Afternoon all of you... first things first, i haven't been on the thread for days and have just caught up on 14 pages since my last visit !
I will try to keep the post as short as i possibly can, but bear with me....
So you will know that i felt really down - like really emotional, tearful, no motivation, lack of self-esteem, lack of self-worth etc etc etc and around 10 to 12 days ago i wanted to eat nothing but crap... which i did.... that carried on for 4 days and then i seemed to get a bit better, mentally... I felt near enough back on track, but then by the Wednesday of last week i "fell off the wagon" again, and after a tough therapy session, i decided to stop at the chippy for takeaway dinner - this was the first time i have had this to eat (fish n chips) since starting MJ 18 weeks ago.. OMG... after i finished it, within a couple of hours the abdominal pain was immense; to cut to the chase i was then severely constipated, couldn't face doing anything because of the pain, tried all home remedies, prunes, dates, all the constipation tablets, gallons of water, kiwi's etc, and by the Saturday i was even thinking that i needed to go to A&E; i stopped at the pharmacist to get advice and they gave me some suppositories (have never used them before..) took 1, nothing; 12 hours later with still no sleep took another and THANK THE LORD... it worked... was so thankful ..
I will not now until off MJ put myself in that much excrutiating pain again... I have had pizza etc over the past few weeks and didn't effect me at all.. it must have been the oil or the batter, maybe, but that enjoyment for a few minutes of eating it does not warrant the pain whatsoever !
I felt over the last 10 to 12 days that i needed to do a tech detox, which i have.. I haven't used my Laptop (until now..) and barely used my phone.. I have sat in my free time contemplating life, of how far i have come now am single, and gave myself a huge talking to.... This time of year as a lot of people can comprehend brings on certain emotions that are extremely hard to navigate through - but this week (and am determined to carry this through the whole of December and into the New Year) I feel positive that I can carry on this MJ journey and to ride the side effects, down days, and mental exhaustion out.. until i can get to goal... This has and still is my true focus ... I weighed as normal yesterday (and haven't done for the past 2 weeks because i was scared over the amount of crap i had eaten) and i have lost 5lb ... I am now 14st 13lb which i know is only a pound under but am so ecstatic to see the 14's from the 19's... this is the kick up the butt i needed .... Took my second 10mg yesterday and the suppression to me on the 10 than the 7.5 is so much higher - but am still eating and making sure i get the right type of foods....
I have loved reading up on all the pages that i have missed and i know some of you have been feeling out of sorts as well.... am thinking of you all and am so grateful (truly...) for this thread ... xx