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Original poster

No kids allowed at the wedding is on father's day!

491 replies

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 05:41

My husband is best man at his close friends wedding and for years we always thought they would be kids at the wedding as our friends do like kids.

Last year I was at a wedding with this couple and the wedding we went to had no kids (apart from close family children) but did allow babies and I over heard the bride to be tell DH close friend" well I think it was very good of her to allow babies because I'm telling you now I'm not" I was abit taken back by this.

several months went by and no mention of if kids were allowed which I found odd because normally people would know well in advance if not to arrange child care. I just sent a text saying I'm looking at booking a hotel are the kids coming so I know how many to book for just to see if they were allowed. I got a text back saying nothing under teens allowed as I want everybody to enjoy a day with their partner and she said she doesn't think it would be child friendly.

I was upset by this and so was my kids as we have been talking about the wedding for so long all of our other friends going are also gutted by this too. To make matters worse I've just realised that it falls on father's day. My husband is great dad and we are both big on spending time together as a family.

My husband friend has to run everything past her she is very much the boss. So it's no surprise he has had no input into the wedding, but I just thought of all days why fathers day with no kids allowed. We both agree it's going to taint the day for us now.

OP posts:
2boyzNosleep · 04/05/2024 15:41

mrsdineen2 · 04/05/2024 15:15

If I was one of those 20, of course I'd be very clear that they had chosen a venue over me.

The nicest venue we saw could hold about 40 less than our guest list. We weren't told this until we viewed it, otherwise we would have saved our time. But it simply wasn't viable.

Would you look a loved one in the eyes and say "you're lovely and all, but this venue is worth more than your attendance?"

Show quote history

Hence why I said 20 people you're not close to.

It's like saying that distant relatives you haven't seen in over 10+ years should be invited.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/05/2024 15:41

Well given that the bride actively tried to stop the grooms parents attending his wedding, I would say that this sounds like the least worst of her behaviour!

She sounds like a nightmare, so I would be glad of an excuse to not go!

Businessflake · 04/05/2024 15:42

i think you are being unreasonable about the older kids but I wouldn’t have left either of mine at 4 months for a whole day and evening. DC1 would take a bottle but not formula so I’d have to make sure I had a decent stash of breast milk, and I would have had to pump every few hours which would have been annoying. DC never took a bottle so just wouldn’t have even possible.

There’s a reason most people allow babes in arms to a child free wedding.

DGPP · 04/05/2024 15:43

I don’t know anyone who has plans for Father’s Day.
i think OP doesn’t like the friend much and is making it all about her. To be “so shocked” it’s a childfree wedding is overly dramatic. I’m sure her husband will love a night at a wedding boozing it up on Father’s Day, he’ll have a great time!

Dogsaregods · 04/05/2024 15:46

DGPP · 04/05/2024 15:43

I don’t know anyone who has plans for Father’s Day.
i think OP doesn’t like the friend much and is making it all about her. To be “so shocked” it’s a childfree wedding is overly dramatic. I’m sure her husband will love a night at a wedding boozing it up on Father’s Day, he’ll have a great time!

Exactly this 😁

Scirocco · 04/05/2024 15:50

People have websites for their weddings?

LIZS · 04/05/2024 15:51

A wedding on a Sunday? You chose to bring it up at this late stage, maybe your dh should have clarified earlier.

MyRobotFriend · 04/05/2024 15:53

GrannyRose15 · 04/05/2024 15:18

Are they really getting married on a Sunday? Is that a thing now? I thought Saturday if you want a week’s honeymoon or Friday if you just want a weekend away.

Is it the 1940s?

PuttingDownRoots · 04/05/2024 15:54

Re Fathers Day... we took our Scouts camping last year. We had over 90% attendance. No one didn't come because it was Fathers Day. There's been camps on Mothers Day too... no one is bothered.

mrsdineen2 · 04/05/2024 16:12

2boyzNosleep · 04/05/2024 15:41

Hence why I said 20 people you're not close to.

It's like saying that distant relatives you haven't seen in over 10+ years should be invited.

Show quote history

So long as you're clear that you're making a choice of venue over extended family. Deliberately choosing a small venue then "ooh our hands are tied by numbers" is as insulting as deliberately choosing an expensive venue then saying "ooh our hands are tied by costs".

If you're starting off your own family by saying instagram photos are more important than the rest of your family, that's your choice, good luck to you, but don't pretend it's anything other than a free choice you're making. And expect an appropriate assessment of your relationship with the people you reject.

peanutbuttertoasty · 04/05/2024 16:14

I went to an old school friend’s wedding years ago and the husband of a friend, who had never before met the bride and groom, spent the whole meal moaning to me that his kids hadn’t been invited. My friend hadn’t seen said school friend in 15 years, they weren’t close and the bride/groom had never even met their kids. I was so stunned by his rude entitlement I sometimes think about it even now! Cannot understand peoples sense of grandiosity over their kids. I have kids and am planning a childfree wedding beyond immediate family. Weddings full of kids are utterly utterly shit for all the guests in my experience. Where normally adults would be making new connections and having interesting conversation, there ends up being no cohesive vibe and, as pp has pointed out, the whole thing flags in the early evening and until then nobody is in the moment. Giant waste of money, energy and what could be a beautiful day of unity.

wompwomp · 04/05/2024 16:20

Father's Day is mid June. Surely you won't be just breastfeeding by then.

chaticat · 04/05/2024 16:23

wompwomp · 04/05/2024 16:20

Father's Day is mid June. Surely you won't be just breastfeeding by then.

Why not?

2boyzNosleep · 04/05/2024 17:13

mrsdineen2 · 04/05/2024 16:12

So long as you're clear that you're making a choice of venue over extended family. Deliberately choosing a small venue then "ooh our hands are tied by numbers" is as insulting as deliberately choosing an expensive venue then saying "ooh our hands are tied by costs".

If you're starting off your own family by saying instagram photos are more important than the rest of your family, that's your choice, good luck to you, but don't pretend it's anything other than a free choice you're making. And expect an appropriate assessment of your relationship with the people you reject.

Show quote history

You are just being dramatic here.

If you are important to the couple you will be invited- I'm not saying cutting people out for bloody Instagram.

Of course numbers and money are more important than a distant relative you haven't seen or heard from in years. Should you also be expected to invite plus ones for all the single guests?

If my 1st cousins (that I only see at family events, not any other time), didn't invite me to their wedding, I would not be offended. I would not expect them to feel they had to pay for me or my family. I certainly wouldn't think that they should get married somewhere they didn't want to just so I could go.

Even if you did it as cheap as possible, some people simply cannot afford )everyone that wants to be invited.

WonderingAboutThus · 04/05/2024 17:19

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 10:55

She openly admitted she sent hers ages ago and left him to send them out, but she knows what he's like.

I really admire her for that. He drops that ball, not her. She just doesn't pick it up because why would she.
Good on her.

pambeesleyhalpert · 04/05/2024 17:23

Just "celebrate" Father's Day a different day/weekend. Really not a big deal

BirthdayRainbow · 04/05/2024 17:23

It's not always clear. I was invited to an evening do and I declined as I had a six month old baby. When I spoke to the bride she said, well bring the baby. I thought then why not put his name on the invitation?

TinyTeachr · 04/05/2024 17:30

Its an invitation, not a summons.

If you don't want to go, stay at home with the kids. If you think you want to go and really want to bring the baby for feeds, you could ask I suppose.

I went to tochildfree wedding when DC4 was 4 months old and ebf. It was at a hotel. We took my mum with us to look after the baby and I popped out to feed the baby now and then. I left early (8pm) and left DH to make his own way home later. It was a really wonderful day with lots of great memories.

AfraidToRun · 04/05/2024 17:30

SabreIsMyFave · 04/05/2024 12:17

This. ^ It's a 21st century thing! Every wedding I ever went to pre 2000 had children there. It's so weird - and rude (IMO) to exclude peoples children! Hmm

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At our wedding we did have children however it meant I couldn't invite my adult cousins. If we had invited them and all their children that would have doubled our guest list at £130 a head. If you can only afford x guests you either choose x adults or you know you can't invite people that many adults and places fill with children. I don't think there's a right answer.

loverofalmonds · 04/05/2024 17:32

IrisRuby · 04/05/2024 11:44

My baby doesn't really sleep so I'm always up at that time

learn a language
read a book
catch up on TV
but not stewing over this

loverofalmonds · 04/05/2024 17:33

Mudandpuddle · 04/05/2024 12:56

I think society has become really intolerant of children and it's really sad.

😆

graceinspace999 · 04/05/2024 17:37

This is why we got married in secret.

For some inexplicable reason people seem to resent couples doing their own thing- even on their own wedding day 🤷‍♀️

TorturedPoetsDepartmentAnthology · 04/05/2024 17:39

LIZS · 04/05/2024 15:51

A wedding on a Sunday? You chose to bring it up at this late stage, maybe your dh should have clarified earlier.

In my culture, we don’t get married on a Saturday. It’s interesting how some people on MN cannot see outside their own scope and that there’s a number of cultures and backgrounds in the U.K.

Dogsaregods · 04/05/2024 17:40

BirthdayRainbow · 04/05/2024 17:23

It's not always clear. I was invited to an evening do and I declined as I had a six month old baby. When I spoke to the bride she said, well bring the baby. I thought then why not put his name on the invitation?

Because he wasn’t actually invited.
She only said bring him when it was clear you wouldn’t have left him at home and gone without him.

loverofalmonds · 04/05/2024 17:41

BirthdayRainbow · 04/05/2024 17:23

It's not always clear. I was invited to an evening do and I declined as I had a six month old baby. When I spoke to the bride she said, well bring the baby. I thought then why not put his name on the invitation?

he wasn’t bloody invited!!