SIL invited only husband to wedding

[NiftyFawn]

Am I being crazy , entitled or rude ? My husband's sister has recently invited only my husband to her destination wedding . We have had no falling out or anything like that . Feel very hurt , it feels disrespectful to me and my husband . MIL fully supports this which makes it worse . Am I wrong for feeling like this ? DH fully agrees , interested in others thoughts

Very rude, but gives him an easy out.
Gives you a very easy out going forward too.

Why can’t you or your DH just ask why you weren’t invited. People on here are just making guesses and judgement without knowing all the facts.
While it might seem to be a nasty thing to do, there might be a valid reason which making all the outrage pointless.

Siblings and their partners are family inner circle in some families, not others.

No real advice but just to offer some solidarity. My SIL always invites my partner to events, and leaves me out. Not sure why, as we get on, albeit we don't speak much (then again, she and my partner don't talk regularly at all, either).

The latest is her child's 5th birthday. Their mother came by the other day and turned to him and said "ooh by the way, it's x's birthday soon, you're invited, please make the effort!" and didn't once address me or say "both of you".

He can go alone if he likes. My worst nightmare is a kid's birthday party. But I totally get it when I see these questions here. People can be so weird. Maybe the assumption is both people are invited but if I'm not specifically invited I would never go.

When did you expect them to move it to? And rather a dick move to not acknowledge it after they moved it to try to accommodate you.

My mum asked them to move it 8 weeks because they were both doing sad-face oh why can't Sock come to this.

And then they called me and called me and "oh pleeeaassseee come" and all that bollocks. And not a dick move to not acknowledge a wedding i wasn't invited to after all that. It was a dick move not to send an invitation for form's sake. As they did to everyone else and their uncle that they had ever met. So meh.

(when they had kids a few years later the penny finally dropped, but by then i couldn't give a stuff what SIL or sibling think about anything)

There not enough details
the limited info give is just very pointed to agreeing with OP

what about other siblings how big is the family what about other siblings

If your husband agrees with you & therefore will be declining I guess it doesn't really matter what others think.

I suppose it's a might be acceptable in some circumstances type thing.

I think two months is quite a big ask for someone to move their wedding. Probably a different season/ weather, might’ve been difficult for their other guests to attend later in the year etc.

You could’ve just gone to the ceremony and then bowed out if it was too much. Seems like you were making it about you.
Do you really need a formal invite to your own brothers wedding? It sounds like you had all the details.

From what you’re saying, it doesn’t sound like you have that great a relationship anyway so probably no big loss on either side but it doesn’t sound like they didn’t try.

Your DH should just turn down the invite, wish them well, and wait for them to figure it out.

Surely DH knows where the destination is? How can guests possibly plan without full knowledge…….accommodation, flights, budgeting, booking leave etc?

Does he agree with you and isn't going? Or agrees with you but is going to go anyway?

Extremely rude for a destination wedding regardless of numbers.
Will he go?

I think the idea was it would be a solution that could suit everyone.

Your options are your husband goes and pretty much colludes with their rudeness. He doesn't go, which will probably cause ongoing strife because his sister and mother seem to be that type. Or you both go for a holiday at that destination to coincide with the wedding and as @user1492757084 said, he attends the wedding ceremony and then gets back to you and enjoying your holiday together. As well as it being a nice holiday for both of you, it would also be a big fuck you to his family while ostensibly being the bigger people.

Yes, for a destination wedding that will likely cost him £000s and require time off work it is beyond rude to have excluded the wife of your brother. I hope he declines and tells her why.

As they say, you can’t choose your family.

That is insane. Your husband has to make it clear he only goes on holiday with you & will not be spending thousands to attend a wedding without you. Do you have kids? If she doesn’t see you as family I’d be encouraging them to call her by her first name.

For someone to not see their brother’s wife as family, there must a be a huge backstory here and this isn’t an isolated incident, so on that basis you are probably not being reasonable to be surprised!

I know. The destination is obviously more important than including the family. Very rude.

Yes.

Seems to be a fundamental lack of understanding of marriage as a union - of two people and of two families.

Are there other in-laws that won’t be invited? Or are you the only one? Are you close?

If other in-laws and more distant relations are not invited: Sounds like a tight guest list and small wedding.

If other in-laws (and distant relatives) are invited: Rude, yanbu to be upset.

I think a key factor for me would be whether other sibling's partners have been invited. If they haven't either, I would think it was odd/off, but at least it wasn't 'targeted'. What has she said is the rationale behind it?

Destination weddings should be for the bride and groom.
Don't drag other people halfway round the world to watch you get sand in your vows.

Your DH's next actions are very important.

If it were me I wouldn’t object to him going but I’d not have anything to do with sil again

Surely that is a backstory of a kind.

Normally I would say MN massively overreacts to only one half of a couple being invited to a wedding. But in this case where it's a sibling's partner, that is just plain weird and extremely rude unless there's massive backstory.

Interesting that the MIL is on board with the idea of not inviting OP, that sounds like there is some more backstory tbh.