My nephew (30) hasn’t invited his grandma to his wedding next year

[WildflowerGardens]

I am a woman whose nephew, who is 30, is getting married next year to his fiancée. He earns a good wage as a software developer.

He and my mother - his grandmother - are on good terms but don’t see each other - she’d love for him to visit but he doesn’t. It’s now emerged that she has only been invited to his wedding RECEPTION next year and not the wedding ceremony

I feel upset about this as my mother is 81 and this could be her last family wedding. It means that she won’t be in any of the family wedding photos - having a snapshot taken at the reception in some dark pub function room pales in comparison.

advice please!

I think it’s really not on that she’s not been invited. How horrible of him. You don’t stick grandmas on the evening list like they are fucking work colleague; however little you see them. Yes technically you can invite whoever you want, doesn’t mean that should make decisions like though and not expect hurt feelings and fallout/consequences.

We seem to have become very selfish about events, weddings in particular. It may be “your day” but they are also family events, and family are people with feelings, and those should be taken into account when deciding who to invite and how people are treated on the day. Similarly the people attending are your guests and should be treated as such and they should be catered for and considered. Your family and friends are not just extras in the “bride and groom” show.

Oh, god, let them invite who they want.

Weddings are hugely expensive. But granny should be invited, it may be her last hurray!

Depends on the family dynamics of course, his and hers.

I agree with you but you just have to read all the threads about childfree weddings on here to realise that most people now see it as the bride and groom's day, and not a family occasion anymore. They are free to ask whoever they like because it's all about them apparently.

Not sure exactly when things started to change.
Traditionally, the brides parent paid for everything and so invited the whole family both sides.
And a lot of parents friends / ils fiends
If the bride and groom were luckily, they could have half a dozen friends.
Now a days , usually the bride and groom pay, and it’s predominantly it’s all the bride and groom’s friends- and then immediate family - not every single member.

Even then grandparents would be included.
( unless they are raging narcissists of course).
With mother of the bride still not replying to op, and granny resigned ti night invite only, they does seem to be some family tensions in the mix.

Is the wedding ceremony in a church? Because if it is then she doesn’t need an invitation. Church weddings are public events that anyone can attend ( strictly speaking all marriage ceremonies are public events but it’s more difficult to enforce in a wedding venue than in a church)

Showing up uninvited is the sort of behavior that leads to not being invited in the first place...

Girl.
you’ve come here and asked aibu and then proceeded to argue with everyone who’s said you are.
And as a big grown woman resorting to name calling, is saying so much more about you, and probably more to us as to why the kid doesn’t want his gran there.

Exactly, OP. This is the kind of response I was referring to in an earlier (supportive!) response to you. Some weird ideas on here. I am still following your thread, OP and I am still hoping it is some kind of mistake and that it will be resolved. 🌺

@WildflowerGardens You do seem to have quite an attitude.

Have you received an all day invite to the wedding.

Has your very busy professional sister replied to the message yet.

Agree.
The last post by op was totally uncalled for.
If that’s the attitude, it’s not helpful with the current situation.
If probably the reason the sister hasn’t responded- scared of getting her head bitten off.

At the end of the day, it’s your nephews wedding, he has reasons for why he hasn’t invited her. It’s upsetting to your mother and to you but you’re guests, you aren’t the main focus of the day. Your sister may know the reason or she may not know but she probably doesn’t want to get involved in an argument and push her son away.

You are not uninvited. As I said it is a public ceremony. People ought to understand that. You only need to be invited to the wedding breakfast. I could go to the ceremony if I wished. Whether they’d want to feed me or not is another matter entirely

Sure you could. But you shouldn't. And a reasonable person wouldn't.

Don't some churches have people that always turn up to see weddings? Unless it's a capacity problem that's always been acceptable. Different with registry offices that only seat 20 people.

Yeap!

Would you have felt the same if your kids had invited their dad but not you?

this is an excellent question.

i assume in this scenario you trust that your children understand how deeply hurtful it would be to exclude a parent, grandparent or sibling. I suspect you were thinking here about distant cousins, aunts and uncles they rarely see, parents friends etc.

but would you really have joyously backed them 100% of they didn’t invite you? Or their sibling?

Nah, I’m very much loved by all my friends and family

@WildflowerGardens

That bit of information was not an asked question.

you aren’t a high court judge

Is it really so so difficult for you to reply to 2 questions ? questions asked on your very own thread !

To refresh your memory, and to save you scrolling back up...

Have you received an all day invite to the wedding.

Has your very busy professional sister replied to the message yet.

asked over 48 hours ago, and hopefully your busy sister does not work all day both days at the weekend.

It’s actually weird that way around—cost cutting would have her at the ceremony and not the reception! Definitely worth investigating if he’s thought this through…

Some registry offices are pretty tiny. A larger venue could easily cost much more than feeding a few extra mouths in a pub function room....

What an odd reply.