My nephew (30) hasn’t invited his grandma to his wedding next year

[WildflowerGardens]

I am a woman whose nephew, who is 30, is getting married next year to his fiancée. He earns a good wage as a software developer.

He and my mother - his grandmother - are on good terms but don’t see each other - she’d love for him to visit but he doesn’t. It’s now emerged that she has only been invited to his wedding RECEPTION next year and not the wedding ceremony

I feel upset about this as my mother is 81 and this could be her last family wedding. It means that she won’t be in any of the family wedding photos - having a snapshot taken at the reception in some dark pub function room pales in comparison.

advice please!

I find that very, very strange. Who doesn’t invite their grandma to their wedding?!

I think @WildflowerGardens is not getting the responses she expected so is having a little sulk.

Nope, recently had a really exciting promotion so more interested in that if I’m honest!

I’ll be attending the wedding reception; not bothered about the ceremony anymore as there are more important things in life

ah so you didn't get a ceremony invite ? just like your mother.

and you will be telling your uninvited mother ' there are more important things in life '

BTW, from a legal pov you can't exclude anyone from attending a wedding ceremony in England and Wales. The venue must be open to all so that people can object if they have (legal) grounds to do so.

I do think you should ask him why Grandma isn’t invited to the wedding. I remember having this conversation with a colleague where I said I don’t really go to the reception if I don’t go to the ceremony because it’s not a wedding. She was convinced that the reception WAS the wedding and the ceremony was
the boring bit that no one was interested in. I thought she was mad but a quick poll of other colleagues suggested this is pretty much the view most people have 🤯

It is up to the couple, which is why these decisions can be so revealing of their values and personalities.

I would have expected your sibling to insist though OP, seems odd. I would be tempted to decline the invite, but in practice you’ll probably have to (as I would) do whatever will make your mother feel least upset and uncomfortable. Which may well mean going and being your tongue. Unless a very much better reason is given though, I would be disgusted.

Good grief, in the kindest possible way you don’t sound like you get out much. I think you should take some time off the internet and meet real people maybe?

Thank you… I do agree with you. I am trying to put it out of my mind as there is nothing really to be done, I think

I asked him and he said they had cost issues (apparently the ceremony is in some kind of hotel room). Strange

@WildflowerGardens He means that the ceremony is a registry do. In a licensed room within a venue. It will have limited numbers

'(apparently the ceremony is in some kind of hotel room). Strange'

thousands of weddings are held in places other than a Church or Registrar Office

nothing strange about that, at all

What might be ' strange ' is having the wedding in a Hotel, but the evening reception in a pub ?
'some dark pub function room ' is how you yourself described the invitation your Mother received.

' I am trying to put it out of my mind as there is nothing really to be done, I think '

Oh, has his very busy mother not replied to you.

What is strange about it? Function rooms have maximum capacities. Larger rooms cost more. This can't be news to you.

So you are very close to your family AND you are very much loved by them.....but.... you are not attending the wedding ceremony of your nephew because there are more important things in life.
Okay then.

You clearly never met my grandmother. She was an out and out bitch, and no she did not get an invite to anything. I went NC with her at the age of 14 and never spoke to her again.

Lots of people have good reasons to not want anything to do with their grandparent(s). And the nephew here has had no contact with his grandmother for years; and his own mother isn't interested in discussing why there is no invite (because she obviously knows why) or contact. This is his business and not for anyone else to say otherwise. There are two sides to every story. I did not ever explain to my aunts why I had no contact with my grandmother, they never asked, and I had a very close relationship with them both (and still do with the one left alive). They could probably have guessed why, but we simply didn't discuss it because it wasn't their business. My mother knew why because I told her why. She didn't discuss my business with people whose business it wasn't, even if they were relatives.

I think that's shorthand for I didn't get an invite either.

Is your invitation for you plus one? Take your mum!

Isnt this just a simple case of him having no relationship to this woman or else this woman is a bit of an ass and he doesnt want her there?
Neither of which reflect badly on him. Why would he invite someone to his wedding that he has no relationship with, just because that person birthed their mother?

Why would you need the support of your community to get married?

I agree, I find it so weirdly rude and intrusive that random people would turn up to a wedding ceremony they weren't invited too. If someone wanted you there you would be invited to just turn up, plonk your ass on a seat and act like someones wedding ceremony is a spectator sport is so classless.

Wedding ceremonies have traditionally been public ceremonies. I think it's quite nice that people want to turn up and support people getting married in their communities.

In what way does watching a wedding ceremony amount to "support"? It's just voyeurism.

Quite. When I married it was a church and the same 3 local women turned up to every wedding. And let me be clear, we were warned by the vicar - they were not there to support anyone, they were there to rip shreds in people by gossiping their nasty opinions to all and sundry in the village. Wrong colour of dress, rubbish bridemaids, etc., etc

I have often wondered what the hell they made of mine - still brings a smile to my face. Let's just say, "traditional" was definitely not the look we were going for.

Because often these people will be regular church goers that like to see people in their communities get married. They might be acquainted with the couple and even actually speak to them now and then.

And how is that "support"?

Well I've always found that having real life interactions with people in your community can be very positive and helpful. I'm not one of those people who only needs my DH.