My fitness pal - a record of my shame.
ive been so ashamed of my inability to get my weight under control, but it is a life long issue.
I remember being upset when I was 8 that I weighed 6 stones. Looking back at photos I wasn’t fat, I was muscly, genuinely, I don’t mean I was big boned or had puppy fat, I mean, I was BUFF.
i should have taken up weight
lifting or strength sports but it was never on my radar.
and now, here I am, carrying the weight of my sad 8 year old self around with me, slowly killing myself and totaly unable to stop it.
its fucking weird. I’m a capable woman, I get all sorts of impossible shit done. Not my weight though, it’s been beyond me.
this had better work. I am desperate and know that surgery won’t work for me because I’d just binge and burst my new stomach.
there’s something wrong with me, I have intractable obesity and maybe my fitness pal record could be used in a study someday. I bet there’s great data in that on women like me - who know what to do, but just can’t.