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Original poster

Help me reveal secret wedding plans to fiance!

320 replies

Futball13 · 06/02/2023 10:56

So we have two young children, been engaged five years. He has dropped the odd hint. About a month ago I found 'the dress' and thought I may as well continue with the plans. Its a smallish affair at a country house with 28 family and friends. It's all planned for Easter Saturday, everyone knows apart from the groom! I have to get him to sign the marriage notice forms so plan to tell him on Valentines Day. Any bright ideas on a fun way of breaking the news?

OP posts:
MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 06/02/2023 14:47

Are you mental? He is going to hit the roof!

Besides if you cannot discuss such an important step openly and are relying on hints to divine the other’s marriage intentions…. doesn’t seem that you are in the right place even to mention it, forget about planning a wedding behind his back.

UsingChangeofName · 06/02/2023 14:47

I can't believe that none of the other 26 people invited haven't pointed out to you how coercive, and entirely wrong this is.
Nobody should be railroaded into a wedding.

Lairymary · 06/02/2023 14:49

Send him an invitation.

toomuchlaundry · 06/02/2023 14:51

It's not all about the day, it's about being married. Many threads on here about men proposing but having no intention of getting married.

Would you recommend any other legal binding contract be organised in secret from one party to the contract.

Fine if he had said, yes we are getting married, you can sort it as a surprise if that is what you want to do, budget is this, just surprise me on the details as late as possible

HyggeTygge · 06/02/2023 14:51

Lairymary · 06/02/2023 14:49

Send him an invitation.

Evening only!

fluffyy · 06/02/2023 14:52

Jesussssssss Confused

confusednewbie · 06/02/2023 14:54

I think if you know him well enough and this is what you want to do then go ahead

EmmaEmerald · 06/02/2023 14:55

Greensleevevssnotnose · 06/02/2023 12:25

I had this done to me. It was fucking awful. I had it annulled 6 weeks later and kicked him out it is not romantic it is manipulative and scheming. I would strongly advise against it

I’m horrified someone did this. It doesn’t sound like anything that really happens. I’m sorry it happened to you.

helloimnew123 · 06/02/2023 14:58

Some of the comments on here are ridiculous! Get a grip.

They are engaged and intend to be married.

She wants to surprise him. He will have a say, as it will be months between the reveal and the big day. If he doesn't want to, then he can say so. Surely he can put his big boy pants on and say something if he doesn't want to get married?!

I would take him to the venue and suggest you get married there in a few months.... surprise, iv already booked it 🥂

UsingChangeofName · 06/02/2023 15:05

as it will be months between the reveal and the big day.

Less than 2 months.
She said it is all booked for Easter Saturday

OttersMayHaveShiftedInTransit · 06/02/2023 15:05

Confusion101 · 06/02/2023 14:30

@HyacinthineMacaw yet again, see above where I explain what I meant!

And yes, I think OP knows her fiancé. I think she knows he would have zero interest in planning a wedding (someone asked if he'd want to pick out flowers, are yoh deluded!? Majority of men would puke at the price of a few flowers of the wedding day - note I said majority so don't come at me saying your precious little Johnny wanted more flowers than you on your wedding day!!). I think she knows he will appreciate the effort her and his family and friends have gone to to give them a good day. So yes I do seriously think this scenario will work out happily!

Assuming the OP has generously allocated half of the guest list to 'his' side that is 14 people and he has had no say in who those 14 people are. No deciding if he wants to prioritise friends or family. It's hardly over involved to decide you rather invite your friends of 20 years over the aunty and uncle you see once in blue moon or that you would be gutted if you cousins aren't invited because you grew up together. It's not about forcing a bloke to pick flowers, it's about giving him agency in one of biggest decision you can make - to get married or not.

GoldDuster · 06/02/2023 15:10

It's not giving him months to get involved, it's not even eight weeks and the timescale is totally irrelevant.

It's not about flowers or suits or guest lists, it's just a really odd thing to do, on the basis of a hint that's possibly not even a hint.

Yes he proposed years ago, have you had a conversation with him recently about getting married, if you're desperate to do so? Maybe give that a crack first.

Fairyflaps · 06/02/2023 15:13

This isn't necessarily a terrible idea. Our wedding was a surprise to my DH. This was over 20 years ago, so only one person needed to attend to book the wedding at the registry office. Literally all he had to do was turn up, plus 2 of our friends as witnesses. We already had a child together, so this was just tying up loose ends (death and taxes). Still together 20+ years later.

Whobuysthecot · 06/02/2023 15:22

HyggeTygge · 06/02/2023 13:07

And if he didnt want to marry me, why stay?

Gosh that's a real head-scratcher. Have you read any MN threads ever, OP?

But if he does want to marry you, why has he waited FIVE years?

GMOOH2023 · 06/02/2023 15:26

Under £10 000 = low key.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Thank goodness you haven't gone for extravagant.

I would be appalled if you had wasted spent that much money on one day that I hadn't even been consulted about.

helloimnew123 · 06/02/2023 15:28

GoldDuster · 06/02/2023 15:10

It's not giving him months to get involved, it's not even eight weeks and the timescale is totally irrelevant.

It's not about flowers or suits or guest lists, it's just a really odd thing to do, on the basis of a hint that's possibly not even a hint.

Yes he proposed years ago, have you had a conversation with him recently about getting married, if you're desperate to do so? Maybe give that a crack first.

They got engaged, had 2 kids....She said life got in the way. Why would it be shocking for an engaged couple to get married? 😱

Some people might not like the surprise.... but some also might.

If she surprises him and he isn't happy, then it's called off. Quite simple really.

BadNomad · 06/02/2023 15:29

Just send him an invitation when you send them out to the other guests. Hopefully he's free that day.

R0ckets · 06/02/2023 15:31

If she surprises him and he isn't happy, then it's called off. Quite simple really.

Except for the small matter of all the deposits and money spent and the embarrassment for the bloke of everyone close to him knowing he said no...

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 06/02/2023 15:32

Grabs 🍿 and waits for 💩 to hit the fan...

Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 15:32

helloimnew123 · 06/02/2023 15:28

They got engaged, had 2 kids....She said life got in the way. Why would it be shocking for an engaged couple to get married? 😱

Some people might not like the surprise.... but some also might.

If she surprises him and he isn't happy, then it's called off. Quite simple really.

Show quote history

All their friends and family know about the proposal. If he refuses it won't just be called off with a casual shrug, no harm done.
He'll be mortified and possibly very angry.

helloimnew123 · 06/02/2023 15:33

@Whobuysthecot

She has already said they have 2 children, that life got in the way. Should he have marched her down the aisle within days?

Also it's not like anything shocking and life impacting has happened over the past few years!? There no reason people couldn't get married, even if they wanted to...🦠🙄

GoldDuster · 06/02/2023 15:37

I do not buy life got in the way. What else did life get in the way of?

Oh yes, all the things that weren't an equal priority for both of them.

Getting married, if both of you want to do it, is very much a big part of life. If you have to ambush someone and spend ten grand of your own money on a punt after five years of waiting, it's not really top of the list of things to do for at least one of you.

Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 15:38

Why would it be shocking for an engaged couple to get married? 😱
It would be fairly shocking to the person who finds themselves inveigled to the alter without so much as a by your leave, I'd imagine.

helloimnew123 · 06/02/2023 15:38

R0ckets · 06/02/2023 15:31

If she surprises him and he isn't happy, then it's called off. Quite simple really.

Except for the small matter of all the deposits and money spent and the embarrassment for the bloke of everyone close to him knowing he said no...

It's her money to risk, she says it's being funded by her.

If he really doesn't want to/ wasn't intending to ever get married then I don't think the wedding being cancelled is his biggest problem.

GoldDuster · 06/02/2023 15:38

This has got to be fodder for Take A Break....

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