Surprise wedding at Christening?

[crabette]

We were supposed to get married during Covid - we rescheduled a few times, but then decided to scrap it given the uncertainty, and start our family instead.

We now have our 2 DC, and planning to have a Christening ceremony for 2nd DC this summer.

DP still wants us to have a big wedding, however I really don't anymore - I think the stress of planning a series of different weddings for various dates / circumstances through lockdown has taken the joy completely out of it for me, and I just want to get married without having a big run up / it being a big conversation / consuming event again!

I'd like to have a small ceremony in secret with just immediate family, DP would still like to celebrate properly with an extended guest list. Both our families are huge, so our original wedding guest list was around 200. With 2 DC and now looking to move house, financially I don't think we can prioritise the wedding we once planned.

About 100 of our wedding guest list attended our first DC's christening - many people who (politically) "had" to be invited couldn't or didn't attend, given it was a weekend church service.

WIBU to invite everyone to 2nd DC's christening but start it with a wedding ceremony, without telling anyone in advance? I think this could be a good compromise - low key with no one knowing in advance, and low cost - but still a church and a white dress and those present who make the effort to show up for our kids.

I have my dress, our rings, etc. I'd imagine again similar numbers would attend. We would organise a low key afterparty with buffet - not a sit down meal. But likely would finish about teatime.

Can't decide if I'm being insane! Or indeed what the day might look like in terms of logistics, who should know, etc.

Given the extra info, I think it's a perfect solution!

I went to one of these and it was fantastic! At the beginning the priest did his welcome speech about how lovely it was to be welcoming a new member into the church and how we all knew how happy L & P were as a family so before the baptism they were going to get married! Not one person in the church had any idea, it was a totally lovely day

I love this idea! Do it and please update after

family politics dictate we "have" to invite loads of folk that we hardly see. We did invite them all to DC1s christening and (unsurprisingly) none made the effort to attend - where I think they would for a wedding. So it's a nice natural selection of guests that are actually present in our lives, without the hassle / fall out of not inviting everyone.*
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I love this - natural selection! Great idea.

Sounds a great idea, though I think if you turned up to the christening wearing your wedding dress it might spoil the surprise somewhat! Maybe get changed into the wedding outfits for the after party!

I think its a lovely idea. The people who want to support you as a couple and as a family will make an effort to be there for the christening.

Great idea - someone I know did this. But they did the baptism first, then the wedding. The groom's parents were in on it as they were married at their local church and the banns were read there. But the bride's father didn't find out until he was at the end of the aisle about to walk her down it.

Bride wore a white jumpsuit with a jacket for the baptism. She took off the jacket and grabbed a bouquet for the wedding.

Think about if you're going to have an order of service and how you will distribute those.

I love that there would be so much less faff and stress over unnecessary details. You probably will need to tip the wink to some people especially anyone you hope will travel from overseas.

If I was invited to a Christening and it also had a surprise wedding I would be so excited and happy for the bride and groom. I think it's an adorable idea.

Would anyone in your family find the juxtaposition of the 2 things a bit difficult? Thinking of older people who might be in denial that you aren’t already married.

Do you want a big party after? I've only ever stayed for an hour or so after christenings so definitely wouldn't have planned on staying..

@crabette you don’t say how your partner would feel about this?

See this is the only thing - I've already got my dress, and for the money I've spent on it, (and also sentimental reasons I won't get into,) I'm keen to get married in it!

I was thinking we could be "running late" for the service - not unusual for us! - and then the minister could announce that we're actually doing the wedding first, with me coming down the aisle in my dress.

I think it's a great idea. Only think to be wary off is people don't take rsvps as seriously as wedding rsvps.

Do it!!!

You could play wedding music as you enter the church rather than announce it.

Be sure to video it so you catch their reactions as the congregation twig what's going on.

OP you are a genius.

what a fantastic idea and I hope you and your family have a blessed day.

Such a lovely idea.
love the idea of the music rather than an announcement

I think the surprise element of it makes it gimmicky sorry. I'd much prefer to know what I'm attending when I set off for the day.

This sounds great. Do it!

Also please do make sure you've got a videographer or something because I think you're going to want to see everyone's reactions

I think it would a lovely surprise for everyone in attendance. I completely get your reasons for doing it this way.

Might there be some fallout afterwards from people who weren't there though?

I know someone who did it. I think it is a lovely way to do it.

Op it sounds a fabulous idea. Just make sure theirs plenty kleenex - half your guests will end up in tears!

But I'd make sure you kept the secret to you DH and the Minister. Because I could guarantee that if you tell parents they'll tell others and it will no longer be a secret. Not out of nastiness just over excited and let it slip. Then you'll end up with 200 people there.

It’s a lovely idea

but I probably wouldn’t make too much effort to attend a christening. I’m
not religious, my own DC are not christened and whilst I’d send well wishes I wouldn’t prioritise it, not travel far.

On the other hand I absolutely would and have prioritised friends weddings over pretty much everything and would be gutted if I missed a wedding because I didn’t prioritise a christening

How fucking rude of the priest.

We're doing similar - but inviting people to our "engagement party" and will get married in a very small ceremony earlier that week, which people won't find out about until after the fact. Nobody needs to see us make our vows, but I would very much like to get together for a celebration, as much for a family get together as anything else.

If we invite some people to the ceremony, it just snowballs until we're having a massive wedding, which we absolutely do not want. A relaxed evening of music, dancing, buffet and drinks is all we'll be doing.