My nephew (30) hasn’t invited his grandma to his wedding next year

[WildflowerGardens]

I am a woman whose nephew, who is 30, is getting married next year to his fiancée. He earns a good wage as a software developer.

He and my mother - his grandmother - are on good terms but don’t see each other - she’d love for him to visit but he doesn’t. It’s now emerged that she has only been invited to his wedding RECEPTION next year and not the wedding ceremony

I feel upset about this as my mother is 81 and this could be her last family wedding. It means that she won’t be in any of the family wedding photos - having a snapshot taken at the reception in some dark pub function room pales in comparison.

advice please!

I think OP prefers to give what she thinks are "clever", snippy answers rather than actual proper answers to questions

"Bullying"??

I hope you've reported any bullying to Mumsnet.

Yes, the modern trend of the bride and groom paying probably has a lot to do with the ‘he who pays the piper…’ attitude.

Bit of a derail but this thread reminds me of the wedding of a friend’s son some years ago.
Son and partner (20s) had 2 children under 5. They announced that the 4 of them were going to Gretna Green to get married with no friends or relatives present. They sent a photo of themselves and the children after the ceremony.
Outwardly my friend told everyone that if they were happy she was happy. If that’s what they want, that’s fine etc etc.
Privately she told me she was absolutely heartbroken.

It’s nothing to do with you as it’s not your wedding. I’d say to keep out of it.

OP, how many people are invited to the ceremony? If it's a very small one, it's frustrating but more understanding that he wouldn't invite someone he isn't close to (even if they are biologically close). If not, that's a very inconsiderate way to cut costs. I think it's becoming more fashionable now to go in with a 'my big day, my way' attitude and to sacrifice guests actually having a nice time/being well catered for because the couple wants a bigger cake or a fancier dress etc.

Lots of people turned up to see me married who hadn’t been explicitly invited. Same with my son’s wedding - friends from our village came to see the ceremony. All perfectly acceptable.
What is wrong with people today?

Well I would say what was wrong with people back then? Why was that "perfectly acceptable"?

We do seem to go round in circles on Mumsnet. My first post on this thread was to point out to people who didn’t already know that a wedding is a public event. It has been so since medieval times. There would be no point in saying “if anyone knows of just cause or impediment why these two should not be joined in matrimony they are to declare it now” if those who knew of just cause or impediment were excluded from the event.

I have a very busy career and don’t spend all day on mn

Much like your busy sister 😂

So why ask for advice if you are sooooo busy you can only be bothered to answer certain questions, most of them in a silly, childish way?

You dont have to be here "all day" to have the basic manners to answer people's questions when they have bothered to read your posts and reply.

To be honest, I am just amazed he invited his aunt.

I am not convinced he has!

Nephew has said it’s to save money - but they both have very good incomes.
Sibling hasn’t responded to my WhatsApp message about it….!

His excuse is clearly a lie and your sister is avoiding your messages. I would confidently say there is a deeper issue you aren't aware of. If his own mother hasn't convinced him to invite her mother than its not your place to. You only see your mother as she shows you. He will have had a completely different version of her (I know my children get a totally different, amazing, version of my mother that I did not have). You have no idea what it was like for him behind closed doors. I would respect his decision.

@PhilippaGeorgiou

that is the outstanding question that has not been acknowledged nor replied to...

Where is OP giving ‘snippy’ ‘clever’ replies?
I read ‘see all’ and I see no evidence of it. In fact, one of the posts is long and explanatory and addresses several questions in one post. 🤷‍♀️

Ignore posts like this, OP.

Probably due to the fact, that those who are saying, her nephew can invite who he so wishes, are being told they’re wrong,

In that case perhaps you shouldn't have posted asking other busy people for their advice. People have taken time out of their day to offer advice or constructive criticism and you've been really rude to them.

Big deal if I were uninvited, I’d say - I wouldn’t want to attend an event where the hosts were so discourteous

You aren't a high court judge

What a load of absolute tripe.

she also got one deleted by MN

You are right though, they aren't "clever" at all

I said at the beginning of the thread that I suspected that the OP is the golden child, that the mother is toxic and that the nephew has valid reason for being essentially NC with her.

Based on some of the OP’s replies, if it’s like mother like daughter there are almost certainly valid reasons why the grandmother hasn’t been invited.

But posters have been quick to fall over themselves to assume the grandmother is a poor hard done-by victim of a rude grandson who should be disinherited over a wedding.

Whereas you only have to look at the relationships board to see how many posters there are with toxic parents and grandparents, with fractured relationships and who would make the same decisions as the nephew.

Because it is really lovely to have the support of your community.
I was touched by the number of people who came to my wedding service who we hadn't been able to invite to the Reception.

I'm now at an age where it is my dcs' friends getting married, and it is lovely to join them at the ceremony where they have a Church service (and a bit sad we can't at an 'all in one' place). Some of these young people I've known since they were 11, or even 4 in some cases.

If you haven't been invited what makes you think your DCs friends either need support from the community or want you there? You say it's lovely but for them it might not be. You're only thinking about you.