SIL invited only husband to wedding

[NiftyFawn]

Am I being crazy , entitled or rude ? My husband's sister has recently invited only my husband to her destination wedding . We have had no falling out or anything like that . Feel very hurt , it feels disrespectful to me and my husband . MIL fully supports this which makes it worse . Am I wrong for feeling like this ? DH fully agrees , interested in others thoughts

When you and DH got married did you not invite her significant other or something?

That's an interestingly twisted statement.

She hasn't invited your husband. She has invited her brother.

If it were brides immediate family, ie, her siblings, parents and best friend only, then fine. If wider guests included, then not fine.

Glad dh is sticking up for you.

I honestly think that if I was your husband I would reply with something along the lines of:

"I'm afraid I can't attend a celebration of the joy of your relationship and commitment to your husband-to-be when you don't recognise my commitment and relationship to my wife."

Personally think both should have been invited.
Technically, there may be an excuse if not married, but OP refers to her husband, so this would not apply, and these days, the 'not actually married' is dispensed with anyway.
However, experience has taught me, that you cannot get other people to change their minds.
I would be disappointed, but it would be up to DH whether he went or not, and how long he spent at the wedding.
Depending on the destination, you and DH could stay in a nearby resport, with DH attending just the wedding, or possibly additionally the reception, and could then reduce the number of days.
Or he could give the wedding a miss.

It’s really weird, and rude.

seems to be becoming a thing from posts on here, I don’t know what’s wrong with people.

Inexcusably rude.
I hope your husband declines.

Is SIL paying for the guests to go? I can understand if that is the case but you should have been invited at your own cost.

Siblings and their partners are family inner circle. The irony of celebrating a marriage and not inviting both halves of a married couple!! I'd be wondering what the sister thinks marriage is!!

I’ve had this and my best advice is to nip it in the bud now or it will get worse.
whether you drop the rope or get DH to push back, do something/say something as it’s not ok.
Sorry OP. I am glad your DH has your back. It took mine years to grasp what what going on.

I think this is rude - you aren't a short term girlfriend, you are his wife! Some people just have no concept of what constitutes good manners.

There's also little acknowledgement that for most people, annual
leave is limited and many want to reserve it for time with our own spouse, rather than go on holiday without them.

On the plus side, you are freed from any familial obligation to these people. You owe them no favours and that can be incredibly handy in freeing you from the mental load of Christmas shopping/helping out with childcare/driving in-laws to the airport/taking them to hospital appts! They've made it clear where you are in the family, so you can match their energy without guilt.

Weird and unacceptable, surprised at some of the responses but then MN is weird about things like plus ones at weddings

i hope your husband tells her to stick her wedding up her arse

As a single traveller isn’t it going to be extremely expensive going as opposed to going as a couple.

He could argue that you not going means he can’t justify spending that much money on just him travelling

At least you know where you stand. No gift giving ever, no help ever, no childcare ever and no going to any family event as you are not family.
Especially if his mother agrees with her daughter.

Think she has done you a favour.

Very rude, unless theres only a handful of people attending. If not, completely unacceptable.

There's definitely a back story, then.

This is either a small wedding with only a handful of guests, or the SIL and OP aren't close (maybe even hostile) in the first place.

It isn’t. If it’s a tiny wedding with only immediate family and you aren’t close why would they invite you? Also are they paying or expecting guests to do so? If the former, again they need to keep numbers low so can see why they wouldn’t.

If you want to go and have a holiday but not go to the event they can’t stop you.

That's a perfectly acceptable decision on the bride and groom's part, and "broke my heart" is an extremely dramatic overreaction to it.

It's also incredibly rude of your other family members to gatecrash the wedding and/or hang around with Daily Mail sadfaces outside it.

Not necessarily if OP means they see only blood relatives as family. I would see my brother’s wife and family as immediate family and if I couldn’t invite them all I wouldn’t invite any of them.

I think that whilst everyone has every right to incite who they like to their wedding, it is very short sighted to not invite especially close family and their long term partners / spouses . These people are family and going forward family is always going to be there.. Unless of course you have decided they are not family in which case it’s going to look a very lonely life.

Hope she has it all figured out and she never has to need any help of any kind from her brother because he won’t be there .

Always wondered in these sort of situations if spouses are not family does that mean her own spouse to be isn’t ever going to be family?

It might be old-fashioned but there is an etiquette about whom you invite to your wedding. Sometimes you have to invite people and let them make the decision whether they can afford to come or not. it might have been the case that if she had invited both of you, you might of decided that only DH would go in which case there is no bad feeling as you and dh have made the decision together

It is very odd. I can understand not invite a recent girlfriend especially if not living together but not a spouse. I suspect I wouldn’t go if one of my sibs invited me not my husband and if my parents backed it it would be even more hurtful and I would talk to them about it, but feel rejected and distanced

Unless the SIL is paying for OP’s husband it’s not as simple as that. The wedding will take up at least part of the family holiday budget and annual leave they could otherwise have used for a holiday together.

I think it’s really rude given the proximity of OP’s relationship to SIL, but also a tricky one to navigate given the close family relationship- perhaps not as simple as saying OP’s husband wont attend, but maybe insisting that the SIL covers his flight and accommodation since they don’t have any budget for him to take a holiday alone this year.

What does "seeing them as family" even mean? That's a bit of a meaningless phrase that evades whether you've actually connected as individuals, whether you like each other, whether you're close to each other. For most people in healthy families there's an overlap, of course, but a lot of people don't consider their family - blood or otherwise - the closest people in their lives. And that's OK.

How can you have no idea about the destination if your husband got invited to it? Even if I wasn’t invited I would be interested in where the wedding was. You sound very uninterested in your husband’s family

in this situation - given SIL doesn't see you as family, and because i am famous for being Queen Petty from the Land of the Petty People - i would never ever include her spouse in invitations coming from mine.

And my DH would already have declined on the grounds of a) yes, i am family b) it is expensive and family money isn't spaffed on only one member and c) have a nice wedding.

ETA. When my sibling got married my SIL fixed it for 2 days after my due date (she already knew my due date) and then when my mum asked if they could move it, moved it to 3 weeks after my due date. And then didn't even send an invitation. So i ignore the fact they are married, and never ever mention it. It really bugs her 😂