If one side paid for your wedding, did they pay for everyone?

[User09876543217]

Im planning a wedding, my DP is an only child and his parents are very excited and want us to have a huge wedding.

We started looking at places and MIL found an incredible but very expensive place. We agreed on numbers and most details, let MIL know how much the deposit is and she transferred half the amount. DP asked about other half and MIL assumed my parents were covered the other half. They are not. I said that information would have been useful at the beginning, but she assured us this is how it is in most families. We will work it out, it’s not an argument but I just wanted to know others have sorted this.
Thanks.

We paid half, my widowed DM paid half. Well off PIL paid nothing but paid for all SIL and gave her a £10k house deposit

@cptartapp did your widowed DM have to pay? I guess PILs were going with tradition which a number of posters seem to think is still okay.

We had a really big, fun, not fancy/elegant so much as extravagant, wedding. But we paid for it ourselves. My inlaws still tried to control things and invited a load of people we didn’t know, so they could show off at our expense. One of them almost ruined the day with his behaviour. It was a bit of a nightmare.

What a daft question.
Has the possibility that parents wanted to do something nice for their daughter, not entered your head? Something that - at their stage of life they could afford. That, for many people giving generously is a normal and natural thing to do ? That, many of us like to be able to treat loved ones to things, when we can ?

As my parents paid for everything, they dictated who was to be invited. There are people in my wedding album that I have no clue who they are.

You say that as if there is an automatic link.
I was fortunate enough that my parents paid for a lot of our wedding (with various things covered by dh's parents too). However, we wrote the guest list, and chatted with our families about it, but were never dictated to by either family.

We paid for all of it except the photographer, which my Mum and Step-Dad paid for.

Tbh I wouldn't want someone else to pay as I would then feel beholden to their wishes!

@User09876543217 yes that was the case. I was told who was being invited and the invitations were -
Mr and Mrs X invite you to the marriage of their daughter Rachael etc etc

If I suggested changes I was firmly reminded who was paying

Stick to your original plan OP it sounds lovely

@UsingChangeofName because that poster said she liked being old fashioned, and the reason of the tradition is down to the daughter being the property of her dad and then being transferred to her husband.

My parents paid for all of my sisters wedding, as they were under the impression that it's traditional for the bride parents to pay. (My sister and BIL would have been happy to save up
And pay for it)

Just because something was a tradition many years ago doesn't mean it's right or still has to happen.

Any contribution from anyone is a gift. Plan your own wedding and pay for it, accepting any financial contribution along the way

The best thing is for you to choose the wedding you want and can afford .Put the plan to Mil and if she wants to contribute that is fine. It might even mean a few more guests or better wine . She can't expect your DPs to cough up to her will. That is not usual at all. Brides parents traditionally paid but that was many years ago.You are probably at a stage in life where a gift of money would be much more useful to you goi g towards housing or child costs than one day of festivities. Don't get caught up on someone else's dream would be my advice.