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Original poster

No kids allowed at the wedding is on father's day!

491 replies

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 05:41

My husband is best man at his close friends wedding and for years we always thought they would be kids at the wedding as our friends do like kids.

Last year I was at a wedding with this couple and the wedding we went to had no kids (apart from close family children) but did allow babies and I over heard the bride to be tell DH close friend" well I think it was very good of her to allow babies because I'm telling you now I'm not" I was abit taken back by this.

several months went by and no mention of if kids were allowed which I found odd because normally people would know well in advance if not to arrange child care. I just sent a text saying I'm looking at booking a hotel are the kids coming so I know how many to book for just to see if they were allowed. I got a text back saying nothing under teens allowed as I want everybody to enjoy a day with their partner and she said she doesn't think it would be child friendly.

I was upset by this and so was my kids as we have been talking about the wedding for so long all of our other friends going are also gutted by this too. To make matters worse I've just realised that it falls on father's day. My husband is great dad and we are both big on spending time together as a family.

My husband friend has to run everything past her she is very much the boss. So it's no surprise he has had no input into the wedding, but I just thought of all days why fathers day with no kids allowed. We both agree it's going to taint the day for us now.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 04/05/2024 18:26

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 06:21

13, 8, 4 and baby will be turning 4 months old.

So eldest can go with Dad, and you can have a chilled day with the other three.

IcedPurple · 04/05/2024 18:27

RampantIvy · 04/05/2024 18:13

I must admit I don't subscribe to the "it's their day" school of thought. A wedding is not just all about the bride and groom. It's also about the two families joining together and being a good host to the guests.

The bride doesn't sound like she likes her husband to be very much either TBH.

Don't they also need to be a good host to the guests who don't want to spend their day tripping over other people's kids?

SabreIsMyFave · 04/05/2024 18:27

Badburyrings · 04/05/2024 18:07

@IrisRuby I have read through most of the thread and can't recall anyone being abusive towards you or swearing - although I may have missed it. You can always report a poster to mumsnet if you feel their response breaches the site rules.

'Selfish,' 'drama Queen,' 'shit friend,' 'entitled,' 'unstable!' Just a few of the things some posters have said about the OP.

You may not recall these comments, but they are there throughout the thread!

Also, to the 'what's so odd about a wedding on a Sunday' posters. You do you. If you had your wedding on a Sunday, good for you. But don't try to make out it's normal, because it's not. Most people don't have weddings on a Sunday. Why pretend it's a normal day for a wedding? Of course it's not!

LeaveTheClocksAlone · 04/05/2024 18:31

Engaea · 04/05/2024 18:14

So fucking arrogant, like your whole routine and habits are going to be changed for her sodding wedding. No baby of mine would be staying with a sitter for a pretentious "child-free" wedding.

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Genuinely asking. Why is a child free wedding pretentious?

ontheflighttosingapore · 04/05/2024 18:31

Father's Day is just a made up day ? Do it the day before I don't understand people who make such a big deal over a day when you have loads of other days to spend time just because someone said it was a certain day

SheilaFentiman · 04/05/2024 18:34

RampantIvy · 04/05/2024 18:23

Have you read all of the OP's posts?
Most couples send out wedding invitations from themselves as a couple. The bride has sent out invitations to everyone she wants to invite and left her husband to be to do his. Don't you think this is unusual?

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Do “most people” do that? Or do most people split the jobs? I did scouting for the venues, DH checked out musicians, for example.

absolutely no reason why a bride and groom shouldn’t split the invite sending. And I wouldn’t expect a bride to have all the contact details for her groom’s family and friends, or vice versa

BirthdayRainbow · 04/05/2024 18:34

loverofalmonds · 04/05/2024 17:54

yes

but you said she wasn’t clear initially that your son was invited

he any invited initially
but given he was the reason you couldn’t come… she said he could join

can you not see that?

Edited
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Of course I can see that but it was said in such a way she'd forgotten to put him on. She hadn't met him yet.

Dogsaregods · 04/05/2024 18:36

BirthdayRainbow · 04/05/2024 18:34

Of course I can see that but it was said in such a way she'd forgotten to put him on. She hadn't met him yet.

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Well if it really was “said in such a way that she’d forgotten to put him on” then you’ve answered your own question, haven’t you? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Badburyrings · 04/05/2024 18:44

SabreIsMyFave · 04/05/2024 18:27

'Selfish,' 'drama Queen,' 'shit friend,' 'entitled,' 'unstable!' Just a few of the things some posters have said about the OP.

You may not recall these comments, but they are there throughout the thread!

Also, to the 'what's so odd about a wedding on a Sunday' posters. You do you. If you had your wedding on a Sunday, good for you. But don't try to make out it's normal, because it's not. Most people don't have weddings on a Sunday. Why pretend it's a normal day for a wedding? Of course it's not!

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I guess I am just immune to mumsnet because this thread seems pretty tame to me. It's just that not everyone has agreed with the OP. I don't recall anyone swearing at her.

loverofalmonds · 04/05/2024 18:48

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 11:15

I have fond memories of going to weddings as a child but that's just me.
I'm not posting anymore as I'm getting verbally bashed on here and I'm too tired to read them.

me too

also loving watching my parents gamer all dressed up and waft out the door to a wedding where i wasn’t invited and thinking “hooray… babysitter, TV, chicken nuggets and chips for dinner and a late night!!!”

Schoolchoicesucks · 04/05/2024 18:58

Maray1967 · 04/05/2024 17:49

But it is strange when they wonder why you aren’t going.

We had this - all our family were invited and going. PIL were away. Not sure who they assumed I’d be leaving DS with…

Personally I wouldn’t have dreamed of saying no kids. Some opted not to bring theirs but others couldn’t have come as they would have had no one to look after their DC. They were no trouble at all.

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They didn't make any assumptions about who you would leave your DS with. That wasn't their arrangement to make. They were getting married. They wanted you to be there and invited you. They didn't want your DS to be there so didn't invite him. They didn't start wondering about whether your parents-in-law would be able to look after him, any other relatives on the other side of the family, close friends or a paid for sitter. Because they were busy planning a wedding and sorting childcare for you wasn't part of it.

I had loads of young kids (including mine) at my wedding and arranged activities, adjoining rooms, childcare etc. Because that was the kind of wedding I wanted. Other people want different kinds of weddings.

Itsonlymashadow · 04/05/2024 19:21

Engaea · 04/05/2024 18:14

So fucking arrogant, like your whole routine and habits are going to be changed for her sodding wedding. No baby of mine would be staying with a sitter for a pretentious "child-free" wedding.

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So arrogant to believe that your child has a right to an invitation to everything you get an invitation to

wintersgold · 04/05/2024 19:51

Engaea · 04/05/2024 18:14

So fucking arrogant, like your whole routine and habits are going to be changed for her sodding wedding. No baby of mine would be staying with a sitter for a pretentious "child-free" wedding.

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If you wouldn't compromise on your routine for a day which to your friend(s) is very meaningful, you must not like them very much. Fair enough, it's your call, but your attitude to others really doesn't reflect well on you

myfaceismyown · 04/05/2024 20:17

So, 30 years ago, my now DH and I decided no kids at the wedding. We had high fallooting ideas without kids skidding across the dance floor and crying babies etc, a "classy" wedding. One of his ushers (a childhood friend) had 2 very your DCs, and he and his wife accepted. All was good. The my late DF arrived a week before the wedding and started inviting everyone we even vaguely knew, which included this friends parents. So no babysitters! The wife of this usher has to this day not forgiven us. to add insult to injury a couple from Scotland brought all 4 kids which my parents warmly embraced. In hindsight it should not matter if the guests have kids. invite them all if someone is footing the bill. i regret not inviting the guests DCs.

Despair1 · 04/05/2024 20:19

I am aware that this topic has caused unrest amongst many others but I believe that it is entirely the couple's choice!

loverofalmonds · 04/05/2024 20:24

The my late DF arrived a week before the wedding and started inviting everyone we even vaguely knew, which included this friends parents. So no babysitters!

and between you and your fiancé would couldn’t piece together a spine to say you your DF “please stop inviting guests to my wedding, they are not invited”

Crystallizedring · 04/05/2024 20:24

I don't understand the kids ruin weddings attitude. I had 14 children at my wedding. None of them screaming, no tantrums, no one changed their speech.
At the reception my cousin apologized that her 2 year old had shouted at one point in the ceremony so they'd gone outside, I didn't even noticed was focused on the wedding.
I have never been to a child free wedding so don't know what they're like but all the weddings with children have been great.
But it is their choice so I agree don't go and just celebrate Fathers day the day before. I wouldn't go if my kids weren't invited.

Beautiful3 · 04/05/2024 20:41

If you see a post swearing at you, at the bottom of that post, you'll see "report" press on it and it should report the user to mumsnet x

Wexone · 04/05/2024 20:41

SabreIsMyFave · 04/05/2024 12:17

This. ^ It's a 21st century thing! Every wedding I ever went to pre 2000 had children there. It's so weird - and rude (IMO) to exclude peoples children! Hmm

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been to about 50 weddings can count on one hand how many had children at it.

Onheretoomuch · 04/05/2024 20:45

Childless weddings are so dull and lifeless. No way would I leave my breastfed baby to attend a wedding!!! I assume your friends don’t have children of their own? They’ll have a different point of view when they have a baby.

ELMhouse · 04/05/2024 20:46

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 06:43

I can see I'm in the minority here with I don't like no kids weddings but that's my opinion on it.

I've decided I'm not going as it's too much to leave my baby and I won't enjoy myself. As I have mentioned I'm exclusively bf.

My husband will go solo that day.

It’s the first England game of the Euros in that date so if they have a lot of people watch the game their wedding will be more disrupted by this than any kids being there! 😬

loverofalmonds · 04/05/2024 20:47

Onheretoomuch · 04/05/2024 20:45

Childless weddings are so dull and lifeless. No way would I leave my breastfed baby to attend a wedding!!! I assume your friends don’t have children of their own? They’ll have a different point of view when they have a baby.

you’ve never been out for dinner or to a bar or party and enjoyed yourself unless children were present?

what a shame

Wexone · 04/05/2024 20:50

ShoeHelpNeeded · 04/05/2024 09:43

I hate when people put crap about wanting the parents to have a relaxed day or what ever just say no kids and own that it's your choice as bride and groom. Stop pretending your doing it for the guests 🙄

asked my sis on my wedding day did she want her kids at it (at time they were 2) she said no fecking way - her in laws were babysitting and she wanted to enjoy the day - her words, the parent, not mine. kids came for photos and then went home with granny. their parents choice

Onheretoomuch · 04/05/2024 20:54

loverofalmonds · 04/05/2024 20:47

you’ve never been out for dinner or to a bar or party and enjoyed yourself unless children were present?

what a shame

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A wedding is completely different to going to a bar or a party. Wierd if you think it’s the same thing!

No shame here but thanks for your concern 😄

Conkersinautumn · 04/05/2024 21:01

A wedding celebration is a 'made up' day as are all the days of the week really! Fathers Day is a foolish day to have an anti family event in earnest. I'd suggest they're way over budget and need that list cut in half, or.more. which she's done.