No kids allowed at the wedding is on father's day!

[IrisRuby]

My husband is best man at his close friends wedding and for years we always thought they would be kids at the wedding as our friends do like kids.

Last year I was at a wedding with this couple and the wedding we went to had no kids (apart from close family children) but did allow babies and I over heard the bride to be tell DH close friend" well I think it was very good of her to allow babies because I'm telling you now I'm not" I was abit taken back by this.

several months went by and no mention of if kids were allowed which I found odd because normally people would know well in advance if not to arrange child care. I just sent a text saying I'm looking at booking a hotel are the kids coming so I know how many to book for just to see if they were allowed. I got a text back saying nothing under teens allowed as I want everybody to enjoy a day with their partner and she said she doesn't think it would be child friendly.

I was upset by this and so was my kids as we have been talking about the wedding for so long all of our other friends going are also gutted by this too. To make matters worse I've just realised that it falls on father's day. My husband is great dad and we are both big on spending time together as a family.

My husband friend has to run everything past her she is very much the boss. So it's no surprise he has had no input into the wedding, but I just thought of all days why fathers day with no kids allowed. We both agree it's going to taint the day for us now.

I think it's a bit shitty to arrange a wedding on a day when some of your guests are celebrating elsewhere. Father's day is pre set on most calenders, digital and paper so it would have been obvious when checking the date that there was a clash.

I can understand her not inviting all of your DCs, if she's having a standard 50 guest wedding then your family would take up over 10% of the guest list! Not allowing you to bring a tiny baby is nasty though, babies that little shouldn't be away from thier Mums.

It's a non issue to me. Even if I get an invite to take the kids I never do because weddings are not child friendly places. The parents can't enjoy the day because they have to have eyes on the kids, or the parents lump the kids to other guests thinking the other guests enjoy it (nope). The kids get grumpy then take over the dance floor, then need to go to bed but their parents don't want to leave the party.

I can see their point!

From your OP:

”got a text back saying nothing under teens allowed “

So your 13 year old could go with DH. I think she’d be pretty bored, but 🤷‍♀️

Why is it on you and your husband to tell other guests it is child free?

TBH the bride sounds disorganised and thoughtless, but I also think you were wrong to assume that your entire family were invited. That's three extra places to pay for.

I hope the bride doesn't throw a strop at anyone declining due to not being able to get childcare.

“I think it's a bit shitty to arrange a wedding on a day when some of your guests are celebrating elsewhere. Father's day is pre set on most calenders, digital and paper so it would have been obvious when checking the date that there was a clash. “

Invitation, not a summons. You receive it, you decide which matters more to you. Same as if it happens to fall on cup final day, or your sister’s birthday.

The bride?

These are the grooms guests. Why didn’t the groom say anything? Why didn’t the groom organise better.

Amen to that.

I don't understand why people want to take their kids or have kids at weddings. I have and love kids but it's not the funfair. Excepting children to whom the wedding is very important for personal reasons.

I’m in the same camp as you. My SIL originally said no children, she told me to get family to baby sit, unfortunately my parents were going to be in Canada, sister in Germany, middle one aggrophobic and doesn’t like to leave mum and dads house and not mentally up to looking after a 3 and 1 year old. Youngest sister was on a conference. I said fine you go to my DH. I was the baddie but as soon as her DH brothers wife said the same the nieces and nephew were invited.

but I am very out of fashion and don’t care for big showy weddings, you get married to form a family unit, quite often with the intention of having your own children, to deny children exist for a day is madness!

There’s nothing to explain. Baby or not, your kids aren’t welcome.

You're being selfish. It's the only day where they should be able to do what they want.

OP, if you had started a thread saying “my DH has been lumbered with the task of telling a bunch of relatives of the groom that the wedding is child free, AIBU to think the couple should do this?” you would have got a lot of agreement.

I find it odd to have no kids, but then I'm not into showy fancy weddings. I'm getting married this year and kids are invited. The Father's Day bit though is a bit Ed herring, who cares, it was made up to sell cards

Yes I know 'it's their day their way' and 'it's an invite not a summons' but if they want to celebrate with their friends and family it's best to have a little consideration. The DH's friend has already involved him in best man duties so of course he feels obliged to go.

When I got married I also checked that there were no big sporting events, it means fuck all to me but I care about my friends and family who are sporty.

“When I got married I also checked that there were no big sporting events, it means fuck all to me but I care about my friends and family who are sporty.”

We also checked, but there was no way to avoid at least one, unless we wanted to get married in the autumn instead.

I'd be more concerned that you don't seem to have had an invite to or much communication about a wedding that's 6 weeks away? Are you certain ANY of you are invited?

My apologies. It should be on the bride and groom to tell everyone that children aren't welcome.

However, I got the impression that it was the bride who was calling all the shots.

I wonder if some guests will turn up with children anyway as the "no children" wasn't made clear.

I can see the merit of child free weddings. If it's a choice of 4 couples or two families of four per table, I'd rather have more friends. People aren't always terribly aware of their kids and no one wants their vows overshadowed by screaming babies and toddlers.

I was bridesmaid at a wedding where my kids were invited (as they were around 2 and 4). My husband looked after the kids in our hotel room during the service as we didn't think they'd keep quiet and didn't want to risk spoiling it for the bride and groom. Honestly it was a hassle as there was an awesome evening do and we had to put the kids to bed.

To top it all off, my son projectile vomited everywhere when we were sat having breakfast with the couple and their parents the next day. So yes, I wished we'd left ours with their grandparents. None of it was their fault but weddings aren't great for small children if you're the couple or the guests.

As an aside, the three course dinner comment is hilarious given you say they’re close friends and your husband is best man.

It's the modern trend to pass costs onto your guests. So guests have to use up annual leave to attend, or fill the venue's rooms to enable the b&g to get a discount on the venue and so on.

Ha ha 😂 I did not check sporting events.

If anyone thought watching grown men kick a football around or sweaty ladies playing tennis was more important than my wedding then I wouldn’t have wanted them there.

All 153 of our guests turned up to our childfree wedding. No issues.

When I had babies/young children, I just didn’t go to child-free weddings. It did upset a couple of my friends but it is hassle enough getting to weddings let alone when you have to organise childcare as well.

Do her a favour and don't go. Spend the day with your kids. You knew it was child-free, yet you've hyped them up into wanting to go. (Though I suspect they won't really mind not going as they probably don't care.)

'People can invite who they want to their wedding, however telling me it’s for my benefit and enjoyment is a dishonest pisstake.'

Yeah this does my head in as well. Especially when it's explained in some twee poem format unless the couple are providing a babysitter the no they aren't giving us a wonderful chance to let our hair down and dust off our dancing shoes! They're just giving us a massive expensive ball ache.

But that's fine, it's their wedding. Just say 'as numbers are restricted we are only able to accommodate adults.' Or possibly 'we want all eyes on us at all times because it's OUR SPECIAL DAY' which might also be accurate going by some of the over dramatic brides on MN.

People say things like ‘it for your benefit’ because some people, like the Op, get so upset over not being able to take their kids people feel the need to try and pitch it so you feel like you are getting some benefit as well.

If people would just accept that some people don’t want everyone’s kids at a wedding, they wouldn’t have to try and soften the blow. They could just say ‘that e aren’t inviting kids’.

Besides which, there are parents who do enjoy child free weddings and see it as a chance to have a child free evening.

When dd was 4 I chose not to take her to a wedding. So many people were clearly judgemental. So it being a child free wedding would have stopped the weird conversations I had with people about why dd wasn’t there.

Some venues aren't child friendly. Also some charge practically the same for children as they do for adults. I think if your husband is the best man it's up to him what he wants to do. I completely understand both sides and think it's perfectly fine for people to have weddings with or without children. It's an important day and it's up to them who they want present after all. I hope you enjoy it if you do go. To me Father's Day is everyday I think it's very much a commercial thing. I celebrate my husband being a great dad all the time so it wouldn't concern me but appreciate your feelings. If it was a close friend I would chose the wedding.