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Surprise wedding at Christening?

67 replies

crabette · 02/04/2024 14:15

We were supposed to get married during Covid - we rescheduled a few times, but then decided to scrap it given the uncertainty, and start our family instead.

We now have our 2 DC, and planning to have a Christening ceremony for 2nd DC this summer.

DP still wants us to have a big wedding, however I really don't anymore - I think the stress of planning a series of different weddings for various dates / circumstances through lockdown has taken the joy completely out of it for me, and I just want to get married without having a big run up / it being a big conversation / consuming event again!

I'd like to have a small ceremony in secret with just immediate family, DP would still like to celebrate properly with an extended guest list. Both our families are huge, so our original wedding guest list was around 200. With 2 DC and now looking to move house, financially I don't think we can prioritise the wedding we once planned.

About 100 of our wedding guest list attended our first DC's christening - many people who (politically) "had" to be invited couldn't or didn't attend, given it was a weekend church service.

WIBU to invite everyone to 2nd DC's christening but start it with a wedding ceremony, without telling anyone in advance? I think this could be a good compromise - low key with no one knowing in advance, and low cost - but still a church and a white dress and those present who make the effort to show up for our kids.

I have my dress, our rings, etc. I'd imagine again similar numbers would attend. We would organise a low key afterparty with buffet - not a sit down meal. But likely would finish about teatime.

Can't decide if I'm being insane! Or indeed what the day might look like in terms of logistics, who should know, etc.

OP posts:
HouseofHolbein · 02/04/2024 21:30

We went to a christening years ago for some friends and afterwards during one of the hymns the mom disappeared then walked down the aisle in her wedding dress 💕 was an absolutely lovely ceremony and after party.

Husband and all of his workmates were having a whip round outside afterwards to give a cash gift as more suitable than the money box and bibles we had all turned up with 🤣🤣

JPGR · 02/04/2024 22:26

Genuine question - is it usual in Scotland to have so many people for a christening? In our church it’s usually just close family and godparents.

RainStreakedWindows · 06/04/2024 16:46

This sounds like a brilliant, lovely idea! I'd be so thrilled to be at a christening that turned into a wedding! And like you say, does away with lots of the more tiresome elements of a wedding. I hope everyone that you do want to be there makes it though. Good luck, and please update us!

quizzys · 06/04/2024 17:04

I love the idea. I recall that the writer Cecelia Ahern did it this way at her daughter's christening in Dublin.

BirthdayRainbow · 06/04/2024 17:07

I think it would be wonderful and absolutely you should do it.

With the caveat that you might have to deal with people being annoyed at A) not being invited or B) they were invited, said no but would have come if they'd known it was a wedding as well...

BirthdayRainbow · 06/04/2024 17:09

Librarybooker · 02/04/2024 16:40

Would anyone in your family find the juxtaposition of the 2 things a bit difficult? Thinking of older people who might be in denial that you aren’t already married.

🫤

Mummame2222 · 06/04/2024 17:11

Oh God I think it sounds like an awful idea. As a guest, I would hate it. Also, people may prioritise your wedding more than a christening particularly if they are not religious.

FawnFrenchieMum · 06/04/2024 17:17

I think it sounds like a lovely idea! You should definitely explore it with the church and go for it.

FawnFrenchieMum · 06/04/2024 17:18

Mummame2222 · 06/04/2024 17:11

Oh God I think it sounds like an awful idea. As a guest, I would hate it. Also, people may prioritise your wedding more than a christening particularly if they are not religious.

I think that’s one of the main points! She wants to avoid the people who would show up for the wedding but not interested enough in her life to attend a christening. Natural selection!

ThePerfectDog · 06/04/2024 17:20

FawnFrenchieMum · 06/04/2024 17:18

I think that’s one of the main points! She wants to avoid the people who would show up for the wedding but not interested enough in her life to attend a christening. Natural selection!

My sister did this for exactly this reason.

it was perfect for what she wanted

Alaina7 · 06/04/2024 17:25

haveyoutriedturningitoffandonagain · 02/04/2024 20:48

I think the surprise element of it makes it gimmicky sorry. I'd much prefer to know what I'm attending when I set off for the day.

So do I, and actually MORE attention seeking than having a separate, smaller wedding.

Mummame2222 · 06/04/2024 17:25

FawnFrenchieMum · 06/04/2024 17:18

I think that’s one of the main points! She wants to avoid the people who would show up for the wedding but not interested enough in her life to attend a christening. Natural selection!

Fair enough. In my view a wedding is more important but each to their own.

fairislecable · 06/04/2024 17:28

I know someone who did exactly this. The christening was first and then vicar suggested wouldn’t it be nice for the parents to be married, this means the congregation are really surprised.

The bride got changed into her dress in the vestry, and the ceremony went ahead.

It was a great success I hope yours is too.

BirthdayRainbow · 06/04/2024 17:35

Alaina7 · 06/04/2024 17:25

So do I, and actually MORE attention seeking than having a separate, smaller wedding.

Edited

It's about what the bride and groom want. Genuine friends will be happy for them. More people should go for low key and focus on the being married than spending money they can't really afford on a a big fancy day.

ThePerfectDog · 06/04/2024 18:15

Alaina7 · 06/04/2024 17:25

So do I, and actually MORE attention seeking than having a separate, smaller wedding.

Edited

That’s interesting, what way is it attention seeking?

FofB · 06/04/2024 19:54

I work at a wedding venue. Christening was off site then everyone came back for the sit down meal. At the end of the meal all guests were handed an envelope which contained an invite to the wedding. Everyone moved through to the other room which was laid up for a civil ceremony. Everyone handed a glass of fizz and while they drank that, bride-to-be whizzed upstairs to change.
She came back down, walked up the aisle and they were married.

IJemimaDigging · 07/04/2024 18:24

FofB - That sounds perfect.

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