No kids allowed at the wedding is on father's day!

[IrisRuby]

My husband is best man at his close friends wedding and for years we always thought they would be kids at the wedding as our friends do like kids.

Last year I was at a wedding with this couple and the wedding we went to had no kids (apart from close family children) but did allow babies and I over heard the bride to be tell DH close friend" well I think it was very good of her to allow babies because I'm telling you now I'm not" I was abit taken back by this.

several months went by and no mention of if kids were allowed which I found odd because normally people would know well in advance if not to arrange child care. I just sent a text saying I'm looking at booking a hotel are the kids coming so I know how many to book for just to see if they were allowed. I got a text back saying nothing under teens allowed as I want everybody to enjoy a day with their partner and she said she doesn't think it would be child friendly.

I was upset by this and so was my kids as we have been talking about the wedding for so long all of our other friends going are also gutted by this too. To make matters worse I've just realised that it falls on father's day. My husband is great dad and we are both big on spending time together as a family.

My husband friend has to run everything past her she is very much the boss. So it's no surprise he has had no input into the wedding, but I just thought of all days why fathers day with no kids allowed. We both agree it's going to taint the day for us now.

Honestly, I would not assume kids were invited to a wedding unless they were specifically named on a save the date. If in doubt, I would ring and check.

Ideally the save the date would say “sorry, no kids” to be clear, but if your DH has been telling people… well, then people know.

But you had no intention of getting a babysitter. So why would she be waiting for you to decide. You thought her suggestion of a babysitter was ridiculous.

You complain she hasn’t been upfront and told you as soon as she made the decision. But you knew you wouldn’t get a babysitter in February and haven’t told her that.

She told me and husband in February to X y z person know..I'm really not making this up.

Of course Father’s Day is a thing!!!!!!! I’d never usually raise something to do with a wedding but I’d totally text and say ‘oh god just realised your wedding is Father’s Day- definitely gonna figure it out somehow though!’ (Because some of us do celebrate Father’s Day and they should know!!!!!!) we do breakfast in bed then usually go for a hike or something. Your poor dh!!!

If you're exclusively breastfeeding the only way you could go to this wedding, afaics, is to have someone you trust on the premises looking after your baby so you can leave as necessary during the reception to breastfeed.

All the other stuff about Father's day and the fact other friends are gutted and you shelled out for a three course meal and the fact she's now apparently asking you to let everybody else know and whatever else you suddenly remember to show how unreasonable she's being yadda yadda...
All that. It doesn't matter. They are allowed to choose the date of their wedding and whether they want children there.
You don't have to go. You don't need a consensus of people you don't know backing you up.

My husband did tell her that baby was to little to baby away from me hoping that would sort explain

@stayathomer they can’t move the wedding now so what’s the point of the Father’s Day PA comment?

Do you not see why people don't invite children? If you have lots of friends with children it can more than double the guest list, we went to my friend's wedding recently DS was invited he was in the wedding party, the venue charged £50 per head for children for the meal, he had, pizza and ice cream! I only knew because he asked if he could have prawns the same as mummy for starter. I was about to share when my friend said I'll get them to bring him some, for £50 a head for the children the least they can do is give them a starter and not make them wait while everyone else eats! (I think DC mains were meant to cover with starters) .

There are also limits on headcount at most venues, would you really take 3 of your friends or adult family members off the list so someone can bring their 3 children?
I did have children at my wedding but did the horrific according to MN thing of getting married abroad!

It's their wedding they do what they want and you either go or you don't

He managed to get hold of one person but the people that she told us to let know were her husband to be family. Which I think that should be coming from them tbh but that's me

Of course it explains.

If she is saying “ can’t she leave baby with a bottle?” then she (and the groom) are ignorant of EBF. But all your DH has to say is “no, that’s not possible”

It sounds like what you want is her to say “of course we can rejig the seating plan so you can all come”

Aaargh, then DH says TO HIS MATE “this one is on you, I don’t know your cousin Edna”

SheilaFentiman
I’d assume there’ll be a few that won’t go? And I don’t know- I just think they should know they’ve made things sticky for people!!

We know the cousins as well. We know family and friends really well but the other person we just can't get hold of

The wedding is in less than 2 months. People have either decided not to go because Father’s Day is more important to them (fair but rare, I would think), have decided to celebrate FD on the Saturday instead or don’t have kids so aren’t impacted.

stayathomer

I just think they should know they’ve made things sticky for people!!

On their wedding day? Which, imo, is a hell of a lot more important than father's day (which happens every year).
Nice.

Also I’d assume there’ll be a few that won’t go?
Maybe not, but they'll probably know by now.
It's nice, at least, that you're "assuming" rather than "hoping".

I didn't realise it was the expensive. It was half price for kids at my wedding and it really wasn't that much for kids for meals. I can see what your saying now that is expensive!

We got married 10 years ago so go to less weddings these days but when we got married it was very unusual to have kids at weddings. It really does change the day and most of us had quite raucous weddings with band playing late into the evening etc. We were quite strict with no kids but the exceptions we made were DHs nieces who were 4 and 7 at the time and our flower girls. And 2 friends had babies (around 4 months old) who were bf. They stayed in the venue and their parents came to the venue during the day/evening to babysit so we didn't really see them and the mums went off when needed to feed. The difference here is you also have older kids.

The wedding is on a Sunday anyway, they're going to have loads of people sneaking off at 9.30pm to get ready for work the next day, hardly conducive to "letting your hair down" and "enjoying your child free time" that Lord and Lady Bountiful have bestowed upon you definitely nothing to do with saving money oh no no

You can't go anyway due to EBF and DH can't not go so no point stressing about it. You may not see DH that day at all if he's best man (presumably he'll be with his mate) so just move Father's Day to the Saturday.

So you knew it was child free, seemed to ignore that fact and told your kids? Sorry but that’s all on you. It’s their wedding and their choice. It doesn’t matter it’s on father day.

There's childfree, and there is separating a BF baby from its DM.
My wedding was child reduced - so full family invites for people who were travelling, but not for those who lived locally, but I changed that for a friend when she explained she was breast feeding.

I don't think it is clueless. Lots of people do mixed feeding or express milk so both parents can do a share of the feeding.

The OP has known since before the baby was born s/he would not be welcome so could have tried that.

I'm not clueless enough to think you can just expect an EBF baby to suddenly be OK with a bottle but the OP has had time to consider her options if this wedding is so important.

This isn’t a a given. Plenty of people will happily book one day annual leave off on a Monday for it.

again, I used to plan weddings in a large hotel. Sunday weddings were popular and tons of people would stay over. It was rare, to have any rooms not booked up. Which is why the hotel liked a Sunday wedding. When weddings weren’t on, the hotel would be empty on Sunday night.

monday-Thursday it was popular with people travelling for work. Sunday, without a wedding was about night.

A year ago you heard her say she doesn't want children at her wedding.

For some bizarre reason you chose to tell your children many times they are going to the wedding!🤷🏼‍♀️

You get the invite/save the date plenty of time in advance but fail to check that the date is Father's Day, a day which is a commercial enterprise but you make a big deal of.

The only drama I see here is created by you.

My eldest daughter always thought she was going because it what we told before so she's always remembered. I realise now when friends tell you kids are going I should make note next time not to listen. It wasn't a year ago either

The bride said teens were ok. So your eldest DD could go.