Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

No kids allowed at the wedding is on father's day!

491 replies

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 05:41

My husband is best man at his close friends wedding and for years we always thought they would be kids at the wedding as our friends do like kids.

Last year I was at a wedding with this couple and the wedding we went to had no kids (apart from close family children) but did allow babies and I over heard the bride to be tell DH close friend" well I think it was very good of her to allow babies because I'm telling you now I'm not" I was abit taken back by this.

several months went by and no mention of if kids were allowed which I found odd because normally people would know well in advance if not to arrange child care. I just sent a text saying I'm looking at booking a hotel are the kids coming so I know how many to book for just to see if they were allowed. I got a text back saying nothing under teens allowed as I want everybody to enjoy a day with their partner and she said she doesn't think it would be child friendly.

I was upset by this and so was my kids as we have been talking about the wedding for so long all of our other friends going are also gutted by this too. To make matters worse I've just realised that it falls on father's day. My husband is great dad and we are both big on spending time together as a family.

My husband friend has to run everything past her she is very much the boss. So it's no surprise he has had no input into the wedding, but I just thought of all days why fathers day with no kids allowed. We both agree it's going to taint the day for us now.

OP posts:
Itsonlymashadow · 04/05/2024 06:20

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 06:18

Just to explain a little more why I was abit annoyed by this. My husband friend was late for our wedding and made the wedding cars late (he was the best man) and it was at 3 o clock in the afternoon. He didn't even arrange a stag doo for my husband and has made sure he's having a week away somewhere for his. You say I don't like her I invited her to my wedding and hardly knew her at the time only met her once and she had 3 course dinner.

We've all been friends for years but I can't help but find it this latest trend no kids doesn't sit right with me and like I said I'm not going because I'm not leaving my baby with a baby sitter which is something she did suggest if it's going to be an issue and her wedding venue is 3 hours from our house.

No kid weddings arent a trend or a recent trend.

It’s not your wedding. It doesn’t need to sit right with you.

Original poster
IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 06:21

13, 8, 4 and baby will be turning 4 months old.

OP posts:
HollyKnight · 04/05/2024 06:21

What she said years ago doesn't matter. She's allowed to change her mind about having children there. Childfree weddings are nothing new. I don't think anyone should assume "children included" is the default position these days. Saying the day is tainted for you is incredibly self-centered. This isn't your day. Go or don't go. It doesn't matter.

MississippiAF · 04/05/2024 06:23

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 06:21

13, 8, 4 and baby will be turning 4 months old.

So three more for a three-course meal, since you’re still counting the one she had at yours?

GreatGateauxsby · 04/05/2024 06:23

Unless they are jewish its kindaaa weird to have a wedding on a sunday but
🤷🏻‍♀️

No kids was CLEARLY coming so presumably you've discussed it with your DH. No clue why you are shocked its a but arseholey but not out of the blue.

I'd do fathers day on the saturday and
...
If i liked them I'd just go with it and enjoy the date night with my DH

unless i really didnt want to ...if so, then I'd send DH solo and not go myself.

Given he is the best man the groom is clearly important to him so id suck it up for my DH.

We had similar happen to us. Dh was a groomsman, The wedding was horribly planned, no info pre wedding, eventually transpired no kids... a massively inconvenient rural location with no accommodation onsite. No transport into town arranged either. It was a shag but we just got on with it.

Edit: based on your updates about your wedding i think you sound like you are looking for a fight - sorry!

MariaVT65 · 04/05/2024 06:25

Josette77 · 04/05/2024 05:47

I'd just celebrate Father's day the day before.

I'd be fine with this. You obviously suspected it would be kid free. I would have asked before discussing it with the kids.

I agree with this. I don’t get the big deal about needing your kids to be at weddings either. It is essentially, a boring day for kids. I’ve even been bored and irritated as an adult - waiting ages and starving while B&G take ages with photos, long speeches etc. Evening entertainment not fun for kids.

PuttingDownRoots · 04/05/2024 06:29

Her choice not to have children there
Your choice whether to go or not
Fathers Day... you've no idea why its that date. I doubt they deliberately chose to get married on FD!

froggirl · 04/05/2024 06:29

It's up to them and it doesn't matter what she said years ago.

OP you are being unreasonable.

And I say that as someone who loves kids and had almost as many kids as adults at my wedding (and loved it).

But people get to choose what they want to do and child free weddings aren't exactly unusual.

Child free weddings are not the 'latest trend', this has been a thing for decades.

If you don't like it, you have the option of not attending.

Tab33 · 04/05/2024 06:30

YABVU it’s their day. They can do whatever they want. You don’t have to attend

froggirl · 04/05/2024 06:32

Unless they are jewish its kindaaa weird to have a wedding on a sunday

@GreatGateauxsby Why is it weird? I expect it's a cost decision, most venues are about two thirds of the price if you opt for a Sunday.

Itsonlymashadow · 04/05/2024 06:32

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 06:21

13, 8, 4 and baby will be turning 4 months old.

So the baby and the 4 year old aren’t the kids that were upset. Because the baby wasn’t born and the 4 year old was 3 a year ago and likely didn’t remember being excited then being told they weren’t going.

The other ones are old enough that a year ago when you heard her saying she wasn’t having kids at the wedding that they could understand that if you have a party, you get to pick what type of party it is.

You knew a year ago so no need for the kids to be upset now.

i get that you don’t like them, but this isn’t about you. And trying to make out it’s as upsetting for your kids as it is for you, is just using your kids to justify your own upset. And 8 and 13 year that have known for a year they aren’t going to a wedding are absolutely fine.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 04/05/2024 06:33

Considering the distance from home, the age of your baby and if dh is best man I would think that it is probably for the best that you don't go even if the children could go. Dh will be busy getting ready/ with other duties so you would be wrangling four children on your own in a busy environment in which at times they will need to be quiet. It doesn't sound much fun. If there are a group of you who aren't going then maybe invite some of them to yours for an informal, bring a dish, catch up. It will probably be more fun for the children and they will occupy each other.

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 04/05/2024 06:34

The Father's Day aspect wouldn't bother me, but I'd most likely decline a no kids wedding personally.

Itsonlymashadow · 04/05/2024 06:34

GreatGateauxsby · 04/05/2024 06:23

Unless they are jewish its kindaaa weird to have a wedding on a sunday but
🤷🏻‍♀️

No kids was CLEARLY coming so presumably you've discussed it with your DH. No clue why you are shocked its a but arseholey but not out of the blue.

I'd do fathers day on the saturday and
...
If i liked them I'd just go with it and enjoy the date night with my DH

unless i really didnt want to ...if so, then I'd send DH solo and not go myself.

Given he is the best man the groom is clearly important to him so id suck it up for my DH.

We had similar happen to us. Dh was a groomsman, The wedding was horribly planned, no info pre wedding, eventually transpired no kids... a massively inconvenient rural location with no accommodation onsite. No transport into town arranged either. It was a shag but we just got on with it.

Edit: based on your updates about your wedding i think you sound like you are looking for a fight - sorry!

Edited

It’s really not unusual for a Sunday wedding. Even for people who are not Jewish.

I used work as a wedding co-ordinator in a big hotel. We would have weddings Saturday and Sunday, from March to October every year.

SheilaFentiman · 04/05/2024 06:36

I doubt they even looked at whether or not it was Father’s Day. If that was the date free that suited their parents, siblings etc, why would Father’s Day stop them?

Damnyourheadshoulderskneesandtoes · 04/05/2024 06:37

Surely only family children get invited to weddings anyway? Otherwise 2/3 of your wedding guests would end up being random children of your friends who you'd never met.

Original poster
IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 06:38

Not even family children are allowed too.

OP posts:
Itsonlymashadow · 04/05/2024 06:39

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 06:38

Not even family children are allowed too.

Well it’s a child free wedding. So it’s child free.

Why do you want people to be annoyed at this couple?

HollyKnight · 04/05/2024 06:41

You are a family of six...

Even if you don't count the baby, that is still five seats taken up. Five people to be catered for. Just from one invite.

Original poster
IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 06:43

I can see I'm in the minority here with I don't like no kids weddings but that's my opinion on it.

I've decided I'm not going as it's too much to leave my baby and I won't enjoy myself. As I have mentioned I'm exclusively bf.

My husband will go solo that day.

OP posts:
Wishlist99 · 04/05/2024 06:43

Father’s Day isn’t a big deal and you have a very large family. Child free weddings aren’t new. My cousins’ were all child free and it was a massive hassle (and now they have their own small kids I think they feel bad!) but we just dealt with it.

everythinglooksbetterpaintedblack · 04/05/2024 06:43

It is not about you or your children it is their day.
It's an invitation not a summons
Celebrate Father's Day another day as it's not a big deal and is a made up day

sweetnessandlighter · 04/05/2024 06:44

MississippiAF · 04/05/2024 06:06

Can you really not enjoy one day without your kids? Is it really going to be tainted?

Father’s Day is made up.

So dramatic.

This, really.

newname642 · 04/05/2024 06:44

If she told you last year that no babies are coming to the wedding and your baby is only a few months old now, surely you've had the best part of a year knowing that you and the baby won't be going?

Itsonlymashadow · 04/05/2024 06:44

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 06:43

I can see I'm in the minority here with I don't like no kids weddings but that's my opinion on it.

I've decided I'm not going as it's too much to leave my baby and I won't enjoy myself. As I have mentioned I'm exclusively bf.

My husband will go solo that day.

I think that’s the right idea.

You would be looking after the 4 kids yourself for the majority of the day so it’s not going to be that fun for you anyway.

Swipe left for the next trending thread