari 10

I am off to shag DH for 3rd time today (on Leave, so have the rare energy and inclination) so am not ignoring you...

YAY! Not a private fred at all! I'm dropping with weariness but will be back tomorrow and have successfully avoided joining my husband in having a marmalade sandwich for supper

Bloody hell - I go snooping around here for some weight loss inspiration and who do I find?! I am thinking of joining you. Just went through all of my summer clothes and realised I hate most of them.

I will drag out all my old SW books and think about it some more. :o

Oh and yes - getting back to a size 16 would be a cause of much celebration here.

Allo sausage! Goodoh, that's 4 of us. I can report that I am about to eat FRUIT for breakfast with sugar-free Lidl pineapple yoghurt. Oh yes, that's how we roll in this house !

So - are all four of us TTC then? That's great - an added Thing To Go On and On and On About . I had sort of hoped that TTCing would make me starve meself, but since my weight is significantly effecting my failures (I ovulate like clockwork) I have kind of got away with it.

Stinky - confabs on your 7 stone loss - that's really extraordinary. There was me being smug about half of that much! And bally well done for getting back in the saddle like that. The thing is, I think, that if we did it before we know we can do it again. I'm sure there's a song about that somewhere.

I feel a touch of the Monicas coming on. I want to Compose a List and Organise Us and Make Introductions .

Well here's me:

31, TTC first child for 16 months now. Would like to lose around 20lb so that my BMI is below 30 and I am eligible for IVF. I won't put my weight if no-one else does but suffice to say I'm about am 18/20 just now. Or 16/18 depending on the shops. I remain convinced, optimistically, that I won't need IVF, but it's as well to be prepared.

I used to weigh 2.5 stone more than I do currently, so I am glad not to be as fat as I was; equally however 2 summers ago I rocked a series of 50s cotton frocks with BARE LEGS and everything so I am chasing that dream .

Currently finding weight loss very hard as I am working on a PhD that has to be submitted in June, and also (I'm kind of a writer. Well. I am a writer only I hate saying so) I have a vast deadline in about 3 weeks, so I have done nothing but eat for the last 3 or 4 months. For reals people, it's been like putting biscuits through a woodchipper.

Now then. Who's going to introduce themselves to stinky?

My weight is not significantly effecting babyfail. Soz. ProofreadFAIL!

PS - shall we have an official fred Weigh-In day? Because 'tis my experience that knowing there's someone waiting to deliver praise or censure REALLY helps. . .

Oooh that sounds like a good idea. Shall we make it a Tuesday? My reason for saying this is that if we eat all the pies falter at the weekend we'll have a day to run 50 miles/mainline water.

Right, well I am mother to a 9 month old. I put on very little weight during pregnancy - actually put on more TTC than being pregnant - until the last moment when I got PE and exploded. I immediately lost all the weight, put it back on, lost it, put it on, etc., etc. 3 summers ago I was wearing 50s style dresses, bare legs, a good size 12 and was in training for a triathlon. :(

Now I have the aforementioned wardrobe full of clothes which are too small and tents which I hate. At the same time I'm loathe to spend money on nice fat clothes - although I can't recommend Anna Scholz enough for the sale items - greatly reduced in the "smaller fat" sizes. Also if you're a bit tits & ass then John Rocha at Debenhams is fucking awesome.

Anyway, I don't want to wear well made fat clothes, I want to be slimmer and healthier and able to run 5k again.

So now I'm off to put my gym clothes on and do my body pump class.

I haven't eaten yet because i) I am layzee and ii) because Body Pump is a weights class I want to protein load afterwards. So I shall be having fried eggs, bacon & tomatos after.

bloofer my darling - low-fat yoghurt is terrible for weight loss. :( It's full of shite, high in sugar and doesn't fill you up. The "stuff" in the lactose and the high sugar content can trigger an insulin response. If you like yoghurt - which obviously most people do - can I point you in the direction of the Lidl Greek Yoghurt in 1kg tubs for 1.99 (euros) - high in fat, high in protein so much more filling than ordinary yog and much easier to digest.

Right. Clothes. Lycra. With Nike logos.

PS My fertility seems to be affected by the fact that I'm 102 years old, not by the number on the scales. My hospital fertility clinic sent me to a nutritionist who recommends low-carb for TTC-ers. Also, us "chubbies" can have "thick blood" and some recommend to take an aspirin a day, so I'm off for that too. Nomety nom.