@GrumpyMuleFan I'm with you on trying to undo the all or nothing mindset! I actually really enjoy food, cooking different cuisines and holidays very much revolve around trying new dishes. There is some part of it which is a hobby/interest and I don't want to lose that enjoyment or appreciation, so I'm really thinking of ways to implement realistic habits into my lifestyle - as you say, eating all food groups including cake, but training my brain to be more balanced, understand hunger cues and know when to stop.
I think finding joy in movement will also be a big part of maintaining losses post-MJ, saying that, it has actually helped me to approach exercise as a mental health support rather than weight loss aid and celebrate those victories. It helps keep the pressure off because I don't feel like I have to do the hardest workout or tie the activity to calorie burn, so I'm able to be more consistent and enjoy moving my body rather than associating exercise with punishment. Ultimately, hopefully, creating healthy habits.
Along those lines, I also don't have a goal weight in mind. It doesn't help me, personally, because I end up tying my self-worth to a number on the scale. I hadn't weighed myself in ~15 years and although I am weighing weekly now, I'm trying to focus on whether I'm losing rather than the number on the scale. I'm hoping that way, I can trust myself to feel good in my body and get to a point that is comfortable for me, rather than being determined by the scale. Also, I don't think I necessarily want to be the "ideal" BMI and +10kg would likely look better!
I hope at least some of that helps, and glad the food noise experiences are validating. I'd be interested to know more about the CBT techniques, as well as people's thoughts on the above! Still very much figuring this out and unpicking deeply ingrained schemas around food and weight.